Several years had passed after Tirek's defeat and everypony is preparing for this year's Summer Sun Celebration. But Twilight is not feeling well. Several nightmares are haunting her, she has got bad headaches and a really mad mood. Although Spike and the others tell her to go and fetch help, she refuses. But when some dark incidents and curses happen, Twilight realices too late, they had walked into a trap and it has snapped behind them. For the foe is inside of her and preparing her last and final strike. To turn the celebration into a true nightmare.
Chapters (16)
You need an editor. Preferably one who has English as their first language. I mean seriously what language to you normally speak? Also I'm pretty sure your opening speech marks are just two comers and your closing ones are the wrong way round.
5941982
I am from Germany. I have got a few problems with writing long textes. There I tend to make errors. I will try to reread the chapters and correct them, before I publish them here. I hope, you at least understood what I am saying in my sentences. And no my speech marks are the way they are in german. Later in the story, they somehow changed. (Obviously my LibrerOffice got that the text is english, because it tend to mark all words red in the first chapters.)
great chapter!
5958136
Thank you. :)
When Twilight told pinkie to keep her snout "shot" I had a vision of Pinkie getting shot in the face and then repairing her damaged jaw.
5999558
Now this is a good idea. In this case she is just screaming outraged.
Hahaha.
Please finish this story, I can't wait to see any more.
6019646
I will finish the story. I am working on the next chapter at the moment.
Hey mate, perhaps you need to have one chapter about Twilight resist herself.
6047011
You mean, where she fights. Don't worry. A chapter like this will come. But not yet. The next chapter, on which I am working, is mostly from Hidden Spark's point of view. And gosh, it is way too long for my liking.
Okay if it's 100 years after Tirek then how is Spitfire still alive? That alone is turning me off.
6051677
Yes. I guess, the age thing is a bit stupid. I've got to change it. I thought 100 is just a nice number,
Wo, that's pretty cool.
6065217
Thank you.
6065367
)
That ending is was so simple but I had a major effect.
(I'm so sad right now
6067111
Thank you. I love dramatic endings and cliffhangers.
Great chapter but don't you think two ending is better? One positive and one negative.
6077114
I guess, I sound rather stupid, but what actually do you mean?
6077532 Two ending. One good ending for Twilight find herself and resist; one bad ending for her lost and the night last forever.
6080485
Spoiler allert: The story is not yet finished and I am actually planning a good ending.
6080492 Don't you think two ending is better?
6080729
No. I did not intended to make to endings for this story. Besides, how should this even work?
6080745 Just keep working. Your're a good writer
6081075
Thank you, this is an honour.
6051677 Dude They're using the Winter wrap up ponyville was founded hundreds of years ago connected to the Granny Smith was around for the founding AND the fact Granny Smith's AUNT (great great auntie Applesauce) is still alive in Cannon, It's not far off.
6083322
I hate this age thing, seriously I hate it.
Twi and AJ are a couple?! It's so surpise.
6090248
It actually is already forshadowed in the Apple and the Spark.
So good ending forever. Great chapter.
6112090
Yup. Now I only have to write the epilogue and then it is done!
mate this was a great story and i really enjoyed it!
Great chapter but you have a spelling error.
Finalley Celestia rose her voice: „You are a great student, Twilight Sparkle.“
6120939
And where exactley is the spelling error?
6120952 Finalley is spelled Finally.
The language barrier is probably your biggest obstacle, I'd suggest an English speaking editor or an English spell check in Microsoft word at least. The weird sentence structure makes sense being it's not your language, but most word programs have a spell check feature that this story could use.
6239948
Yeah, sadly Libre Office does not have such stuff.
I understand that this was the case when you wrote and posted the story, if you have since obtained a program that properly places in quotation marks why haven't you gone back to fix it? Also you seem to be putting "hearth"
6618405
Because I do not have the nerves to correct this completed story.
Maybe instead of getting schzophrenia you should get Luna instead.
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Those mean the exact opposite of each other.
4
LUUUUUUUUNAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Me, Mah is my.
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R.I.P Luna :(
Given the combined weight of everything she lifted at one point or another in Art of the Dress I'm gonna have to call bullshit.
Applejack Lannister.
Rarity never once said it in the show, why is Blimey her new catchphrase?
So a stranger breaks into Twilights house, and she just runs off? Or if that is a twisted Twilight she leaves her like that?!
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Yes, how dare you be trapped in a burning building?! Clearly you're to blame for your situation, you monster!
Just send Princess Celestia a letter, after every time Rarity helped to save Equestria I'm sure she'd be more than happy to have Carousel Boutique rebuilt bigger and better than ever.
I wasn't aware that The Mane 5 were gods.
Why doesn't Hidden Spark just mind control them as well?
This is good, BUT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, FIX THE GRAMMAR.
i.imgflip.com/u393y.jpg
7051046
Luna does not appear in this story. She simply has no role here.
wow
sacred start!