I'm just a simple humorist, cartoonist, philanthropist, kinda-pissed, animator. And my love of cartoons stretches all the way to ponies. Expect PUNS.
Lost, alone, afraid and cold.
Until something strange came along.
And took me with him.
To a place called home.
Story was for the EQD's The More Most Dangerous Game Writing Contest
Special thanks to Brad the Brony for pulling an all nighter with me in order to finish this.
Page generated in 0.15 seconds
Total duration
793 users online
649,992 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This is the best example of pony raised by humans I can find.
Wow,
this is very good
I would've cried, cried myself to sleep.
But I have no tears left anymore...
i rate
/
I like what the ending is but how it happened and was written could have been better. The "finding a solution" could have been done a lot better and more smoothly especially if Erin has a "below average set of skills". Cerite should have picked up on that at least.
That said, you effectively removed the "take me with you" aspect of most of these spinoffs - albeit by killing the poor bastard.
Love the start - disliked the revelation of going home (or how it unfolded, it just didn't seem right to me) - liked the basis of her leaving everything behind - I'm neutral about the actual ending.
Maybe it's just because I'm a cold hearted asshole who never cries or feels negative emotion whilst reading these things so doesn't understand how the sad bits are good. Or maybe it is slightly off and could have been done better. Either way: liked and added to a library.
Edit: Sorry for being the first critical comment and that I couldn't be more specific. I did like it, some of it just felt a bit off.
5552322
Actually I agree with a lot of what you said.
I'm pretty sure I could have extended, if not doubled the entire length of the fic.
It would have given me much more time to ave scenes of Cerite growing up. And have more allusion to what Erin was planning.
Sadly I was nearing the 15k mark so I just decided to try and tell it the best I could.
5552679 Dam, forgot about the 15k limit.
Honestly, I think it could have been better extended - but it might have subtracted from the fic overall if you lengthened the wrong parts. The main focus should be the emotional changes of the pony over time (whereas in the original it was the human - even the language he uses subtly changes). Here, you succeeded in doing that.
But, I didn't feel her bond with Eric, Sarah, and Steve got as much attention as it should have. Sure it had focus at the start and I guess she was becoming more independent later but there could have been more moments together - as you said. It felt like we were told she loved her family and they'd had good times together - but it didn't really happen as much as it could have.
Her bond with Emily was nailed almost perfectly, they spend time (and I think she also gets more screen time than Cerite's family - or at least past when Cerite is of a basic maturity). Her relationship with Emily's parents was also well done - sort of like the mysterious parents next door who knows everything about you but you know little about them. And it's evident they're good friends with Eric and co. (what I can deduct about that is fine being more implicit because we're not reading from Eric's perspective).
Despite what I said about the very end I actually thing you could have cut it all out and ended right after Cerite got to Equestria and the ambulance was called. It'd be a cold, hard, hit in the face to all the readers - and it'd leave them unsatisfied and asking questions. Ones that wouldn't be answered. Cheap, I know, but if done right it could be quite affective. That said please don't, unless you want all of the fanboy/girl hate. Your current ending leaves more of an empty, but satisfied, hole of emotion in the reader so still works.
There are things you could do - but didn't. Learn from them. That is all.
Edit: I do 2 hours of English Literature revision and look what happens. Stupid Exams. They're making me look at things in more detail.
... You made me genuinely cry...
That part with Steve dying got me the most, he seemed like an ass at first but is then cool at the very end... I did even get much info on him either but he still made an impact
I liked the choice to have the story told from the perspective of the pony, but the story felt like it lacked polish. I still enjoyed it, though.
A very nice take on the pony raised by humans theme.
Really nice!
Good work, have a green thumb.
Not too bad. She's often 'Certie', so you might want to double check that, and you've got some its/it's confusion, too but I didn't mind reading the whole thing. :) Guess I should have done this idea years ago, when I had it.
5777140
Thanks! I went back and fixed all of those confusions... I think. It's easy to miss for me at least. Glad you liked the tale, does this mean it might get one of your reviews? :D
Honestly this is a story I wish I could do over. I wanted to elaborate more on her growing up, her interacting with her 'dad' more, and with the other family members too. Heck I could probably double the length of the whole story and add a lot more character moments integral to Cerite's growth.
5779257
Yes, you will. :) I've got about 20 stories to go and then I'll be done with MMDGC, hopefully later this week. You'll get a notification that I've added the story to my reviewed bookshelf once the review is published, so keep an eye out for that! :D
Aww, this was such a good story ;w;
Very nicely done, a good example of a raisedby humans story.
Awesomely done my friend.
You get a fav.
//cries
5780585
Hehehe! Sweet. Though honestly I wonder what you think of my other 'more popular' stuff. What would one have to bribe- I mean, impart with good graces to receive a critique from you? ... Brownies?
5785101
Find a way to create time and we'll talk.