Son Goten, youngest son of Son Goku and little brother of Son Gohan. Never in his life had Goten thought that he was living in the shadow of his father and brother. That is, until he had a conversation with his friend Trunks. He had then realized that they held many great accomplishments. Defeating many powerful villains, saving the Earth, and making the universe a better place. While he held nothing up to par with them. So what was the logical answer when a strange portal right in front of him and calls out for help? Goten jumps right in, ready for whatever may come his way!
(Image made by GabeaCool. She/he is very awesome for doing it!)
Chapters (5)
Not a bad start, but there were a ton of spelling and grammar errors throughout the chapter. You might want to consider getting a pre-reader for your chapters.
5731752 Damn... I do need one one.
Interesting. Looking forward to to more.
Still though the no more Super Saiyan for Goku just kills me, why Toriyama why? The Super Saiyan God form was just disappointing.
5731757 That and you need to improve the pacing. Everything goes a bit too fast.
I see promise, so I'll give you an upvote. Please get that editor soon too. All those grammar errors.
5731788 Hey he made one good move. Bringing Freeza the best DBZ villian back to life and giving him more power.
5731907
Yeah that was unexpected and at first I was a bit disappointed but then I thought about it and began to really like the idea, looking forward to it. Then I saw Freeza's new transformation. A Super Saiyan Rip-off skin color change and that's all.
It just isn't scream Freeza, who had all these drastic transformations. I wouldn't mind it if it included some about changes other then just skin color, like a few horns or something that gives him the evil-demon look. The simple color change/transformations just doesn't work for me on this one. Heck that fanmade webcomic, Dragonball Multiverse gave Freeza fifth form that would be perfect for the movie.
Don't get me wrong, I look forward to the movie but the no more Super Saiyan for Goku and Freeza's new form just ruin it for me.
5732629 Yea I see what you mean... still gonna watch the movie!
5732896
Me too, hopefully it will set up the possibility of a new series or another movie, and that Super Saiyan Goku returns, cause Toriyama can't just built it up and then just scrap it!
It's like a Gundam pilot that stops piloting a Gundam! Naruto never using Shadow Clones! Pinkie Pie stops being Pinkie Pie!
I know Toriyama wants to go in a new direction but he could at least do it in a way that doesn't ruin things for some of the fans?
I mean if you were in charge of how SSJG and Freeza's new form looked like what would you do?
Sorry to rant but this just really irritates me.
FINALLY SOMETHING THAT INVOLVES GOTEN!!!!!!
F
ck YEAH!
Thank Kami....
Lets do this!!
5733333 The isea that started this was one simple question... "Why the F### does Goten have no time to shine!?" Hence the name!
5733411 Do What!?
5733448
Well isn't it obvious, author. Let's have a party for Goten!!
Me: Dang it, Pinkie
5733484 ...Good idea! (Was gonna do it anyway.) Also pinkie... Stop breaking the fourth wall!
One of them should've said.
5733523 Dang it! I always forget about the good jokes I could rip-off... I mean borrow! For my story...
5731907
well not with this big bald head XD really, what is this with the bald people in DBZ XD.
But back to the story.
So, jep you need to work on your telling. it happens all way to fast.
But other then this, good idea, just don't let Goten get a beating to easily, it is hard to work with Characters as strong as DBZ Characters, but pleas don't weaken him unreasonable.
So keep the work up and show us what you get her ^^.
Moar
i have to ask what will lyra react to a real life Human?
5735374
Technically, he's a hybrid between a human and a humanoid alien.
5734050 Maybe I have been going a bit fast...
5734793 There will be!
5735374 Crazy... who else?
Pssst: Cell is best DBZ villian
5739550 I think it's Freeza...
Your story has potential, it might need this though.
orig14.deviantart.net/9f50/f/2015/083/0/7/second_by_gabrieldemarco1031-d8myzor.jpg
You're welcome.
5777502 wow! Did you make that?
5783720
Indeed!
5783794 Awesome! So... Mind if I use it as the cover?
5783805
Well, that was the point!
5783936 Seriously! Thank you for it! This is so awesome!
Chapter please ;(
This isn't bad, but I feel you use too many periods. It seems like a chain of sentences that just describe things without much flare. If you add some spice to this, yknow, a little pizzaz so to speak to your words and descriptions, this could be even better than it is; and that's great considering it's already good. :) Keep on keeping on, man.
5787638 All good things come to those who wait! for at least two more days...
5787750 Thanks dude! I'll try to add some "Flare" to it.
You got a new reader. But I have a sharp eye concerning DBZ. Do you follow Fukkatsu no F?
5793954 that would have to be a no. Since I haven't seen it yet I can't really add much but assumptions. So fukkatsu no f will have nothing to do with this story.
Sorry but the chapter just got... Well.. Prevented... Sorry
Augh, not even a paragraph in, and I can already tell the poor writing is going to prevent me from enjoying what could be a great story.
This is horribly bulky; try compacting information to create better word flow (and make sure to put a space between that first period and the following sentence as well as remove the extra one between the second and third).
An Example:
5798929 hehe... Sorry.
CONTINUE IT!!!
I will!5822594
Need. More. If that's okay with you...
Continue it
Please 
5913901 I am! I had it all! Then my computer turned into a B**** and stopped working! Now I have to start from scratch!
5914030
Oh. Well okay. Good luck
hi, good start on this fic, I can't wait for the next chapter ^_^, p.s, I know how irritating it can be to work so hard on something and then lose it all, it happened to me plenty of times
5917227 Thanks for your kind words!