LuckieBrony
Joined 13th May, 2015 ·
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i like it and cant whate 4 more
It's turn, not tern
It's got potential but I got one word for you proofreaders
No. No. No. No. This is all wrong. You didn't follow any of the advice I gave you in my review of your first story. This is still on a low level of quality.
I´m no expert, but I get the feeling you probably need an editor, because of some grammar mistakes, but I only notice a few little pieces, but maybe there are more wrong words.
I think I noticed one missig word, and some letters, it looks like you maybe hurry to much, or you just need an editor, that can help you with that.
I´m not excatly sure if it makes sense right now, that she is suddenly affraid of him, she even already talked to him, so she maybe doesn´t really need to be scared, at least not that much.
I want to give it a chance, so I´m reading more, but if you already got some tips, I would say you maybe try and follow them as much as you can. Yeah I can´t say much more, I´m no english expert, and I never really thought I would be good at writing, but the grammar was the biggest point, and that I probably always can´t decide how I want to write it, first person and stuff like that if you know what I mean.
Sorry I´m not good with words tonight.
6779442 iv been looking for 1
6780953 not sure if that makes it easier, but I heard there is a group for that, where you can ask too.
This is an ok story concept, but before you write any more pass grade 3 and learn english
took a long time but worth
Not bad, still has some weak points but I like it. I just think that you could maybe describe a bit more, maybe let them have different reactions, but I´m not very good at giving you a that detailed advice.
7077282
thank you
You may want to consider getting an editor, but otherwise I am happy with the update. Took forever though. . .
7512917 I agree
Thank you for the update, but maybe get someone who can change your sentence or rather the grammar so it fits better.
I mean thre are some words like "hear", where you probably tried to say "here".
I think I'm bad at grammar, and even I noticed it, which is why I think you should probably only get help for the grammar part (editor)
7512917 ya school and work kind got in the way and if you know a reliable editor send them my way ive been looking and ever on i get quiets on me
7517988 Aye, if I find one I will tell them you need help.
7518466 thank you