- Member Since 13th May, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 30th, 2022
HoofBitingActionOverload
The sexiest man you've ever met.
HoofBitingActionOverload
Joined 13th May, 2012 ·
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Tracking. This will be interesting. Poor Fluttershy, and jerky friends.
This is brilliantly written. So well written that your portrayal of Rainbow Dash made me legitimately angry; what a cunt! That said, can't wait for chapter two, really can't wait
As I believe I have said before, your characterisation is just jaw-droppingly good. Keep it up mate.
Ooooooh, my goodness, I have very rarely been as excited about a story to update as this one! Story about sex that's not all about the sex? I will be anxiously waiting for updates.
And 39:6 up/downvote ratio (as of the time of this comment)? Something tells me that some readers were expecting a quick and easy Flarity tryst in this story. Not gonna happen here, friends, I'm afraid. Ah, well, I actually like the emotional sex just as much as the physical sex, and this chapter was delicious. There's a roller-coaster of emotions that'll go flying around in this story, and I'll gladly follow this story to its conclusion to see how that turns out.
5881602 Yep. I'll be waiting as well, don't be discouraged by a few people downvoting. I think it was good.
Holy shit, all the feels.
Tracking. Let's see where this rabbit hole goes.
REALLY sick of these damn lesbian stories, a goddamn infestation by this point.
5884949
I'm sure that must be really terrible for you. 
Life's rough sometimes, man. 
My thoughts are with you and your family! 
5885031
Did you see that guy calling me autistic over my opinion? I think you should block him from your stories I shouldn't be call an ableist slur for stating my opinion
5886996
Woah man. Look, I had no idea you'd take that so personally. I had a bit of fun at your expense. And I'll admit that wasn't exactly a nice thing of me to do. But no need to explode like that. I was just poking fun at your headcanon, and if you can't take a little joke, then well, I'm sorry. You know I myself am autistic? It's not the end of the world to be different, so if you want a laugh in return at my expense, be my guest; I'm a big boy, I can take it. But I certainly wouldn't wish death and misery upon anyone for such a silly comment without any context upon which to draw. So, you know, just cool down and lets just forget this whole thing happened
5887167
It's Okay I just took that wrong my apologies. Well we are cool t just take care now. I will see you around again sorry my anger got the best of me i think we can just let this go so truce?
5887381
Yeah no problem, trucey sprucey and all that. Enjoy your evening
5887399
I will
Very well written. i look forward to more. (Is that a good thing? I think that's a good thing. Not entirely sure with this type of story.)
I thoroughly enjoy the way of thought Fluttershy has. Listening without understanding what was said, but how it was said. Feels like an accurate characterisation of her.
Definitely going to track this.
Bonus moustache for this quote
Yep, this is exactly what I would have hoped for when you teased this story. Fluttershy's internal dialog is superb here, and you really feel for her.
And then there's Dash. Dash is a jerk (though the 'shove it up her butt' comment was pretty epically hilarious).
WHY YOU BE SO MEAN TO FLUTTERSHY, DASHIE?
A very minor gripe here is that the paragraph indentations are quite inconsistent, at least on my screen.
I found this to be a very interesting read. I love how close to the original characterizations you are and how well you implement their thoughts and dialogue.
The premise had my curiousity, but now you have my attention! I'm very excited to see more of this story and impatiently wait for more.
Pros: 1. Very well written with little to no grammatical errors. 2. Great characterization and very well done dialogue. 3. Fluttershy's inner thoughts are not only very close to the character, but I find to be personally relatable. 4. The premise is very interesting. 5. Sex isn't what it's all about. It's merely the tool for the themes of your story.
Con: I can't wait for more!
That was . . . That was painful to read. So much untold, unspoken tension in this chapter, and yet the bulk of it is just dialogue. I'll be taking notes from this chapter, I think.
Wow... the story telling here is spot on. By saying so little, you actually said so much.
I'm glad I followed this.
Very few writer knows how to take it slow. You do. Damn this was good! I felt so bad för Fluttershy, partly because I've been there.
Yet another reader with "this is well-written" and "this is well-characterized" feedback here. There's a lot to like in this story, and I'm definitely looking forward to the scene promised in the summary. The thing I find most interesting is how Flutters views everything through the lens of "what would Rarity think?" It's quite a subtle yet effective way of showing how she feels about Rarity. Keep up the good work!
This is interesting, one minor detail is the constant name repeating, but otherwise this is solid.
Well this is a nice "Welcome Back to Fimfic" present - just as brilliant as I remember it to be.
Maybe this should have a Sad tag or something, because so far this is really just depressing to read and shaping up to get worse.
This is really making me reconsider a pairing that I have quite frankly never liked. Awesome job.
5940463 yeah, i feel so sorry for fluttershy. This chapter is like watching a mental trainwreck in action.
Oh Fluttershy. These feels. I'd quote a specific bit to say how much I loved it, but really, the entire inner monologue here is just perfectly voiced.
I can't wait for more.
Yes! It got updated! I was afraid you had thought or had cancelled the story. Thank you so much!
5940463 Romance is tied to drama, which often entails sadness. Knowing you love someone, but not having the nerve to act, is sad, but that does not mean the story will end sadly. We see Fluttershy in her low, here, but it will make us feel that much better when the high comes.
5946955
That isn't really the part of it that I was talking about.
5946987 I see, then what did you mean?
5947062
The part where Fluttershy is so emotionally and socially crippled, and so insecure about and desperate for her friends' approval, that hiring a prostitute just so she can tell them she lost her virginity and finally belong again seems like an idea even worth considering to her - and now she's lost hope so completely, she thinks it's the only option she has left and is about to actually do it. The idea that someone could be that forlorn and despondent over the direction their life is taking is just horribly tragic and depressing to even think about.
It just makes me pity her horribly. What she needs is gentle, professional psychological help and a better social support network, not an ill-conceived intimate encounter with a sex worker. That can only make things worse.
5947101 hmmm, I see your point, but I don't really see that as depressing, per se. Fluttershy is depicted as being horribly repressed, and is having a sexual awakening, but doesn't know what to do about it. She knows what she wants to do, but is not comfortable expressing that to Rarity.
5947187
I don't really know how one could see it as anything else. She's desperately unhappy and feels completely abandoned and like she can't talk to anyone. She's so convinced of her own inability to ever have a normal relationship, she thinks she'll never have her first sexual experience unless she pays for it. Hiring a prostitute is one thing, but this just isn't healthy.
5947212 Probably not, but remember, this is Fluttershy. It wouldn't exactly be in character for her to be anything but full of enough emotional issues to be the basis of somepony's thesis. You're not exactly saying anything new about her, and more or less implying that anything written about her should have a sad tag.
5947623
Depending on how they're written, a lot of them honestly are, to me. There's quite a difference between being shy and being so cripplingly unable to cope with social interaction that it becomes a mental disorder of its own. I suppose it's subjective whether this situation counts - although I'd really consider having your first time with a literal whore, that you actually had to pay for it, a pretty sad kind of thing all by itself.
5948717 Well, the story is implying heavily that Rarity is in fact our mare of the evening. I think she'll manage to break poor Shy in without screwing her up too badly.
yep, that's what I expected.
But Steel! It could totally be some OTHER white unicorn mare with a purple mane and blue eyes whose cutie mark/name/talent is in some way related to gems who enjoys giving of herself freely.
It could happen! Really!
Ooooh, I wonder who it is! Hmmm, it's obviously someone that Fluttershy's met before. Wait! I've got it! It's Blueblood! I mean, it is entirely plausible that he got turned into a mare by Celestia because she got annoyed at him. He's already white, he has blue eyes, and I bet he died his hair purple so that no-one would recognise him! It's perfect!
5974942 Yeah! For instance, it could be Rarity's long lost twin sister!
5975266
i.imgur.com/eNFEtXi.gif
Aaagh! How did you know?!
5975304 pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8619-oie_2894267nYfI9sI_1.gif
Oof. Right in the suspension of disbelief.