• Published 26th Dec 2014
  • 2,962 Views, 67 Comments

A dying heart brought back to life (one shot) - Vinyl-ScratchDJ17



About a young girl named Jane Winterhood, is slowly dying from cancer and a heart disease. (A conversion bureau, one shot story)

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To fix a broken heart

Hey guys, this a song you can listen to while reading. It makes the mood a lot better. I recommend setting the speed to 0.5

(If it says safety mode is on, then go to your youtube account, and scroll to the bottom of the page where you'll be able turn it off)

My daughter Jane, One of the sweetest girl you could ever meet. She's very nice, and talented, and will always be there for a friend. Everyday she wears a smile on her face, that says "I can do anything!!" She has the cutest voice you would ever hear. But good things never last long. When she was just four, her mother had passed away from lung cancer, and a heart defect. Her mothers death Brought upon much sadness for her, and that's when her smile faded away. Two years later to today, she still hasn't smiled. Well she has, but not like she used to. Just a few days ago, I found out that Jane is going through the same stuff her mother did. She has the same cancer, but, a much more, life threatening heart problem.

The doctor had said, that he's surprised that she isn't dead yet, because apparently, she's had this heart problem for about three months now, and the lung cancer she has had for about a year now. That was about a week ago, and now were here again. She's unconscious. It happened just a few sad moments ago. She was just going about her day, when she just fainted. She was walking to her room when she just fell over. So I did the right thing by bringing her here. Like last month, Earth and this world called Equestria made contact, This place was the world of that show known as "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic." They came to earth with this so called "Ponification serum" That can turn a human into a pony.

I didn't really care when they came, but the ponification thing was maybe just too much, and as they came, some of my neighbors, one of them I knew as a friend had gotten "Ponified." We're still friends. It was her decision, and I respected it, like a true friend would. Her name was Brenda, but now it's Shining Dusk. She's a light blue mare, with a blue mane, and tail that both have three yellow streaks going though each. Her eyes are hazel colored, and she had this marking called a cutie mark I think. It's a small sun with a cloud in front of it. Did I mention that she's a unicorn? Back to the main subject here, Jane lays in the hospital bed, still sleeping.

"I recommend, either trying surgery again, but this time she most likely will not survive, or to get her ponified." He says shrugging. That has to be the first time I ever had gotten ponification suggested to me by a human. I've only been told to be ponified, by ponies, or people who have become ponies.

"Okay..." I respond just staring at Jane.

"I see those as your only two options for her, or we could just...put her out of her misery." He says, looking at Jane fast asleep.

"But why ponification?" I ask, turning my head to see the doctor.

"Because it will give her a whole new body, with a new heart, and pair of lungs, which will be in perfect health. From what I have here, she won't wake up before she dies. So you have two hours to decide, or she dies."

"Only two hours?!" I shout, getting up from my chair.

"If you want her to have surgery, it has to be now, but we may not even finish, before she passes, so you would be making a big gamble with her life if you choose for us to do surgery on her. So I highly recommend taking her to the Conversion Bureau as soon as possible. It may be hard on you two, but at least she'll live." He looks to me with concern, as I have to make a decision, weather to roll the dice, and hope for the better, or to have her turned into a pony. I don't want her to die, but I'm not sure how she'll react when she wakes up as a different species. I guess I have no choice, so I make my decision.

"I'll...I'll get her...ponified." I say sadly, looking down shamefully. Then he gets up, and walks over to me from his chair by the counter, and he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"You made the right choice sir. I wish the best for you and your daughter."

"Thank you." I say Walking over to the bed on the other side of the room.

"I'm not sure how she will take it, but I'm sure she'll thank you for saving her life." Then he gives me a smile. I nod as I lift Jane up into my arms. Pretty soon she's not going to be human anymore, but it's for the best.

"I love her so much. I know I said I would do anything to make sure she's okay, so I guess this falls within that." I say, rocking the small child in my arms.

"Wouldn't any loving father do it?"

"I hope they would."

"Well, you guys can go, I'll take things from here with all the paper work and stuff."

"Thank you doctor. For everything." From there, I walk out of the room.

I walk out to our black truck in the parking lot, and I buckle her into the front, passenger side seat. I walk around the front of the truck, and get in the driver seat. I start up the truck, and in the gps,I put in directions to the nearest Conversion Bureau place. Luckily it's not that far. I know the doctor said she had two hours, but I don't want to take any chances. By now, It has gone from midday, to dark. The dashboard says it's 9:52 pm. Even though it's been only a month since this whole thing started, at least 1/5 of the population has gotten turned into ponies. So you can guess there are quite a few abandoned cars scattered around on the side of the road.

I see ponies walking by themselves, ponies walking with other ponies, ponies walking with other humans. It seems as if most people have accepted them into their lives, I have too, but it's the people that become ponies that give me this weird feeling. But that has to come to a stop because soon my daughter will be one of them. I take a good look at her so I can remember what she looks like in the long run. I don't want her to die. Losing my wife was hard enough, and I don't want to lose her too, so I guess ponification is the only thing I can do to keep her with me.

When we get there, it happens to be another hospital. I see a sign by an entrance to one of the parking lots. I stop to look down the list till I see "Conversion Bureau" With an arrow pointing left. I drive into the parking lot, towards the building itself, and turn left. After a few seconds of straight driving, I come to another sign. I find those two words again, and it says to go right. Once again I drive straight, after turning right of course, then I see a sign on the building itself, right next to a couple of glass doors, with a couple humans going in, and a few ponies coming out, and a couple more humans leaving as well. I turn towards the parking lot, and I park in the nearest available spot. Then I grab Jane out of the seat after unbuckling her, and walking on to the doors.

"This is it." I say sighing, and looking at Jane as I open the door, and walking in.

I pay no mind to anybody, or anypony else, I just walk up to the front desk. This room is quite fair in size, and I see both humans and ponies crying, and laughing. About every possible emotion is being expressed in this room. I look to the desk clerk who is a dark purple unicorn, with a dark blue and pink mane, and black eyes. She looks as if she hasn't slept in days, but is somehow able to function. She uses her magic to levitate a nearby cup of coffee, and she takes a sip, then looks to me before putting it back down. I can tell she is having a hard time with this, whatever it may be.

"May I help you?" She asks as politely as possible. That's when my mind goes blank. I feel like a different person. As a matter of fact, I don't feel anything at all. "Sir? Hello?" She waves a hoof in front of me.

"Oh...uh...yeah. I uh want to...ponify me daughter." I look to Jane, as this may be the last time I see her as a human.

"Just her today sir?" She had to ask it. I feel my heart racing a mile per minute. Why did she ask? I just said my daughter. She relies on me to make her happy, and to make sure she is okay, and once again, I will do anything to do so. Then here comes my answer.

"M-...me too actually." When I say this, I feel very strange, but relieved as well. If she gets ponified, then I will do it with her so she knows I care.

"Okay and what are your names?" She asks pulling a clip board out from the counter, and placing it on top, and then she uses magic to float a pen over it.

"Jane winter hood, my daughter, and me, John Winterhood." She then scribbles on it. I can tell she's filling out some sort of form.

"Age?"

"I'm thirty-two, and she is six." Then she scribbles onto another piece of paper.

"Okay, this is a copy of your form. You can sit in the waiting area until you are called." And with that she gets up from her chair, and she walks into another room.

I take Jane, and I Sit in a nearby couch. I rub her brown hair, and she breathes softly. She's all I got left. If I lose her, then...I lose myself. Knowing that we will both be ponies soon, eats away at my heart. I don't know how she will react when she sees me, or when she sees herself. I just hope for the best to come from this, and we can live forever happy. Just like when mom was with us. She made us happy people, until sadly she passed. But I know she's still with us, because she would wear this perfume all the time, and ever since she died, I haven't bought a bottle of the stuff.

Even though that's true, I can smell it sometimes, and I know she's here. Usually when I do something good, I will get a soothing feeling if I smell it, and a pain in my chest when I do something wrong, this time, I get the soothing feeling, and again, I can smell the perfume. I smile now, knowing that I'm doing the right thing. I check the time on my watch. It's been forty minutes since I left the doctors. Only 120 minutes left, till she's gone. I wait, as I watch the people that went in human, come out ponies. I don't know who is who, but I know it's them.

About ten minutes later, A green mare, with a white mane and tail with a slight hue of lime green comes out from a nearby hallway to my left. She is an earth pony with yellow eyes, and one of those small red and white mint candies for a cutie mark.

"John, and Jane Winterhood?" She says, looking up from her clip board, and around the room.

"That's us." I say standing up, and heading over to the mare who is about half my height.

"Okay, then just follow me." She says turning around, and walking back down the hall she came from. I follow her, as we pass more people and more ponies. I sigh.

"Something the matter?" The green mare asks.

"It's my daughter."

"What's wrong?"

"She's...on the verge of death right now." I reply as tears build up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry sir." She says with a reassuring voice, as she leads us into a room with two beds, a table in between, and a window above both the beds. "This IS where you will be when we come with the potion." She says as we enter the room.

"Okay, thank you miss..." I don't finish since I don't know her name.

"Oh my name is Frost Mint. You can just call me Frost okay?"

"Yeah that's fine."

"Okay, I will be back in a few." And with that she leaves the room, and closes the door.

Then, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I Lay Jane down in the right side bed, and I sit on the edge if the other as I pull out my phone. I turn it on to see I got a text from someone, or should I say somepony. Yeah I don't know how, but I happen to be friends with I guess, this person, er, pony. Vinyl Scratch. I actually live down the street from her, and she hangs out sometimes. I open her text, and this is what it says. "Yo what's up? Just wondering if I could hang with ya for a while." Well as good as that sounds, she can't since I'm not home right now. I reply with this text: "Sorry, but I'm not home at the moment." Then I check the time again. Only 64 minutes till her deadline. A few more minutes pass and My phone buzzes again. I look at the message, from Vinyl obviously. "Aw man that sucks. What you doing then? :)". "I'd rather not talk about it." I type in, then I send it.

"Hey, I'm back!" Frost beams, holding a tray with a cup and a needle on the tray.

"What's with the needle?" I ask

"Oh, since Jane is currently not awake, I will inject it into her bloodstream instead, while you can drink it!" She says putting the tray on the table, and holding the cup out to me.

"Oh okay. I reply, taking the cup from her, and I look at the purple fluid inside.

"Would you mind if I did the injection now?"

"Maybe two hours ago would have been nice." I say jokingly.

"Okay then." She takes the needle and pushes it slowly into janes left arm. I watch as the serum leaves the syringe, and into Jane's arm. She pulls the needle out, and the changes begin to happen. *buzz-buzz-buzz. Buzz-buzz-buzz* Goes my phone. I ignore it, as I move over to Jane, and I put the cup on the table.

"I wish to drink it while she can see me." I say to the green mare.

"That's fine. We allow anyone as long as they want, up to three days, where we assume they have changed their mind."

"Thanks." I say looking down to Jane, as I pick her up, and I hold her in my arms.

I watch as the transformation starts with her head. It starts with her ears, as the rise up her skull, to the top of her head, as they become pointed at the top, and turn purple. Purple with fur that is. Then her hair becomes an indigo yellow, and falls down, straight down the left side of her face. Her eyes become bigger, and her eyelashes get longer. Then her muzzle begins to form, as her head becomes covered in purple fur. Her mane runs down her neck, and over her right shoulder, and onto her chest. Then I see a horn rise out of her forehead. This tells me she is going to be a unicorn.

Then the transformation runs down her body, and her arms become purple legs, and her hands, and fingers become hooves. I don't know but for some reason, I feel like crying right now, that, having to turn my daughter into a cartoon pony, was the only way to save her life. By now, her rear, and her legs begin to reform, and an indigo tail sprouts from her butt which is now a flank. I can't tell if she has a cutie mark or not since she is wearing clothes still. A tear falls from my cheek now that I assume the transformation is done. I look at Frost who has a sweet smile across her face.

"She's an adorable little filly." Frost says, sitting next to me on the bed to get a better look. I scootch over to lay her down, as she sleeps. "We'll need to take her clothes off, since they don't contribute to her new body. So would you trust me to do it, or would you want to?" She asks me kindly.

"Oh, I'll do it, but thanks for the offer."

"We have two options here John. You can either keep her clothes for good memories, or we could take them, and they will be donated for human children who don't have proper clothing."

"I think I'll keep these, but I could give you her other clothes." I say, as I pull Jane's shirt off. That's when I see them. She has wings too.

"Oh sweet Celestia! She's an alicorn!" She says excitedly.

"Meaning?" I ask, as I pull her pants off, and sadly there is no cutie mark.

"Your daughter is a princess!" She says, rubbing Jane's mane. "Oh she should wake up any minute. Whatever it was that was killing her is gone now. With getting a new body, she is cured of anything she might have had."

"Oh thank god!" I say Scooping Jane up in my arms, and hugging her tight.

Now that she is a lot smaller, she is lighter to hold. I'm filled with happiness now, that she's going to be okay. I look at my watch and see, as the last minute of two hours comes to an end. Then I hear a groan, as she moves in her sleep. She's alive. I smile as I now hold her in my lap. I have her laying on her back in my arms, and I try to be careful of her wings due to that I hear they are sensitive like her horn. She Stretches her forelegs out, as she yawns, and her eyes open, revealing the most beautiful sapphire blue eyes I have ever seen, which makes me want to smile more, so that's what I did. I smiled more. Then she speaks.

"Hi dad. She says, looking up to me, then around the room. "Uh, where are we?"

"The conversion bureau." I say rubbing excess hair behind her ear, which those words, and the fact that she just felt her ear on the top of her head causes her to realize why.

"Did you..." IS all she can say before I bring a finger to her mouth.

"Shshshsh. Yes you are what you think you are." I say lifting her right foreleg in front of her face so she can see. she gasps at the sight.

"But...why daddy?" That's when I hug her close again, and I break down crying. She hugs me back knowing something is obviously wrong.

"I-I had no choice Jane!" I manage to say through my sobs.

"It's okay daddy, I understand. I was thinking of asking anyway because all my friends wanted me to." She says, pulling away from the hug.

"I love you so much." I say cupping her chin in the palm of my left hand, and I rub her smooth cheek with my thumb.

"I love you too daddy." I hug her again, but for a short time, then I grab my cup from the table.

"What's that?" Jane aks.

"Just to make sure you know I love you." As I bring the cup to my mouth, but she must have known what it was.

"No daddy please don't. You don't need to do that for me to know you love me." She says, moving the cup down, away from my mouth. So i put it back on the table.

"Are you sure? I kind of wanted it to be a daddy daughter thing between us."

"I'm sure."

"Okay my little princess." I say ruffling her mane.

"What do you mean by princess?" She asks, cocking her head to one side.

"Well...you're an alicorn." I reply with a smile.

"I am? Cool!" She says, as a smile spreads across her face.

"So are you guys ready to go home? It's late and you guys must be tired." Frost says to me with a smile.

"Good idea." I say getting up, and putting Jane down on the ground. She tries to walk, but only to stumble and fall each of the three times she tries.

"This hurts, but it's fun!" She giggles.

"Okay." I say stretching, and yawning. "Maybe we can work on the walking thing tomorrow." I say scooping Jane up again.

"Okay." Jane says looking down.

"Now hey, don't get so down, you'll be up and walking, and trotting, and galloping in no time." I say giving her a kiss on the horn.

"Hehe, okay that tickles." She says giggling.

We leave the building, and we say our thanks and farewells to Frost, as we head out to the truck and head home. About half way there, Jane falls asleep, snoring away in the seat, her head against the handle you use to push open the door. When we get home, I carry her straight to her bed. I fluff her pillow, then, I lay her down, and I tuck her in. I give her a kiss, before I leave the room, and I close the door behind me. "Sleep well Jane." I say quietly, as I head to my room, shutting off the hall light as I enter. I flop down onto my bed, and I pull out my phone. I decide to call Vinyl, instead of texting. She answers after the second ring.

"Hello?" She ask in her tomboyish voice.

"Hey, it's me, John. Sorry for not texting, I got caught up in some stuff."

"Nah, it's cool man."

"Okay thanks."

"No problem bro, but what happened anyway?"

"Well, earlier today, Jane just sort of fainted, so I took her to the E.R, and that's where I spent most of my day, but she never woke up." I say sighing after.

"Sweet Celestia, is she okay?!" She asks, her voice raising a bit in concern.

"Yeah she's fine now. The doctor told me at around eight pm that she had only two hours to live due to her lung cancer and heart defect, and he told me that either she could have surgery done, and might not survive, or to get her ponified."

"That's good, but what did you do?" Her voice going back to normal.

"I took her to get ponified. No way in hell am I gonna gamble with my daughters life."

"Awe good goin man! Did she ever wake up though?"

"Yeah, she woke up, when she was supposed to die. She took it quite easy. She said she was going to ask me anyway to get ponified for her friends, so all is good."

"Dude, I'm totally gonna come and hang out! We gonna have ourselves a party, and I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Okay, sounds like a plan." I say smiling.

"Great! But anyway, I'm gonna let you go. I'm kinda sleepy, and I don't wanna be tired during the party."

"Okay then, see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight." She says with a yawn, and with that, she hangs up. I press "End" On my phone screen, and I get myself situated in my bed, as I begin to fall asleep.

"Sounds like a plan." I say one last time, as I doze off into the many wonders of sleep. But not for long.

Suddenly I just feel really lonely, and I can't seem to stop thinking about Jane. I want her happy again. I want to see that big smile be spread across her face, but she hasn't for the longest time now. She's been through so much today, and I was there the whole way to make sure she would live. She's only six, and I refuse to let her die any time soon. I sit up now in my bed, thinking about today. It's been the saddest, and happiest day of my life so far. I think about the things that took place today, and how the affected me in so many ways. I'm not sure if I should be happy or upset, but I know I'm happy that my daughter is going to live.

This morning, when we were watching spongebob, she told me she was going to her room to get something, and she didn't even make ten steps when my day started. After taking her to the hospital, and sitting there for several hours, waiting for the doctor to come with the evaluation. Then I get told to either give her surgery or to get her ponified. He gave me a choice, yet I didn't have a choice at all, so I had to go with my only option. I watched as Frost injected the ponification serum into Jane's bloodstream, and from there, Jane changed. I held her in my arms and watched as the changes took place, and now we're here.

I get up, and I go to Jane's room. Upon entering said room, I saw her awake as well. She was sitting up against the headboard of her bed, but why does she look sad? I walk over to the bed, and I sit next to her, and I wrap her in my arms. She doesn't fight back, or say anything. Whatever is wrong with her, I will fins out, and fix it. I didn't save her life, jut for her to be sad. I's understandable to be sad, but I'm going to make it better. I pick her up, and I put her in my lap, and I rock her slightly back and forth in my arms, ad I stroke a hand through her mane.

"Hey what's wrong Janey?"

"I wish mommy were here." She says, looking down, and she sniffles.

"I miss her too Jane. She loved us both very much, and I know she still loves you with all of her heart.

"Okay. H-how do you think she would feel, if she saw me like this?"

"It would be a lot for her to take in, but soon, she would come to see that you're still the little girl she gave birth to six years ago." I reply, still rubbing her mane.

"So, why did you get me...you know...ponified?" She asks looking up to me.

"Well, the doctor told me either it would be surgery that you most likely wouldn't survive, or it was to get you ponified."

"So you chose this?" She asks looking at herself.

"I would have gone with surgery, but he told me that you would pass before they even finish, so I did this since it was like a guarantee that you wouldn't die." I say kissing her on the forehead, being careful to not touch her horn.

"Really? You did this knowing I wouldn't ever be me again? Well physically that is."

"As long as you're my daughter, I don't care what you are, because I will still love you anyway." Is smile down at her, and I can see tears forming around the base of her eyes.

"Thank you daddy. I love you." She says, putting her forelegs around me for a hug.

"I love you too. How's about you sleep with me tonight?"

"O-...ok." She says, as she smiles.

I carry her into my room, and I set her down on the middle of the bed, and I lay next to her. She gets herself comfortable under the covers. All I can see of her now is her head. Even though she isn't human anymore, I will still love her the way I always have, and I will never treat her different. I scootch closer to her, and I pull her to me. I put one arm under her head, and the other over her. She fell asleep really fast, and can be kinda hard to wake up, so she didn't open her eyes. I can feel her breath on my chest as she sleeps, and now the time has come for me to fall asleep as well.

"Goodnight my little Janey." I say quietly, giving her one more kiss before closing my eyes, and falling asleep, holding Jane in my arms.

"Goodnight daddy. I love you." Even though she's sleeping, and never really spoke it, I can just imagine her saying it.

"I love you too." I say giving her mane a single stroke, and I hold her closer to me, and within a few minutes, Jane is fast asleep, snoring away.

Well tomorrow starts a new day, and a new life for us. I'm smiling ear to ear, withs tears of joy filling my eyes because, I can still hug her, kiss her, and tell her I love her. Today was supposed to be her fateful end, but thanks to the help of the Conversion Bureau, her life was saved. Even though she isn't human anymore, I still see her as the Jane I've known for six years, as my own flesh and blood. Now that I think about it, if we never made contact with Equestria, she wouldn't be here in my arms right now, so now I'm thankful for them, and their ponification potion. I wish I could have gotten ponified with her, but she didn't want me too, so I didn't.

I wish her mother could be here to see her, but she's passed on, but I know she's smiling down on us from the golden gates of heaven. hank goodness I didn't have to work today, and I don't have to tomorrow either. I'm happy I still have Jane with me, but what father who loves their daughter wouldn't? Now that she's still alive, when she's supposed to be dead, I'm going to embrace every breathing moment I have with her. Pony, or not, I'm still going to try my best to make her life the best it can be. Pony, or not, I'm still going to love her like I always have.

And I always will.

The end...

Author's Note:

I am like really surprised how well this short one shot is doing so far! I thank you guys for your generosity, and if you liked it, please leave a like to show you enjoyed it. It's all I ask, and in return I will read on of your stories if you have one. But anyway, thanks again. And if you have any ideas as to how I can make this better then all ideas are welcome. I enjoy getting ideas as to the fact that I'm bad for coming up with them. :twilightsmile: :rainbowlaugh: :pinkiehappy:

Comments ( 67 )

I'm not sure where the tragedy and sad tags come into play (I guess I can see a point made for sad?) here.

I enjoyed the story.

5428050 I guess the tragedy part comes from the mother being mentioned as dead, but i'm thinking of removing that tag. but thanks for liking the story :D

put her out of her misery." Ha said

5428617 you put ha said instead of he said

5428624 oh thx for that i will fix it

She's an alicorn!

DISCORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5428649 how does discord come into this?

5428627 your welcome

5428662 discord would probably do something like this

Twist, her father gets ponified but becomes a draconequus.

5428974 sounds like an idea, but It's a ponification serum.

5428979
Then, glitches. Glitches mate.
Or a bored Discord

5429037 it said it in the short description if you didnt look.

Hello! I came here because someone put this in the Absolutely Disgusting group. I clicked on the link, expecting to see some awful black and red Alicorn OC self-insert story. That wasn't what I read at all. I read a story with an author who knows how to use the [sad] tag. Thanks for playing my heartstrings. I cannot understand why this was added to the Absolutely Disgusting group.

Although, quick critique, I understand the emotional turmoil the father is going through, however, we are never really given a reason why. I mean, we can infer the obvious, but I think specific examples of "No more (insert common human activity here)" throughout the story would have made the transformation all the more meaningful.

5429831 okay thanks for your advice :pinkiehappy:

5429037 I dont like the idea of people just wanting to become a cartoon equine anatomy just because either. I mean, whats the point of it? I'd only do it if I really had to, like Jane. If I was dying, and ponification was the only way to save myself, then I would do it, but other than that, I'd stay away from the stuff.

5439054 Yeah. I'd still feel really idiotic for doing it, but you know. Now If I in my current life was in that problem, I'd rather die. I live a very horrible life, and becoming a cartoon pony from a girls show would only make it worse

5439161 ha e been, but cant expect life to be filled with money, rainbows, sunny days, and what not.

That was bad, and you should feel bad.

5447249 A father takes his daughter to get ponified to save her life even though she wouldn't be the same.

5447261

Hamfisted, treacly and very much offputting. It`s not the idea itself, but rather how you handle it. Ew.

5447272 mmkay. s any suggestions to make it better or are you just gonna keep making insults?

5447278

Put yourself into the shoes of each character, one by one. If your line or action makes you feel ashamed,, frustrated or ridiculous about having to say/do it, then you REALLY should rethink what you`re doing. Also, double over on the fact-checking. I`ll point out a few glaring mistakes to get you started.

1) "Put her out of her misery" - no doctor would ever utter those words. It`s just asking for trouble. Euthanasia is not legal yet, regardless of dr. Kevorkian`s best efforts. Moreso, an euthanasia on a child would be.... far more poignant of an issue then any doctor willing to retain license and reputation would ever want to deal with.

2) Two hours to decide. Ridiculous notion. If it only were possible to give time constrains like that. On a side note - if it`s feasible to create a wholly new pony-shaped body, it should be rather trivial to be able to create a human-shaped one. I`d overlook this if it was explicitly stated as magic at work, maybe, but you do posit that it`s achieved by :"surgery". Therefore, ridiculous.

3) The rest of the initial dialogue. A cliche built out of bloody mangled bits and pieces of little cliches. A veritable mountain oozing purple pus of prose.

4) Touching Conversion Bureau lore. That alone is... a thoughtcrime, let`s say.

5) Accidental alicorns. What the bloody hell is wrong with you? "Your daughter is a princess!" Seriously? SERIOUSLY!? Do you even understand what the word "princess" MEANS, you abominable hack!? Allow me to enlighten you - prince/princess comes from the word "princeps". It in itself is a combo of two words - "primus" and "capio". First means "first.". Second means "to cease". In short, princess is the first among the people - by merit, by power, by charisma. The leader. To see you and your ilk toss around the word so casually angers me. You wouldn`t know aristocracy even if it punched you in the face, as amply evidenced by your notions of becoming a princess.

6) Conversation with a child. You haven`t spoken with children much, now had you? I don`t know where to even begin explaining what in that dialogue was wrong and why. It would be easiest to say that everything was, from stem to stern, and that the only way to fix it is to rewrite it anew from the scratch, preferably under a closely watchful eye of something with a clue about how children usually act.

7) The conver... you know what, I`m done with this trainwreck. It`s easier to list what went right with your story. You spellchecked.

5447357 At first I was like "Great I have to deal with this bitches bitching." Then I realized how little of the story you understood. Jane had become an alicorn which is referred to as a princess in Equestria. Plus when you called me hack, what does hack even mean? also the word pus, is spelled puss, and each time you used an apostrophe, you has spaces before and after it, which is unneeded. The two hour time frame part is how long the doctor had calculated she would live for before she died. the part of putting her out of her misery i can agree with you there. Also, I think people would rather read a story with slight grammatical errors, than listen to a stuck up prick insult them and their story. I had fun reading your little not, seeing as how idiotic are are, and how you didn't understand a thing. Come back to me when you know how to analyze a story, but until then, go back to school you "Abominable hack" Thanks! :twilightsmile:

5447357 Also, next time when you decide to be critical about somebody's story, try being kinder, like saying: "This story has a great plot of which I enjoyed, but not as much as I had hoped. It does have some room for needed improvement, then I'd consider trying again." Then point out the mistakes, with a few smiley emoticons, because telling people they should feel bad about what they write is not cool dude. Try learning some manners while you're learning your abc's again.

5447357 There are many more mistakes I could point out in your message, but since I pitty your lack of grammar, I'll let you be...for now. :scootangel:

5447472

No, it`s not. I don`t know where you got this ridiculous idea from.

The point of alicorns is that they`re RARE, and it is this rarity that gives them power. Moreover, we see each of the presented alicorns from the position of merit first and foremost. You don`t seem to comprehend that much even remotely - princess is just a pretty word for you. And given it is so, DO NOT TOUCH IT. You cheapen it needlessly.

hack /hak/ (noun) - a writer or journalist producing dull, unoriginal work.

pus /pʌs/ (noun) - a thick yellowish or greenish opaque liquid produced in infected tissue, consisting of dead white blood cells and bacteria with tissue debris and serum.

No, I don`t have spaces before and after apostrophe. If it seems to you that I do, check your vision.

___

It`s NOT bloody feasible to give "two hours before death" timeline, and any doctor worth their Hippocratic oath would outright refuse to try and name the exact time to live.

___

Grammar/spelling, I actually have no quarrel with. It`s the content that is utterly banal. Just like your responses. It`s... not particularly hard to base all of your refutations on "you didn`t understand it", but... What the bloody hell is your role then? If you wrote something that is not understood, all that means is that you utterly failed as an author. I`d be very cautious using that excuse if i were you. It was YOUR job to let me understand the message you wanted to convey - if you bungled that up, that`s hardly something YOU should be bringing up. If anything, it`s more condemning of you and your story then anything I could say.

5447486

I`ve proffered all the kindness I could muster for this affront of common decency you wrought.

Moreover, I refuse to lie - your plot was horrible, and my PRIMARY complaint is exactly that.

Lastly, I refuse to mollycoddle you milksop rejects of slush pile. If you want anything but thinly veiled derision from me, EARN IT. Again, I don`t know where you got this ridiculous idea from, but I do NOT owe you anything. Neither kindness, nor respect. And you did NOT endear yourself to me with your story to expect either to be proffered, to boot.

In short, I don`t like what you wrote, I don`t like your attitude about it, and I will make no effort to hide my distaste from you. Sink or swim, improve or vanish. It`s THAT simple.

5447550 just to let you know, your opinion means nothing to me. You are the first person among many to hate this story. And with that said I will NOT "Vanish" Because you tell me to. And ti let you know, this could have been avoided if you were more respectful in the first place. To be honest, I'm having a lot of fun with this dispute we are having right now. I bet you were hoping to make me "Feel bad" About myself but you have no idea how hard it is to bring me down. I'm like a bouncy ball. You shove me down I get right back up. So just admit you filed at your goal of making me feel bad. Have a nice day :)

5447582

First to hate, or first to take the time to explain to you why it was bad? I rather think it`s the second. Care to wager how many people checked the synopsis, maybe skimmed through the story, and went "Nope, ain`t worth any consideration."? Because that`s what the bulk of disliking people do.

Being graceful about critique is not a skill many possess - and what`s even worse, those in most need of critique are the least capable of dealing with it, be it gracefully or not so much. And that tends to discourage people, you know? Why bother overcoming the stubborn refusal to admit mistakes, if the one making them is much easier to just overlook? It takes a special kind of person to care enough to speak up, you know. TREASURE THEM. Neither yes-men, nor avoidants will ever give you any scrap of useful data willingly.

Frankly, I`m quite certain most of it will go right over your head. You`ve demonstrated no capability to comprehend so far. It`s always about you, no? Why bother with analysis, why consider your efforts critically if it`s so much easier to just discount it as "personal attacks". Except for one small problem with that - in order to receive "personal attacks", you actually need to be, y`know, a person for whoever is "attacking".

5447620 The fact that i see the likes outweigh the dislikes by almost 3x means that more people liked it. Whey read a story, then like it when you really didn't? makes no sense at all. I d agree I make mistakes like I said before, but the way you come off about it is just cruel and careless. I take time to consider the advice from people who don't make constant insults. I really dont care what you have to say, so why do you keep wasting your time on replying? You don't get the hint I DONT FUCKING GIVE A SHIT!!

5447637

Did you check the total number of views? See, a good deal of people also think that leaving story dislikes is mean, especially dislikes to newbie like you. So they just leave instead.

Also, why I keep on replying? Because I`m cruel like that. Because someday later (much later), you will learn better. Probably not by my advice, but by the school of hard knocks, given your reticent nature so far. Regardless of how forcible the method will end up being, you WILL learn all of that, and then... Then you`ll also remember this conversation. But then, you will also remember just how much time you wasted since then, learning things the hard way.

See, when I was younger, I very quickly learned NOT to stop people when they get the notion to slam their head on the wall, literally or figuratively. But I will tell them how stupid the idea is, and I WILL remind them "told you so" for the rest of their life. It amuses me greatly to remind people they fluffed up precisely due to neglecting my advice. Or just watching people fluffing things up, when you and me both know I was right that`s not gonna work.

Sure, disregard what I say. Subvert what I say. Do opposite of what I say just to show me how much you don`t give a shit. I`m not in a habit of advising bad things, so doing the opposite of my notions is going to be unequivocally funny. And self-destructive. But you`ll do it, right? Because there`s no way you`d dare to admit might be right in something. It would be easier t just put up with whatever self-inflicted harm you ended up with, just not to admit that "Alice was right!"

Dance, puppet, dance. Break yourself for my amusement, rebel for the sake of rebellion, and be none the wiser of it. ^_^

5447713 Dude. I have to thank you. I thought my new years eve was ruined to you came, and we had this time to have an argument i have been dying for. I've been laughing my ass off for the past twenty minutes. At least I have one thing to celebrate for.

5447722

I`m not a dude.

(Spoiler Alert!):

Not going to lie: Chances of becoming an Alicorn, let alone becoming a princess by chance is extremely rare. This is definitely (Though I may be wrong) the first story I've read of a customer getting very lucky with this ponification, especially right towards her verge of death.

Other than that, You get:
3 Yays :yay::yay::yay: for a happy moment given to the child
and
3 Mustaches :moustache::moustache::moustache: for one father's instinct for listening to both his heart and his guts

Other than that, I'D SAY KEEP GOING WITH THIS STORY! :D This would put Celestia's run with her money by the time she found out about this. :trollestia:

5461521 the hole alicorn thing was just a twist XD i love throwing in good twists. read my little rosey. it has a GOOD twist :D

5465554 Ok then. :) I'll give it a read!

I like the story. Even if it's a one-shot, I'd love to see more.

The only part I'm unsure about is the alicorn part. Normally it'd be fine with me, but another person had a story in which that happened... it didn't end well.

No matters, though, that was their story. Keep writing!

5584800 I just threw in the alicorn part for a twist. I'm not gonna go very far. If I do continue it will just be the party vinyl talked about

5584888

Fine with me, it's your story after all!
:pinkiehappy:

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