Twilight Sparkle is bothered by the state of the world. Not a single pony is concerned with anything but themselves. If she ruled, things would be different. Equestria needed change, so she would make it happen herself.
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SchrodingerFu
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It is ok, but really freaky story. And Luna was never as big as Celestia, she is younger, thats why she is smaller. In show Luna's power was never mentioned, but I think she CAN be more powerfull then Celestia, she can transform into Nightmare Moon, and she is for sure more powerfull then Celestia.
A nice little story, decently paced. It kept my attention 'til the end. I liked how you chose to leave a lot of the details up to the reader's imagination. Are Luna and Twilight really going to bring about a golden age, or will they be even worse than Celestia? It's interesting to ponder the possibilities.
The first part set things up pretty well. No real complaints.
There's a bit of a problem with the ending though (and I hate to make this the longest part of my comment, because I really did like the story, honestly.)
Celestia is the almighty ruler of Equestria, possessing forbidden knowledge that has kept her alive for millennia. Therefore, the only way to defeat this unstoppable despot is to . . . stab her with a knife while she's asleep? So does that mean that for all the thousands and thousands of years that she's been in power, no one has ever tried to assassinate her? If anyone could just sneak into her room and stab her, then what took Luna so long? And why did she even need Twilight in the first place? I'm not saying that it needed to be an action scene. It's better that it was something subtle, but just shanking her doesn't make a whole lot of sense given the buildup.
Keep writing, though. I was entertained enough to give it a thumbs up, and some other people probably will be too.
I really enjoyed this will there be more chapters?
Sorry, I won't dislike the story but I also don't quite like it, the sudden out of character personalities without any reasoning or justification just killed it for me. I'll also recommend the Dark tag, murder is implied rather obviously after all, and the entire thing is just grim as heck.
It seemed out of character, but the way you wrote it made it easier to believe. Definitely should have a dark and sad tag. Good pacing, and overall enjoyable. Well done!
She is displeased with with the way Equestria is run... until she finds a note book that can kill ponies if their name is written in it. Then she tries to become goddess of the new world.
585319
Thanks for your input. As for the end, I really didn't think of that. Honestly I didn't. I suppose it is a rather huge, gaping plot hole that almost invalidates the entire story just by how inane it is.
That being said, I can't think of an easy way to fix it without it seeming shoehorned in, which is pretty much would be.
585832
Isn't it the damnedest thing that the big plot hole is in the least important part? The manner of Celestia's demise is relatively unimportant compared to the development of Twilight's discontent, so don't feel too bad.
Have you ever read Aldous Huxley's A Brave New World?
This story reminded me of that. It's a sort of inverted 1984 where, rather than controlling people through fear and suffering like The Party did with Oceania, people Huxley's world are simply kept so distracted by meaningless entertainment that their lives are utterly banal and pointless, having no depth whatsoever, leaving them completely meek and compliant with only a handful of "real" people banging their heads against the wall and wondering what's wrong with the world.
Really Twi... What a brillliant way to star a new world... With an assassination.
Twilight Sparkle is now, officially a tool.
But I like the fic.
Well now, that was curious. Quite a good read
For some unknown reason this all makes scene
interesting
585832
Rare poison collected over a long period of time could be a good excuse. Luna would have to influence others outside of her cell to get the materials collected and it would take a while. It would be really hard to get an antidote especially if it was a fast acting neurotoxin.
Juts a thought.
I think this seems close to character for Twilight. She didn't think friends were important in the beginning of the show either, so why change her perspective after years of study. Knowledge is most important to her and like you said, no one shared her intellectual goals (everyone calls her an egghead). IF she is focused on logic and Celestia's domain is against the grain, it is broken in her mind.
Personally I like friendship loving Twilight, but I think this is a plausible outlook. I like how the letters are a distraction.
Sorry for the ramblings.
585832
Rare poison collected over a long period of time could be a good excuse. Luna would have to influence others outside of her cell to get the materials collected and it would take a while. It would be really hard to get an antidote especially if it was a fast acting neurotoxin.
Juts a thought.
I think this seems close to character for Twilight. She didn't think friends were important in the beginning of the show either, so why change her perspective after years of study. Knowledge is most important to her and like you said, no one shared her intellectual goals (everyone calls her an egghead). IF she is focused on logic and Celestia's domain is against the grain, it is broken in her mind.
Personally I like friendship loving Twilight, but I think this is a plausible outlook. I like how the letters are a ditraction.
Sorry for the ramblings.
585966
She may be naive, but she isn't blind. Remember the Canterlot wedding? Plus she has a contingency plan for almost everything.
585319
I have to agree with this, but it was quite an interesting ending all the same though.
585893speaking of a brave new world say hi
>> Noakwolf You know there actually isna Death Note MLP fanfic? It's on here, and it's really good. But if you've already read it, then ok. Fine.
Great fanfic, I wish I could have seen what happu at the end, but it was better this way.
Things happen too suddenly imo. This would work better as a longer story, and with more that happened after the end.