[aka FlutterWitch, aka MidnightChaos, aka The Witching Hour]
The Writers' Group56,449 stories ·9,299 members
Supporting Original Characters4,078 stories ·1,827 members
The OC Fanfiction Library1,803 stories ·1,405 members
The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau49,291 stories ·5,461 members
Unusual Humans in Equestria813 stories ·2,652 members
League of Humans Acting Heroically357 stories ·1,157 members
Power Lottery Group30 stories ·538 members
League of Humans Acting Villainous209 stories ·1,491 members
Alexis, a very feminine, in terms of looks and name, boy, has found himself in a school called Canterlot High School and after merely a month there he falls through a statue into a land of ponies. What will he do now?
While at CHS, he dreams of a strange woman who tells him of strange things. Who is she? What is a War? Why is she asking for his help?
Something I've wanted to do properly for awhile.
Coverart by marking
Page generated in 0.141 seconds
Total duration
1,042 users online
1,775,912 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
What's a 'girlish', Midnight?
There's a 'myself' you left in there too. One that doesn't belong.
5472916
Fixed it.
5472924 Look again? At the old comment. This seems a bit silly and farfetched for a story idea, though.
5472938
Mind telling me where?
I know its far fetched but something like it has been done.
Granted, I'm adding my own spin.
5472951 The second one.
And I likely won't care as long as you axe the random when it's time for story progression. I.e. make it good, and I'll love it.
5472954
Er, I meant where's the extra 'myself'.
5472957 Ctrl+f -> type: myself -> It's the second one on the page. It's the 'myself' after [At CHS] rather than the one before.
5472977
I believe its fixed.
5473005 Yes, yes it is.
I know there are things that would turn me away from a story faster than a list of powers in the description, but right now, I can't think of any.
It certainly doesn't help when one of them is defined as "abilities and biology of an Organization XIII Nobody"; I'm sure this must be meaningful to one or two readers somewhere, but as far as I'm concerned, it's utter nonsense.
5473078
fixed the definition.
Did you at least try to read it?
5473078
How about a crossover that doesn't even say what it's a crossover with?
5473122
Fixed it.
5473136 So now it isn't a crossover?
This seems a lot more out of place then.
5473153
...
Its just a power. Not a crossover.
Well, at least probably won't be with a show.
5473108
Nope. Like I said, the list of powers is a turn-off.
Especially since they seem to make your protagonist vastly overpowered compared to the average MLP character, and I can't think of any good reason why your character would have those powers. Even assuming that there's a good reason* for them, it would be better from a storytelling perspective to introduce them through the narrative rather than giving the reader a character sheet.
Good reason: "My character is the lost prince of the Fair Folk and has the wild magic of the realm of Faerie."
Bad reason: "I hit 'random page' five times on the superpower wiki and this is what came up."
5473218
Not quite the reason but I'll change it, alright?
1.) Why does he not say anything about him being a guy? This is like that story where the guy was apparently to shy to even tell them he was a sentient being and didn't care that they treated him as an animal, even giving him a name. Unless you're a mute, you will at least try to tell them you're sentient no matter how shy you are. I didn't even bother reading the rest after he didn't say a single word after around 7 chapters in just because he was to shy. (and no it wasn't in the YHaY-Verse so he could talk, he didn't even try to communicate in any kind of fashion either)
2.) Why did the window shattering cause everybody to laugh? Especially since he got a piece of glass stuck in his arm.
3.) I know this is the first chapter, but there's barely any form of background for it. Why is nobody reacting to his metal wings that are 'sharp enough to cut light'? Why the heck is Luna saying his name is Amnesia? Well, more importantly why is he fine with being called Amnesia? You didn't give a reason other than:
That isn't exactly an explanation as to why he's not using his name.
4.) Why is The Doctor calling Alexis a 'she'? If the TARDIS can tell that he has all of his memories then I'd imagine it can tell that he's a he. (Also, adding the Doctor into this seems rather random)
5.) If you do plan on sticking to the name Amnesia then you might want to fix the dream sequence since you had yet to inform us of the name change yet you have his name as Amnesia in the dream.
Also, it could be that I haven't met to many feminine looking men, but the one's I have met don't sound (quite) like girls so why is his voice not giving away that he's a guy?
I don't care how shy you are, I don't think any guys would be happy being called a girl, especially in front of an entire class. By the way, why is he so complacent with going to school in a new world suddenly? You'd think he'd at least have something to say about getting dropped into a new world all of a sudden then suddenly being forced to go to a new school by somebody he has never met before.
I want to read this and enjoy it, it seems like it has potential (Though I might not be the best judge) so I'm gonna put it in Tracking for now, but there are a lot of holes in the story so far and parts that aren't making sense.
5473815
Trauma. You made me spoil it.
I was gonna explain, but in his past he was treated so horribly that he finds it very, very hard to deny him being a girl.
He voice is effeminate enough to sound like a girl.
The window bit was because they didn't realize it hit him.
Would any guy want to be called Alexis? Pretty feminine name.
I believe I explained the wings didn't I?
5474198 Sorry if I made you spoil anything, if you planned on explaining later you could have just said so. Why would anybody laugh at a window shattering? I might have missed it, but I don't recall you saying why nobody reacted to his wings. Most guys with girly names that I know usually go by a nickname that sounds like a guys name (Though admittedly most of them don't have effeminate bodies and voices). I see where you're coming from with him having trouble denying being a girl but you'd think he'd at least attempt to tell them that he's a guy, if nothing else so that he won't have guys trying to hit on him (I'm assuming he's straight).
What about these questions? If you plan on explaining in a chapter soon then just tell me, no need to spoil it if you don't want to.
5474279
1. TARDIS data flow was corrupted by Void fragments.
2. Spoilers to the plot. The first spoiler was to less of a degree.
5474304 Alright thanks, sorry if I was getting annoying, I am, admittedly, only half awake right now. I really need to get to sleep but I don't want to stop reading the story I've been reading.
5474312
I know how you feel.
5474317 Anyway, can't wait to see the direction this story goes. I've been working on something similar if what I saw Elric of Melnipony commenting about was true. Only mine was inspired by The King of Angels. I don't plan on publishing it until I work out all of the kinks with a friend of mine. Anyway, keep up the good work and goodnight (Assuming it's night where you are, if not than either good morning or good evening).
38.media.tumblr.com/b60fd615952259a06f31736b3b783047/tumblr_neltq1HBxM1txbduoo1_500.gif
Sad but good to say the least but keep it up!
Nicely done
... I am so confused by this story. Starting point at CHS is fine, becoming close to Luna, fine, losing her in a dramatic fashion, fine, jumping to Equestria, fine, deciding on a whim to test pure speed in flight, fine, hitting light speed and dimension traveling due to it breaks rules of basic physics. Also, there would of been ten to a hundred booms from hitting light speed. Also, since when was it confirmed that Amnesia was in Valhalla? When did he become its ruler? When did he learn he could make metal armor from his feathers? When did he learn to enchant? When did he learn magic period? Stop rushing forward and explain why he isn't a bad alicorn OC.
6238494
He'll end up telling the story to Gilgamesh.
6238502 So, flashback the story that should of been told up to this point? Fine, you can enjoy your crossover story, I am going off to other stories. Good luck with your future endeavors, what ever they may be.
Sorry it's been taking so long for me to get back to you.
6238535
It's a story easier explained in part to be honest.
Uh... You've got some of our comments in the story. Also, I wasn't done, I'm just...you know... occupied with real life among other things.
6478508
I know, its just been so long since I last added a chapter....
6478516 Well, we'll leave it as is for now, and I'll get back to you when I can.
This will be rewritten eventually