• Member Since 2nd Jun, 2014
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Admiral Q Ponyform


After seeing huge bursts of power from one universe a Q decides to investigate

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Twilight and the other Element Bearers thought that Rainbow's ego was becoming a problem. So they invented a hero to teach Rainbow a lesson. Instead, they learn that the only thing worse than a wounded enemy is a comrade betrayed. Never betray the Element of loyalty.

Edited by Blazing and icecreammac

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 398 )

You made me cry from the feels. I hate/love you man.

THE FEELS ARE COMING! THE FEELS!

You know what's really tragic?

Her friends didn't destroy her reputation. Rainbow Dash was in the process of doing so herself.

What would've happened if she failed to catch the balloon pony because she was too busy signing autographs? What would've happened if Twilight hadn't been around to save Rainbow Dash from drowning, after Rainbow herself made the Ponyville dam collapse from her own inability to go five minutes without some sort of praise?

And now, she runs away like a petulant child. It's... pathetic, really.

5606907 maybe. it's a strong possiblity. But the key is her friends could have talked to her before Mare Do Well. Heck with the timing if they talked to her. she would have easily gotten the mare in the ballon for she would have stopped signing.

THe moral they tried to convey is a good moral but they did very poorly

The original episode was stupid. Like seriously, stupid.

I really hope they can all make up!

5607061
You know, I have seen this line-of-thought several times before, and I have always thought that it feels too one-sided toward one direction, just like the line-of-thought with the Royal Wedding have been. I'm not saying it doesn't have any good merits, but I have always felt that it doesn't seem to included any counterpoints to keep it from becoming a bit extreme. For example, let's us say that they did talk with her before the whole Mare Do Well business happened. Taking into account how bad Dash's behavior have gotten at that point, as well as her natural personality, what would you think would have been her reaction? Would it really have done any good?

Personally, I like the episode myself, and always thought the whole episode was blown out of proportion for the worst. Mare Do Well never did anything to really belittled Dash and actively tried to glorified 'herself' (even when 'she' was standing up in front of the crowd, that was more just Pinkie being herself and having fun), 'she' just appeared to save the day and then disappeared. It is true that Mare Do Well did caused Dash to become jealous, and that their primary reasoning behind being Mare Do Well was a bit flaw (though, not as big as others are making it out to be), but like the Great Derpsby roughly noted, Dash's behavior at that point would had dire consequences if it wasn't for 'her' coming to help.

As for this story, I wanted to be fair to you, so I took a quick skim over it to see how it's like, and I couldn't help but to cringed. Like with a few stories involving the Royal Wedding and Mare Do Well, this story feel more like a bash fic than anything else. I especially cringed at chapter three, feeling that not only Celestia was severely being unfair to the girls, but the logics that she tried to used against the girls seems both flaw and childish. The whole things just doesn't seems really thought out, and it lacked the mature balance that keep it from turning ugly. There was no real mental conflict with Dash, there was no attempt at trying to be fair to the girls, there was no logical sense of emotions and reactions from anyone, it was just a story that bashed the daylight out of the girls for an action that wasn't really all that bad.

5624325 If they had tried the talk and failed then it makes Mare Do Well more justifiable. The issue with the episode is not really the moral but how it is done. many review have stated that if they just altered a few things here and there and it could have been a good episode.

The Wedding does have a glaring flaw that one guy gave a possible reason why. Think of it, at this point Celestia likely sees Cadance on a daily basis and after this episode we see the real Cadance's personality. Chryssy's portrayal of Cadance is very poor. She's pratically Blueblood. So Twilight, who hasn't see Cadance in some time catches to something being wrong and Celestia never does? THAT'S the issue there.

Also note that Rainbow is not turning into a villian in this story like others do. And the wedding will be a major point on the arc of this story.

5624758 Good points all. That while Mare-Do-Well is honestly one of my favorite MLP episodes, that's honestly the way that I looked at it, too.

Because, if someone (like Dash) is bothering you with such behavior, you try talking to them, reasoning with them first. Then, if that doesn't work, you resort to something else. (In this case, Twilight came up with the MDW idea, then sold the other girls on it. (Not oner of her better ideas, admittedly, as I doubt that she foresaw it blowing up in her (their) face(s) like this.))

Also, this:

Also note that Rainbow is not turning into a villian in this story like others do.

All I can say is...thank you for that.

I was actually worried about this, due to the Shadowbolt-colored lightning bolt cover art for the srory, as well as the (rather ominous) description that accompanied it. But, now that you said that, I feel a bit more relieved.

Still, I have seen her go that route. (Not that I blame her for it all that much, mind you.)

And Scoots taking out her own hurt and anger out on Twilight for her own loss was one of the highlights of this to me. I wanted to give her the biggest hug for that.

And Celestia getting in on it, too. Good. Maybe between her and Scootaloo, it'll finally hit home to Twilight and the remaining members of the Mane 6 just how badly they messed up with this.

And having the jewel of the Element of Loyalty turn gray is a nice touch.

So the Royal Wedding's going to be a major part of this, too, huh? Wonder what's gonna happen during that?

Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter!

5624758

If they had tried the talk and failed then it makes Mare Do Well more justifiable. The issue with the episode is not really the moral but how it is done. many review have stated that if they just altered a few things here and there and it could have been a good episode.

Like I noted before, the argument does have some good merits (and I do agreed that talking it out would have been a good idea), but it wasn't as bad as the reviews are making it out to be, and the episode was still enjoyable. As for the reviews themselves, I have always felt that they didn't try hard enough to look at things fairly, that most of them were one-sided and overanalyzing the negative side of the episode. I mean, I could understand the fuss if the girls was actively trying to steal the glory and reputation, but they just wanted to help Dash (they would have save lives, regardless of their reasons for being Mare Do Well, so let throw that line of thought out of the argument). As it was, I can't really see Dash being this upset, especially after one of them (Twilight) saved her life from being drowned.

The Wedding does have a glaring flaw that one guy gave a possible reason why. Think of it, at this point Celestia likely sees Cadance on a daily basis and after this episode we see the real Cadance's personality. Chryssy's portrayal of Cadance is very poor. She's pratically Blueblood. So Twilight, who hasn't see Cadance in some time catches to something being wrong and Celestia never does? THAT'S the issue there.

Actually, I was aware of this when I posted (I have seen that arguments a lot). However, I feel that not many people really give this argument much thought in term of looking into its counterargument. First, while the episode never mention the time that Cadance/Cadence was kidnapped, but logically, I would expect it to be close to the date of the royal wedding, since it would give the Changeling Queen a smaller window to be discovered. Second, while I do agreed that Chrysalis was not a very good 'Cadence', I am sure she would pull one of the most infamous move that a typical spoiled brat bully would make around their love ones: act all nice and insincerely innocent whenever they are around them, then acted like a jerk when they are not. With Celestia busy as she was with both her royal duties and the wedding, I wouldn't be surprised that she had not been able to spot any small clues that 'Cadence' was showing through the cracks of her false innocence (again, she would be a bit more careful around her), and with the others either thinking that she was just suffering from wedding jitters or suffering from massive headaches that would have redirected any suspicions away (Shining did seem to show signs of almost seeing 'Cadence' for who she really was, at least until those blasted headaches come around and 'Cadence' then playing the loving wife-to-be), it would be reasonable to understand why Celestia would not have been able to get enough information to even considered that something was wrong with 'Cadence'.

Also note that Rainbow is not turning into a villian in this story like others do. And the wedding will be a major point on the arc of this story.

Well, that's some good news. And, I am sorry if I sounded a bit harsh with ya, I have nothing against you or the story, and I'm not really upset with you (and I know that you are a good author, from what I can see by your other stories). I just feel that it needs to be a bit more balance: make Celestia more sympathetic and less willing to pin most of the weight of the issue onto the girls like that (while not talking it out was a bit of an oversight on their part, she would have understand that the situation was just a combination of 'good intentions gone awry', ‘one bad thing leading to another’, and hurt emotions); make the girls expressed their regrets a little better before having Celestia talked about it (I’m sure the girls would have talked it over and feel a bit down about it, since they cared greatly for the mare); and have Dash feels some form of doubts, even if she still feels upset enough to move away, since they have been great friends for a while (ex. As Dash was slowly moving off toward her new life, she couldn’t help but to look back at the town she had lived in for some good amount of time. As angry as she was with the town and the girls, memories of good times was still there, and memories of happy moments with the girls. Sighing at the thoughts, she paused and ponders that perhaps, maybe, she might visit once in a while to check up on them, once she settled down and sorted out her hurting emotions a bit.).

5626010 Celestia being how she feels is a two fold thing. One the Elements are now useless thus a major line of defense gone. That is serious. She also expected more from Twilight and this situtation hits close to home. It reminding her too much of what happened between her and Luna. She will assist both sides to mend the rift as best she can. And Luna will also play a role in that. A major plot point is going to be the wedding. And there is a sequel planned but this story is far from over.

5625734 Well I do like MDW look and plan to use it in another story.

And for Sahdowbolt, let's just say that a small bit of the what the girls tried to teach Rainbow did get through and a Shadowbolt doesn't nessecarily mean evil.

Scoots still has another role to play in this, haven't fully figured out the details for it. And the girls are already learning. Heck Fluttershy got it right after the reveal chapter. She is Rainbow's oldest friend and learning how much she hurt Rainbow devastated her.

And I figured that Celestia had to get involoed at some point considering who they are and i can't take full credit for the grayed out Element Rainbow's End Story started that along with the basis for Shadowbolt. Another story has also changed some of what i was going to do. But will reveal that later.

5626576 Cool.

Really? Well, good. I'm glad to hear it.:twilightsmile:

And this is true.

Good to know. Scoots is one of my favorite fillies in the show, and I'm glad to hear that she's going to have a bigger role in the story.

I'm glad they did. It's a sad fact that sometimes, you have to learn lessons the hard way. So it is here.

Well done.

Yeah, she did, on all counts.

Well, she knows the Elements well, and I'm sure that the grayed-out Element clued her in that something was seriously wrong with Rainbow and the rest of the girls. So I wasn't entirely surprised when she read them the riot act over their foolishness in this matter.

Gently, of course, but she did.

Really? Cool.

And if you wrote those two, might I have links to them? I'd like to read them, too.

5626629 Okay, thanks.

And that's fine.

I'm assuming that the spoilers have something to do with this story, but I'll check Shadowbolt out, either way.

5626540

Celestia being how she feels is a two fold thing. One the Elements are now useless thus a major line of defense gone. That is serious. She also expected more from Twilight and this situtation hits close to home. It reminding her too much of what happened between her and Luna. She will assist both sides to mend the rift as best she can. And Luna will also play a role in that. A major plot point is going to be the wedding. And there is a sequel planned but this story is far from over.

As serious as the situation with the Elements is, Celestia would still have been more fair to Twilight and her friends, and probably would have explained things without rubbing salt in their wounds. And, considering that she had made a similar mistake with Luna, I would figured that it would have made her more sympathetic toward the girls. I can understand a little disappointment from Celestia, that was never the problem, but she would have still been more fair than that.

But, I guess this whole thing isn't really going anywhere. Just two different point of views, and neither isn't really wrong. In any regards, I'll let it be and wish you good luck with this.

5626673 she will help them try to mend the rift. In fact it will be one of the reasons she and Luna invite Rainbow to come to the wedding planned.

I must say the title led me to read this. And seeing Rainbow's friends suffer fills me with delight! :pinkiecrazy: More! Make the ponies suffer! :pinkiecrazy:

Thanks to your actions Equestria's first line of defense is gone.

Correction, Equestria's ONLY line of defense.

5640882

Plus I'm not counting that poor attempt of DBZ that is the fight against Tirek.

so what Celestia basically means is

god I feel dirty for using that

5641077 they took care of Discord and Sombra on their own. they are the second line.

and the thing with Tirek was a poorly written thing.

5641843 oddly appropiate considering what is to come.

5642024 They attacked him while he was having a laughing fit and Sombra was badly written as well.

5642098 his character yes. what the sister did to him. nope.

5607061 I agree what ever happened to talking

This story could use some work on grammar, punctuation, spacing and so on, but it's a good idea. She did need to learn humility, but I have always had issue with the methods her friends chose.

5681194 hence the (unedited) part. And this Rainbow did take more than the betrayal away from it the clue is in the art.

Final Analysis: This story requires serious editing to account for bad punctuation and grammar, but the concept is honestly one which I find, if not enjoyable, then worth reading.

5681211 I do have editors and wait for them to be done. past experience has led me to post the first draft then update when edit comes in.

5681194 You did see the part about it being unedited right?

5710442 I did, and my own belief is that the level of editing required is extensive.

5710562 note i do might best before hand to make it readable. But i will not wait weeks or mon ths for an editor to get done. so i post uneditted. as long as you can understand what I'm saying does it really matter?

5710738 A more cleanly written story is a more enjoyable reading experience for most people.

That said, if you want to post and then get the edited version in later, that's your choice.

5711060 I do try on my own to make it clean. sometimes even trying a different word when I'm not sure on the spelling.

5710562 So how about wait till the editors work it over. Come on it says right in the title unedited, complaining about the lack of editing in an unedited story is like complaining about the lack of tuna on your pizza if you ordered the pepperoni and extra cheese special.

5712597 How about calm down about something that's been hashed out?

5714198 How about learn to tell when someone is upset vs when they are really calm?

5716389 Well don't be shocked if you get called out more often.

So when is a next chapter going to been.

5743635 be a few days, working on Nightmare, Nightmare's next chapter. Then Born For Loyalty, then this will get an update.

5743685 Cool to know, as I was wondering when it would be updating again myself.

Can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter!

5754902 well you got lucky. an issue came up with Nightmare, Nightmare so Shaodw is being worked on right now

5754925 Really?! Cool!

I mean, cool that you're working on Shadow, not that you're having an issue with the other one.

Been there, done that, though, actually.

5754996 It's a timeline issue with the other one and waiting for a response from Pen Stroke. . Shadow will likely be up in a day or so.

5755040 Oh, I see. Well, I hope you guys work that out before long.

And that's cool to know, too. I'll be on the lookout for it.

Hatred leads to sadness.

That's why I don't deal with it often.

You should take up that policy too.

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