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There's a new horror stalking Equestria, and Fluttershy has fallen under its shadow. Can Discord keep her safe without giving in to his own feelings for her?
I was told that if I post this fic here I will get feedback. Don't make that person a liar! Let me know what you think! Pleeease!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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YES!
YOU DID IT!
YOU GOT ON FIMFICTION!
Yes!
I'm so excited for you!
I'm so glad you did this, I just know you'll get a lot more feedback this time!
Yay another chapter!!! I've been tracking this story for a couple days now, and you have such a wonderful, original storyline. And of course it makes so much sense for Shining and Cadance to figure out Discord loves Fluttershy before anyone else. And the alternate little storyline that you have with Pinkie and Cheese just adds to the flavor of the story!! I am so glad you decided to get on FimFiction, for I am not a FanFiction user and would have missed out on this wonderful story!!
Very interesting premise. I like unique ideas coming around every once in a while. And the newest chapter has me on the edge. I'm excited!
One minor critique I can think of is that the transition between scenes is difficult to tell because it doesn't really tell us we're changing settings. You did so in the first chapter or two with an acknowledged break, but not in recent chapters. It's not a huge problem to fix, but it can be confusing otherwise. And perhaps Discord was a bit OOC in the beginning, chiding himself for betraying Equestria and actually tearing up. He never came across as someone to cry that easily or really admit to how he feels so easily (for the latter, that could just be me. With Fluttershy around, you never know).
Otherwise, I can't quite think of any real criticism. I can't think of why people would downvote this--perhaps it's the pairings; Fimfiction users can be pretty rude when it comes to that stuff~. It's a decent story with a good premise, and I look forward to it.
Oh my gosh.......this is scary but interesting so far.........I love it!!
OMG!! I'm loving this!!
SQUEE!!
*GASP* omg......I'm scarred
Aaawwwwww!! This is so sweet! I don't know why but I was crying when Discord was saying he could go cause he wasn't needed and Rainbow said they would be better off without him......*sniff* yeah.........but I love this and I can't wait for the next chapter! I'm trying not to freak out and start jumping around my room lol! I don't see why this story has five dislikes....it's awesome and the writing is good! And it derserves more likes!
Another really good chapter!! Just lovin it!
Oh, I'm so glad to see you're still writing! I'm so curious to find out how Discord is going to prove Fluttershy that he's real, that they pretty much have to start all over again from scratch, but before it's too late! My only suggestion is that when writing what Alberich's crystal is saying is to put it in italics, or some other way to distinguish that it's talking. I had some trouble transitioning between it talking and the narration of the story.
Otherwise, good work!!! I look forward to the rest!
5754933
Oh, it was originially in italics. I guess it didn't transfer from the word document. I'll fix that real quick.
Eeee! I'm so excited! I loved this chapter!
This was excellent! So glad you're still writing! You write so well! And I think you did a great job of writing Discord telling this story with all the half-truths, the little white lies. That's not always an easy feat, but you managed to pull it off really well. I love it! ^_^
I registered just to subscribe to this! I think of Discord as closer to omnipotent/omniscient than he is here, but you've clearly thought out his limitations in a way that really works for the story. Everyone's characterization is spot on, I'm rooting for all the growing relationships even though I'm not much of a shipper, and the unfolding mystery makes me eager to read what happens next.
BANANAS!!!!
Celestia likes bananas?!?! Hmm...
D'awwwwww. Is this the end? That was really cute and sweet. I wasn't expecting it to end so fast, and I'm sure you could have perhaps detailed it a bit more, but I still think this was really really good and I hope to see more from you. The whole dream realm thing was really interesting, and I just liked that whole idea in general, with Fluttershy unable to see him and he had to make her see. And the concept of Spike growing, but needing to learn not to love selfishly--also a great concept I never really thought about before. Oh, and the Twilight "Not My Name" thing was just plain adorable. I can actually see Twilight doing that as a form of flirting. And she's not one you'd normally imagine flirting and stuff, but you did it really well. You do the Mane Six really well.
Don't stop writing! You are so good with grammar and characters and a lot of other stuff, so keep going!
I wish things could've been fleshed out a little more, but other than that, this was a great read! Thanks for sharing it with us.
I like this so far. Iam going to go see were this goes
Wowsies. Fluttercord and CheesePie! Those are my two most favorite shippings. And I am sensing a bit of Flashlight.
I think the necklace that thing is wearing is what maked him live longer. Just guessing. I need to continue this now so yah.
Squee!
Fluttercord! Sooooo cute! 
This story so is so amazing! Must continue.
I love this story! Must... continue... cant... wait... much... longer. Going to read the next chapter now!
Yay Fluttercord CheesePie and Flashlight!
Why havnt AJ or Rainbow appeared yet?
Totaly aewsome! I justblove this story to peices. The Fluttercord band CheesePie is amazing, like Ichave said a thoisant times. I cant wait to see how the deal with whats his name.
Oh I knew discord was going to vvolunteer to do that. I am so scared.
Totaly amazing! I am so excited to continue. I think that flutters isnt really real. Mostly because she doesn't reemember Discord. And becsuse of what whats his name said. I am terrible with names.
Wow, getting Fluttershy to beleive is going to be hard. I kind of changed.my mind, that might be the real Fluttershy. It probably is. Now O must continue reading.
Okay this is cool. Even if i dont really ship Rarity and Spike. But thats not important, whats important is FLUTTERCORD! I know Discord can help Fluttershy remember! But it might be strange for her to be in Discords body. Now I will continue to read this amazing story. How many chapters do I have left ro read?
I am so glad they both made it out alive! Is this over because i feel like there is going to be another chapter that shows what happens afterwards (basicly an epilogue) But Yay they made it out together. Love is the most powerful thing.in the world! Especially when it is Fluttercord love.
Well, I d'awwed. This solution works in a way without being too cheesy (still is, a little bit, but it's near impossible to avoid ;) ) because everything else has yet to truly bring her memories of him back.
The whole dream sequence was pretty unique, and I really really liked that. Discord had to bring Fluttershy back and remind her who she was. And he had to actually try; no magic, no nothing. Just his own instincts and the truth to speak for him (and kisses but shhh).
I might have some critiques if I can ever write them up. But not quite right now. Maybe sometime later when I can write my thoughts properly.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Yay!
Wow good job at fitting so many ships in!!! Have a cookie!
I'm Bill Clinton and I approve of this fanfiction.
Awww its over
I'm happy it ended the way it did.
Awesome Fluttercord!! And great Sparity too!
ooh, a nightshade. Cool villain name!
Oh, when Discord stammers and is all;
He must be stammering because he wants to be with Fluttershy in bed.
Lots of other fimfics all have this weird feeling to them, as if it were fictional, you know?
This one, on the other hoof, feels very real, as though we are in Equestria and we are behind a clear wall, instead of watching a re-run, like other stories.
C-mon! Cliffhanger!
Also, the white pony, I thought that was moon-dancer, but then I realized it was Rarity. Silly me.
That is by far the most cheesiest line ever. That even beat pinkie and Cheese.
Finally. Discord. I think your ego was a bit too big for your heart. So thank you author, for making him realize this, and have a good transition of his emotions for fluttershy.
Of course he goes.
At the end I will imagine that he doesn't come back and then there's an epic battle and everyone cries, and Discord is back.
I was not expecting that kiss from Rarity. All I can say is,
That was really smart.
If I were making this story, I would have been stuck right about now because I cant think of a good plan for Discord to get Fluttershy. In the story, this makes a lot of sense!
*squee.*
Ships ahoy!!
..............
IT WAS TOO AWESOME!!!, And the the fact that if had my favorite ships in here made it TWENTY% COOLER
The guard looked worried and flustered, breathing heavily as if he had flown all the way to Canterlot at top speed. "I came as soon as I heard.
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Woah.
THIS IS AMAZING.
And that CheesePie was beautifully written! (I should know, I've read more fanfiction of that pairing than is healthy
)
But I like this! You're a really great author!
Because smiling loudly isn't allowed in a Donald Trump governed Equestria.
Pinkiebutter and Cheese!