When the Cutie Mark Crusaders fail to get their cutie marks yet again, they think they will never find out what their talents are. But all that change when a new transfer student named Imp joins Cherilee's class. When they try to be friends with the new student, they get involved with the Armor Fillies, an organization run by an Alicorn, named Faust, and her Counsel. The three will team up with other fillies and young creatures to fight against the dark forces that threaten Equestria.
Edit By Florarena Crimsonflame, 90259025, Cookiedo and Quickscript
Note: When I first published this story, I got so much flack and I deserved it. But this time I cleaned it up and gave it more descriptive detail. I even got an editor, though I had to do the first few chapters on my own since she was busy at the time. I want for people to remember this story for good reasons and not bad ones. Hope this is better
Might want to get someone who can edit... But otherwise it's pretty interesting, keep up the good work.
Post edit: never mind you have one... Your summary could also use some work by the way. LOTS of spelling errors in a summary will discourage readers.
3741758 Thanks. I do got a editor but she is pretty busy at the moment so I'm proof reading and editing the best I can to get this into high quality. Don't wan't to end up like I did last time as this is the story people will remember me by for good reasons.
3741771
Edited my last post.
Nice story.
Quite a few spelling mistakes, though,
and feels a bit rushed, but other than that, me fave!
Oh dear.
This story... has a good plotline? That's the best I can say. If you proofread it and it still turned out like this, then, well, you aren't fluent in English. Sorry.
So, here's what I'll do for you: I'll copy this chapter and paste it into a pastebin. Then, I'll edit it, and you can repost the revised edition in place of this one if you think my edits improved the story (if not, no hard feelings).
The reason I'll do this is because you have a good story going here, and I don't want you to have two or three bad chapters until your editor becomes available. If that happened, anyone who reads this will start on the bad chapters and will almost certainly give up on the story. You don't want that, of course.
I've been rambling. Here's the link: http://pastebin.com/xKUKkK33
P.S. I know you have an editor already, but I wanted to post this in case she would only edit the new chapters.
P.P.S. Faved, Tracked, and Liked
Ooooh, i can't wait until the next chapter! This story has a lot of potential!!!
3742344 sure. I would love that. Tell me when its done.
3743769 It's been done already! The Pastebin link is in my previous comment.
3744416 Wow I got to say. Its really is better. Want to be my second editor just in case if the first one is busy.
3742072 All fix up.
3744421 Sounds good. When you need me (if you do), reply to one of my earlier comments. I'd be happy to help!
By the way, thank you for uploading my revised edition. It makes me happy.
3745653 Ok. I'm gonna put you in the description as well. Also your welcome.
3744934 Thanks. much better. By the way.... MOAR PLZ!!!!!!
3746033 More is coming in the way. This will be my one piece super long story only except every chapter has a purpose and the story will show progress.
3746045 Thanks. Can't wait!
Just to warn you, I review stories chapter by chapter. it is easier to follow along with what I am saying if you read this in the chapter view. (This should be for chapter one ONLY.)
Sounds interesting! I'm definitely reading the next chapter.
The only problem so far is you are a little too obvious with Imp's reactions. try to avoid phrases like "showed some fright" or "didn't trust him". Some actions speak louder than words, like "Imp's face paled"(fear)
or "Imp's eyes narrowed"(suspicion).
The Mayor's announcement also feels awkward. Try rewording the sentence.
3751259 Thanks for the feed back. I'll put that on the "Avoid what triggers down votes list." Thank you
GO GO
POWER RANGERSARMOR FILLIES3751744 lol I see what you did there
(*sorry dash but...*) AWSOME AWSOME AWSOME AWSOME AWSOME AWSOME AWSOME AWSOME AWSOME!!!!!!!! U9date, more!! Make more awsomeness!!!!!
3814910 I hope to do so just as soon is my editor is almost done with chapter 3. I'm working on the other chapters at the moment.
3814915 sweet! I alredy love this story! And you, sir, are a great story wrighter.
3814929 Ya. I improve a lot compare to my first time posting this XD
3814936 ill be updating my story during the week. I can only wright it during school computer time. So an hour a day. But its nothing compared to your storie or some of the other stories ive read.
3814959 That is nice.
3814965 update. My frend, update. It is a great storie, just use the spelling and grammar chek on he computer.
3814972 *story *check *the
You might need spellcheck yourself.
THANK YOU!!!!!!!! I saw no miss types. It is gettingnbetter and better by day!!! Thank you for updating!!!it just way too awsome!!!(*sorry again dash*) I THANK YOU.
CMC armor fillies yay!!!
hmm i wonder if sweetie talent will come from her by screeching and knocking out more robots getting a sparking microphone
applebloom
dunno
3818234 Applebloom I'm trying to plan out how she will get hers. Needless to say she is the hardest to figure out
3818240
maybe she makes a turret out of a downed robot and gets a sparkling wrench?
[TF2 FTW]
Next, applebloom. Skill consealment. Wepon, steal bow (*like salor moons tiara*). Cutie mark, apple shaped artist palet.
Good idea?
Sweetie, skill hipnotic song voice. Wepon, microphone with stand (*used like a bow staff*). Cutie mark, diamond studded microphone with a silver cable.
How a boutit?
It is a awsome story. Pleas make more for them and me. It is way cool, make more for those when people come out of sxhool. It is way too sweet, pleas let the heros meet.
I just got to this chapter.... and as a huge fan of stories like this, reminds me of Power Rangers, I deem this story worthy of this theme:
Gulp.
Sccots enter destroyer mode.
Protocal attack with no remorse inicated.
Wepons upgrade railgun.
Mision save the cmc.
Imp enters advanced mode.
Protocal save and defend online.
Wepons upgrade string shealds.
Mision save the cmc and newbie.
3822678 You not the first who said that
3822683 Is that a bad thing?
3822689 No that is a good thing.
3822693 YAY!
Also this is just me.... but I'm kinda looking forward to seeing Evil Armor Fillies. Because after all the greatest threat to any Ranger team were when Evil Rangers were involved.
3822699 That will happen but that is way later mostly. Around season 7. I have 10 seasons worth of materiel when planning this story.
3822705 Ah.... I see. Also I'm watching you.
3822708 your welcome.
A w s o m e! Sweet! Soooo awsome!, make more!!! It is awsome!
WoW
/0o0\
So coool!
GO GO armor fillies!
Theve got, a power that weve never felt befor, they know to only use there wepons for defence, theyr here when we need to even up the score...
GO GO ARMOR FILLIES, MIGHTY MORPHING ARMOR FILLIES!
Hahahajajajjajaja
Couldent restist. But great chapter! It too cool! And it just like the power rangers!
3829696 too late I made that reference much earlier on another chapter
3829999 hahaha! I know, but you used the intro, i used the megazord transformation them. It is diffrent. But still not, but it is.
3830249 meh
3822678 it is more of a turbo theam to me... or mabie more of a light speed rescue theam?
3822678
fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/060/e/6/vinyl_scratch_sprite__with_goggles___pixel_art__by_pwned1711-d4rehy7.png
nuf said.
is apple bloom going to be a hacker and hack the thing open because EPIC/AWESOME
yoyos controlling it?
3878322 Sorry what do you mean?