Chapter Five - Wile E BEAR-ly misses dinner...again.
Wile E raked the last pile of dead leaves over the carefully placed rope snare, padding them out so as to cover the whole thing. Once he was done disguising his trap and doubling-checking his handiwork, he produced a carrot from behind his back. Waggling his eyebrows at the person reading this story, he cautiously placed the carrot in the center of the pile of dead leaves, and tiptoed away to hide behind a nearby tree.
The coyote's stomach growled, prompting him of the meal he had lost back in Chapter Two. I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling rainbow thing, he thought angrily. He peeked out to keep watch for anything that would come along to take the bait. Well, let's just leave it in the past and focus on the present.
He crouched down to conceal himself better as he spotted another bunny hopping along. From the corner of its tiny eyes, a flash of orange brought its attention to the nice juicy carrot. The bunny eyed the vegetable hungrily, and looked around to see if anything was lurking nearby that might try to keep him from claiming it. Not spotting the coyote observing him close by, the bunny rubbed its paws in glee and hopped towards the carrot.
And speaking of 'presents', I do believe I'm about to get one gift-wrapped, Wile E thought as he gave a toothy grin.
A cringe worthy sigh from the reader sounded behind Wile E. He turned his head to the reader with a frown, as he held up a sign which read, Oh shuddup. A line like that was funny back in my day. He threw the sign away and turned his attention back to the bunny.
It was taking a few cautious tiny hops towards the bait.
It stopped a few meters away and looked around for danger.
Wile E's eyes narrowed wickedly as he licked his lips.
It hopped a little closer towards the bait.
It took one last look at its surroundings, just to double-check.
It hopped even closer to the bait.
A bit of saliva dripped from Wile E's mouth.
The bunny hopped even closer to the bait than before.
The reader was getting bored with the suspense and just wanted the darn thing to take the carrot already.
The bunny picked up the carrot and began gnawing happily away at it.
Right there in the middle of the trap.
Which hadn't triggered.
Like, at all.
Wile E blinked a couple of times in disbelief and his hungry drool immediately stopped oozing. My dinner should be suspended above the ground by its feet right now! Why isn't it? I set the snare up perfectly! This is the most basic and thoroughly tested hunting technique ever devised!
Wile E face-palmed, dragging his hand down his face. Oh forget it, I'll just get the darn thing myself! he thought. With that, Wile E leaped out from behind the tree, landing behind the bunny with a thud.
The little creature instantly turned around and squeaked in fright at the sight of the coyote looming over it.
You're mine, you screwy rabbit! Wile E gave a menacing toothy smile, and dived straight at his prey.
But the rabbit quickly hopped back just mere inches of the coyote's grasp. It landed outside of the area of dead leaves which were covering the net, and Wile E having missed his target just so happened to land straight in the center of the pile.
Immediately Wile E's world flipped upside-down as the rope coiled around his ankle and hoisted him up in the air, bouncing up and down like as if he were on a bungee jump cord. He flailed his arms wildly in panic. Gah! Curse you Looney Tune universal logic! the coyote's thoughts seethed with rag e as he tried to lean himself up to reach the rope holding his leg, but to no avail. Defeated, he gave in and allowed himself to simply sway left to right, right to left.
His eyes glanced over at the rabbit, who blew a raspberry at him. It then turned around and shook its small fluffy tail at him before bounding off into the woods, leaving the still hungry, but even angrier-than-before coyote to, for the sake of a joke, 'hang around'.
This is so humiliating! I can't catch flightless bird, and I can't even catch simple bunnies! How can this get any worse?
A growling sound was his answer. Slowly turning his head to the side, Wile E's eyes shrunk to the size of pinpricks as he gazed into the black threatening eyes of a very large bear-like creature with dark blue fur. The large star-shaped marking on its head, along with the similar though smaller markings dotted around its body, gave the appearance of a starry night sky.
Or rather in this case, a starry night sky on legs that was getting ready to maul a helpless scrawny coyote.
Wile E's face and ears drooped. He gulped loudly, and pulled out a sign from hammerspace just as the bear raised a very sharp set of claws over him.
Have a heart, folks. Please just skip to the next chapter, the sign read.
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Well, are you going to answer his plea author?
That aside, I noticed that he hasn't actually been doing a lot of Rainbow chasing. Are you building up to that or is that just an oversight?
6732611 I'm afraid you'll have to BEAR with me...
That's not a joke, there's a bear here with me and it's trying to steal my picnic basket. Excuse me for a moment while I call Animal Control...
I hope Fluttershy finds Wile soon. She would take care of him and help him out because he obviously needs help to be a better predator. Plus I would like him to get something good thrown his way for once.
6732632 Well I'm afraid that's very unlikely to happen any time in this story.
(quickly jots a note down to bring Fluttershy into the story later and hey stop reading this spoiler you!)
6732624 'Eya, Boo-boo! 'E's gonna call animal control to stop us from getting his pic-a-nic basket!
Oh, man. That takes me back.
6732681 Yogi Bear took your back?
Are you alright? Here, would you like to borrow my back until Animal Control finds and returns yours...'back'?
I'm sorry, this joke didn't have any 'backbone' put into it.
6732711 Eh. At least you weren't so spineless you didn't even try.
Wasn't much of a rib tickler, though.
6732743 I'm getting this feeling that you like bones if your comment is anything to go by.
Well, here's another bone just for you then!
Ha ha ha ha ha! It's funny cause' it's a tromBONE.
Sans would be proud. Papyrus would just shout and moan.
6732806
Man. I bet you feel like a bit of a bonehead for not finding this one.
Papyrus would also probably be smiling, and he'd be so mad about that.
Well, it's good to see that this story is following the rules of a Road Runner cartoon perfectly.
6732901 But I have seen that one. I've watch a lot of people play it on YouTube, so your repose is Vlad.
Ha ha ha. Get it?
6733001 Wait, it is?
I mean, um, of course it is! Why wouldn't it follow the rules of the original source? Don't look at your computer screen at my comment like that, I'm not trying to cover anything up. What? Stop looking at my comment like that...
XD I love breaking the fourth wall. My neighbor doesn't like me doing it, sadly.
6732901 Um, sorry, I didn't see the video you put there. I skipped to the end and it changed to some guy laughing uncontrollably at San's jokes.
Looks like YOU need to recalibrate. Your. Puzzles!
Nyehheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh!
6732901 Heh
6733052 There is no shame in breaking the fourth wall. As for those rules, well...
The Unofficial Laws and Rules of a Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote Short
6733614 You're right. I'm not a special snowflake...
img02.deviantart.net/2e62/i/2014/355/8/6/hail_to_the_king_by_uniqueskd-d8aoqgo.jpg
I'm just another special pony, bitch.
6734647 Cranky thinks you're 'extra-special'.
And another fanfic is added to my Tracking and Favourite lists.
Meep Meep!
6741018 Really? Which fanfic is it? And can you link me to it so I can give it a read?
6740461 But where is my special waifu? The one who can love me for who and what I am; a strange mad little human being!
6741115 It's yours, Mr. UniqueSKD. The one we're commenting on right now!
6741140 Oh! I see.
I thought you were referring to a much more competently written story...or Celestia forbid another clopfic.
Thanks for adding my story dude!
(P.S - Just so you know, I knew you meant this story. I like playing the idiot most of the time cause' it gets funny as hell results XD Anyways shut up and let's party like friends!)
6741181 I knew that you knew that I was referring to your fanfiction.
I played along, because I didn't feel like responding with a 'super-serious' comment,
6741199 I'm glad you knew that I knew that you knew that I knew that he knew that she knew that we knew it wasn't a serious thing then.
6741213 You lost me after the third "I knew you knew".
6741115 Tinky-Winky likes you...
sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.M31800b17af04a3a35255f8c59478c7eaH0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300
It has something in its bag to slip into your drink at the bar...
6741181
So in this story, Wile E eventually falls in love with Fluttershy and the Roadrunner hooks up with Dash.
And graphic, mind-breaking things happen which result in hideous mutant babies.
6741338 I'm not having sex with either of you if that's what your goal is here.
6741394 Which means we need a new way to cement it back up again.
6741342 Damn it, the one time my waste bin is full when I need to expel some bile...
6741550 The fourth wall may as well not exist at all, considering how most of the Looney Tunes cast seem quite aware that they are, in fact, fictional characters in a fictional universe.
When they aren't looking at the audience, it's simply because they don't yet have a reason to look at them to say something that adds to the funny. Wile E. Coyote and Bugs Bunny, for instance, frequently make 'aside commentary'; Wile E. does so with written signs and/or glances, and Bugs Bunny does so in spoken words.
Even the Road Runner has made occasional audience acknowledgements with aside glances or written signs.
In any case, it's your fanfiction to do with as you see fit,
6741631 Don't you DARE bad mouth the fourth wall!
I love meta humor!
6741682 I'm not bad-mouthing the fourth wall. Far from it, actually.
I'm just stating that it was pretty much non-existent to most of the Looney Tunes cast, due to the reasons I stated. There's nothing particularly 'wrong' with having a fourth wall, but it just didn't really exist to most of the Tunes.
The lack of a fourth wall probably added to its humour in one way or another. But right now, I'm a bit too hyped up on caffeine to recall what kinds of humour those might have been.
6741696 CAFFEINE!?
6741719 Well, yeah. Coca cola and all that.
No, I don't drink coffee. Too bitter for my personal taste.
6742557 Neither do I drink it mate.
6741552 We used to play the gross-out game at lunch in school long ago. And we had some very weird people at that school who excelled in phrasing things just right to get the ol' insides spasming.
6746442 Diarrhea orgy.
Let the thought sink in for a moment and...
XD
6747260 We had soooooo much diarrhea-themed stuff. Including the "Diarrhea Rap"... which I believe was up to over 20 verses before we tired of it.
6748005 Well screw you then if I'm not good enough for your group of friends. (blows raspberry at you and walks off all snooty and shit) XD
6748023 You must have the proper schooling if you wish to hobnob with the elite weirdos!
This requires many viewings of Dragon Ball PP.
6748264 F**k that noise then. XD
I think I'm going to HANG around.
6778020
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/25/90/5a/25905a94c1592d0105564793b255959a.jpg
6778037
Although I must say, the tension is unBEARable.
I got a million of these.
6778041 I bet you do. I'll BEAR it though.
Next chapter will have to wait though. I'm trying to do a MegaMan parody animation for my YouTube channel after MegaMan 9 annoyed me near to the point of making me tear my hair out.
The robot masters are annoying, but Wily's Fortress stages are relentless with their pits and one-hit-kill spikes. I swear the old man has a sexual fetish for spikes, they're everywhere. Also, why does MegaMan 10 FINALLY introduce an Easy mode but not 9? XD YOU'RE KILLING ME WILY! XD
6778061
*snort* try having to face not one, but TWO walking paradoxes almost in a row, separated by hordes of beings of darkness that can only be twoshotted at best, one of the walking paradoxes wielding fiery charkrams and the other wielding a goddamn scythe and being probably the fastest boss in the game with absolutely unfair abilities and THEN having to fight him again with twice as much HP as he had before. Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories for the GBA if you're curious.
6778066 I want to swear at you for bringing that game's boss up, but I want to prove myself worthy of a follow and your admiration, so I'll refrain. XD
6778094
Perhaps that may be for the best yes. Stupid friggin Marluxia, I wreck Vexen's shit, I obliterate Larxene with ease, only struggle a bit against the Darkside due to it's tiny hitbox, utterly annihilate Repliku with little trouble, and then proceed to get wrecked by him over and over, having flashbacks to Parasite Cage and Captain f*cking Hook.
6911912 I'll have to check it out some time then. I'll eventually come back to this story once I start making amicable progress on another special story I'm working on.
That, and I also wanna get some animation projects done and out of the way.
*holds menthol-soaked guaze pad over mouth & nose*
Hey! He's been lying there, not moving for 9-10 months now. I'm NOT taking chances in case he pops!
"
*holds breath (just in case)*
Kevin Lee: "
*positions Roman shield up (just in case)*
*pokes UniqueSKD's corpse with a 50' pole--a fork was attached to the distant end, btw*
Yo! Dudette! Next chapter?