• Member Since 11th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Fluttering_Ashes


E

When you photocopy a picture, it's never quite as clear as the original, when you copy that copy, it's even more distorted. What happens when you do this to a living, breathing pony?

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 8 )

I'll keep an eye out for this one. It took me a while to figure out the timing of when this scene could have happened in-universe, and I'm not sure a mirror pool incantation would only be 95 percent (if anything the pink Pinkies should have matched perfectly), but the actual premise has promise.

I kind of hope a complete explanation as to why this clone altered in the pool will be given gradually as Surprise discovers herself, but regardless, it's an interesting idea and I hope to see more.

Some technical suggestions: When doing conversations, try to make sure one character speaks per paragraph. I remember at least one instance where two characters spoke in the same paragraph. The reason for that is so the reader's risk of mixing up quotes is minimized.

Speaking of paragraphs, I'd suggest splitting up some of the longer ones so that they don't look like walls of text (unless you're going for an effect, like reflecting how wordy characters can drain on you in real life).

But really, those are small issues. Overall I'm interested to see the characters interact and see what kind of themes come up through this story. Nice work!

5347561 While I acknowledge most of your points I have to stand by my mirror pool theory. Although I acknowledge that maybe a 95% accuracy rating might be a bit too low, I do have to point out that every Pinkie in that episode wasn't quite as good as the original; they were less intelligent, had a shorter attention span, less empathy, and much lower self control. Had the cloning been done 100% accurately we wouldn't see these flaws, so I decided to exploit the possibility of them for this fic. If I had to change anything about it i'd say it was 99% accurate rather than 95%.
But anyway, glad you enjoyed it and thank you so much for your comment! :D

I vote for more. It's a fantastic idea and I look forward to when someone drops the M bomb on them.

one riding another and smacking her behind with a stick

Actually, that was Pinkie's lesser known sister, Kinkie Pie. She works in Canterlot baking erotic cakes and other pastries for Princess Celestia.

And if she asks if you want to try her cream pie, just run.

ohh cant wait for a squel

First off, I wanna say I love the story so far, it has a some great writing!
However, there are some errors (that happen multiple times, not just one time things) that I hope you don't mind me pointing out! I don't mean this out of malice, I feel the writing would be improved by these little fixes!
1) Punctuation gets a space after it; that includes all the ellipses (...) you used!
2) When someone starts speaking, it gets a new line. That's not to say every quotation gets a new line! But when you, for example, switch whose speaking, you'd start a new paragraph.
3) Sometimes a comma works just as well as an ellipsis!

Anyway, I can't wait for more chapters!

6288906 Oh don't worry! As long as no one's mean about it i'm fine with having that stuff pointed out. It helps make me a better writer. To be honest I write right before bed when i'm really tired, its just when I do my best stuff. I'm surprised (no pun intended ) it looks this good.

Login or register to comment