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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Most of the sex scenes are rather short, though for the most part the quality is everything I'd hoped it would be. Really loved the body writing/runes scene.
The end of this chapter (and the ones leading up to this) seem to call back to the first in interesting ways. It seems to be a choice between what looks like the Good Victory and Evil Defeat endings Luna had planned (though I hope we still have some chapters left. Your writing is incredible, even if the clop tends to be shorter than I usually go for). Despite Luna's hints at the beginning, Moondancer doesn't seem quite corrupt and hasn't betrayed Twilight despite Luna's plans. I'm interpreting this part as Moondancer subtly saying that she's okay with taking Entice's side if Twilight's fears of betraying her was the only thing holding her back.
Which brings up an interesting question. Twilight is a good person, but would she indulge in her darker side if her friends/lovers were okay with it, even if society and Princess Celestia were not? That seems to be what Luna's looking for here.
There is something that's been bothering me for a while. Is the castle librarian here part of Luna's setup, or did they find an actual remnant of the previous occupants?
This has been fun to read. Six chapters at once is great. Now that we're spoiled we want more. MORE! Now I know how Twilight must feel, lol.
I really like the cover you picket. where did you get it?
5891427 Apologies for the short sex scenes. There's a remarkably short one coming up (one paragraph), which I might rewrite. It'll delay the next chapter, but it probably needs doing.
I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. This scene can basically interpreted as Twilight turning down the 'Good Victory' condition, as you put it. There are a few chapters left (three? four? I'd have to count), and they should answer all your remaining points / speculation. If you have questions after the remaining chapters (Moondancer's possible corruption, for example), please let me know and I'll be happy to answer them.
5892606 Glad you like it, Hobbestc. I intend to publish the rest, but it'll be a few days (rewrite is probably needed, plus other demands on my time). Looking at it, I hope to get something out next week.
5894084 I commissioned it from Sawitry on DeviantArt.
There it is! Looks like the plan is still a go after all, though I get the feeling it didn't go quite the way Luna originally envisioned.
I'll try to flow up more after work, when I can type on something that isn't a mobile.
OKAY!
So, Twilight finally lets Entice have her. Gotta say, she held out REALLY well. I am actually a bit surprised she caved at all, but only a bit. It's been absolutely fantastic getting here, and it's been particularly fun seeing just how freaking brilliant and resourceful Twilight can be, even as "kinda sorta before saving the world" Twilight. I really think Luna came a hairsbreadth of actually dropping the act when she blew her way out of the castle's latrine like that. I think both Twilight and Luna both actually forgot just how far she will go when cornered. Also, I can't help but think, inasmuch as it ties into my "Moondancer is actually Moondancer here" idea, that she is starting to fall for Twilight, and is a bit jealous of Luna/Entice, which is why she didn't turn Twilight over when enacting the plan to seal the room. That and I think she might like the idea of getting to save Twilight, and be seen as a hero by one of Equestria's greatest heroines, on whom she also had/has a crush.
My only gripe is these last two sex scenes. The pony transformation scene in particular. Not because of it's brevity, but it's lack of content. It almost could've just not been there. I find myself remembering you mentioning much earlier that your interest in the story had flagged, and I wonder if that scene caught the brunt of that, as it felt like it was written without much interest in it.
The fire-balm scene was much better, but still felt as if it could have used some more details on how Twilight felt there. It was actually a fairly interesting scene, inasmuch as I don't care for pain-play (not like bondage which I just largely don't "get", I normally am actively turned off by pain), but I found the scene fairly compelling, if not a turn on.
That said, still awesome.
EDIT: I just spent 15 minutes trying to figure out if my usage of whom above is correct. Pretty sure it is, but not 100%
I hate grammar.
5897278 Thanks for the comments, Blue_Paladin42, I really appreciate the feedback.
I shan't comment on speculation, for obvious reasons, but (almost) all shall be revealed by the end (I hope - if I leave any dangling questions, please let me know).
You're right that the two sex scenes did suffer from the brunt of my ennui. There's a later scene that is considerably worse, and rewriting it will delay the next (last?) batch of chapters. Part of the problem is that they are late additions, and part of it was that I found myself more interested in the concept than the execution. Ah well, lessons learned and all that. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go back and rewrite them.
For what it's worth, I'm confident that you used 'whom' correctly in your post.