Toriel is my favorite Mom ^~^ (BTW I'm also a game designer! Current Project: Bound By Fate)
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This story is a sequel to New beginnings: Elementary
Set 6 years after Elementary Button and the gang go to Ponyville High School with Prokun's new dad as the new principle of the school. Button has to deal with a straining relationship with Sweetie Belle, Prokun on the other hand has to deal with his family changing and a haunting past coming back to haunt him.
Warning:Some Language, Feels, and some parts of adorableness.
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but there is no adorable picture on this one T_T
5673476 wait there will be one
alright
Ill be patient
5674009 waiting for the artist to finish they are probably busy so I don't want to rush them
Applejack had a baby?!
5685234 yep
Thanks for making clean versions for when you make some with bad language
Now, this concept is amazing. I love, love, LOVE what you are doing with the characters. However, there are several must-fixes that need to happen:
-Foreshadowing. Everything happened without warning, and we got NO buildup. I see the problem of: "where would I put said foreshadowing?" . Well, that's what a prologue is for.
- Steady pacing. No offence, but this thing was rushed to hell and back. Slow down, and tell us what is going on.
-Elaboration and detailing. You lack it. That is the reason people hate short chapters, because small either means short, or rushed, as said before.
Those are the 3 strikes that forces me to go no higher than a rather low 4/10. Then all the other ones that are good to have:
-Fluent dialogue
-Proper character characterization
-etc
For instance: oh! I forgot! Sweetie Belle can now pull a blinding roundhouse kick from her magical hat! HUZZAH! Did I mention that Babs somehow knew Button MAGICALLY, and decided, why not kiss him without any foreshadowing? YEAH! That too!
Those were specific characterization issues I found in chapter 4. There are a couple more, but you get the idea.
5687150 I have a question did you read the first story?
5687465 whelp, I'm a dumbass. Ok, that completely throws out foreshadowing, as I didn't do my research. But still, the other stuff is still there, and necessary. One strike non-existent.
5687548 I'm tired can we talk about this tomorrow please?
5687582 I'm on it.
5688713 okay
Thanks for using Sea Swirl! LOL! I love how the girls are like: WHAT?!
so this is kicking the Button x Babs in the pants
5699713 yes?
I'm assuming you mean Smash Bros, in which case you are awesome.
lol
Awwww!!!! -crack- okay, now it's for realizes broken... Hehe... Hehe... Can some pony call a doctor?
5707430 get Dr.Jupiter
5707431 alright!
Hey
Ur oc is so cute... Like a baby unicorn!!
5995825 Thanks!
5995825 Thanks!
Nice! Love how u include Button's dad
5995839 yeah
No words... oops...
Amazing! I just finished the story! Really well written and I love the plot!
5995903 It's not that good my NEW ones however a very good
5995907 Starting to read the sequel to this story!!!
5699713 yes