Peppermint Cream
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Oh no! Pinkie baked them into giant walls of text!
Yea... let's fix that first so I don't have to strain my eyes.
dont mean to be mean but u need to show more details and dont rush ok?
Oh look, YET ANOTHER GODDAMN FUCKING CUPCAKES FIC
I have to say (being blunt for your possible critiquing purposes. I don't even think I spelled that right lol) that the idea of trying to plagiarize Cupcakes, even if inspired by/trying to make a new story similar to the original Cupcakes has gotten a little old in my opinion.
Things you could do in future chapters are include A LOT more into your chapters, considering the second one. But go further than that by explaining in-depth about the way (for example) Twilight was searing in pain and how she fell unconscious, and soon died upon massive blood loss or something. And how exactly did Fluttershy escape the chains that bound her? I think you have potential if you dared to try and rewrite cupcakes this horribly.
However...I do like the fact that Pinkie Pie was murdered by Fluttershy...(Do you know where I'm going with this?)
Its... It's like reading Cupcakes, save that it is devoid of any of Cupcake's redeeming qualities...
It would be an interesting idea if it hadn't been done so much before. Even including the rest of the mane six in the mix, it feels like a simple retread of Cupcakes.
Even in retreading it, you haven't really put enough detail into it. All the details we get on Rarity? She is dissected, and her heart is stabbed. Okay, and what does she feel while this is happening? How does it feel for Twilight to have her horn cut off? Why is she merely fainting, instead of screeching bloody murder? How the crap does Fluttershy get out?
(Fluttershy killing Pinkie Pie: Good.)
(Also, why am I helping to make a Cupcakes remake?)
594580 I agree, Cupcakes was, at least, an original idea. And personaly, I found it rather amusing, at least when I wasn't thinking "Who the hell wrote this thing!?".
As for retreading it, I have some theories:
Firstly, being disected is probably not that fun. I don't think Rarity would have been able to retain logical, coherent thought while that was going on. Her mind probably broke before her body did.
Secondly, I belive that the main theory on unicorn horns is that they have a direct nervous link to the brain, so having your horn cut off would be incredibly painful, to say the least. Like I said before, these levels of pain probably drove her insane ( Do you see what I did there?
)
Finaly, you're helping to make a Cupcakes remake because you secretly liked Cupcakes. Lots of people do, they just don't admit it.
594715
Firstly: Sure, but what I'm saying is that all the detail we're given is that A: Rarity's cutie marks are cut off, B: Rarity faints, C: Apparently she wakes up again, but has given up hope, and D: she is dissected. Not a word of how it feels, Shouldn't she be screaming, not fainting? At least during the process of having a chunk of skin taken out of her leg?
Next on the list of problems: "She pulled a lever and walls sprang out of the ground dividing the 4 ponies." Wait, wait, what? Just all of a sudden, WALLS! Okay, I can see Pinkie Pie taking over the Cake's basement. Maybe. But to ask me to believe that Pinkie Pie has the technical know-how to construct insta-walls under a business with nobody noticing? Suspense of Disbelief has failed.
For that matter, how does Pinkie get away with anything with Twilight? I mean, let's take a look at each side's advantages and disadvantages:
Twilight: Cons: temporarily restrained, perhaps a little muddled from being drugged. No, it says that they're all awake by the time Pinkie comes in.
Pros: Magic. By the way, Magic still works when you're restrained, last I checked. So, we have a list of options: teleport out? Maybe she could use magic on the locks and just magic them loose? Or, how about that Unicorn Gatling Gun deal she did with the Changelings? In this situation, Twilight is far from helpless.
Now, let's compare that to Pinkie Pie: Pros: Knife, not restrained. That's it.
And, I do like Cupcakes. It introduced a new aspect of Pinkie's psyche, one that has been invasive enough in the brony fandom to pretty much ensure it an infamy no other fic will ever have. But, the real reason I like Cupcakes is because it inspired The Cupcake Chronicles, the alternate ending that just finished. (It's only 19-20 times as long as Cupcakes itself, with a decent mix of shipping, character development, and closure...)
Also, a couple of lines that I may have read, but my mind erased to protect me from harm: "[Fluttershy] had broken free from her imprisonment by breaking the chains that held her in place. Fluttershy kept her strength a secret from everypony in order to portray an innocent look." I don't care what anyone says, Fluttershy is not Superman. She does not have super strength, and cannot burst steel chains. Basically, if she can do this and was awake the whole time, then why didn't she just burst the chains in the first place and save everyone? I'm assuming some time passed in between everyone fainting and being chained up. Heck, just have her bash Pinkie as soon as her back is turned and call it good; a pony strong enough to burst metal chains doesn't need a knife to kill another pony.
"Fluttershy is not Superman". Oh god, I wish she was. That would be hilarious!
google.co.uk/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://www.profilebrand.com/funny-pictures/category/cartoons/650_superman-destroy.gif&sa=X&ei=LGiyT8LlM-TT0QXDgtHCCQ&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNECdNwMhRfnoU6-VRKyKgZzI4zpww
Ok guys I get what you're saying, I'll go back and edit it. Thanks for the feedback anyways
After all, its gonna take practice until I get good! 
By the way guys, this story is incomplete. Its not ALL gore. Please come back and have another look when I have more written. I have also edited the second chapter, could somebody who read it before it was edited give me some feedback on the edited version? Thanks!
601702 Thank you! That's the first good comment I've had and I really appreciate it. :) Once again thank you!!
601800 i think it was well written and quite sad at the end and the flutterdash was also good :
601816 Not finished yet! Adding in some Big Mac!
601826 great i'd love to see where this will go!
596493
This is a distinct improvement over what it was before. It makes more sense, in many ways. Something that I see you can improve on is flow, and sentence structure. To me, it feels a bit choppy, awkward. If you vary the form of your sentence, and add descriptive language, it makes a story come to life.
Let me give you an example. I wish it were possible to do spoilers, because we've got a wall of text incoming.
"I want to make cupcakes of course!" replied Pinkamena. "You see I ran out of the special ingredient, and I need you and the others in order to get some more!" She pulled a lever, and walls sprang out of the ground dividing the four ponies from one another. She then entered Twilight Sparkle's chamber. (This is a new subject, so we have a new paragraph.)
Groggily, the lavender mare blinked at the pink shape in front of her. What was going on?Her mind refused to answer with its usual sharpness, but she could vaguely make out the shape of her friend next to her.
Pinkie Pie smiled gently as she picked up a small hacksaw. Twilight's bleary eyes widened as Pinkie lifted it in front of her face. Pinkie giggled softly, placing the blade against Twilight's horn. It feels cold, Twilight thought dully, staring upward where the saw met the base of her horn.
Then, her world exploded as Pinkie began to move the saw back and forth. Her first instinct was to struggle, but the iron bands on her hooves quickly proved the futility of such a course. Lavender dust drifted down as Twilight's screams of agony filled the air.
Panicking, she desperately tried to send all the magic she could to her horn. Surely, out of her hundreds of spells, at least one of them could get her out of here! It was all to no avail; the saw had worked its own dreadful magic on the maze of nerves inside her horn. For the first time, Twilight Sparkle was truly helpless. All she could do was scream, cry, and plead for mercy.
Such mercy would not come. Finally, the saw ate through the last millimeters of her horn, and it drooped across her eyes. Pinkie laughed as she picked up her horn. "It's just like that time with the poison joke, Twilight! Remember? Twilight Flopple?"
Blood ran down Twilight's face, coating her eyes with sticky gunk. Even so, she could see Pinkie holding the severed horn to a necklace of similar horns. Already, she could feel the icy tendrils of shock running through her body. "You... you're insane," she gasped, before allowing herself to blissfully sink into black unconsciousness.
I think you're doing a good job, and learning well. I can hardly claim to be a master, but I think I'll follow this and see where you take it. Good luck!
605401 Thank you! I appreciate you taking your time to read this and give me advice
Ok so a long delay in the next chapter, any ideas on why she fainted?
pinkie injected her with a posion that took effect when she found true love?