Shenanigans

by LunarDiurnality

Chapter 1

Sweetie Belle stared over the edge of the balcony at her minions as they wandered the streets of Canterlot. They would obey her every law, bow to her every whim, and there was nothing they could do about it. She held their tiny, little, insignificant lives in her hooves. She could crush them at any time. It was good to be princess. She thought back to the time when she had waged war alongside Apple Bloom and Scootaloo against the four princesses and won. Ah, those were the days. The days of planning a coup d'etat with her two closest friends. Blood had been shed and lives had been lost, but it was all worth it. Of course, there was the issue of deciding who would raise the sun and the moon, but that was easily sorted out. She spent weeks celebrating and rebuilding Equestria with her friends... Then taking them down because there could only be one princess in Equestria, obviously. Sweetie Belle would bend to nopony's will. She was a princess. Nopony could tell her what to do. Nopony-

"Sweetie Belle! This is the fifth time I've called you and I'm losing my patience! Get down here this instant! Your dinner is getting cold!" Rarity did not sound happy.

"O-okay! I'll be right there!" Sweetie Belle jumped off of her bed, tripping over her History of Equestria textbook before regaining her balance and hurrying downstairs. Uh-oh, she thought. Now I'm gonna get lectured on how it's improper to keep anypony waiting. She broke into a trot as a look of annoyance crossed her face. She paused in the middle of the hallway, mimicking her sister's voice. "'A Lady is never late, unless fashionably so. It is extremely rude and makes for a poor impression.'" She mockingly stuck out her bottom lip and flipped her mane, sticking her chin up in the air.

"SWEETIE BELLE!"

"I'm coming! I'm coming." She could barely keep the frustration out of her voice as she resumed her trot down the stairs, quickening her pace.

"Sweetie, please eat your supper before it gets cold. And do be a dear and wash your plate once you're done."

"Okay," Sweetie Belle replied, stuffing her mouth full of food. "Can I have some cake after dinner?"

"No, Sweetie. You need to be able to fit into your dress for Dinky Doo's birthday party. Also, I need you to go pack your sleeping bag after you've cleaned up. You, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom will be staying at Octavia's house tonight while your sister and her friends go out for night on the town." Rarity squealed with delight before continuing. "And Sweetie Belle, please don't stuff your mouth. It isn't lady-like."

Sweetie Belle swallowed before taking a smaller bite. She never did understand why her sister would sometimes refer to herself in third person. It was kind of weird. And slightly worrisome. Was it a genetic thing that she would develop, or... But, hay, at least she was having a sleep over. She wished that she had found out sooner. Maybe then she could have made some plans for a Cutie Mark Crusaders meeting. After taking another bite, she asked "why don't we just stay over at Apple Bloom's house? It makes more sense. I mean, she's already there and our clubhouse is there too."

"Well, you see, Big Mac is accompanying Granny Smith to visit some relatives in Phillydelphia this weekend, so there would be nopony there to watch you."

"Oh. Okay... Then why are we staying at Octavia's house? I've never even met her."

"Octavia is a lovely pony. I worked with her at Fancy Pants' latest charity ball. While I organized the catering service, invitations, place cards, decorations, and all that, she organized the music. And I must say, she is a most accomplished musician. The other day while you were at school, I had invited her over for tea, and she very generously offered to take care of you girls. I believe it would do you some good. If you won't take any lesson in etiquette from me, then maybe you will listen to her." Rarity glanced at the clock on the wall. "Oh my! Would you look at the time! We'd better be off. Sweetie Belle, go pack you things and come right back down. I need to finish getting ready."

"Okay!" Sweetie Belle hurried upstairs. This was so exciting! She hadn't had a sleepover with the Cutie Mark Crusaders in weeks! She couldn't wait. As she tossed her things into her saddle bags, she couldn't help but wonder about this new pony. She sounded kind of boring, but Sweetie had heard that her roommate was pretty cool. Grabbing her bags, she ran down the stairs past her sister's room "Come on Rarity! We gotta go or we're going to be late!" She stopped by the front door, calling out "and that wouldn't be very lady-like!"

---

"Apple Bloom! Dinner's ready! Come get while it's hot!" Applejack called from the kitchen.

"Ah'm almost ready! Hold on a sec!" Apple Bloom struggled to fit everything she needed into her saddle bags: her sleeping bag, toothbrush, manebrush, and the CMC cape that Sweetie Belle had made.

"Hurry on down or ah'm gonna eat this here pie all by mah lonesome!" Applejack knew just how to get Apple Bloom to quicken her pace.

"Ah'm comin'! Don't ya dare touch that pie till ah've had a piece!" She dashed down the stairs, coming to a crash landing, her balance thrown off by her over-stuffed bags. "Ah'm here! Ah'm here!"

Applejack laughed. "Get over here you silly filly and eat up. We don't wanna be late. Miss Octavia was kind enough ta offer ta take care of ya'll, and we don't wanna seem rude."

"Aw come on sis, why can't we just stay here? We can take care of ourselves real good."

"Hmm... Ah reckon you remember the last time Ah let ya stay home alone?"

"Ah know, but-"

"It ain't that ah don't trust ya, ah'd just feel better if ah knew someone was there to keep an eye on ya'll. Now come on. We gotta get outta here before Rarity throws a hissy fit. Ya know how that goes."

Apple Bloom giggled. "All right. Ah'm ready if you are. Beat ya there!" Laughing, she grabbed her bags and ran out the door, closely pursued by her sister.

"Oh no ya don't!" Apple Jack quickly caught up to the little filly, lifting her up with one quick toss of her head.

Laughing, Apple Bloom landed on her sister's back, enjoying the ride to Carousel Boutique.

Author's Note:

I'm just gonna see where this goes. So far I have no idea. lol

Comments

[Layman11]

Hahaha! It's funny dude you should continue it. The story brought a smile to my face and probably others good-day!

[LunarDiurnality]

5655121 Thank you sosososososososososo much!
I'm so glad you liked it! I'm working on the next few chapters right now and have even started a sort-of equal and term not even done with this one! XD lol
I'm probably gonna post it as an unrelated separate story.

[Loganberry]

I noticed your post in the "I Just Want A Comment" group, so thought I'd pop my head in and have a look at this. And... it's pretty cute, actually. Made me smile several times, especially with Sweetie's impression of Rarity near the start.

Actually, I rather like your Rarity. She's a bit too wordy at times, but the tone really isn't bad at all. I don't think she'd really worry about Sweetie Belle's weight, though; she never has done in the show. She'd probably object to cake more on the grounds of mess. She might say something like, "Sweetie Belle! If you eat any more cake, you won't even fit into your dress!" but it wouldn't be an entirely serious comment.

Finally, your English is pretty good. There are a few typos (eg it's "Ah'm", not "Ahm") but only a few.

So, there are some nice things here, which is always good to see. Now, some things to work on. This section will be longer, because I'll be making some suggestions. Doesn't mean your story is terrible, though, because I honestly don't think it is.

1) Your description needs work. Drop everything from "uuuuhhhhhh......." onwards; it just makes it look like you put no effort into this. If people see that, they'll wonder why they should put any effort into reading it. You can leave the last line (the request for feedback) in if you like. Also, what's up with "four three out-of-control fillies"? There's nothing in the story so far that even hints at there being four of them.

2) Names. Always, always get canon names right; it's one of the first things people look for when deciding whether to spend time reading a story. It's "Applejack", not "Apple Jack". It's "Fillydelphia", not "Phillydelphia". The MLP Wiki is good for checking up on this sort of thing. You get points for getting "Apple Bloom" and "Sweetie Belle" right, though; plenty of authors spell those names wrong.

3)

You, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom will be staying at Octavia's house tonight while your sister and her friends go out for night on the town.

Several problems here. First, a very simple one: you're missing a word before "night". Second, why would Rarity refer to herself in the third person like that? Third, it's an odd thing for Rarity to do in any case. I could believe it in Manehattan, and probably Canterlot, but Ponyville is a small place. Unless Pinkie's throwing a party, there's not really a lot of nightlife.

Finally, a couple of things to watch out for as you write more:

1) Putting a [random] tag on a story doesn't give you a free pass to splash down anything you like. A good [random] story will still have its own internally consistent logic. It might be weird logic, but it will be more than just a collection of scenes linked by jokes. If you can pull this off, you're doing better than most [random] authors.

2) There's a [romance] tag on this, too, and I'm guessing by the description that it may well be RariJack. Make sure you set up the romance somehow and don't have it coming out of nowhere. As this is [random], you can do something weird to set it up, but it needs to be done somehow.

Anyway, I think I've rambled on enough. I hope some of that was useful to you.

[Layman11]

5676363 your welcome bro dont worry other well comment later on when they know your a great writer.

[Layman11]

5690903 i didnt know you were in the i want a comment group! That's why I'm here to.

[Loganberry]

5692160 I've been in it for ages, but I don't tend to say much. Thanks for the watch, incidentally. :)

[Layman11]

5694983 your welcome i dont message people much other than the people who want a comment

[LunarDiurnality]

5690903 Thank you for the help :) I'm just trying to see where this is going. I wrote this all at about 2:30 in the morning, so It's not supposed to make too much sense.
I also don't want it to make much sense at all, so should I add an [au] tag to it along with the [random]?

[LunarDiurnality]

5690903
1) I just kind of wrote what popped into my head, but I probably should clean it up. And that "four three fillies" thing is going to make its way into the story as a sort of joke.
2) Thanks for pointing this out. I hadn't even noticed!
3) First: I'll fix the grammar on that. Second: idk why I feel like she has refereed to herself in the third person, but I might be thinking of someone else. Third: I'll figure something out. Maybe they're hopping on the train to Canterlot or there's going to be a party at Pinkie's? I haven't quite gotten to that yet since this was written on little sleep in about 20 minutes and I've been pretty busy since then.

[Loganberry]

5698944 Well, you're certainly getting the upvotes, so looks like your readers like where you're going! :)

You only need to use [AU] if you're going totally against canon. For example, if you're setting your story in a world where Sombra is a good guy or there's no such thing as the Elements of Harmony. Otherwise, you can probably let the [Random] tag do the work.

[DragonessPonyWolfess]

Wa-hay! This is good! You should TOTALLY continue this! c: I'll be on watch.

[ZephyreeeZQ]

Make chapter two please.