For the last few months I've been having some random dreams. I thought they might make for some interesting stories. So here I give you my dreams in pony form. Be warned, sometimes my dreams take a darker turn towards the end. They also usually stop making sense. Some of these stories will be unedited ponified versions of my dreams and other will be edited so that they make more sense. I have half-lucid dreams so the nice part is where I'm in control and as they spiral further into insanity is where I lose control of whats happening. I will update each time I remember one of my dreams.
Chapters (3)
I love hearing dreams. I can't wait to hear more about this one!
Adler approves of this written fic
Also added to favorites.....
1511645 Pt2 is in progress
1511689 I appreciate your approval. Thanks for the fave
Pretty interesting, grammar and punctuation could be improved, but nothing too major. I'll watch this, good start!
sounds intressting ^^, I'll keep following this story.
1511948 I'm still in education so I'm still learning
Thank you for pointing that out, I'll go through and check it. (Also, I'm British and my computer thinks its American so I'm just very confused
)
1511964 Thank you! I've always thought there was no point in dreams so I figured I'd use them in a story
Thanks to everyone who's taken the time to give me feedback! I'm amazed at how well this went down, it's had the best outcome out of all of my stories yet
1514742
It is a great story! I seriously wish I could even remember my dreams
inside dreams
inside dreams
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1515191 Hahaha!
Guys, I'm going to change my username to Peppermint Cream. Just thought I'd say that here cause nobody reads my blog posts
OtterMatt here. You put up the TWE signal, and I come a'runnin'! Anyway, I haven't pulled out my sidekick in a while, so I'll let it get some air this time.
COME FIRE, COME WIND, COME BADFIC CHECKLIST™!!!
Potential Badfic Checklist™ (v2.3)
By OtterMatt
Pre-read
Picture of an OC in General Zoi's ponymaker or MSPaint
Nonsense salad of genre tagsSynopsis that is too long or explains the plot
Summary is full of gramatical errors
Appeal for kindness or first fic excuse
Drawing attention to the writing rather than the story
Multiple chapters under 900 words
In-story
Atrocious grammar
Absent spelling
Boring sentence construction
Wanton cruelty to the common comma
Main character who makes me want to shoot him
Plot that has no business being set in Equestria
Wall-o-text syndrome
Insta-kills
Use of an unjustified alicorn
Unoriginal Human/Brony-in-Equestria
Author insert or wish-fulfilment story
Canon ponies acting wildly out of character
Black-Hole Sue Syndrome
Rating: 3.5/5 Pinkies
Verdict:
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Some ending thoughts...
Allright, I dinged you on Sentence Construction and Comma Usage. That might seem harsh, but trust me, those are the two hardest things for new writers to learn, and usually the last they get to. What that says to me is that you're well on your way to being a good writer. I'll elaborate on ways this could be stronger.
First off, your sentence structure. My main problem is the fact that all of your sentences are either very short, not compounded, or both. This is good on average, but when you use that constantly, the story can start to sound choppy or rushed. One thing to keep in mind is that the way you write out sentences changes the way a scene is read. Short sentences make a scene go faster, longer ones can draw out a moment.
This is a great place to start. Your opening is a longer, compounded sentence (and missing a comma, but I'll get to that later), followed by two very short, simple ones. Reading it, RD's flight is action-oriented, needing fast verbs and short sentences. When she lands, the action slows and the reactions aren't so active. I'll try to show you what I'm talking about.
The difference is subtle, but it can have an effect.
Secondly, commas. This is really your main problem from a technical standpoint, and it definitely was mine as well when I got started.
1) Commas used as breaks/rests
A commas denotes a short breath, essentially. Use one where you would normally insert a slight pause when speaking out loud.
...should be written as:
Read your lines out loud, and take note of where you insert pauses in your natural speech.
2) Commas used in dialogue
The rules of grammar state that a comma comes at the end of dialogue IF you're continuing the sentence afterwards. You don't seem to do that much. You would use them if you're finishing with things like "she said".
...should be written as:
The points are that the dialogue ends in a period, because it stands alone as a sentence. You would then double space between that and the next sentence.
3) Commas used in compound sentences
When you're combining two thoughts that can stand alone on their own, you would generally use a comma to join them. One thing to remember, though, is two totally independent thoughts or sentences don't join with a comma that easily. Here's a pair of examples for each.
... should be written as:
Subtle point here. You could get away without a comma if you had worded it as "I was the filly everyone was after but nopony could get." The thing to think about is that "everypony always got rejected" is really a stand-alone thought/clause. If you wanted to, you could make it its own sentence.
...should be written as:
In this case, the first sentence really can and should stand on its own. In the end, though, "it's always amazed me" is an interjection—it pretty much interrupts the previous thought to sum it up. In that case, an em dash (like I used) is the MOST proper thing to use, but a semicolon can also be used without losing any English nerd cred.
Okay, I'll leave it at that. Suffice to say, if you can find an editor who can really go through these with you and point out the places where it can be improved, you'll learn a lot very quickly, and the story will become tighter than a Victorian corset.
To find a good editor, go troll through these forums:
Looking for Editors Group
Editors subgroup
Proofreaders
Author Support Group
Good luck to you! Keep writing, you've got a lot of talent that you can develop!
-OtterMatt: TWE's Resident Master of Music
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1522474 Thank you! That review really helped point out the things I was oblivious to. There's just one thing I'm confused about. Did you say there was an alicorn in the story? Dream Catcher isn't actually an alicorn, she's just a delusional pegasus.
1522581
Nono, green means a passing grade. Anything in that category is almost always a terrible fic regardless of other content, so not having one means you pass.
1522591 Ohhhhh, I get it now! I must say thanks again because not only will your advice help my story, It'll help with school
1522602
If you're really interested in having a reference handy (for creative, technical, OR academic writing), go find yourself a copy of The Elements of Style. If you take an English class in college/university, I can almost guarantee that book will be part of your textbook load, and it's still the definitive handbook for technical writing.
1522687 Hahaha I'm not in college yet! I'm a Yr7 in a middle school
1522721
No problem with that! You're already ahead of the curve, though that might have something to do with you not being part of the toxic, co-dependant, bell-curve-driven education system here in America...
Twilight would be so ashamed of my country.
1522732 To be honest, my school isn't that good. While the the upper school after the school I'm in is great, my current school isn't. They care more about the uniform than the education
Wait. This is the ponyfied version of your dream? As in the original was human stuff, and didn't involve Equestria at all?
Wat
1529590 I edited it to make more sense. Well... slightly more sense.
1529605
well, what the hell happend in your real dream then?XD I assume you take the concept of your dream and kinda make a story around it in pony style right? Also this chapter didn't make too much sense to me but hey I'ts past midnight(here) who gives a fuck?XD
Keep up the good work
1552033 Have I mentioned that I don't make sense?
1554633 Thats nice to hear ^^ I also don't make sense ^^
Is chu writing more...?
It's been a while now..
1634090 heheh I've been busy with school and helping my mum plan her wedding. She's getting married in 13 1/2 hours
1634374 Congratulations for you and your mom
2 hours to go!
But hurry up with the next chapter. I'm begining to go crazy..