• Member Since 6th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 24th, 2023

TheOriginalSS


I weave a world for the reader to move with. Be it passionate or tragic, heated or suspense, I craft the world. Will you read it?

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What is more wrong than liking somepony of your own gender?

What happens when your feelings finally run high enough that you can't hide them any longer?

Enter the story of Rainbow Dash as she tries to figure out just what it is that her feeling are.

For years, Rainbow Dash has adored Pinkie from afar. For years, she hasn't been able to muster the courage in order to actually come and approach Pinkie.

Now it's her birthday, and Pinkie has taken it upon herself in order to throw the Pegasus' latest bash.

Is Rainbow's time finally here? Or does Pinkie not love her back?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

Okay, before I talk about this story, I just want to point out a few grammatical errors you might want to correct.

“Forge this, let’s fly!” She said to herself, really to nopony in particular.

*Forget. Also, "really to nopony in particular" is unnecessary when you already have "she said to herself".

Most of her crazy stunts in the air also required careful thought and concentration, requiring precise timing in order to pull off even the simplest stunt.

You switch from past tense to present tense here, and a few other times throughout the story.

This was worse than getting past Lightning Dust, worse than when Gilda would bully her, or when she’d preformed the first Sonic Rainboom by accident.

I believe that past should be a passed.

Pinkie Pie: the one and only crazy party pony in all Equestria.

Not a grammatical error, but I do know one Cheese Sandwich who would disagree with you.
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Those were just a few errors I caught, so you may want to go back and look for more.

As for the actually story... it's nice. Certainly better than my first fanfic. :twilightsmile: You have a decent writing style and good delivery for the most part. As a whole, this was a very basic shipfic, holding a couple of tropes that quite a numerous amount of shipfics do, but it's not bad. Not bad at all.

5278157 Someone noticed the Cheese Sandwhich Joke in there!!!

Also, thanks! I appreciate the feedback! This is actually my very fiction I wrote a year ago and edited it yesterday. Thank you!

5278223 I like this. Although Pinkie's POV could've been explored, it was enjoyable.

It was cute and heartwarming.

Very cute and lovable! My only complaint it that you went overboard with Pinkie's baby talk. Try to tone down on that

its good and all but I don't like your description because you say its bad to have romantic interest I the same sex

5334976 Oh, I approve of LGBT! I just put that in to evoke a question.

Pinkie Was Here!

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