• Member Since 21st Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen March 31st

MidnightFMare


I fear that nothing I see is real, so I write to make sense of it. I see things that can't exist yet I feel them breathing under my fingers. I will not forget this place nor the friends I've made. MFM

Comments ( 261 )

Diamond did it. I was talkin' to Snips n' Snails when she just came up and sucker punched me!

I have a feeling that it's not the only time when Diamond comes in this story...
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First off, it's "Apple Bloom", not "Applebloom". Also, it feels kinda contrived, but, well, that's how many clopfics feel. The bigger problem, however, is fast pacing. The story barely started and suddenly, they're already fucking. And, frankly, it's not the best clop scene I've seen (though also not the worst). "Other cow noises" kinda broke the mood. Changing the font size should be used sparingly, if ever. Also, the narration jumps from past to present tense.

the only complaint i have here is that the dialogue isn't separated. anytime someone starts talking again, the speech and the descriptions for it should start a new paragraph.

You should probably add this to a few groups.

I actually liked this. This should continue.

Lol I read it. Didn't hate it. :trixieshiftright:

However! What is it with fiction and these unrealistic breast sizes? :rainbowlaugh:
In my opinion that's not cute. :applejackunsure:

Applebloom grinned "She's a keeper for th' herd."

Wait so Diamond is not the only one!?:rainbowhuh:

wow. Such a rushed sex scene in 2k words. You also managed to get a fight scene and a couple bits of exposition beforehand.

meh, what the heck. I like reading it anyways. Gives me ideas for my own Diamondbloom clopfic

MORE :flutterrage: please :fluttershysad:

Ok I do actually like this so far, but I have to say a longer build up would have been far more satisfying.

Just the description gave me a boner. If that's anything to go by, I can't wait to read the rest!!!

Try some footdom in the next chapter ;)

It was interesting to see Apple Bloom being the one on top for a change.

oh molestia this is so twisted i must have more

5567660 The herd of cows at Sweet apple acres
5568835 Glad to help!:twilightsmile:
5570170 You shall get it
5570397 I lose it when someone says 'plot'
Lyra: this story needs more plot
Would you be willing to share some of yours?
Lyra: wha- Shut up!
5570915 Wow...
5572537 Hmmm... I think I can do that
5576729 Then you shall receive it!

"Mno! Keepf going!"

Wow, Type fail to the highest degree

5580157 I don't think it'll hurt in the long run, but it's something to keep in mind is all. It's fun to see Diamond Tiara actually get some punishment for her bratty behavior though.

After something so cute and adorable from the last story you give me this? :rainbowderp:
Nice, you got my full support! :moustache:

5581167 Oh there will be more, along with fleshing out the characters a bit more
5582833 Trust me, this came out of nowhere. I was working with another writer to write a futanari Dinky hooves and DT fic and this came out as a result of brainstorming
And thanks for the fave and support!

This... was actually really good. Absolutely shameless, but good. I'm glad I'm following this story.

DEAR GOD SCOOTS IS A BIGGER PERVERT THAN ME and what was that porno i must know

ps this is still amazing and beyond ridiculous you hell bound mad being are brilliant

Makes actual sense. Although vore isn't my thing lol:pinkiehappy:

This is good I cant believe I forgot to fav it :derpytongue2: well it better then the other one I read which makes my skin crawl

Wow.:rainbowderp: The first chap was ok, but the mechanics of this one were messed up. To put it bluntly, it's like you threw stuff at the wall until something stuck.:trixieshiftleft: At the very least you had proper grammar, so there's that.:unsuresweetie:

I honestly don't think a kick to the ribs would knock someone out, the wind from them definitely, but unconsciousness is unlikely:trixieshiftright:. Also, Why would DT straight up tell her about that humiliating dream?:unsuresweetie: It just seems really odd to me. Some of the characters are OOC and their dialogue is just... random.:ajsleepy:

I'd suggest seriously revising this and getting a possible proof reader:eeyup:

i can actually see scoots being a porn director very easily

Whoa Scoots, you're total perv. :rainbowlaugh: Holy shit! that was some the dirtiest comedy I've read in my life. :rainbowlaugh: Just damn man, I gotta recommend this to a friend of mine, I think he'll like it.

Different character speaking = new paragraph. Always.

I have no idea what's going on....AND I LOVE IT

5584385 Absolutely shameless... describes Scootaloo pretty well, and thanks for the watch!
5584493 That porno was something I made up off the top of my head, but the basic synopsis is that an alien ball of slime captures a passing woman and devours her, taking her basic form but also takes her lusting nature. after devouring the woman's husband, it grows parts and goes on a lust/ hunger fueled hunt for days, enveloping men and women, raping them, leaving just a trail of sex fluids in its wake. the police finally, after listening to a homeless person who saw what happened to a couple in an alley. They track down the alien and open fire before the homeless man throws what kept him from being attacked at it, a bottle of alcohol, which melts the alien into a puddle of water and undisolved bits of flesh. but the screen faders out, one of the victims groaning in her bathroom before passing a small blob of goo... (Wow, I just made that all of that up just now)
5584541 I used to enjoy it but then I grew bored of it
5584545 Thanks! And what story would that be?
5585523 5584550 Thanks, I'll try and fix that now
5585220 Well she hangs with one of the most literally and figuratively colorful people. Who knows what depraved materials dwell in her cloud mansion? And what friend may that be?
5586220 Aye, and poor Sweetie :fluttercry: She has to put up with Scootaloo and keep the peace in her own way (I also get a miniature diabetes attack when I write her)
5587339 Well when you find out what is going on, could you tell me? and thanks!

Yup, still good! :moustache:

5587626 ... just the description made my skin crawl

5587639 Thanks!

5587942 I gave the story the benefit of the doubt and I never regretted anything more then that. :pinkiesick:

5587978 Oi, I have done that several times :pinkiesick:

Things may be heating up for Diamond. I'm waiting for the moment when my suggestion comes into play xD

I'm mentally adding regular proclamations of "HOO!" to Scootaloo's dialogue. Please tell me I'm not the only one?

5587978
5588001 This has happened to me as well, so I know what you two are saying.

5590347 Good to know that it happens to all of us...

5591257 It's just one of those things, it can get anyone.

5592424 Yah, (The worst was "Unto this white poison" I have it faved as well as the sequel but... Every time I see it, I stand, walk away from my tablet or computer, and have a full body shiver, pointing at the screen "NO! NEVER AGAIN! [Probably an over reaction but... I cannot tell you how many showers I took until I felt clean again])

5595466 That bad huh? I've seen it of course, but whenever I looked at the description I just couldn't feel the desire to read that one, it just stood out as too much to me.

5596057 Understandable, some put me off too much to consider it

5598737 :eeyup: I know what you're saying.

5599510 But... all stories are good in their own way, some may be rough but if you can endure the crude beginning, the story may turn out to be great (Although incredibly disturbing)

5602766 Yes you had a rough start, but you smoothed it out rather nicely afterward, not everyone bothers to do that. That being said not all stories are good at all, some are just bad. This one is another matter though, you have a sound premise, and I can sympathies with Silver Spoon on this one, I am often right about certain things and get annoyed by it.

5603303 Same here, I have also learned over the years "I told you so" is followed by considerable pain
I also try, with every story I do, with each chapter I post, To improve, that is why I love it when people point out mistakes or even better make suggestions!
I need to be told how to improve, but also to do my own thing. I do try and improve and I see some changes for the better when I go back to what I wrote and what I have now.

i think you forgot the chapter title

Undercover nerd Diamond Tiara is cute. This is my new head canon.

5606610 Yeah I don't even wanna go there, it just brings up to much bitterness for me.

I hear that, it really helps to have productive feedback. The problem for me is I get next to nothing at all in the way of feedback, more would help me improve more than I have, and that's what I want to do is get better.

Speaking of which you new chapter has an incomplete title, you need to fix that.

Ok are we gonna some action between Scoots and Sweetie because I would love to see that.

And... and I've been taking those hits for years?! Dear god, I must be near indestructible!

After taking blow after blow, she becomes immortal.
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