Kevin Lee
Joined 2nd Jul, 2014 ·
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Seen a lot of HiE fics where the ponies first reaction is bash the unknown creature in the head, until it stops moving.
This one gets credit for being the first to acknowledge head trauma as a serious and life threatening injury.
Will keep reading, and see where you're going with this.
5813227 Yeah, I have also noticed their tendancy to thwack first, talk second. Plus, I was recently watching a show where head trauma resulted in a character's blindness--which I haven't seen anything of that nature here yet, but that may just be for not looking hard enough--thus the outgrowth of this idea.
I hope I can at least realistically portray the extent and severity of Reggie's handicap as well as the consequences of everyone's actions as the story progresses.
Thanks for looking & I hope you'll like where this leads.
Cheers,
Kevin
And there's the other half of that awful cliche. The half-assed apology and instant forgiveness,
Hoped you might try something new and different with this. Leaving disappointed.
5821443 Sorry to disappoint you, but all HiE stories are cliche. What makes any of them stand out are the twists applied to the formulas.
Perhaps I didn't do well enough to convey how long it took Fluttershy to help Reggie overcome his terror, but please understand that his initial mental image had undergone a violent shredding only to be instantly replaced by an equally wrong second mental image that she had to get him to tear up himself.
Also, keep in mind, he's not insane or stupid....initially, he thought he was on Earth and kidnapped by some unknown foreign power, which had made him justifiably angry...only to find out he was now on an alien world. Again, he's not stupid or insane, because only an insane person would remain angry at them once he realized he wasn't dealing with humans and only a stupid person would reject their help given his condition.
I've read way too many HiE fics where the main character was stupid, or insane, or both...some which were quite good, but only because of the twists involved...but most weren't good going that route. I prefer this to go the other route. Plus, there's the crossover that has yet to be revealed.
Again, sorry if that disappoints.
Cheers,
K
I do not understand why this fic is 6/8. It is much better than many fics with far better ratios.
5866454 Thanks for the comment, Silvadel. I hope you're still liking this.
Yeah, I'm not really sure what's going on with that, either. I remember on my other story, when I put out those first 5 chapters at the same time, I got at least 3 downvotes for it just seconds after I published it, so there's no way folks could've read it all between when I posted & the downvotes appeared. Maybe I got on a bunch of trolls' hitlist for some reason?? If so, I'm not going to worry about them.
But if you like it, or even if you don't, please let me know why. I'm certainly no grammar nazi, so I'm sure there're plenty of mistakes at some point, and I'm not above accepting that some folks may not agree with the direction my stories go. Critics and criticisms are welcome.
Really enjoying this fic, not sure why it has such a bad like dislike ratio.
Also, have you thought about making a group for weirder than normal verse?
6196147 Glad you've been enjoying it & I hope you're liking my other story, too.
And I'm not sure why the high down vote, either, other than the theory I mentioned above.
I'm still not decided to putting this in the same "universe" as my other story, but I'm just trying to leave the option open for now. It was certainly fun working the mange theme into both in such a way to imply there is a connection. There's a few other references that I've got running in both, just for giggles.
Well, the new chapter has finally given the big reveal as to where the title came from. If Cheese Sandwich wants to have a go at spreading it about at his parties, I'm easy for negotiations--no royalties, just a mention in the credits is fine with me
--but seriously, PLEASE!! NO PRINCESSES!!!
Yeah, I can imagine how that will turn out:
The next chapter in my other story is taking a little longer than expected, so rather making everyone reading this one to wait for it, I thought I'd go ahead and pop this update to this story.
Cheers,
KL
Alright, having read all you have to offer this is my opinion.
The tropes hurt. Applejacks way over exaggerated accent. The complete over-ponification of things. They have the word person, it's cannon. Personal space, personality this stuff doesn't need ponification, honestly it's jarring and disrupts the flow of the story.
The blindness is somewhere between him being way to chill with moments of extreme exaggeration, so in short it's organic and comes off natural and very well done.
It's a decent plotline, the story's flow is wonderful and it was quite an interesting read, until this chapter.
Seriously, less then 1000 words between I just met this pony and I love you? Concidering the doupts he had running before that and everything else that is way too quick. Don't be afraid to take some time fleshing out the development of relationships and don't worry about detracting from the exciting bits of the story with derping around together getting to know her beyond "I'm confessing my undying love to you despite not even knowing an integral part of your life, like being a famous hero, or your life's dream, or your birthday, or anything." Sorry, but if I saw something like this IRL then I would think one of 2 things, a mental break similar to Stockholm syndrome or a sleaze looking for a quick lay with some pretty words and a little bit of pity.
Anyways, gonna track and like. Let's see how this turns out becouse at least Dash is in charector and didn't go all mushy and was actually kinda like "Defug you doing?"
5822592
You wrapped it up in about half a page. Yeah, I'd say you screwed that up. It could have easily been a chapter or two (which would have been an interesting twist, or at least the lasting aftereffects would have been interesting if done properly), but you decided to wrap it up and put a little bow on it within a chapter, like every other clichéd HiE. The beginning was an interesting take on the HiE genre (used before in a few places, but never really used well or poorly), but this chapter was nothing but the same old boring cliché of "ponies attack human, human is injured, ponies half-ass an apology, human instantly forgives with no repercussions". The only interesting thing thus far was that the human suffered an actual disability after the attack, giving him plenty of legitimate reasons as to why he should at least be distrustful of the ponies, if not outright hostile.
True, but only a stupid person would accept it without reservation (as seen here). I've taken blows to my head before, a few that knocked me out for just long enough for me to hit the ground. Even now, over a decade later, I still flinch whenever I'm around the [inanimate] objects that caused those injuries. It's even worse when around the people who have knocked me out in things like sparring (those people I've known for months before they did it) and most of those were my fault to begin with. It would be significantly worse if I didn't know the person as first impressions can only be made once, and they made sure to make a potentially permanent impression. To just blindly* accept help from those that caused such a devastating injury, and completely forgive those that caused it when they should have known better (and as former military, I know exactly what would happen if the situation was reversed, and that "soldier" wouldn't remain one for long), is the apex of stupidity. That's why I agree with Sky here. You didn't use some new twist on an older idea, you used the same idea with just as bad of an execution that put it in a negative light in the first place. The execution is what determines if a cliché/trope is bad or not, and this lands it firmly into the "bad cliché" area. Honestly, if you wanted this route, I wouldn't be as annoyed if you did it in some interesting way, rather than the "instant forgiveness" route. You'd probably lose me as a reader, but it wouldn't be worth putting my stamp on the thumbs down, as it would have been an author's choice/premise I had a problem with, not the quality of the writing.
The start had me interested, this all but killed my interest. I'll see if the next few chapters can salvage my interest, but as of now, this is close to the edge of getting a thumbs down when I leave (which I don't like giving out, since I can't take it away if the quality improves to where I wouldn't have given one out in the first place).
*No puns were intended
EDIT: Fixed up some grammar, no major changes.