It has been years since I've escaped my stony prison. Oh how the mighty Equestria has fallen since then. They always think their pathetic love and friendship is oh-so-powerful, but they're far from the truth.
True power comes from sacrifice, battle, sweat, and blood. I will show these ponies the error of their ways and give them a taste of what an all powerful super-being should TRULY strive for!
I am Madara Uchiha, and I will watch as every last pony...BURNS!
Credit for art cover goes to: this person!
Chapters (8)
Well, it looks good for now, the prologue were fine, but I need more information to see where this is going
5989577 Of course. Once I've finished the outline, I'll make sure everything is explained. In time of course! Heh heh...
A rush job like this is fine for getting repetitive intros out of the way, but I hope you won't rush the rest of the story.
5989611 Thank you for that. I'll definitely take my time. I'll start by making an outline since this is just the prologue. Your help is much appreciated!
op characters are hilarious and fun to read. moar
5989826 Glad you approve! Patience friend. More will be on its way!
This is pretty good for an anime crossover prologue. I've seen some terrible ones, and yours definitely surpasses them. The grammar is quite good, and the point aspects are stellar. I most definitely see bountiful amounts of possibility with this story.
On the other side, I think you're a bit too specific on his clothing when walking around NYC. It doesn't really hold importance to the novel what street clothes he wears. Next, I'd advise using italics instead of bold for the names of those moves. They're more like names, so italics indicates that they're something different or real, rather than an option one would pick from a list, as bold tends to do. Finally, it might be wise to have some mention as to how he knows about Equestria, as that is a rather sudden realization. Try and write the story to be as if he were talking to an audience that was iignorant to that fact. Also, that "to be continued" is rather unnecessary and out of character for a story of this type, also redundant considering the story is marked as "incomplete".
Welp, that's my two pence. Keep writing!
I really like how brutal you are just like madara. But don't make him a puppet for the ponies
5990197 Thank you for your criticism. I'll be sure to keep that in mind!
5990432 By that, what do you mean?
So, he can switch between the Rinnegan and Sharingan in both eyes, or is it like in the manga/anime where he has one in each?
5990897 He can switch between the two.
More please.
5999759 Glad you like! There will be a new chapter up hopefully soon! I'll even let ya know when it's up! How's that sound?
That sounds awesome! Thank
you.
6000438 Sure thing! No prob mate.
you know i haven't really read any of the villein fics before
, i mostly go for hero. anyone have any good suggestions? other then this one of course.
6026060 Well, there is quite a few villain ones out there. I guess one to suggest would be: Bat Out Of Hell a Bleach story starring Ulquiorra.
So... this isn't the worst story I've read; but the pacing is a little off, there's some unnecessary description in there, and the way he acts straight out of the gate is just... wrong. If you were suddenly transported to Equestria, would the first thing you do be kill a bunch of changelings? If it were me, I'd do a little bit of freaking out, then probably not believe it, before I came to the realization that I couldn't go home. Either way, it's your character, so I guess he can act how he wants.
Anyway, this isn't a bad story. It's just... novice. Needs some polishing. More backstory and motivation from the characters. I assume there will be more in the future; but, where it is now, it's a newborn that needs nurturing. I'd recommend you get an editor, as a first step; and, secondly, just keep writing! Practice, practice!
I hope to see more from this story!
6032863 Well thank you for the advice! I'll see what I can do. By the by, do ya know any good editors that could possibly help me out?
Ive only one thing to say MAOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6043775 Patience my friend, more will be on its way!
6043990 ....YAY!
I like where this is going. PM me if you ever wan to do a crossover
it is not bad, but not my thing, because he has to battle with a second mind, or something like that.
I never liked it when there are two minds in one body, well mostly if there is no good explanation, but i can´t say it about this story, because i didn´t read the whole chapter.
6066326 I understand. It's up to you whether to read it or not. Nonetheless, I thank you for at least leaving a comment!
If only it were Nagato instead of Madera
6078688 Sorry to disappoint. I WAS thinking of using Nagato, but I decided to use Madara instead because he fit better.
6078978 Eh, being my favorite character from Naruto, I couldn't help but think that, considering how noble Madera was in his first battle. But still, a pretty interesting concept. I hope Madera becomes evil really fast.
6079886 Oh no worries. He will! Just not until a couple more chapters though. Heh heh...
6079895 Good good, I'd hate to see such a self proclaimed proud example of the Uchiha clan be tamed by colorful ponies which i'm sure will try and imprison him for him being a threat.
6079922 Most likely. Lol! I've also got REALLY BIG plans!
Great story but, why the rush? At slower pace could make this much better. Wanna see pseudo-Uchiha Madara vs. everypony. Yay! Will there be another dimensions too? Like those stories in the group of League of Humans Acting Villainous.
6080901 I admit, part of it was rushed, but no worries! I'm planning out the next chapter right now. It should be longer than the first by a couple hundred words! And who knows? You may get your wish!
I want to know more about Madara(?) , not Madara.
6096917 You're interested in learning more? Please elaborate.
6097018 Fake Madara, not Real Madara.
6097295 So mainly my character in general. Well, you'll find out more eventually. However, if you don't mean this, you must be meaning this "version" of Madara. Well, he's the Undead version/Edo Tensei Madara. In this form, his power knows no bounds and even possesses both Sharingan and Rinnegan.
It's been a while, I'm glad you updated. This is one of the displaced stories I'm definitely interested in reading.
Yes! I'm guessing this'll be a three part prologue ending with him getting stoned. Then s**t gets real.
That was awesome!
It would be awesome if he could summon the Kyuubi. The level of OP would reach new heights.
I am liking this story! Keep on going with it!
6170245 I shall!
6170715
good! In fact, I've been planning on doing my own displaced fic, but I am having trouble getting past one spot. In fact, I'm stuck between completely rewriting the first chapter, and then I just do what I do best, and wing it! But I'm having extreme trouble getting past this one obstacle in my path! Care to help?
6171628 I can try! It'll have to wait till a bit later though. Hope you don't mind.
6171632
that's fine! I'll at least send you the details of my problem now, so I don't forget, since I kinda have a serious short term memory problem. I thank you for the help!
6171646 Right!
If Madara has the Rinnegan will he also have his own Six Paths?
6209481 That would be spoiling wouldn't it??
Hee hee!