Fluttershy feels like she's being left behind when all of her friends find special someponies except her. In a fit of embarrassment, she hires an anonymous escort. But then that escort turns out to be someone surprising.
This is brilliantly written. So well written that your portrayal of Rainbow Dash made me legitimately angry; what a cunt! That said, can't wait for chapter two, really can't wait
Ooooooh, my goodness, I have very rarely been as excited about a story to update as this one! Story about sex that's not all about the sex? I will be anxiously waiting for updates.
And 39:6 up/downvote ratio (as of the time of this comment)? Something tells me that some readers were expecting a quick and easy Flarity tryst in this story. Not gonna happen here, friends, I'm afraid. Ah, well, I actually like the emotional sex just as much as the physical sex, and this chapter was delicious. There's a roller-coaster of emotions that'll go flying around in this story, and I'll gladly follow this story to its conclusion to see how that turns out.
5885031 Did you see that guy calling me autistic over my opinion? I think you should block him from your stories I shouldn't be call an ableist slur for stating my opinion
5886996 Woah man. Look, I had no idea you'd take that so personally. I had a bit of fun at your expense. And I'll admit that wasn't exactly a nice thing of me to do. But no need to explode like that. I was just poking fun at your headcanon, and if you can't take a little joke, then well, I'm sorry. You know I myself am autistic? It's not the end of the world to be different, so if you want a laugh in return at my expense, be my guest; I'm a big boy, I can take it. But I certainly wouldn't wish death and misery upon anyone for such a silly comment without any context upon which to draw. So, you know, just cool down and lets just forget this whole thing happened
5887167 It's Okay I just took that wrong my apologies. Well we are cool t just take care now. I will see you around again sorry my anger got the best of me i think we can just let this go so truce?
I thoroughly enjoy the way of thought Fluttershy has. Listening without understanding what was said, but how it was said. Feels like an accurate characterisation of her. Definitely going to track this.
She spends so much time with books that I used to think some day she was just gonna make out with one of her favorite novels and then shove it up her butt or something and call it a day.”
Yep, this is exactly what I would have hoped for when you teased this story. Fluttershy's internal dialog is superb here, and you really feel for her.
And then there's Dash. Dash is a jerk (though the 'shove it up her butt' comment was pretty epically hilarious). WHY YOU BE SO MEAN TO FLUTTERSHY, DASHIE?
A very minor gripe here is that the paragraph indentations are quite inconsistent, at least on my screen.
I found this to be a very interesting read. I love how close to the original characterizations you are and how well you implement their thoughts and dialogue.
The premise had my curiousity, but now you have my attention! I'm very excited to see more of this story and impatiently wait for more.
Pros: 1. Very well written with little to no grammatical errors. 2. Great characterization and very well done dialogue. 3. Fluttershy's inner thoughts are not only very close to the character, but I find to be personally relatable. 4. The premise is very interesting. 5. Sex isn't what it's all about. It's merely the tool for the themes of your story.
I usually hold back with commenting on stories until after I read the thing as a whole... but I just don't want to risk forgetting about this:
I have to fully agree with those comments criticising Twi, Rares and RD for being jerks, RD way more then the other two. I'm usually not overprotective when it comes to Fluttershy, since she'd been testing my patience on several occasions, but come on - how long do they know each other? "I'm not doing this to embarrass you" - yeah, sure, then why using that specific approach in the first place when you really should know better? RD can be brash and selfish at times, but never that... cruel - but here? Rarity always hunts for gossip and juicy details, and again: but that? Twilight is, in this setting, the one I found the least fault with, but even she doesn't give the impression of being considerate of Fluttershy's personality, anxieties and other fears.
I'll read on and see how things turn out - just wanted to note that this first chapter leaves a really bad taste...
Flutter panic attack, rainbow being an ass, Rarity's persona playing backfiring, Twilight being mildly grumpy/embarassed, "you mean my bedroom, which you can just call my bedroom?"
Good. Yes goooood. I'm going to enjoy this.
I'm curious. Obviously it's a brothel or, sigh, "escort service" which lets be real is like a take out brothel which isn't as good as normal take out in some ways (no noodles :( ) but better in others (beautiful women/men willing to be in your company). How does Fluttershy know? I think she found out by accident one day, but I figure it might just be kinda sorta public knowledge, the kind everyone knows but no one wants to acknowledge knowing.
Twilight is, in this setting, the one I found the least fault with, but even she doesn't give the impression of being considerate of Fluttershy's personality, anxieties and other fears.
And, frankly, I'd bet that Twilight's relatively callous mindset is actually her "defense mode" in anticipation of the questions about her date. Y'know, holding back emotions so nosy friends can't start reading you.
Fluttershy took a bite of her salad and listened to her friends speak without hearing any of their words. She hoped they didn’t think her rude for not having spoken in a while, but sometimes listening really was the best part of talking.
If she isn't hearing any of the words, she isn't listening.
Rainbow Dash interrupted Twilight, and interrupted Fluttershy’s musings, too. Fluttershy didn’t catch what Dash said, but she caught how Rainbow had said it, which was even better sometimes.
Fair enough.
“Which is a nigh-travesty,” Rarity said. “You knew very well I would have been more than willing to provide you with proper attire. It’s simply bad form to go flanks-bare on one’s first date.”
This sort of makes sense... I guess? The ponies go naked all the time, but is Rarity speaking as a general rule for all ponies or just from her perspective? I ask because nudity taboos, as stated, make no sense to talking horses in cartoon horse land. I can buy the idea that Rarity wants to look sufficiently sparkly to a potential mate or whatever important ponies might be looking on.
Fluttershy just… didn’t want to hear about it, because she didn’t want to think about dates and coltfriends or marefriends. Because, inevitably, that line of thought and that discussion would circle round to herself.
No argument here. Listening to people talk about their sex lives is boring. The only possible benefit is if everyone involved has their own sex life so they can all see how their's measures up for purely selfish reasons. Blech! Poor Fluttershy...
Except that’s not what Applejack would have talked about, Fluttershy remembered. Applejack would have talked about Golden Harvest.
It does make me happy to know that in this story that AJ and Goldie hook up. Match made in heaven.
When Rarity spoke, it was a performance. Listening to her speak was like watching a whole ballet. Fluttershy loved ballets, but living in Ponyville she didn’t get the chance to see many. Rarity had promised her once that they would take a trip to Manehatten someday and watch a proper ballet together, but they never had. Fluttershy would have liked that very much. She thought about reminding Rarity of it. She didn’t want to bug her friend, but a trip to the ballet would have been very nice.
So this is Flarity. Cool, haven't seen Flarity since Ribbons and Lace. Make me proud, son!
Rarity had a passion for romance matched only by the classical poets. She had a passion for passion, it could be said, and that passion shone through her every word. She spoke of love and her voice jumped and swept and twirled, quick and sprightly. If Rarity’s voice were an opera instead of a ballet, talk of love would have been her aria.
Very nice metaphor!
“Pish posh,” Rarity said. “A mare’s first is a special and extraordinary experience. It is the very definition of, to use your words, a big deal.
Is it... though? Good sex means one or both of the participants know what they're doing. There's also bleeding if you're a female (well, most of the time). Probably one of the reasons why females initiate ALL relationships between the genders by allowing such relationships to proceed at all.
Fluttershy choked on a crouton. She had never heard Rarity say anything like that before, never heard her imply that mares who hadn’t, well… To say they weren’t ‘proper’ mares...
99% of all people think like this. Yeah, I made that statistic up, but it's far greater than 50/50.
“Details!” Rarity cried. “Details! You can’t tease us with the mention of something so fantastic as new love and scandalous as royal bedroom flourishes and then not say anything more! How did you feel? Were you not positively overwrought with nervous excitement beforehand? What did you say? What did he say? And what about this morning? Does the world not appear to your eye to have some new sheen that it did not before? Do you feel as if you are now whole in some way you didn’t even realize you were incomplete before? We need details! The juicier the better!”
“See!” Dash said, waving her hooves about. “I told you it was weird.”
Oh shut up, worst pony!
“Some ponies develop more slowly than others,” Twilight said absentmindedly, not looking away from her leftovers.
Thanks for the input, Twilight Spergle.
“Whatever,” Dash said. “Rarity gets it. Get some or get out, right?”
OMG Stahhhhp! I'm actually praying for the Balefire Bombs to rain down radioactive holocaust on this version of the Mane Six. Poor Fluttershy!
But not this time. Not when the problem was her friends themselves. Or—no, Fluttershy realized, remembering the conversation at the Bluestone. The problem wasn’t her friends, the problem was herself.
The only problem she has is her friends poisoning her mind into believing nonsense.
If it had been any other pony, any other pony at all who said it, but it had been Rarity. Rarity had said that the difference between adult and foal, the catalyst of the transformation from filly to mare—was sex. Something so very insignificant and meaningless as sex.
Meaningless. There's the word. It's meaningless. I actually feel kind of bad because the way the story looks from the description and tags, the story is going to side with the friends and have Fluttershy eventually come to some mind-blowing sexual experience out of this and realize how "deficient" she was.
I guess I'll keep reading. It's nicely written, and while the characterization is somewhat questionable in places, it doesn't break them completely. I just pray to Celestia's solar mareheat you don't decide to make Fluttershy have some amazing sexual experience that proves her friends right. This idea that people need to have sex for the hell of it is a tragic folly of the young, not some amazing journey of self-discovery.
Tracking. This will be interesting. Poor Fluttershy, and jerky friends.
This is brilliantly written. So well written that your portrayal of Rainbow Dash made me legitimately angry; what a cunt! That said, can't wait for chapter two, really can't wait
As I believe I have said before, your characterisation is just jaw-droppingly good. Keep it up mate.
Ooooooh, my goodness, I have very rarely been as excited about a story to update as this one! Story about sex that's not all about the sex? I will be anxiously waiting for updates.
And 39:6 up/downvote ratio (as of the time of this comment)? Something tells me that some readers were expecting a quick and easy Flarity tryst in this story. Not gonna happen here, friends, I'm afraid. Ah, well, I actually like the emotional sex just as much as the physical sex, and this chapter was delicious. There's a roller-coaster of emotions that'll go flying around in this story, and I'll gladly follow this story to its conclusion to see how that turns out.
5881602 Yep. I'll be waiting as well, don't be discouraged by a few people downvoting. I think it was good.
Holy shit, all the feels.
Tracking. Let's see where this rabbit hole goes.
REALLY sick of these damn lesbian stories, a goddamn infestation by this point.
5884949
I'm sure that must be really terrible for you. Life's rough sometimes, man. My thoughts are with you and your family!
5885031
Did you see that guy calling me autistic over my opinion? I think you should block him from your stories I shouldn't be call an ableist slur for stating my opinion
5886996
Woah man. Look, I had no idea you'd take that so personally. I had a bit of fun at your expense. And I'll admit that wasn't exactly a nice thing of me to do. But no need to explode like that. I was just poking fun at your headcanon, and if you can't take a little joke, then well, I'm sorry. You know I myself am autistic? It's not the end of the world to be different, so if you want a laugh in return at my expense, be my guest; I'm a big boy, I can take it. But I certainly wouldn't wish death and misery upon anyone for such a silly comment without any context upon which to draw. So, you know, just cool down and lets just forget this whole thing happened
5887167
It's Okay I just took that wrong my apologies. Well we are cool t just take care now. I will see you around again sorry my anger got the best of me i think we can just let this go so truce?
5887381
Yeah no problem, trucey sprucey and all that. Enjoy your evening
5887399
I will
Very well written. i look forward to more. (Is that a good thing? I think that's a good thing. Not entirely sure with this type of story.)
I thoroughly enjoy the way of thought Fluttershy has. Listening without understanding what was said, but how it was said. Feels like an accurate characterisation of her. Definitely going to track this.
Bonus moustache for this quote
Yep, this is exactly what I would have hoped for when you teased this story. Fluttershy's internal dialog is superb here, and you really feel for her.
And then there's Dash. Dash is a jerk (though the 'shove it up her butt' comment was pretty epically hilarious). WHY YOU BE SO MEAN TO FLUTTERSHY, DASHIE?
A very minor gripe here is that the paragraph indentations are quite inconsistent, at least on my screen.
I found this to be a very interesting read. I love how close to the original characterizations you are and how well you implement their thoughts and dialogue.
The premise had my curiousity, but now you have my attention! I'm very excited to see more of this story and impatiently wait for more.
Pros: 1. Very well written with little to no grammatical errors. 2. Great characterization and very well done dialogue. 3. Fluttershy's inner thoughts are not only very close to the character, but I find to be personally relatable. 4. The premise is very interesting. 5. Sex isn't what it's all about. It's merely the tool for the themes of your story.
Con: I can't wait for more!
This is interesting, one minor detail is the constant name repeating, but otherwise this is solid.
Wow Rainbow Dash... All I can say is,
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/84/f0/c8/84f0c84d9e3a8b2534f2fad70d4d5c72.jpg
I usually hold back with commenting on stories until after I read the thing as a whole... but I just don't want to risk forgetting about this:
I have to fully agree with those comments criticising Twi, Rares and RD for being jerks, RD way more then the other two.
I'm usually not overprotective when it comes to Fluttershy, since she'd been testing my patience on several occasions, but come on - how long do they know each other? "I'm not doing this to embarrass you" - yeah, sure, then why using that specific approach in the first place when you really should know better? RD can be brash and selfish at times, but never that... cruel - but here? Rarity always hunts for gossip and juicy details, and again: but that? Twilight is, in this setting, the one I found the least fault with, but even she doesn't give the impression of being considerate of Fluttershy's personality, anxieties and other fears.
I'll read on and see how things turn out - just wanted to note that this first chapter leaves a really bad taste...
All you ponies are making Fluttershy feel very bad. You are suppose to be her friends. Shame on you
Flutter panic attack, rainbow being an ass, Rarity's persona playing backfiring, Twilight being mildly grumpy/embarassed, "you mean my bedroom, which you can just call my bedroom?"
Good. Yes goooood. I'm going to enjoy this.
I'm curious. Obviously it's a brothel or, sigh, "escort service" which lets be real is like a take out brothel which isn't as good as normal take out in some ways (no noodles :( ) but better in others (beautiful women/men willing to be in your company). How does Fluttershy know? I think she found out by accident one day, but I figure it might just be kinda sorta public knowledge, the kind everyone knows but no one wants to acknowledge knowing.
6063077
And, frankly, I'd bet that Twilight's relatively callous mindset is actually her "defense mode" in anticipation of the questions about her date. Y'know, holding back emotions so nosy friends can't start reading you.
If she isn't hearing any of the words, she isn't listening.
Fair enough.
This sort of makes sense... I guess? The ponies go naked all the time, but is Rarity speaking as a general rule for all ponies or just from her perspective? I ask because nudity taboos, as stated, make no sense to talking horses in cartoon horse land. I can buy the idea that Rarity wants to look sufficiently sparkly to a potential mate or whatever important ponies might be looking on.
No argument here. Listening to people talk about their sex lives is boring. The only possible benefit is if everyone involved has their own sex life so they can all see how their's measures up for purely selfish reasons. Blech! Poor Fluttershy...
It does make me happy to know that in this story that AJ and Goldie hook up. Match made in heaven.
So this is Flarity. Cool, haven't seen Flarity since Ribbons and Lace. Make me proud, son!
Very nice metaphor!
Is it... though? Good sex means one or both of the participants know what they're doing. There's also bleeding if you're a female (well, most of the time). Probably one of the reasons why females initiate ALL relationships between the genders by allowing such relationships to proceed at all.
99% of all people think like this. Yeah, I made that statistic up, but it's far greater than 50/50.
...
Rarity, you're a virgin too, aren't you?
derpicdn.net/img/2014/8/9/695834/large.png
I knew it!
replygif.net/thumbnail/981.gif
Oh shut up, worst pony!
Thanks for the input, Twilight Spergle.
OMG Stahhhhp! I'm actually praying for the Balefire Bombs to rain down radioactive holocaust on this version of the Mane Six. Poor Fluttershy!
The only problem she has is her friends poisoning her mind into believing nonsense.
Meaningless. There's the word. It's meaningless. I actually feel kind of bad because the way the story looks from the description and tags, the story is going to side with the friends and have Fluttershy eventually come to some mind-blowing sexual experience out of this and realize how "deficient" she was.
I guess I'll keep reading. It's nicely written, and while the characterization is somewhat questionable in places, it doesn't break them completely. I just pray to Celestia's solar mareheat you don't decide to make Fluttershy have some amazing sexual experience that proves her friends right. This idea that people need to have sex for the hell of it is a tragic folly of the young, not some amazing journey of self-discovery.