A new Alicorn has arrived in Equestria, and it's Twilight's job to teach her the responsibilities! Not only that, but Twi must also teach a young Unicorn all there is about Magic! Will the two meet? Yes.
This is a story of how a young Unicorn, learning Magic, and an Alicorn come together.
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If I might recommend an editor?
And here's a few tips:
1) Don't use the same picture for your coverart and your story
2) Don't write about alicorns
Why not write about Alicorns?
Oh. I didn't know that's how others would take it... oh well.
5780580
I imagine its disheartening to have your story not taken very well. But in order for it to do well you have to have a little more respect for the cannon of MLP. Alicorns don't just appear out of thin air. There has to be a solid reason as to why some unknown entity would ever be granted with such greatness. It would make no sense for a pony to just become an alicorn without having gone through the same sort of trials and tribulations as Twilight. At any rate. I believe she only became an alicorn because it was a gift granted by Celestia, an almost rebirth and accession of Twilight sparkle from mortal to goddess.
Also, be careful of grammar. If you want your story to do well, at least have it proof read before submitting it.
@HailyConn thanks for the feedback! And I do have a reason for Venus being an Alicorn, I decided to hold it off until a later chapter.
5780600
Perhaps reconsider the story then... Starting with the background first before jumping into the story. That's something you would write in your prologue.
Its hard to have people like your OC's as it is. It's that much harder to have them like your OC when it's granted such power at the start.
Indeed she does have the POTENTIAL for power, but so much power? She's got a long way to go...
>>Clonetrooperkev She can of course, fly to some extend and use magic to some extent, but she can't pull off freaking raising the moon or anything. There's nothing wrong with this Alicorn, I think.
5780882
Which is why If i had written this I would probably not have started her off as an alicorn