Travis Rayne, a pretty cool, yet shy, teenager moves into Canterlot High School, and yet thinks this could be his dream come true to get a girl of his dreams, as yet that was his life wish ever since. He yet failed quite a bit in the past...OK maybe alot in the past, but now he sets his eye on a beautiful future. And that starts with the cute and adorable, Sunset Shimmer. Though, it is not going to be easy for him, as yet he feels like he will screw up once again, but will he actually? Along the way, he gets the friends that will help him out through his days in high school. Find out if Rayne gets the girl of his dreams. My first story, so enjoy!
(In Chapter 20, the tragedy plays in, and so does the gore element. Sad can't go in with comedy, so I picked tragedy)
Hope you love this! Really scared to find out how much love this gets! Love you all! :D
That's a bit presumptuous on your part, isn't it?
Sorry for the wall of text
Well now, I just read your all of your chapter and I must say it was quite interesting, but before I say anything about your story I'm just say these two things.
1. It probably just me, but I can't stand a human OC in the Equestria girl universe that have a human name. Like I'm sure it hard from some people to come up with a pony said name, but still it make them fit in better then having a person name Jake talk to someone name Split Second, see what I mean. It also erks me when Humans OC don't have a special talent or anything special about them.
2. I see you release your chapter in a bundle which is Okay, but if you want your story to be farther out there then release a chapter every day or so. Like, you have a better chance of catching people attention if you release a chapter a day since people check for new story at random time. So instead of having a cluster of chapter for one day, you can spread it out over multiple days which can also allow you to get better feedback from people.
Now for your story, I won't talk like I know what the hell I'm talking about like I'm professional, but I read a lot like 50-75% as much as Twilight reads, so I think what I say have some meaning to it.
First, you give like extra, extra detail which Is okay, (which i find to be unnecessary, but it does paint a more vivid imaged) but sometime the unnecessary image is not really needed. Second, you went more with a this is how my life is before it began to change type start the your normal this is what I was doing before this person came into my life story which is also fine, but your whole first chapter seems more like a prologue then It's A New Day (which I skim through, but don't worry I do that to most first chapter fics I read). Third, I might be wrong on this, but Sunset seems a bit more.. fierce then her reform self. That again who says Sunset lost her bad girl ways.
And lastly, the title of this story. The Shimmer In Her Eyes, And The Sunset On Her Body , sounds like a clop, that is all. 
But so far it seems like a promising story, just cut down on the release date to a steady pace since it seems you have your story fully thought up.
Oh, and the SunsetxOC, maybe not want to come on so strong with that, feels almost force.
this is a really good story keep up the good work.
Not a bad start
5817796 Ya. I mean this is my first fimfic, so I'm not all-star, but there is some great SunsetxOC stories out there, like on my page you'll see. But thanks for review!
Hey Travis Rayne I think you're cool.
Yeah but he very conflicted.
That what makes him even cooler.
Good point.
Hey Travis Rayne I think you're cool.
Yeah but he very conflicted.
That what makes him even cooler.
Good point.
OK what's with the nickname Hot Rod?
I think we focus more on the fact that the song 'kiss the girl' should be playing in the back around.
True but I really wanna know about the nickname Hot Rod.
His blow to the nuts so reminded me of Cody and Gwen from episode three of Total Drama Island.
5864616 That's what I was going for! Nice!
The show must go on! Everyone loves this! Please keep up this awsome story!
5867333 Man, I couldn't tell you how MUCH I want to do this story even more! I have other story ideas, too. Involving a RD guitar battle story, and a Sonata Dusk romance story. It's hard to this, too. I don't have a laptop at home I can use, and the only time I can have a laptop is at my free time at school. :P But hey, I'll keep trying here.
Awesome! I await for more!!!
I am really digging this story, man! Keep up the great work!
Definitely needs a pre reader, but it could be good. I see potential.
Yas! This chapter is amazing!
Wow, i have the exact same music tastes. I don't like metal and rap songs with constant swearing and lyrics that makes abaolute no sense....
Man, now I want to see Travis beat up or possibly kill Bruin.
5879685 Well... it might take a while to write the story. Not saying it might happen. I only type on computer, since tablet and xbox one keyboard sucks... Glad you're into it, though!
5879737 Yay
^-^ Great chapter.
it's so simple, c'est bien
You mean Travis?
5890836 lol acquirrrrred
5890836 Oopsie
interesting startthe title got my attentioncant wait to see what will happen next! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!
5891044 Looks like she cares for more than just Travis...
5891156 Ya, I changed it now, sorry for that small error! I done goofed up!
5891044
We all make mistakes. That's what makes us human.
5891290 Ye, lol, keep it going up!
Please give off your opinion and whatever in the comments below! Hope you are enjoying it!
5891578
1.)
*to
2.) Awesome!
Are there no anarchists at CHS? In every fic that takes place at CHS, there is no group of kids who don't accept student made authority, like Bruin. (Not saying it's a bad thing, just an observation.)
here's your typical high school movie ending lol good job
5892588 It ain't over yet!
5894454 did you read my comment on your page
Ooh keep it goin!
5894456 Si.
5894913 I really think they will spice up you fic without leavening the whole high school shtick, maybe a family camping trip and you invite the gang and maybe your main character has a sleepover parents leave and maybe get a motel and the gang plays some "party games."
There's only one game I would like to play... It's dodgeball... Sadly, the Philippines only knows two games: Basketball and computer games...
I'm finished reading the chapter and a ad for pitch perfect 2 is on the bottom of the page
I'm glad you took me up on those ideas. there's being a teen then just school with a lot of friends, there's hanging out with friends at each others homes, going out to movie, parties, sleepovers, fights, random foolishness, and the list goes on and on
another good chapter in nice job you get five stashes
500 views! Thank you! All of you!
Pretty good story you have so far. The plot is nice for a beginner, but there are quite a few grammatical errors and some of the character's actions seem kind of forced. I have a working knowledge of the English language, so if you need an editor I'd be happy to oblige.
5900234 How do that? Ya, I notice that I made some oopsies.
I type fast and sometimes don't just notice it. And sorry for some odd, forced actions. After all, first fimfic and all. But thanks for reviewing it! 
dude, I've gotten hit in the nuts dozens of times. it NEVER gets any less painful. I sometimes wonder what they're doing down there
And every one crashed and burned.
if that were me, and had died I would have been fine with that because I would have died a martyr and that dick would have gone to jail for murder
More please.
