I'm gonna make you frown!

Write For Fun, Not Fame5,488 stories ·1,243 members

This story is a sequel to I'm gonna make you smile!

One day in Hell, a red monster was busy going around on her daily murders.

I HIGHLY recommend reading "I'm gonna make you smile!" first.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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bjorn2345

bjorn2345 #1 · Jan 15th, 2015 · · 3 ·

Zzzzzz

Red and Black Alicorn OC

Red and Black Alicorn OC #2 · Jan 15th, 2015 · · ·

I got rid of the gore tag, thought that there wasn't really any gore in this fiction, apart from the few altered words coming from Pinkamena's thoughts.

Galaxina-the-Unicorn

Galaxina-the-Unicorn #3 · Jan 16th, 2015 · · ·

Oh...my...gosh...

This makes the prequel even MORE amazing! I'm guessing that all the words in red were the words thought up by Pinkamena herself, and how she wished/imagined Pinkie would go about it, correct?

This was epic, terrifying, and amaaaaaazing! You are a gifted story teller, seeing as how simple you made such an extraordinarily saddening tale!

I hope to read more from you.

Red and Black Alicorn OC

Red and Black Alicorn OC #4 · Jan 16th, 2015 · · ·

5512190 ah shucks thank you for the kind comment

I have a desire to make more stories with a dark revelation behind it, like this one, just set out in a different way and with a different target, maybe like princess Luna or another character. But if your interested in this fiction of mine then I recommend that you should look out for the ending of "The Gaming Princess", despite the main intention that it's meant to be giving you, if your clever enough you might find out how these two (or three, if you include "I'm gonna make you smile!") stories are linked, before the last chapter of the fiction comes out. You may not like the actual fiction in whole but I think you might be interested in the upcoming ending of "The Gaming Princess". But anyway, I'm glad that you liked it and I thank you for those kind words

bobbananaville

bobbananaville #5 · Feb 10th, 2015 · · ·

I don't think I really liked this.
I enjoyed the ending of the 'I'm gonna make you smile!' story, mostly because it was interesting how Pinkie acknowledges the existence of her dark side, and still wants to make her happy. I thought that all of the effort Pinkie made to make something that she really ought to hate happy - something that's technically a part of her, in fact - said a lot about her character.
All of that was rendered moot here, where OH NOES PINKAMENA'S A DEMON AND EVERY YEAR SHE POSSESSES PINKIE PIE, WHO'S JUST TRYING TO APPEASE THE BEAST WITHIN! We don't learn anything about any character except that Pinkie has a dark side that likes to imagine hurting ponies.

Red and Black Alicorn OC

Red and Black Alicorn OC #6 · Feb 10th, 2015 · · ·

5611066 well, it kind of depends on how you look at it. When I first started writing these two stories I thought:

What am I doing?

But I liked my idea of the sequel so I decided to write anyways
And besides, I think I was trying to get to the point that Pinkie Pie has a dark demon thingy that lives inside her and wants to kill everyone. And it may sound stupid but I'm going to make a story based of this story that will have more depth into it, so I hope that gets more love!

bobbananaville

bobbananaville #7 · Feb 11th, 2015 · · ·

5611107 I hope that succeeds.
Just make sure that it actually explores something, rather than have it exist for the sake of depicting Evil Pie and nothing else. Characters are tools meant to convey a story; they're not selling points in and of themselves.

I loved the first one because it showed the reader how much Pinkie cares about her 'other' self; all of the effort and time she places helping some part of her that she should' by all rights, detest. That's an interesting exploration of her character.
There was no equivalent here. Evil Pie is just all 'I wanna kill and hurt and maim' and shit, and all of the efforts Pinkie puts to throwing a party for what's said to be a spirit is thrown into question, since we don't know how much was of her desire to help somepony. She was one dimensional.

Red and Black Alicorn OC

Red and Black Alicorn OC #8 · Feb 11th, 2015 · · ·

5612232 thank you for the kind words. No, I'm not being sarcastic, all of the negative stuff you picked up on is reasonable and true, most people just simply insult stuff because they dislike it. But I think my future story will have more detail added into it than this one. This story and it's twin story were made to point out what you have stated, Pinkie has a dark side to her that she cares for, and the future chapter will dig deeper into this subject, we're not dealing with a 'Pinkamena' situation, we're dealing with something new. But overall thanks for the help and advice, it's appreciated

Red and Black Alicorn OC