Don't let people stop you from using creativity. Some may be bad, some may be dreadful, but that's the thing with creativity. You create ways to make it even better. That's the creative truth.
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Sonata Dusk641 stories ·1,429 members
Sonata couldn't believe it. She wasn't smiling, she wasn't happy, and was clearly shattered. She could only think of one solution: Jump. Finish the job. Besides, who would care that she's dead? Nobody liked her anyways... except the ones that cared.
Editing by KillerShadow 15! Thanks, mate! And cover by SkycatcherEquestria!
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Holy guacamole!
That was very intense. Good thing that was a good ending.
Dang that was intense. I never enjoy seeing a character I love suffer, and I do love Sonata.
Really glad she didn't take the long drop.
Hm. Amazing what it took to snap the other two awake, but I'm glad they did wake up here. The sheer antagonistic behavior from the other students feels like a little bit of a stretch, but maybe those were just the highlights, or what her suicidal brain remembers? It probably doesn't need defending that someone who wants to die might see things as a little worse than they are, but given the way Sunset was treated even after months of being harmless, part of me doesn't doubt that Sonata heard/remembered every word right.
6457224 the editor for this?
6458626 sure. Shoot me a pm.
this wasso powerful, and heart breaking! your writing really shows their emotions so intensely! kudos to you on such a fine story.
Every time I see one of your stories, it always seems better than the last. Very powerful stuff here. Keep it up!
She should have jumped...The only reason they care now is because she was about to kill herself...So really if she didn't attempt the jump they to this day would still bully her and not care for her...Only when her life was on the line did they realize they loved her, yeah right...Funny how her predicament was like mine but instead of doing suicide I turned my personality around and became something that they all feared...Suicide is only an answer when things will never change...And things never change...
Some issues:
1) I can't square the most congenial high school in the known universe with the bullying and venom in this story. Sunset Shimmer turned into a brainwashing demon, and the school still forgave her instantly. By the standards of the show, the sheer amount of harassment you employed to make this sadfic work beggars belief.
2) A mythological beast from another dimension believes in Christian theology about hell?
3) Sonata's repeated use of "flashback", a technical literary term, to describe her own flashbacks.
4) The only way this could be more maudlin was if Maud Pie was in it.
5) Everything is wrapped up neat and tidy, like a mawkish after-school special. I don't particularly buy Aria and Adagio's change of heart. Maybe they do care, deep down, but this overemotional gushing doesn't seem in-character at all.
Despite my laundry list of criticisms, your writing isn't bad, but it sorely needs emotional restraint and understatement and to be consistent with the source material.
I love a happy ending.
Perhaps an alternate ending where she jumps? In the end its your call, but other than some illregularites it was a fun read.
6460336 I AM thinking about making an alternate ending chapter... Don't really know yet... Depends if people really want that.
Cute story. A few difficult-to-quantify issues with the presentation, but I liked it on the whole.
6459987
Did we watch the same Rainbow Rocks? (did you watch Rainbow Rocks at all?) Sunset was not "instantly forgiven" in any sense. As for your last sentence, that's unnecessarily harsh, although the vitriol of harassment levelled at Sonata is overkill. Realistically (in this world's context), the students would do to her what they did to Sunset – ignore her, glare at her, and/or occasionally throw a rock at her or make a snide remark if the opportunity arises. I actually agree with you on points 2-5, for what that's worth, and you summed up the story's legit issues better than I could.
6460931
"Instantly forgiven" in the sense that they were willing to give her a shot at redemption, as opposed to calling the cops or demanding she be expelled. The only actual discrimination she suffers in Rainbow Rocks was Apple Bloom kind of blowing her off at the beginning. A far cry from what's presented here.
If anything, Rainbow Rocks implies she's torturing herself far more than any of the other students are.
It's certainly evocative. You did a nice job with the emotions.
However, I would suggest finding an editor who's good at helping with dialogue. The conversations were stilted and felt artificial.
......thank you. Needs a little editing but..... thank you.
LateBronyWriter
6460423 Yes, I would love(hate) to see another ending.
An alternate ending would be nice. What's with all the suicide fics anyway?
media.tumblr.com/a83104c4d0b26488782480e8aacf22f6/tumblr_inline_mhpsptVCIc1qz4rgp.gif
Like already said you did a really good job getting on Sonata feelings, still a editor would have been helpful
6460423 i would like an alternate ending too
6460931 no one EVER SAID this was set in the same setting as the movie, so your argument that it is wrong because the behavior doesn't line up with the movie is sort of rendered void. now it would be different if he specifically said it was set in the same setting as rainbow rocks and equestria girls. THEN your argument would be valid
6475369
Just skimmed through the story again, and you're right. None of the events in EQG1 or RR are mentioned even once. So it is at least possible this story is set in a humanized universe that isn't Equestria Girls.
But surely you can see why I and others assume it is – the specific characters, the fact that they're in high school. If not, then you're just being pedantic. Either way, an AU tag might be warranted.
6476249 yes i can see how one would assume (no sarcasm intended) and yes it should have an alternate universe tag
Hm, alright. Not a bad story, for sure. The narration is pretty good, but I think I need to address a few issues. For one, I think the level of harassment for Sonata is kinda... taking it too far. Sunset just received glares and getting ignored for brainwashing students. What did the Dazzlings do? Pretty much same thing. Another thing, I think Aria and Adagio's confrontation with Sonata is a bit forced, especially with the flashbacks provided. Perhaps add a scene of them, realizing their mistakes?
But anyways, like I said, it's not a bad story. I'll give it a like.
6487409 Thanks!
6488845 No problemo.
Da feels… I cry manly tears…
Why must I be so sensitive?
Whoa. Didn't see that one coming.
-Applejack
That was, pretty sad. But interesting. Good job MLG.
This ending is really sad. Great story either way but I like the first ending more.
Why you gotta crush my soul?
Ahhhh...Yes the multiple way that this could have ended. I believe they're called multiverses, I may not feel bad for the sister or students but I do feel remorse for Sonata...Let us pray...Let us hope...That she is happy where ever she is now...
And at least she jumped this time...
Sonata, YOU will be missed, HORRIBLY
...well that was depressing. Poor Sonata.
I agree with you, echowing, poor Sonata
Both endings got me in the feels. You did a great job.
God damn it. The feels
I've seen a lotta suicide fics, and Sonata's hit me in the feels.
I'm not one to cry, so when I read your story, I did. You deserve a trophy.
It feels like a punch to the gut...oh the feels. I need and extra box of Feelios now.
The feels
Wow. That have me the feels.
this remind me of the game 'Life is strange' and a there is a chance to save a girl from death on a roof if you pick the right choices.
7275824 And I'll say it, that's what has partly inspired me for this story.
Woah .... what.the.even.heck.....I...just....dont....even.....i...cant even....im sorry but that ending though.....UGGG SONATA!!!!!!! she...JUMPED!!!! i didn't think she would do it!!!!!
Again....woah
Is an interesting ending, I didn't expect to see a sad ending too.
This song is for your story:
That was something...
My only grip is I'm not sure what was done differently to cause sonatas death over the bit death ending.
Honestly, this didn't affect me at all. I thought it would make me sad, but I guess not.
Oh, pro-tip! Enciting suicide is a felony offence punishable by 10 years in prison and $250,000 in fines. If someone commits it though your influence, it's considered voluntary manslaughter, which caries two life sentences.
So some kids in the future should learn to be nice instead of hateful pricks.
Problem is i don't see the reason why she jumped after she saw that her sisters realy care.
I'm not crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT!! WHO LEFT ONIONS HERE!!!
Qa.