The Questionnaire

Source

Dusk Melody has finally asked Vocal Chord out on a date.

Easy right? Except this is the pegasus' first date.

Desperate for help Dusk goes to his old teacher for advice. After all, Twilight will know what to do...

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 16 )

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Dusk Melody

Dusk Melody #1 · Feb 7th, 2015 · · ·

A little one shot introducing my OC. If you don't like it please let me know why

Somewhere000

Somewhere000 #2 · Feb 7th, 2015 · 2 · ·

5599498
To start off, I understand what moral you're trying to convey. However, I felt that this one shot came short. To start, Twilight's dialogue... Well, her characterization as well... Felt... stale... to me; and her appearance felt... unnecessary. It would've been nice if your OC mentions her while on the date, instead of having a scene that sums up to...
Twilight!
What?
I need your help!
What is it?
I'm going on a date, what do I do?
Here, take this!
Okay, thanks!
It would've been better if you made the conversation last a bit longer, going into your OC's time as a student and how this will affect the plot. Or, if this fic was about how you and Vocal experiencing the redundancy of that questionnaire. So,I believe that Twilight wasn't needed in this fic. If you were going to include her, then use this as an opportunity to explore your character, or to use it for something comedic to drive the story further.
As for the second half, it was nice. Though, it still would've been better if it used what was mentioned above. The way you showed that dating is all about being yourself was nicely executed, though.
The only nitpick I do have is when Twilight asks if Luna and for some reason Octavia are okay, which then leads to Dusk saying that his parents are fine... ... Meh, I don't know, that's just how I felt, nothing too serious.
Overall, this fic had a stale and unnecessary first half, and a lacking but still neat ending. Despite it's flaws, it was still enjoyable.

Dusk Melody

Dusk Melody #3 · Feb 7th, 2015 · 1 · ·

5599739 thankyou for your lovely comments, I really do appreciate the criticism. This little thing is a side story to a bigger one I'm writing regarding Dusk meeting Vocal and the date in general, I just thought this would be cute to do while I was writing it.

Thanks as well for reading and taking the time to comment.n

Jamin P Rose

Jamin P Rose #4 · Feb 8th, 2015 · 1 · ·

I likes it, I likes it a lot.

Though seriously, I do like it and I think that it is quite well done. I would also love to see more of these two.

Azriel

Azriel #5 · Feb 8th, 2015 · 1 · ·

How did Luna and Octavia have a kid, or did I miss out on some info like maybe this dude is adopted. Or can a homosexual relationship in equestrian lead to immaculate birth, or was their a donor involved. Sorry seems like a big thing to not elaborate on, other then that the story was okay.

wubtasticalMLP

wubtasticalMLP #6 · Feb 8th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Ahh! It's so cute! I love it!

Dusk Melody

Dusk Melody #7 · Feb 8th, 2015 · · ·

5600424 in the bigger story which I'm writing now, and to which this is a side to, luna and octavia have a threesome with a night guard after octavia expresses a wish to have a foal.

Dusk Melody

Dusk Melody #8 · Feb 8th, 2015 · · ·

5600715
5600246
You'll see more of Dusk and Vocal as soon as I get their bigger story done

misskoifishpony

misskoifishpony #9 · Jun 9th, 2015 · · ·

Awww, what a sweet yet adorable OC story I like Dusk, he's like a male Twilight, no wonder he was Twilight's student I like Vocal Chord too, he seems like a fun yet laid back character Whoa, Dusk is the son of Luna and Octavia, I wasn't expecting that but okay I would be interested in a story on how these two meet and fell in love

Dusk Melody

Dusk Melody #10 · Jun 9th, 2015 · · ·

6075198 i'm working on luna and octavia's story. for now they met at the disasterous first galloping gala

misskoifishpony

misskoifishpony #11 · Jun 9th, 2015 · · ·

6075322
Oh oops, I meant to say in my review that I would be interested in how Dusk and Vocal Chord meet and fell in love, not Luna and Octavia. My bad.

Dusk Melody