Snowed in on Hearth's Warming Eve

by GoneGuy

10: "A Hearth's Warming Carol" Part 7/The End

"The spirits have done it all in one night. I must go and make peace. Today, I start my life as a new pony! May Celestia be my witness!"

Icy Heart went down to the market and asked for the largest, plumpest oat and hay sculpture and had it sent to Stricken Poverty's house.

"And remember, do not tell them I sent it."

"Yes sir!"

He ran to his nephew's house and spent a few hours with them, laughing and celebrating before promptly leaving and heading to the home of Stricken Poverty.

He knocked on the door, and was greeted by the face of his employee.

He attempted to imitate his old , heartless voice best as he could.

"Poverty, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at the office?"

"But sir-I...."

"I will tell you why, Stricken. because it is Hearth's Warming Day, and because with all the hard work you do year round, you deserve this day to spend with your family, as well as other days. As of today, I am raising your salary and giving you more time off."

"S-Sir, are you alright?"

"I am better than alright, my good lad! I am filled with Hearth's Warming Joy! Happy Hearth's Warming to all!"

"Happy Hearth's Warming to you too, sir."

And Icy Heart was as good as his word. He rose Stricken Poverty's salary, and gave to charity, and filled others with the joy of the season. And to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was like a second father. He became as good a friend than anypony could have thought. He shared honesty, and generosity, and kindness, and laughter, and loyalty. And the Magic of the Hearth's Warming Season turned in their hearts.

"The End," read Twilight, finally finishing the tale.

"What a good story!" AppleBloom exclaimed!

"Yeah, it was really cool!" Sweetie Belle said.

"It was alright," Rainbow Dash added, barely able to suppress her true feelings.

"And look everypony! The storm's clear, we can all go home now!"

Everypony looked around, and no one left, and Octavia took a chance to speak.

"Perhaps we should all celebrate Hearth's Warming Eve together, here."

"You know what that means?" Pinkie asked, "It means it's time for a Hearth's Warming Party!"

"Happy Hearth's Warming everypony!" Twilight exclaimed as she returned the book to the shelf and everyone sat down to cookies and hot cocoa.

"And Merry Christmas to all our readers!" Pinkie exclaimed, prompting several looks, all being shrugged off to 'she's just being Pinkie Pie.'

Comments

[Pankrazius]

5427257

Ok. Write this while i read.

First: I like your idea really. It is after christmas, however as it started to snow exact today (for the first time this winter), I think it fits. You write well and its reliefing to read.

Chapter 1: Nice setup. I really like the image of cold outside and warm inside. And i just like the Golden Oak Liberary as the coziest place in Ponyville. (let the entering characters freeze and hearthly appreciate the warmth inside). Like stated above the description is a bit rushed. Your cozy warm place deserves a fire in a fireplace, iceblooms on the windows cushions and blankets for the guests... I got carried away. Sorry.

Chapter 2: Yes. He sayd humbug One minor thing: You mention the passed away Money Hungry in the second sentence, without any reason. Maybe let Icy Hearth actual see a picture of them both or so.

Chapter 3: Nicely done. But you should care about what to tell when. You let the spectre of Money Hungry appear - refering to him directly as Money Hungrey. Later you let introduce himself once more. Its not necessary. Just discribe the haunting spectre whith its rattling chains. The reader gets the information the same time as Ice Hearth.

Chapter 4: Uh. scrap my tip from Chapter 1. A bit at least. Fireplace, blankets and cocoa. Fine.

So far so good. the other chapters may have minor issues - but that were just nitpicking.

Overall:
- I suggest to name the "village". As it is a english carol, you should stick to an ponified english townsname. Trottingham maybe (this would be an actual name in the show. And Pipsqeak - who claims to come from there, speaks with an somewhat english accent) .

On the technical side:

- Saw a few typos and a few missing commas so far. But nothing to bad.

- Your paragraph-indention is a bit distracting. I prefer blank lines over horizontal indents, but thats a matter of taste. But I suggest, to use at least blanklines if there starts a new thought or an entirely new speaker appears.

- The same goes for speech. Its a bit hard to tell who talks to who actually. You can easy get rid of this by adding some
"...," said Twilight.
Or you can characters actually let do something like
"..." Twilight crossed the room, to open the door.

This way its just easier to recognize the actual speaker. This counts double, as you use a big number of (speaking) characters.

All in all: Yes I liked your story. A Really nice done ponified version of the christmas carol. Especially one thing: I love the naming of your characters. Its well thought out and contains nice puns. You write thoughtfull, as far as i got it. And your storytelling is good. You can improve and therefore get really good, if you keep on. As you wished - i enjoyed the read.