The Canterlot Crusaders

by Booker Write

The Testing

When the five young ponies got to the castle they found out where their quarters were. Of course they had a hard time getting Booker in. Apple Bloom, Scootloo, and Sweetie Bell found BigMac and asked him where their luggage was so they could get their capes, so he told them. They found their capes and put them on.
"What are those?" Asked Booker when he saw the capes.
"These," Explained Scootloo. "Are the official Cutie Mark Crusaders membership capes."
"I'm still confused."
"If you have one of these it shows that your one of us!" Said Sweetie Bell.
"OH! Now I get it."
"Now comes the real hard part of becoming a crusader, Booker!" Said Scootloo.
"Really? What is it?"
"THE TESTING!!!!!" Cried the four crusaders in unison.
“The what?!”
“The testing,” said Apple Bloom. “It’s where we test to see if you have enough brains and guts to be a crusader.”
“Um…”

“So, I guess you do have enough.” Said Scootloo.
“Really? You don’t say.” Gasped an out of breath Booker. “I just trotted into a cave, with a dragon in it, and the dragon was married to a manticore!”
“Was it really married to a manticore?” said Sweetie Bell ecstatically.
“Well… no, but there was still one in there! Anypony dumb enough to do that has to have guts!”
“True, but what about brains. How will we test that.”Asked Apple Bloom
“Should thinking of that count?” asked Scootloo.
“I guess it could.”
“Alright then,” said Scootloo. You are now officially a Cutie Mark Crusader.”
“Don’t worry,” said Sweetie Bell. “I’ll make you a cape and have it mailed to you. In the meantime why don’t we find a good clubhouse for the new branch?”
“Yeah!” Said the others in unison, and they went off to find a good clubhouse.

Comments

[Pankrazius]

Hmm.
I don't know what to think about it. While on the one hand the stories offset and idea is quite nice, the execution lacks.
I haven't noticed too much typos, so I assume you can write - this is to your credit.

But I think this story has real potential.

[Booker Write]

5632994 WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT?! It's not even finished yet. :/

[Pankrazius]

5633104
Its not meant as an offense. But either you released it in an unfinished stadium (wich is not a good course to go, as readers expect at least a complete ready chapter) or you write the same style for your following chapters - then the critique with the lack of description applies.
And no one of the commentators here wanted to discourage you. I think they see the potential in the story. I imagine you have a good story in your mind, just waiting to come to life. You maybe just struggle with the "how".

So please don't feel insulted or discouraged.