It's the cider making competition for the fate of cider sales in all of Ponyville. But Flim and Flam with their dirty tricks didn't expect to run afoul of the town's top pony-at-law.
Just a short one-off gagfic while I'm at work.
This fic represents a lot of firsts for me. First uber-short. First fimfiction.net story. First MLP fic. First Phoenix Wright fic. First completed crossover. First blind fanfic (Seeing as I know nothing of Phoenix Wright. Hopefully I didn't make any huge blunders.) First fic I didn't have Tawny here for to add her amazing ideas. First non-lemon I've written. Oh. And first time I've ever been paid to write a fic seeing as I'm technically on the clock as I wrote it. :)
Edit: Well it seems the word limit has wrecked my idea to just write an uber-short so I had to add some filler to the front and back to fill it out. And it seems I've inadvertently set up a story hook for a second chapter so it looks like the word limit has ended my dreams of a one-shot as well. Oh well. The next one will be better since I'll have time to research the Phoenix Wright series, have more time to put some effort into the chapter, and not have to fill it with fluff to make the limit. And I'll have Tawny to help me. So I guess look forward to a better all-around chapter 2.
I'm really sorry for the quality of this fic. Like I said in the description, I was trying to shove a bunch of filler in there to meet the word limit and now it kinda... bites. The original version is from "The Flim Flam brothers had started sweating bullets" to the point that Phoenix gallops off. Just in case you wanted to know what I ACTUALLY wanted to submit. Thanks in advance for your understanding. -Shiloh
I'd like to see the Mayor indicted for illegally granting a monopoly on cider on the basis of an extra-legal competition.
You know, I knew nopony was going to like this story but I never expected that NOPONY would like this story. I thought it was at least halfway decent. Oh well. I'm sure once I add a second chapter and clean up the first it'll be a bit more popular.
I actually liked it :D
509051 Lol. Well thank you. I can't help but feel it's a pity like but I'll take it.
-Shiloh
I Am The Law - Anthrax
509190 pity is only for the... Pitiful? No i truly liked it
Re-submitted and open for anypony to see because apparently my readers hate me and want to see me die in shame under the white-hot glares of their criticism. So yeah, enjoy!
This was rushed faster than the Anglo-Zanzibar War. The entire setting of the scene in the first paragraph, which was three lines long. A little later on, there was "the giant machine turned around and chugged out of Ponyville forever." Kind of an...awkward sentence, though it's hard to explain why. A few grammatical and spelling errors as well, along with being terribly short. Though it is marked as incomplete, so I'll give you that. And Phoenix Wright...what? Just...what?
I won't be a total douche nozzle and thumb it down because it really isn't as bad as others seem to claim, but it's definitely no Anthropology, so I won't upvote or favourite it either.
Sincerely,
ChrisTheCat
697949
Now you see why I took it down the first time. Hell, one of those downvotes is mine.
698025
Really? I like that! Bahahahahaa!
Ok first of all i don't hate you accualy I love you..........your writing of course
.
Ok now for the review. I can tell its your first story but not because it was horrible, but because you used cheesy lines in serious situations(unless you meant too then nevermind). For the story in whole I liked the story. The writing was kinda weak, but the story was defined at least and you didn't try to throw a curve ball wih the accusation. The accusation accualy made sense alot of it accualy.
The reason why i think you got so few likes but so many dislikes is because, it is easier to dislike a story than to like it. I am going to like this story because i really did like it(not like as in love but just like).
I AM NOT LIKING IT OUT OF PITY. Sorry for the caps lock but i don't want to think that. This story accualy has potental. Don't sell yourself short just for what people say or dont say.
703177
Potential, yes. Potential I'm interested in developing, most certainly not. This thing is dead and buried and if somepony wants to resurrect it, then it's going to have to be somepony much more familiar with the Phoenix Wright games than I. Honestly, I'm willing to let it sit here gathering dust, my obligatory failed story. Every writer needs at least one. It's tradition. As for cheesy lines, that's sorta what I equate Phoenix Wright with, my only knowledge of the series being internet memes and a very brief wikipedia search. So yeah. I'm totally not offended.
703275
Oh crap I didn't mean to offend i swear i didn't. I haven't played the games so i didn't know the cheesy lines were a part of it. Gah i hate it when i come across as an ass.
When i said it had potential i didn't mean for you to continue or rewrite. I guess what was going through my mind is that there have been many storys that i have read to where it was so horrible that there was no hope for it. This story is accualy good.
I ave tried writing before and it was no where near this storys calibure, but I have read more books than i care to count. So i can at least say it was a good story.
Hey this Story is cool. Its funny actually.
I wish i would be that creative, because PW is a really good Game
703531
No offense taken, I assure you. It was mostly self-bashing.
721870
I'll take your word for it.
Just wanted to point something out. The story now has more thumbs up then it does thumbs down.
750309
Will wonders never cease.
750446
Am I sensing sarcasm here?
750623
Actually no. I am truly surprised.
750870
Oh cool. You are a great writer. For as many firsts as this story was for you it turned out very well (I couldn't do better
). Honestly i think a part of those thumbs downs are from trolls that go around doing that just to make people feel bad about their storys. I have read Fics that are amazing in quality but still have people dislike it just to be an ass.
Welp this has my attention as well!
also, would anyone want this moustache?
A Phoenix Wright fic without any "HOLD IT!"s, "OBJECTION!"s, or "TAKE THAT!"s? Blasphemy! Seriously though, I'd like to point out a few things.
One: Phoenix doesn't take cases wothout payment. He does want to see justice served, and the truth revealed, even if it means pressing his own client for the facts, and pointing out lies in their testimony, even of not doing so would benefit his defense of the client. But he also needs to pay the bills.
Two: There are no plucky comic relief teenage girls as assistants. This needs to be fixed if you write another chapter.
Three: Phoenix is a lot more snarky. Even though he doesn't say it out loud a lot of the time, he's usually at least thinking about how insane the people around him are.
Four: There are no prosecutors or other people who are whipping him, throwing coffee at him, or otherwise harming him. If you write another chapter, fix this.
Five: He doesn't *sob*. If you write another chapter, fix this.
Six: He never slams a desk. If you write another chapter, fix this.
I'm sorry if this came off as rude or nitpicky, but you gotta learn this sometime.
2599628
HOLD IT!
I have a piece of evidence that contradicts your testimony! I call your attention to the following paragraph.
This clearly shows that the defendant did make an attempt to incorporate Phoenix's catchphrase into the fic!
As for your other concerns, I would like to present another piece of evidence from the very fic description itself.
As you can plainly see, the defendant had very limited knowledge of the Phoenix Wright series at the time of this writing and made every attempt to point that out!
In closing, no your arguments were not taken offensively as you can see by the defendant's lighthearted response and your concerns were simply an oversight due to the writer's lack of knowledge about the series being lampooned. I assure you if I do re-write the fic, the characters will be much more accurate.
I rest my case.
2601733
OBJECTION!
*slams desk*
...I was hoping to come up with an argument while I was slamming my desk, your honor.
I didn't.
Judge: You have my sympathies.
OBJECTION!
*slams desk again*
Judge: Well?
I was hoping to come up with an argument while objecting, your honor. I did not.
OBJECTION!
That was the point! In case the defendant ever writes another chapter, the witness thought to inform the defendant of the series' quirks and Wright's character traits, though it is with great regret that I inform you the witness missed that objection.
2602728
Judge: Mr. Munch! If you make another pointless objection, I will have to charge you with contempt of court, and have you thrown out of my courtroom!
2601733
For what little knowledge you had of the series, you did well. I would suggest re-writing the story to deal with some pacing issues; you should also realize that, as far as I'm aware, Phoenix would never allow a criminal to run away without yelling for someone to stop them.
Beyond that, I look forward to this continuing sometime.
I literally burst out laughing. This was great. Four chuckles.
Who, me?
Nah, of course not.
I... I adore this. This needs to be animated. Now.
7203396
HOLD IT! Your objection makes no sense if you agreed with me!
7208004
7207680
The verdict now declares the defendant...
ANIMATED.