This story is a sequel to Shimmering Sunset
( The picture is from the site Derpiboo. I do not own it and I will take it down on the artist's request. )
You've been going to CHS for about two to three weeks now after moving from Hoofington. So far life have been anything but normal as you learned more and more about Sunset and her friends.
Though you and Sunset have gotten closer the past few days, something holds you back from asking the human pony out.
But will the presence of the three strangers you ran into the day you saved Sunny's life, especially a certain blue colored one, completely turn your world upside down and change your feelings and world forever?
More importantly, will you fall for the Siren's song or retain your freedom?
WARNING: Gore tag may or may not be added as the story develops. It depends on how I decide for it to go.
(Rated T for teen for obvious reasons. Swearing, possible fighting, arguing, mind control, dark magic, high school drama. The usual stuff you face everyday at school ya know?)
Aww Yeah! The Long Awaited Sequel Has Come!!!
5754070
Indeed, the inspiration hit me so I wrote it. That's how I work. If the inspiration for one of my stories appears I work on that chapter till the steam runs out.
5754237
Good, good. I suspected a third person prologue would be nice before going back to second person.
definitly tracking this one. also have a like, good sir.
5757690
Glad you're enjoying it so far. Hopefully I won't disappoint.
5757736
wel since you were going to "adjust" the movies plot. I can't see how you could disappoint.
(in all seriousness the movie's ending sucked. dazzlings got 0 closure.)
ahhh coming home from work to see a "1" next to library is the reason i wake up in the moring
i did find a few spelling mistakes:
Nothing, also away with the T?
Pinky walks in (only) seconds later or Only seconds later Pinky walked in
Turning.
i'm sure you'll figure it out.
good chapter. i hope you do change the original script a bit more from here on out and maybe make the main character a bit more than just that guy who looks while the rainbooms and sunset shimmer deal with the problem.
maybe have it so the main character isn't imune the the sirens, and sunset has to face a dilema when the dazzlings threaten the main character?
just an idea that i think could work for this story.
5765198
Thank you for pointing out the errors.
This chapter was needed to establish the band while a small bit of interaction between the reader and all the Rainbooms plus Sunset. He did sing along with their song. Hench the chapter name.
For the plot line of the movie, at first it follows it, but changes later. As for immunity to the sirens. He isn't immune alright, as you shall see later on. Sunset and the Rainbooms will face the fact that their friend is endangered by the Siren's song.
But I shouldn't give too much away.
5765378
No problem. I understand the need to set the tone with a chapter. it's just that a lot of the fics i've been reading in second-person about the movie basicly use the person as another comic relief, and don't change the plot in any meaning full way.
so i gues only time wil tell if the story ends up as a masterpiece or just another tin can on the heap of garbage that sadly makes up most fics on here!
hello again! here are some errors i found. i wasn't actively searching for them so there might still be mistakes i missed.
i'd probably change it to: but we do sing from time to time. saying sung implies they don't sing anymore.
change the last bit to something like: or he just hangs out with her.
ad a ? at the end.
remove the m, also what other exits? are there more?
*atleast, *tell you(?) and then something else? I'm not sure where you're going with that sentence.
another fine chapter. although i do think main character is making an aweful lot of assumptions based on odd behaviour and blacking out while singing. maybe he just needs to sleep more?
anyway that is the only real complaint i can give. hope to see the next chapter soon!
-Yahtzee
5777798
Well the reader isn't an idiot, and the behavior could be seen as similar to sirens. That and the fact that practically everyone is suddenly chat china along with them and arguing when they were all very friend'y minutes ago is suspicious. Only some outside influence could cause that and the Sirens singing happens a minute or two before the sudden division between the students.
As for the blackout, something that will be explained in the next chapter.
But all stories have holes, none are perfect after all. Also a number of those mistakes are ones I don't see caused by my small iPad keyboard...yay.
5777897
wait you type this all on an Ipad?! wow grats. without actually feeling the buttons i know for a fact i would make way more mistakes and it would take sooo long to type anything. also i find (atleast on mobile) that this website isn't verywel optimized.
it still annoys me that he can so easily figure out that they are siren which he even mentions to be mythical creatures. i agree something fishy was going on there but i think you would need some more proof to conclude that they're MYTHICAL CREATURES.
please don't think i don't like the story because i do. it's just with these second person stories it seems the character knows more than he/she should.
(also on the argument their singing is influencing them to agree to a battle of the bands. in the first movie the mane 6 sing in the cafeteria and influence everyone to vote for twilight instead of the girl that'll beat them up if they don't vote for her. that would mean the mane 6 are sirens too! plot twist also explains why they aren't effected)
Found a few typos,
I learned about this in Reading and Writing classes as I grew up: the "I", when it's by itself, is not supposed to be lowercased, even when it's in this form.
1. Something is supposed to be all one word.
2. "forced him and his family to come here."
5778222
Ah the infamous errors that happen with iPad typing, thank you for pointing them out.
5778408 No prob
I freaking love this! When do these come out?
5780526
I hope to have the next one out by Friday or sooner, but RL and all that could change it a bit.
5780630 Nuuuuu it must come out now! I just started to read these, these are freaking epic, man!
Hey, I have no objection to folks doing alternate takes on Rainbow Rocks - I'd be a hypocrite if I did, as I've got one of my own in the works.
One bit, however, that you might want to keep an eye on...
Homonym trouble. You meant 'principal'.
5780983
Gah...auto-correct....
Thank you for pointing that out.
A quick what?
sugar*
Her who, the piano? Pinkie Pie?
Twilight*
principal*
Pleb. All the real fans have watched it 40 times at least. /jk
I don't know how unpopular this opinion is gonna be, but I minded this hiatus the least even though it was the longest because Rainbow Rocks contained enough concentrated awesomeness to carry me for half a year with all the fan content based on it alone. I've got Sunset Shimmer as avatar for almost everything and as background on like all my devices. Sometimes after booting up my computer I just stare into her eyes for a minute, completely forgetting what it was I originally wanted to do.
... Yeah that's not creepy at all.
5765124 I wouldn't know that, I have a 355 next to Library.
your*
the*
supposed*
Hand... Socks? Are you sure that's what they're called?
for*
"Ah, perfect, a dark barely illuminated corridor. Let's wait here for the guide and ominously step out into the light when he or she greets us."
its*
who*
Let's*
you*
"Well I'm not saying all blue people are arrogant jerks, I'm just saying I haven't yet met a single nice and humble one!"
5781496
maybe i'm just hard to please or too picky when it comes to reading fanfics. maybe it's because I don't actually like most of the show. i don't know. i loved the EqG movies and they brought me here looking for a better ending.
Okay. The guy's seen magic in action so I can buy him figuring out that's what got everyone enthralled. But having him figure out that they're sirens of all things after listening to them for only 2 minutes or so is a bit too on the nose.
5783886 He isn't an idiot, and pretty much anybody could figure that out, if they learned greek mythology. Girls? Check. Singing? Check. Invading others' mind? Check.
5781496
5781564
Thank you for the corrections, hopefully I'll make less mistakes now.
5783886
5784180
Well you have to admit new girls arriving that are dressed a bit strange, are touching everyone, and suddenly the cafeteria that was full of friends is suddenly full of fighting and arguing points to some sort of influence on the students.
What would you think if you knew a lot about Greek Mythology? (Which I don't know too much of sadly.)
5784180
I don't agree. even if he knows what sirens are. he also knows they're mythical creatures, so he just makes a huge assumption.
5784724
Well Greek mythology has the word myth in it.
5784726
*sudden clearity* ... well where did you think the word came from?
that little grumble aside, can't wait for the next chapter.
5784723 Actually, I do know a lot about Greek Mythology. I know that Sirens liked to sing to sailors who were lost in the sea, or the storm of a sea, and that they liked to eat them afterwards. (This can also be interpreted as invading one's mind, in a way). From the basis of the singing and the need to sexually touch people, and their singing providing influence for the people to follow, I'd assumed they were Sirens, or some other sort of mythological creature. You need to have a clear mind when ya think. I try my hardest. I love these 2nd person stories, and am sad there aren't many out there. Aw well, good luck on the next part! :D
5784180
5784723
The problem is that sirens are hardly a well known myth in popular culture. New Guy's seen magic in action, and I'm going to assume exposure to said magic is why he's resistant, so it's reasonable that he'd be open minded about supernatural explanations. But having him quickly deduce that "They're sirens!" instead of the easier and simpler explanation of "They have magic voices!" is a stretch.
He knows that Sunset used to be a unicorn right? Then, I don't know, maybe a line or two about him getting interested in greek mythology (I think that's where unicorns are derived from.) due to curiosity towards his not-girlfriend would help his conclusion be less of a leap.
OOOOH I THINK THE NEXT CHAPTER COMES OUT TODAY, SINCE IT HAS A 3 DAY INTERVAL! :D SO HYPE!
5786499 Never mind that. Realized it was Thursday
5786499
5786502
Hopefully I can get it out today, but I don't want to rush it. I was too busy on Wednesday dealing with a fever that broke in the afternoon.
5788872 Do take your time, and always remember to have fun!
It's been forever
5806716
I know and I'm sorry, I'm trying to work on it but I've been having trouble sleeping, my pills aren't working like they should, and I have testing this week. My free time is being eaten alive.
5807363 Oh... sorry... I hope you get better. I'll go back to TCF. *Goes back to Terraria Community Forums*
I guess someone took some feedback to heart. see that's like 5 lines of text and it's all we asked for.
Don't forget the magic fart clouds!
I still can't see why rainbow in the movie was so selfish about that. it seems so stupid to not just correct it like this. so good job there, you're already surpassed the movie here.
overall, good chapter. i like where the plot is going. casually reading i didn't notice any mistakes. so good job! looking forward to the next chapter!
5814168
I do everything I can to take feedback to heart. In fact, in the Journal of the Two Sisters, (which I have!) I wrote in the personal journal section that when you ask for friends to give you feedback, don't take their criticism negatively. For they're only trying to help you become better.
Also glad you didn't spot any mistakes, means I'm making and correcting them instead of making and missing them.
5814356 i did say casual reading. I'm sure hunting for them i could find some mistakes. but hey most people mentally correct them and thus don't notice.
Anyway is there an ETA on the next chapter?
5814571
If all goes well, hopefully by Saturday...but the new episodes come out that day so....yeah.
5814736
New episodes for you maybe. phuck all comes here saturday.
Bit of a hasty and awkward save for Sherlock's deductions last chapter, but hey it was at least acknowledged. So a plus in the end.
This is technically true. It's just not the kind of strange someone points out when trying to convince others of dark magic.
At any rate there's a few typos.
*your
I think you mean "They are as real as Bigfoot."
There's a comma and period after "pass out".
Like *you should have?
*words
"Not *only that"
*Rarity
*Quiet
5821521
Thank you for pointing out the mistakes, also perhaps the Sherlock in me caused that earlier deduction that happened too early. But I shall not change it. Go with the flow after all.
whens the update?
5837759
Hopefully today or tomorrow. I got sidetracked with studying for tests I had to make-up.
5838886 So... is this... dead?
where is the new chapter?
5987084
I'm trying to work on it, but between allergies, illness, work, and planning a move all my writing time is being eaten alive.