• Member Since 13th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Monday

Super Trampoline


"Of all the terrible batponies in the world, you're the least terrible."~PresentPerfect🐴Ponk & GlimGlam are best ponies🐴Text 714-496-3119 with the name of an MLP character to get a cute picture!

Comments ( 24 )

It ends kind of abruptly, but other than that, it's pretty good.

5401149 It's supposed to be a really bad pun on how he is a skeleton and so he doesn't have a body. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feghoot

I agree on the abrupt ending and additionally I would recommend looking on that paragraph again:

I gasped! A pony--well shade, or whatever he calls himself--without friends? Impossible! "A pony without friends?!" I shouted, "That's impossible! Even if you're death-incarnate, you must have somepony you hang out with!"

Repeating the same sentence just doesn't sound good in my opinion, Pinkie or not :/
Speaking of which, I think you caught her quite well with the naration. Liked this little story :)

So long,
Realrobse

5401218 I'm glad you felt I captured Pinkie's voice well. :pinkiehappy:

very well done...
keep up the good work

5401227 This is the best fucking story ever when it comes to being Pinkie Pie in first person.

5414546 No, thank you for being best Pinkie Pie writer in the entire world.

5415699 If you like Pinkie Pie, try also Kwakerjak's excellent Petriculture. :pinkiehappy:

5418358 I don't just like any Pinkie Pie, i have to like it, because it is imperfect, it is insane, it has no real logic to the thought process, it has to be like her, it has to be like a fine cut puzzle, every piece needs to make sense in a way it doesn't, just like Pinkie Pie. You have accomplished this.

I'm afraid I have no body.
Yuucchhh:pinkiesick:
You did nail Pinkie's thought process (which is not dissimilar to an over-caffeinated ferret) pretty well, so this story is going into my comedy folder. Nice work.

5418766 thanks. And yes, the pun just makes you... want to drop dead.... ? no. Okay I'll stop.

VGI

Comedy tag this thing! The ending is a hoot! :derpytongue2:

Possible corrections and/or points of improvement...or not. I dunno:
1. Now, I usually I always have a smile on my face. I'm a happy-go-lucky kind of gal. But this was serious business. So I responded. "No, not really. You're hang glider fell apart on me. I'm lucky I was carrying a blanket!" My voice was all echoey, which I guess made things a little better.

2. I'm all like, "Uh, hello?", and he's like, "Um, hiiii," back, all nervousy, and I know I'm supposed to start a new paragraph with new dialogue, but it just flows, so I will have two ponies speaking in the same paragraph if I want to, so you'll just have to deal with it!
- Goodness, Pinkie breaks the 4th wall even in literature.

3. "Allergic? To what, friendship?" I blurt out. "Come on, mister mysterious pony. at least lower your hood! I can't see your face!"
- Capitalize after period. After #2, I'm thinking whether this is done on purpose or not.

Thumbs upping and shelving.

5710521 Thanks a plenty. I'll make those corrections when I get a chance. If you like the ending of this one, you should definitely throw a follow my way, because I guarantee you'll like the ending of my next story, "Sweetie Belle Doesn't Earn Her Singing Cutie Mark" even more!:pinkiehappy:

VGI

5710795 Noted.

I dunno, maybe humans can hear with their eyes!Woah!

Yes, I most certainly can hear with my eyes.

What, you thought I couldn't? Of course I can!

I'm all like, "Uh, hello?", and he's like, "Um, hiiii," back, all nervousy, and I know I'm supposed to start a new paragraph with new dialogue, but it just flows, so I will have two ponies speaking in the same paragraph if I want to, so you'll just have to deal with it!

Ow, Pinkie! My ELA teacher is going to hear about this and scream!

Mort sighed. "Nope, I'm all by myself. After all, I'm just a lonely skeleton. I'm afraid I have no body."

This is why I read this story, and this is why I'm upvoting it.

11493743
Yooooooo thank you! I'll post about it tomorrow!

11497099
Thanks 😊
My friend midnight enjoyed the pun at the end 😂

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I am so mad right now XD

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