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"Of all the terrible batponies in the world, you're the least terrible."~PresentPerfect🐴Ponk & GlimGlam are best ponies🐴Text 714-496-3119 with the name of an MLP character to get a cute picture!
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It ends kind of abruptly, but other than that, it's pretty good.
5401149 It's supposed to be a really bad pun on how he is a skeleton and so he doesn't have a body. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feghoot
I agree on the abrupt ending and additionally I would recommend looking on that paragraph again:
Repeating the same sentence just doesn't sound good in my opinion, Pinkie or not :/
Speaking of which, I think you caught her quite well with the naration. Liked this little story :)
So long,
Realrobse
5401218 I'm glad you felt I captured Pinkie's voice well.
very well done...
keep up the good work
5401227 This is the best fucking story ever when it comes to being Pinkie Pie in first person.
5414513 Oh wow, thank you.
5414546 No, thank you for being best Pinkie Pie writer in the entire world.
5415699 If you like Pinkie Pie, try also Kwakerjak's excellent Petriculture.
5418358 I don't just like any Pinkie Pie, i have to like it, because it is imperfect, it is insane, it has no real logic to the thought process, it has to be like her, it has to be like a fine cut puzzle, every piece needs to make sense in a way it doesn't, just like Pinkie Pie. You have accomplished this.
I'm afraid I have no body.
Yuucchhh
You did nail Pinkie's thought process (which is not dissimilar to an over-caffeinated ferret) pretty well, so this story is going into my comedy folder. Nice work.
5418766 thanks. And yes, the pun just makes you... want to drop dead.... ? no. Okay I'll stop.
Comedy tag this thing! The ending is a hoot!
Possible corrections and/or points of improvement...or not. I dunno:
1. Now, I usually I always have a smile on my face. I'm a happy-go-lucky kind of gal. But this was serious business. So I responded. "No, not really. You're hang glider fell apart on me. I'm lucky I was carrying a blanket!" My voice was all echoey, which I guess made things a little better.
2. I'm all like, "Uh, hello?", and he's like, "Um, hiiii," back, all nervousy, and I know I'm supposed to start a new paragraph with new dialogue, but it just flows, so I will have two ponies speaking in the same paragraph if I want to, so you'll just have to deal with it!
- Goodness, Pinkie breaks the 4th wall even in literature.
3. "Allergic? To what, friendship?" I blurt out. "Come on, mister mysterious pony. at least lower your hood! I can't see your face!"
- Capitalize after period. After #2, I'm thinking whether this is done on purpose or not.
Thumbs upping and shelving.
5710521 Thanks a plenty. I'll make those corrections when I get a chance. If you like the ending of this one, you should definitely throw a follow my way, because I guarantee you'll like the ending of my next story, "Sweetie Belle Doesn't Earn Her Singing Cutie Mark" even more!
5710795 Noted.
Yes, I most certainly can hear with my eyes.
What, you thought I couldn't? Of course I can!
Ow, Pinkie! My ELA teacher is going to hear about this and scream!
This is why I read this story, and this is why I'm upvoting it.
9391786
Glad you enjoyed!
and
11493743
Yooooooo thank you! I'll post about it tomorrow!
11497099
Thanks 😊
My friend midnight enjoyed the pun at the end 😂
I am so mad right now XD
11651633
The ideal reaction.