Sometimes, the characters that we create take on a life of their own in the minds of others. When this happens our characters truly become living things.
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It is the first night of Luna's return. Things can never be easy.
Change is Never easy. Neither is pain. Yet, these are the things that make us live.
Pain is what drives us. Pain is what makes us seek happiness.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you enjoyed this story, why not check out some of the others on my channel.
Or leave a comment, don't ever think I don't like to hear those!
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I'm going to sleep right now but I will read the rest of it but first, I have a few comments.
Your comma placement is odd sometimes using a period or having a comma that isn't needed. It made the experience a tad bit odd as I was reading and broke me from the flow but, maybe that's just me. I'm also a tad confused on the perspective as to what person we're reading it in but, as before, maybe that's just me.
Alright so far other than those few things but, the night is young and I must sleep.
Good Day!
Love it. 10/10. But I must agree with Xavven, and say that you're commas were placed in weird positions, and that I need to call it a night. I hope to see more like this from you.
Thanks so much for reading this story! I can understand possible issues with punctuation and will look to correct them where I can find them! Always great to be read.
As well, I am glad that you noticed what was happening with the perspective of the story. It's actually purposeful. I try to blend the perspectives of my stories in order to not only give a full picture of what is going on, but to give duality to the content of the story. I understand this can sometimes make the reading confusing, yet I feel it suits me as somewhat of a personal style in my writing.
So glad you enjoyed! /)
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Thanks for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it! To be honest, i was afraid this story would flop, as I devised it and wrote it in the space of about 3 hours. To hear that you enjoyed the story is music to my ears!
Thank you!
Le feels.
Ai'ght daddy's back and he's got a few more comments!
Again the rest of it still has that comma thing and I can't, no matter how hard I try, get over it. It has the standard punctuation issues we all have and that can be rectified quite easily and without pain. Personally I don't like the structure of the paragraphs and the weird mini, half a sentence paragraphs, but that's all me. The story as a whole I liked with the soft beginning morphing into that sad experience deal, I like that! Of course another personal gripe of mine is your word usage with certain things, when it's read/thought out, sounds weird sometimes. They could be changed if you wanted but remember, this is just my opinion.
All in all I'd suggest a pre-reader or editor and you'll do fine.
Have a nice day!
I think it was very good excellent infact
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That's what I was going for, friend.
I really like this! Feel like it's a much better take on Luna's reaction when she returned than the show had done.
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your compliments are most welcome. Thank you