A strange recluse named Widget is starting a life for herself in the Everfree forest. Her mother told her to avoid the ponies in the nearby town of Ponyville, but fate intervenes during an incident involving a platypus and a large cannon. This is the story of a misfit trying to find her place in the world, as well as the courage to stand against the worst critic anypony can face... themselves.
WARNING: Comments may contain spoilers.
A big thanks to HoovesLikeJagger for his awesome cover art.
Chapters (11)
This is my first fanfic. I feel I can now call myself a brony with this!
A big thanks to DeathRiseRobo for editing this thing, and for making me laugh with a story about a rock.
Cheers to the crew at Proofreading, Pre-Reading And Editing for helping with the rewrite.
Also, give it up for Aburi, my prereader!
And thanks to Not Worthy for reviewing my story.
The rewrite mostly concerns chapter 1 and 2, with a small change to 3.
I had doubts, but this is actually pretty good!
A tip: Different paragraph for each speaker.
1163122
Thanks for the advice.
I spaced it out a bit more. Did that fix it?
1163262
Eeyup.
This is one of very few stories that I would recommend a re-write for. There was far too much that was glossed over the first two chapters, this last chapter just proves that the whole story could be totally awesome with more attention.
A Cutie Mark
This one chapter add-on turned into a two parter. I suppose I should have expected as much when the CMC get involved. Knowing them, they'll keep popping in and getting in the way even after their 'episode' is over. There was a slightly darker part here, but I felt it had to be covered. It won't be the norm.
I wonder which promise Widget is thinking about at the end there, the only promise mentioned so far is to not be seen by ponies.
1202643
In the flashback she promised not to try and change herself anymore to fit another pony's standards. Maybe I should just ditch the line... or add the part about her contemplating tattooing her flank.
1202662
Doh - how could I have forgotten that
I recommend leaving it as it is
More story please.
1202909
I'll start writing Cider Season tomorrow.
Pinkie's Decision
Finally got this thing done. It wasn't as much fun to write as the other parts, but this part of the story needed to be covered before I could get into the more interesting things I wanted to do with this story. I ended up having to scrap the Cider Season idea for something that worked better. If the song sounds familiar, it's because I *ahem* borrowed it from a certain movie:
So the legal CMA: I don't own The Muppets blah blah blah, go watch their movie, it's awesome!
Way to go pipsqueak! Breaking the ice with scary ponies in awkward situations seems to be his special talent.
1211658
I wonder what his cutie mark would look like...
Well, you gave permission to, in your own words, "beat the snot out of [your] story," so here I am. I was a bti confused about the whole part 1-part-2-etc. stuff, but then I discovered that these are episodic segments. So I'll review them separately. I'm not sure if, in my later reviews, I should try and connect these events to previous episodes; please let me know about that.
I know you want me to be as harsh as I can with your story . . . but you may want to ask another critic to rip this apart. My impression of this episode is almost-entriely positive.
Let me begin with spelling and grammar. You've rewritten this, you've put it through a lot of work, and it shows. It's almost flawless. There were a few confused words (I remember you using the word "whose" when you should've used "who's" and the word "shear" when you meant "sheer"), and there were a few missing hyphens. Also, there were a few stray errors I saw (one in the park that led to a run-on sentence: "Widget made her way through the park, doing her best to avoid the other ponies who were already there, She could only stand to meet so many new faces in a day."), but nothing too consistent or completely distracting. Very well done.
Now moving on to your prose. For the most part, it's great. I personally like the tone and feel of this episode. I think at times you rambled on in a single paragraph, like this:
But other than that, I enjoyed the style.
Moving on to more important matters!
Your atmosphere was very nice. It was very lax, which gave it a pleasant feel. It had a very mellow tone where it needed to, and the characters' reactions to stuff was especially nice.
You have quite a colorful cast here.
-Widget was very enjoyable to read about. Her characterization was very nice to read about. I just hope I can find a personal character flaw to her: is she mistrusting? Is she too meticulous? I hope I can find something about it soon, because she came off as a bit too skilled for me (Not a serious criticism)
-You DID kinda leave Syndey out of the later part of this. I'm not sure why.
-The rest of the cast is in character, and I really liked it.
And then we get on to your plot. I'll just say it now, and this is rare for me, methinks: I don't have a problem with it. Aburi said there was stuff glanced over, and I don't know if that was fixed or not, but I was very satisfied with what I read.
Overall, I really like what I've read thus far. The show-characters are in character and interesting, while Widget seems interesting herself (despite missing a readily-seen character flaw, unless I missed that), while your atmosphere and writing style are very enjoyable. There are a few errors here and there that could easily be corrected, and I have to wonder what happened to Sydney.
Nonetheless, this is getting a favorite from me.
I hope the later parts hold up from here. Expect a review tomorrow.
1236123
I know it was kind of unnatural, but I felt I had to explain her background.
Any suggestions on how to smooth it out a little?
As for Sydney, Widget is leaving him home for a while. He still shows up now and again.
1236139 Here's what I would suggest:
1. Have some of the other characters ask questions in between this--It would seem unnatural for them to stand still and listen to her ramble, unless they were all petrified. Here's how I'd write it if I took this path:
BUT THAT'S JUST ME.
2. Have them set-up a time to explain her background, and go a bit more in-depth with it--In other words, don't have it on the spot. I think that, and the fact that she explained all of this in one go, was what made this unnatural for me. I would personally write it like this if I chose this path:
Again, I really liked this episode.
As for Sydney... Okay then. I must've missed that in the story.
1236190
He's kind of a plot hole isn't he? Blast! I went back and tried to fix it a little.
I'm glad you're trying to fix up your fic. I hope I'm helping you out.
And just to state it, I said you misused the words "shear" and "whose"; you used the word "shear" when you meant "sheer" when they were at Rarity's, while you used "whose" when you meant "who's" when Pinkie Pie was talking at Sugar Cube Corner. Both of these occurred in chapter 3.
Anyway, I hope this helped you. I'll say it again, I really liked this episode.
“She has no depth perception, and yet she is still able to fly,” the wyrmkin declared. “Not only that, but she’s good enough at it that she’s been given the task of delivering mail!”
Twilight got burned
Well, I've finished "A Cutie Mark," and did it hold up compared to the first episode?
The simple answer is yes. I really liked it.
Let me begin with your spelling and grammar. Again, for the most part, it's flawless (I can't recall a single error in part 2). There were a few mishaps here and there in part 1; you used the wrong you're/your once there. If you'd like, I could probably go through and show you where you made those mistakes.
I also find your prose to be great as well. I would mildly say that I think you may put a bit too much information in your paragraph, but it's not really distracting (at least it isn't for me). Also, as Aburi has somewhat mentioned, that last line is a bit awkward as is.
Your atmosphere and characterization are perfect, methinks. I just really liked this!
Your plot, though, does give me some trouble. Even though it's generally good, I feel as though the sleepover scene was rushed. I think the joy in seeing the fillies try their hand at inventing things, and the awkwardness of trying to accommodate them, was glanced over, to the story's detriment. I think the end (not going to say the ending because spoilers) would've been stronger if we got to see how she enjoyed doing stuff like this more than they did, and she may've thought absentmindedly of it before now. But that's just me.
And I also need to point this out, because this is bothering me:
So let me get this straight: Widget has been a recluse from Ponyville most of her life, and has only recently begun to interact with them. She gets attacked by a bunch of fillies... and she interprets it as playfulness? Playfulness for a dragon, no less? Wait, so does that mean she was NOT an outcast with dragons? And she wasn't frightened by their behavior? She didn't hear them calling her a monster? She wasn't offended by that? Would you please clarify this?
Other than that? I very much enjoyed this episode. You've done two great ones thus far, and I'm glad to be reading this. Expect a review for the next part soon!
1248886
Thanks for the feedback! The dragon Widget was playing with was her mom; I went back and tried to make that a little more obvious. I hope
"Pinkie's Decision" stacks up, it was a hard one to write. Pinkie kept running off with my story. Never let a pony who can break the forth wall direct the plot.
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You did. Thank you.
...
Hopefully you took that as a joke. And I hope it holds up as well; I kinda don't want to give a negative review on this.
You are welcome. I'm only trying to help.
1249176
The newest chapter may take a while.
Pinkie was distracted last time, so "Pinkie's Decision" is the first chapter I really had to deal with her in depth. Derpy is being difficult right now too.
A Day With the Mailmare
I finally got Derpy to behave long enough to write the new chapter. It's a little short, but I think it illustrates the budding friendship between Widget and Ditzy fairly well. As always, please let me know what you think.
How in Equestria did these other comments make their way into this chapter? They were meant for chapter 3!
Anywho, did this chapter hold up for me as the other chapters did?
Meh.
Let me begin by pointing this out:
Also, "ya'll" is not the same thing as "y'all". Ya'll means "you will" (I believe), while "y'all" is a contraction of "you all"; you meant to use y'all the second time, and since Applejack was referring to one person the first time, it should just be "ya".
The prose was... surprising. There was a bit of exposition in there that felt out of place to me.
There's a lot going on in this paragraph. She's darting through town, and she complains about staying on the outskirts, and she also talks about going there to visit her friends? I think there's too much packed in this one paragraph.
We already know that the purple unicorn is Twilight. There's no need telling us here.
That part in bold . . . That's telling just a bit too much.
There's one thing I must say:
Moving to more important matters!
Atmosphere: Good, nothing wrong I think.
Characters: Great. I thought that typography thing with Fluttershy was really good.
Plot: Okay, so we were dealing with Widget's paranoia this chapter? Okay. I can accept that. I do feel, though, that the ending scene was rushed a... a lot, but I can deal with this.
So, overall, a good chapter. Almost everything is going along well; in fact, I think it's just your actual writing and pacing I've had problems with for a while. But that may be just me.
Will look at the next episode soon. The best of your talents!
1271253
Yeah... my prereader kinda quit on me around this point. That's my excuse anyway, and I'm sticking to it! "Pinkie's Decision" was the only part I DIDN'T like writing, but it had to be done. Basically, I needed something that would get Widget to take off her stupid cape so she could learn to fly. I did the best I could, but I'm always open to ways to improve it.
Edit: Pinkie tends to make everything rushed. It's really hard for me to 'channel' her, while also keeping the story at a slower pace. Any suggestions?
Imma combine "Flying Lessons" and "A Day with the Mailmare" into one review, since my comments are basically the same for both of them.
I think this time I can say that the pacing for both of these chapters was PERFECT. At least, they are to me.
Besides the small errors that can be caught with editing (I actually can't recall anything in ADWtM), I'd say I enjoyed these chapters more than any of the others. Great job!
Sorry I can't muster up my previous "critical reviewer," but I'm preparing to head off to college tomorrow, so I'm sorta just giving an abridged version of this.
Anywho, I wish you the best of your talents with whatever chapters you post up while I'm away!
1281052
Yay, thank you!
Good luck to you as well.
Hearth's Warming Eve
A big thanks goes out to reflexrex, my co-writer for this chapter. He brought life to Zecora's character, and saved the readers from having to put up with my poor rhyming skills.
Thanks for the shoutout, I'm happy to help
. Give yourself some credit though, the story's all yours. All I did was think up a couple of rhymes. Great chapter by the way, I'm loving where this is going 
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You don't need to post fan-fics to be a brony. All you need to do is love MLP and love and tolerate.
1395547
You and me both, brother. (Or sister. Which ever gender you are.)
A New Life
I'm sorry that it took so long to finish this. Here's where the conflict comes in, despite my desire to keep this story light-hearted. A big thanks to everyone who helped me get over my writer's block for this chapter. Hope you enjoy it. As always, comments are appreciated. If anyone has a better name for Widget's mom, please let me know. So far all I've got is a rip-off from "The Frog Princess".
And so ends my first fanfic. However, this is not the end of Widget. She will always be firmly stationed in my head-canon, and is bound to make a few cameos in future fics. I plan to write a semi-sequel as well as a prequel to the story eventually, but my next few projects will be a series of crossovers. I would be very pleased if anyone wants to use Widget in their own stories. Just let me know, so I can tell you more about her personality. I might write a "bonus chapter" to this fic that covers a few of the time jumps that contained stories that never made it into the main plot if there is enough interest in me doing so. Otherwise, I'd just like to thank everyone who helped support me throughout this story, my first foray into the world of fanfiction. I love you guys.
Excellent.
Well, finally got around to looking at some of your work. Off to a pretty good start, I'll say, and I can't wait to read more!
I wish this story had more views. It's amazing for a first story. But you might want to rewrite it.
2065255
Thank you.
Huh... I thought I commented on the last few chapters. Well, might as well do it now.
I very much enjoyed this story. Thank you for writing it!
Now to read "Tears of a Siren."