Just another artist writing stories and drawing pictures ^^
Twilight has had a crush on Rainbow Dash for a few months now, and it's starting to become unbearable not being able to confess. When Twilight calls Rainbow over and has a sleepover with her in the library, could this be the chance she was looking for?
A really fast, fairly adorable, one-shot TwiDash fanfic.
Picture made by Ambris on DeviantART. Go check that person out!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Damn this is TwiDash? From the title I thought this was RariJack!
*Sarcasm is off the charts!*
The two giggled together before falling asleep in one another's arms.
The age old common mistake. Ponies have hooves.
this was very good!
5853189 Technically, they have legs, but I see where you're coming from ^^ thanks for the feedback
5853082 har har
5853749 NO! u will never have more likes than dislikes.
I wont allow it
you couldn't be just a liiiiiiiitle bit more original with the title?
Different story with different setting and stuff, same plot as many other stories. Eh, at least it was different so at least it's not a waste of time.
5853822 ^^; heeeehhhh not really D:
5853918 I'm glad it wasn't too wasteful. I did want the story to be a little cliche and besides, It's kinda based of some events in my own life
Good! Will there be a sequel?
5853983 I'm glad you enjoyed it ^^ and no, most likely there will not a be a sequel.
Aww...
Not very original, but I thought it was cute enough.
5853939 Huh, your own life...
5854400 OvO if only....-///^///-
5854407 Yeah...
Heh, my profile pic, I did find your story cute, nice job!
5855728 Yah, this story is good for a twidash
I found minor typos.
Hmmm, how does she pull that off? Maybe Pinkie, but Rainbow's not that good at pulling off the impossible. The Rainboom isn't impossible because it was done and proven. It's just hard.
6181907 hahahahahahahah XD I'll fix it don worry bout it
Wow that was good but was kinda rushed don't ya'll think I really liked it tho
This was very cute but a little rushed. I could tell you didn't know how to transform Twilight's crush into a full blown confession and not a short confession followed by a short happy ending, but it was still very cute
Exept for some gramer errors I loved it you should post a YOUTUBE reading. :)
The ending made me feel like I was there myself, it was so cute! I love this story, keep up the good work ^^
Few comma splices/run on sentences but overall an amazing and cute story ^°^
It's an enjoyable, short but sweet story. Between the clever title and the pleasant reading experience, it does not deserve to be left commentless, so here I am.
A word of caution: what follows is my constructive criticism, but don't let it cloud the fact I really did enjoy the reading experience.
It's very much a oneshot, so extensive backstory exposition is unnecessary. Nonetheless, this aspect had been left rather lacking, with just a few vague mentions of past behaviors. A little more fleshing out of these recollections could do wonders to increase the immersion.
You say your writing has improved since the last revision, and I do not doubt it even without having read the older one. (Anything of mine I read after a year or more feels terrible.) Nonetheless, there are a few stylistic oopsies that I'm sure any proofreader would have caught, and that would make the reading that much more enjoyable had they been avoided.
First off, each paragraph should only have one character speaking. It's a basic in rule of writing in English, and breaking it forces the reader to unnecessarily wonder whose words they are reading.
Second, there are continuity hiccups. Spike forgot about Twilight's sleepover, yet he's already packed to go to Rarity. It's morning when Spike wakes up, yet after just a short conversation, it's already afternoon. Twilight and Dash start swinging in the afternoon, and after just a few words, it's sundown. I'm not saying the gaps need filling with more of an actual story, but the time flow is highly inconsistent like that.
Now, to wash away the sour taste: I really liked the tiny things establishing each character: Twilight's multi-levitation, Rainbow's antics on the swing, Spike's abashment at the mention of his relation with Rarity.
I had a great time reading your work, so more than anything: thanks for publishing. I'll be glad to take a crack at proofreading if you should want to publish more content in the future, or to just read it otherwise!