• Member Since 21st Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 13th, 2016

Princess Twilicorndog


Sorry I've been dead for a while. I have had absolutely no motivation, and whenever I did the resulting work sucked. I promise I'll try to be more active.

E

Pinkie Pie and Celestia have an epic battle over the last piece of cake. The resulting explosion destroys Equestria. The End! :D
~~WARNING: COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY RANDOM~~
--Inspired by the picture, made by KP-ShadowSquirrel on DeviantArt--

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

:D I hope everyone loves it! Also, obvious Luna troll is obvious.

Dare I say that this may very well be one of the greatest pieces of literature I have ever read? Bravo good sir, bravo indeed.:moustache:

Epic story is Epic. 'Nuff said.

Tsk Tsk Tsk....you can't just simply blow up the world! :pinkiecrazy:

Hey didn't simply blow up the world they blew up the universe

this was pretty good lol

:ajbemused:
"Random. Huh. Lets see how random this can get.

:rainbowderp:
"..."

OH GOD I LAWLED SO HARD

I cannot express my enjoyment of this story in simple words, so here's a thumbs up and a Fluttershy :yay: :heart:

What they didn't know was that I had eaten the rest of the cake, resulting in there only being one piece left :pinkiecrazy:

i love the idea lol

one does not simply... share cake... between celestia and pinkie.:pinkiecrazy::trollestia:

I have to be honest here, there are a few things that you have to work on. The first of which is to recognize you're supposed to be writing a short story, not a screenplay with bits of paragraphs put in-between. The premise of the story held a lot of promise, but fell short of the expectations that I put up for it. I wasn't expecting a life-changing experience, but I did expect to be entertained. Reading through the short story, I saw that the tale becomes a bit too meme-ridden for enjoyment, and the cues for each of the characters involved seem to be off. While this may have worked if you had it animated or put into a visual format, the story in itself does not provide enough for a reader to follow through.

The second thing is your diction and formatting. You need to work on when to put your paragraphs and when to follow through. I noticed at the beginning of Celestia's rant of "non-existent Luna, etc" that it gets much too sloppy for enjoyment, as well as you lining up most of the plot with nonsensical insertions to further disrupt the pace intended.

I won't be talking about the grammatical or spelling errors, although I am partial to a good performance in each, writing a story, one is bound to allow such errors to occur, as infrequent as they should be. I'm going to put a thumbs down for this; it was a good idea, but the execution, through all of it, needs some work. Everyone has a chance to improve. You can as well.

*Stumbles upon this story* "Oh just another short random fic" :ajsleepy:

5 mins later

"Dammit I can't breath! Too much lulz everywhere!" :rainbowlaugh: :pinkiehappy:
Seriously, awesome short story, have 5 fluttershys. :yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

Dafuq did i just read?:derpyderp1:

I was very disappointed that, despite the title and Pinkie Pie, Equestria was not destoryed..

Other than that, good job, I was somewhat entertained.

506532
Umh...
Equestria was destroyed...
Along with the rest of the world...
And the universe. So, uh, huh?
EDIT: Ohhh I see XD Yeah, sorry about that, but apparently Word says "destoryed" is a word and I didn't catch that XD Im going to edit that, right now XD
506287
Whelp, it's certainly not the best story in the world, but really, I just wrote it to have fun with myself :D
I might rewrite it later on, but probably not.

All part of the last slice of cakes plan

"FUS DO RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

You mean "FUS RO DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ?

Lol cool but i thought it was Fus Ro Da?

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