Fleet

Fleetfoot is the fastest pony in Equestria. That's what everyone says, anyway; living up to that reputation is harder than anypony might think. Especially when you know there is another pony who is better than you...

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 12 )

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MerlosTheMad

MerlosTheMad #1 · Mar 21st, 2015 · 1 · ·

Yay, Fleetfoot story! Very nice ^^

Mostly only minor errors spotted, possibly format related. Some of the breaks between passage were missing.

Emil

Emil #2 · Mar 21st, 2015 · 1 · ·

I doubt any top-level pro athlete in a sport that emphasizes speed and endurance would have a cigarette habit, unless ponies are somehow able to do it without damaging their lungs.

Soap Box

Soap Box #3 · Mar 21st, 2015 · 1 · ·

5764537

You are absolutely right.

That line was a leftover. I had a scene in the first draft saying exactly that, that the Bolts have a strict no-smoking policy for that reason, so Spitfire and Fleet use unlit cigarettes; its why Spitfire pocketed it, instead of throwing it away.

I rewrote the scene and cut the smoking part out- guess I missed a reference or two. Should be fixed now though.

Thanks for pointing that out.

Seether00

Seether00 #4 · Mar 22nd, 2015 · 1 · 4 ·

Damn. I feel bad for her. Maybe Dash needs to suffer a little accident

Dusk_Writer

Dusk_Writer #5 · Mar 23rd, 2015 · 1 · ·

Wow intense

coolstorybrah

coolstorybrah #6 · Apr 9th, 2015 · 1 · ·

l loved this!

Zennyth

Zennyth #7 · Jun 22nd, 2015 · 1 · ·

That must be an awful feeling for a top-level athlete...knowing you're time is drawing to a close. I think you portrayed it well.

I'm a bit confused tho why Fleet was so worried about Soarin making an appearance. Was is it because he is some much more perspective than Spitfire, or something else?

Awesome job though.

Divine Path

Divine Path #8 · Jun 28th, 2015 · 3 · ·

This narrative inspires emotion. I felt really bad for Fleetfoot. I'm most intrigued, and curious for what sumptuously sweet sorrow awaits.

Caught in a trap,
a wheel of agony and decay—
filled with regret and ache of heart!
Hidden tragically in its pained embrace wrapped,
silently screaming as it wastes away.

Repeating that which brings naught but cold and pain;
as you soar, falling hard and shatter,
as a heart filled with the cold of nothingness
and a soul hidden in darkness are wrought with despair.

Send for warmth these cold nights,
find peace in that dream—
Free of worry,
free of strife.
Then be at peace,
wrapped in a blanket of warmth,
by a hearth of comforting fire.

Awaiting further releases.

ColdGoldLazarus

ColdGoldLazarus #9 · Jul 5th, 2015 · 1 · ·

I don't read the comics, but description aside I didn't feel like I needed to in order to understand it, so that's nice. Anyway, this was a really good piece, and I really felt for Fleetfoot here; being shown up at what's supposed to be your specialty can't be a good feeling. I hope this ends well, but I can just as easily see Fleet tearing herself apart, perhaps literally, in her attempts to fix this - but hopefully Spitfire and Soarin' will be there for her.

I look forward to the next chapter.

Fahrenheit

Fahrenheit #10 · Jul 23rd, 2015 · 4 · ·

You've really got some great characterization here--you've managed to layer insecurities and fear onto Fleetfoot without sacrificing the confident, sass-filled personality we see in the show. Absolutely love the emotional depth, too. It's never in doubt that there's buckets of angst coming, but it feels natural. You took the time to establish the stakes before jumping in, and it pays off. Very nice.

Raintoon