Ooh, I like your writing style, and I like the idea that you've conjured up. I do think that the beginning was a little shaky though, like you were trying to get to the human world as quickly as you possibly could without really justifying the battle that was being taken place. Another thing is that Twilight seems a little too accepting of her current situation, with only one real realization that she might not see her family or friends again. You'd think that a character like her would have a bit more trouble in keeping a level head.

Even so, you've done a good overall job here.

Edit; I just now realized that this is a crossover... while I don't know what you're crossing over here; I'd like to applaud you for giving the reader a good amount of character establishment in case they don't know what other franchise you're using

>>590920590920 Magic the Gathering, specifically Innistrad / Dark Ascension.

mmmh, i'd like to see some more of this! Twilight definitely a blue mana wizard.

I wonder what she will think of Sorin Markov, Garruk and Liliana.

I HOPE you will make her go back to Equestria and then make her venture other planes :

I'd love to see her deal with Jace Belerren on Ravnica and meet the ghost of Agrus Kos :)

>>590920590920

if you were welcomed to the herd, i welcome you to the MULTIVERSE.

I'm pretty sure Twilight's reaction to "crazy old lady with knife" is a fairly standard reaction.

>>590992590992

Yeah I can see Twilight as being a blue mana user for sure. Maybe some white as well. Getting Twilight and Jace in the same room is...an interesting idea.

I do admit that I'm curious what Twilight's reaction to the black mana planewalkers would be. Oh dear...what about the red mana ones...

This is an awesome idea for a crossover and I approve greatly. :D

I'm just glad Twilight didn't planeswalk to Phyrexia. That would've been even worse. XD

Hey, excellent start. I think I have commented on the other site, so I will give some corrections here as help.

-----

"Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie was there with the Diarch of the Sun"

Change "was" to "were"

-----

"and now the weaker pegasus was doing her best not to drag in her friend with her."

Possibly change that to "and now the weaker pegasus was doing her best to not drag her friend in with her" / "To avoid dragging her friend in with her"

-----

"As Twilight rushed to the gaping maw of the void"

Making that "As Twilight fell towards the gaping maw of the void" makes it sound more like its against her will as opposed to rushed, which implies she is doing it under her own power.

-----

"It felt like an eternity that Twilight spent hurtling in blindness."

Maybe change "Blindness" to something else? I imagine the void is just that, a lightless void, yet that sentence implies its less a void and more a state of blindness.

"To Twilight it felt like she was traveling through the sightless void for eternity"? Or something similar.

-----

"She knew that she was going to be safe in the sense that she won’t immediately die. But she had no idea where she was going, or how she was truly getting there."

Change "won't" to "Wouldn't" and change the period to a comma and "But" to "Yet"

-----

"She needed to plan, to organize. At least use some basic logic before making a decision, no matter how seemingly foolhardy it might actually be."

Make that "She needed to plan, to organize. To be able to use some basic logic"

"At least" makes it sound more like a throwaway line than something as important as it should be.

-----

As to her praying to gods, previously we establish that that is not really something she would be liable to do. I also doubt she would be willing to turn to some unknown being like that for help anyway, considering that her experience with such things outside the Princesses would be Discord. It just felt out of place. She would be more likely to, with her new knowledge that she wasn't going to end up dead( merely lost), make a resolution to get out of it and a vow to Celestia that she would make it back.

>>591046591046

Waha! I agree to that fully.

Anyways this has huge promise and I look forward to more.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MtG: Inistrad Block is!

*Friendship is Magic: the Gathering crossover*

You have my interest...

"without Princess Luna to aid Princess Celestia the sun and moon which sustained Equestria would go wild and doom life on their normally tranquil world."

Yes, because it's not like Celestia took over her sister's duties for a millennium or anything...

"You can talk." "You can talk." "I can sing."

Was... was that a reference to the Planet of the Apes musical from The Simpsons? Wow. Fifty nerd points right there.

Hmm... Looks good so far. Lots of delicious Magic flavor as a strange pony explores a strange land, far from the philosophies, mana, and culture she knows, confused and alone among sympathetic refugees. Looks circa Dark Ascension, so the Helvault's going to bust in a matter of weeks, if not days. That should be quite the sight to see. I hope Twilight gets to meet Tamiyo. It'll be neat to meet another academic 'walker to show her the ropes, and the obvious connection to Luna will be a comfort for the poor unicorn.

In any case, I look forward to more. Maybe someone should make an MtG specific group for these stories...

>>591046591046 Phyrexia, eh? Funny you should say that...

I think Twilight is more like UR (Blue / Red). That is bit tilted on Blue (Like UUR.) We can define her at RWU though.

Twilight's Reaction to other planeswalker is easy to guess. For current plane - innistrad. She would be definitely hostile against Liliana and Tibalt (Although he is no longer in Innistrad), neutral with Garruk, friendly with Tamiyo, and Sorin Markov. (WB is both allied color to Blue.) However, Way how Sorin deals problem will cause some problem. (He is somewhat similar to Twilight in the way except he always prefer using most drastic but efficient measure and he is outright cold when he does that.)

That said, I should wait and watch until she planeswalk to the Ravnica. Where Jace and Niv-Mizzet currently is... That is going to be really funny. Niv-Mizzet does have 'some' similarity with Trixie, except HE IS in fact ridiculously powerful and wise.

At current standard, she would most likely use UR Burning Vengeance.

I am sorry for the bad English and nearly whining comment.

C'mon Twilight, go green! :D Call up deadly creatures and then bless them with Holy Might or Call to Serve!

But seriously, I tend to agree she'd probably be more of a blue user than green/white. I just like my green/white. ;)

But it'd be awesome if she built a burn deck.

>>591045591045

This leads to going further and affiliate each character with a color depending on behavior and thought process.

See Applejack, I'd see her as mono white like Elspeth or Gideon

Rainbow as a white/red since she's loyal as one can be (white attributed) but she is brash, hard headed and spontaneous and jumps to conclusion (red attribute)

Pinkie as mono red. Why? She is unpredicable, just like goblins! You never know what goblins will fo next. The worst thing one can do is underestimate a goblin's stupidity.

Rarity being blue for she has high attention to detail

Fluttershy is obviously green and white. She screams CLERIC!

>>591181591181

I agree with most of the combinations you've set for the rest of the mane 6 but I do think a few things could be a bit different.

Rainbow as red/white is easy to see.

Pinkie... Pinkie is mono red for sure. Although I'd say less due to being unpredictable like goblins and more just due to the pure chaos that is red mana in general. It fits so well considering red mana is basically the mana of emotion.

Fluttershy as green/white is also a no-brainer. She IS the healer of the 6 and would go into the mana that gives the most options for that. Although we do have to remember that green has the most "normal" animal summmons available as well. Granted white and blue mana do have their small share of animals but it's mostly birds in white and fish in blue if we go by "normal" animals.

Rarity... I actually kinda see her as blue but with a heavy focus on artifacts. Considering equipment have to be artifacts anyway.

Applejack fits into the solider/knight role of white fairly easily but at the same time she does have a bit of a connection to green considering how she takes care of SAA. I can see Applejack as a Warden type. From the green mana she can draw the strength she needs from the earth while white mana will lead to her sense of honesty and help her keep things in Order.

I made a legendary / planeswalker version of mane 6, princesses, discord and chrysalis once... I will upload it if you want to see.

Twilight... Can't be green. I just can't see her playing any creature to aid her. Maybe one or two friends, 'Cheated' into play (Show and Tell anyone?) But not more. I think deck that fits her in current standard is Blue Red Burning Vengeance Flashback.

Rainbow is definite Red White, But probably not-ever going to run weenie decks. I think she would run Red White equipment. After SoM Rotates out, she doesn't have enough card to construct powerful deck line up. (Equipment mostly being Argentum Armor and 'The Swords'.)

Pinkie Pie being mono red doesn't seems to be out of order. Probably Red Deck Wins (Mono red burn) would be her choice.

Fluttershy is Green White, that isn't hard, but I don't think she will run heal deck. I can see her running Zoo with some protection though. Sadly, SoM -> Innistrad isn't a good block to run GW Zoo.

Applejack would like to stay in Zendikar. She... Would most likely run GW Human, but she would be more fitting if she runs GW Lifegain landfall. Yes, I am suggesting she is more fitting to be healer.

Rarity feels like White Blue, She... Would run Metalcraft. Not Equipment. I can't see her running equipment.

But, that is only my opinion.

I could see Twilight trying out and studying Black Mana and some of the spells connected to it in order to settle her curiosity and to help her understand the mind set of mono black spell casters and monsters. After all, she's never really encountered unholy magic before since Ponies don't really have much use for it.

I can picture Twilight finding a way to create a portal back home in order to help get her new human friends to safety. I can also see a few of Innistrad's more bloodthirsty residents following after them in order to set up a claim on a new plane. And the ponies thought the Changelings were bad!

>>591273591273

I see AJ as green white Bant Agro. Yeah, going that far. Hell, I see RD as Boros Agro (hello rabbits block). As for fluttershy, white green token spam with doubling seasons and that other enchant in innistrad that doubles tokens. Yeah, she'd overwhelm you... OH SHIT! is that a coat of arms? Are they all sapprolings? Heheheheheh... GG?

Following this one, just picked up a box of Avacent restored myself.  Twi could be five colored due to her link with magic, or i can see UW.  Didn't Niv-Mizzet get killed in the last set of Ravinica?  

If I understand  nope I probably dont the closest thing I can relate to this is mtg (mostly because of title and some other things) but yeah sorry I have a wee bit amount a trouble followin this meh oh well to somewhere

Okay, not replying to everything, but going from the top:

>>590920590920

There was originally a prologue, but on SpaceBattles certain parts of it generated controversy. I realized I screwed up the presentation by introducing too many new things, so I revised it.

>>591065591065

Most of these are new critiques.

One thing to note is that the space in-between planes is called the "Blind Eternities". I'm taking license with the fluff from the game (and disregarding most of the mechanics) to try and make a good story. It won't always work, but there you go.

>>591139591139

Magic the Gathering: Innistrad Block.

Each release of cards is called a 'set'. Every year four sets are released, one 'core' set (which consists of the semi-generic cards of sets pasts which sets up the meta-game for the mechanics of the next block) and three 'block' sets. Each 'block' is part of a storyline, most of the time in a world/setting which is referred to as a 'plane'.

I've just gotten really into Magic, and this is the first time I've actually cared any about the fluff. Innistrad is the block built upon Gothic Horror tropes. We're at the beginning of the last set in the block, and in another three months 2013 core will be released. I hope to have this particular story wrapping up by the end of 2013 core's first run.

>>591142591142

But Celestia was in a [strikethrough]Phyrexian[/strikethrough] Changeling birthing pod for longer than the show. No telling how much conversion was done.

>>591733591733

It's an amazing feeling, buying a box of Magic, then killing it. I did that with Innistrad set, and got a Snapcaster and a bunch of neat cards for my troubles.

[Semi-canon commentary on own story. Not set in stone.]

On talks of mana alignments:

I consider Equestria to be a white society. Different locations within the settled parts of Equestria favor different parts of the color wheel, but the ideological components (both positive and negative) of white is what most ponies are taught while they're being socialized. So having white impulses doesn't mean they're white so much as that's what's expected of them.

The Mane Six tends towards mono colors right now:

Twilight: Blue- logic, intellect, omniscience (she wants to know it all)

Applejack: White- uncreative, moral, law

Pinkie Pie: Red- chaos, action, short sighted

Fluttershy: Green- interdependence, nature, naive

Rainbow Dash: Red- impulse, freedom, action

Rarity: Black- selfish, omnipotent, paranoia (small amounts unless she's acted upon by an outside force)

For Rarity, black seemed like the most appropriate color. Each color can have positive and negative moral implications. For Rarity's case, she is selfish and ambitious, but that's directed towards her work. She doesn't cut other people down or suck out the benefits of the system, she makes beautiful clothes and is generous with her gifts. It's all an exercise in enlightened self interest, and as a social rouge she's rocking it pretty well.

I realize this sort of thing leads to a lot of debates, but there's a SpaceBattles thread for this story. I might also make a blog post so that people can go at it without cluttering up the comment section with debate.

>>592246592246 I'd recommend making that blog post for Magic flavor debates. I can think of at least one person who'd use it. *coughs and points to self*

>>592267592267

Already did it. Go to my blog and have fun.

>>592246592246 AHH, A CARD GAME! *hisssssss*

To the uninitiated: http://www.wizards.com/magic/magazine/article.aspx?x=mtg/daily/stf/157

That is a guide to the lore surrounding Innistrad.

So, what decks do y'all play? I play a WU Lifegain/Flexibility deck.

>>591733591733

Niv-Mizzet is Still Alive (I wonder anyone would get this joke.). We have confirmed Him and Jace Beleren as a MAIN CAST of Return to Ravnica (RVR) block. Which is right after Avacyn Restored.

I enjoyed it well enough, but it's not really my thing.

Conversations about Magic in a FIMFiction comments section. You don't see that everyday. I'll have to make sure to participate in this after I actually start playing the game, which will be after I buy some cards. I talk too much.

am I the only one who notices that in the picture, Twilight's marehood is showing?

I don't know what all of this Magic-talk is, what with the abbreviations and such, but I do know that I pulled a foiled Temporal Mastery at Avacyn Restored's midnight release. I play a Blue/Black straight up Infect deck, (Phyrexian Juggernaut, anyone?) which doesn't win much, especially against all the nasty stuff people make. Anyway, onto the story. I do like it, it's got the feel of the lore I'd managed to decrypt from my few Innistrad block cards. I shall watch.

>>592505592505

The fate of Equestria shall depend on a children's card game.

...not really.

>>594670594670

It's fine. I don't expect it to be everyone's thing. I just want write something that I expect people to reasonably enjoy.

>>598388598388

Fix'd.

>>599708599708

A column, "Savor the Flavor", used to run on Daily MtG. It's been shut down (time commitment and lack of replacement), but the articles are still up. I'm using that, and my collection of Innistrad block cards, to help world-build.

That said, all of this Magic card game talk, with it's abbreviations and the like, will not make it into the story. I'm writing a piece of fiction, hopefully novel length. Not a battle report.

Well done indeed. Despite being a player for a few years, I've never payed any attention to the back story. What you've written is good enough to actually intrigue me. Keep it up, this is very entertaining.

I'm liking this story :)  One thing, though: you could try slowing down the pace a bit when Twilight first arrvies in Innistrad.  Take some time to really set the scene before jumping into the action.  All the same, I'll keep an eye on this!

not bad at all. I was honestly expecting this to a sort of crack fic, but it' actually decent. Continue, please. I'm eager to see if you can successfully keep this up.

Ooooo..... This looks interesting. Can't say I've ever payed much attention to MtG, but I've always liked the flavor text on the cards. I don't know the fluff butt it seems an interesting background, if a bit standard.

I'm watching you all explain in detail what colors/decks the Mane Six would run...

There's a story beyond the flavor text, that I'm somehow missing...

I feel so, so outclassed.

But anyway, this seems really interesting. There're lots of ways I could see this going, and pretty much all of them sound awesome.

I'm excited!

That is all.

Journcy Out.

I love MTG. I love FIM.

And if you write more chapters, I will make a ponified MTG set for you.

Hint: Planeswalker Discord.

This was a really good start to a really good story. It's too bad it hasn't been updated in a long time.

Pinkie Pie.

Commodore Guff.

THEY MUST MEET.

"The howls sounded almost like timberwolves, but worst."

Shouldn't that be "worse."?

Anyways, good writing, enjoyed it even though I never really got into MtG...

I quite like this story. This is actually the only one I've found that takes place on Innistrad.

Is this fic canceled? The tag still just says 'Incomplete'.