A normal young girl upset about the way her life is going gets a nice and or upsetting surprise. She gets pulled into her Tv, only to find out some strange entity's took her from it because they believed it was filled with sadness and disappointment. After finding and talking to the mane six, they all decide to split the time to help take care and raise her. Now she's a young filly with a plan. She does hope one day to return to her old life, but many obstacles are in the way. How she'll cope is a whole adventure that'll be difficult to experience.
If you've previously read this story please read the revised version. They are first off much better then before and secondly hold information not held previously. THANKS FOR READING!
Huge thanks too, spymanx,Norty Echo, BlackDenimCap, and Texus, for helping me with my writing, and storyline greatly.
*Warning.
1. Lots of shipping, mainly straight A few gay.
2. ONE alicorn OC, who plays an intresting role so hopefully it doesn't drive you away.
*Spoiler warning*
Main six will have children, and be shipped. Sorry...
Ships include:
Fluttershy and Discord
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie
Applejack and Rarity
Twilight and Blue Blood
Ashlyn or Scrambled Aura and Earl Grey
Apple Bloom and Green Daze
Scootaloo and Shady Daze
Sweetie Belle and Silver Spoon
Babs Seed and Chip Mint
Diamond Tiara and Screwball
They're better then you think!
UPDATE:
IT'S CANCLED?! Yes, I'm afraid it is.
I'm going to work on better things I promise. This was a piece if crap in my opinion and I've decided to go and work on things I can actually do correctly the first time around. Now that I've actually learned how to write; I'll write something everyone and expecially me can Enjoy.
Well i am suprised that i have nothing against it, not that it is bad, but it happen a bit to fast maybe. I know it is just the prolog, but maybe she should need more time to be able to walk correctly and mabe she accept it to fast that she really is in equestria.
I assume she could think that it is only a dream, she could freak out a bit, she could have lost a bit of her memories. For the moment it looks like "oh i am in equestria, well then i go to Twilight and have a nice day"
Okay i have read the last part again and maybe she showed a bit of her fear but i would assume it would be difficult to walk with the new body and i still think she could think a bit longer about the situation.
Because it is the first chapter i think it is ok for me, i just look how the next chapter went and then i can be sure if it is happen to fast or not.
5236289 ok thanks so much for this information, I'll definitely use it to better the story!
They maybe should say " How do you know us?", but well you could say more or less everyone knows the elements of harmony now.
Maybe i have read to much other storys, but mybe they should be not that accepting about something that strange, but if Twilight already knows Human in this story it would be probably ok i think.
well that is something new, i never saw a Rarity which was ok with others joining the Cute mark Crussaiders, well i mean i never saw her to suggest it, but why not.
Ok i finished reading, and i think you should make the chapter a little bit longer and maybe don´t rush the story, i mean maybe not to many timeskips in the future. I startet to like it if not everythink went that easy, i am used to see that one or two of them would not believe her at first or would question everything she said, but if i think that Twilight already knows about Sunset Shimmer then i think most of what happend is alright.
Yeah i think the only think i would like to say for now is, maybe make it a bit longer and don´t make the things happend to fast.
I still want to read more, i can´t say i would not like it.
a little bit fast pacing but this has potecial
5236486 thank u ill slow it down
"Darling it's no problem this Is very good indead if you ask me.
I think you mean indeed.
indead?
furthermore, slow down or you might get a speeding ticket
5236532 Yes I'll be sure to change that, and slow down the story.
Great Job with the story so far i be keeping a eye on this ;3 and oww one more thing > fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10385496_614649318640829_6568064454403232575_n.jpg?oh=48266275d5f264625a26ca633541409f&oe=54D241A3&__gda__=1425436187_cfeebc80e9a6d97db6a5323ecfeaa476 Hope ya likey
5237822 Oh my gosh! So awesome thank you so much!!! I love it.
Sorry i didn´t noticed it earlier, but i think you missed something there.
I think you speak about the time Spike and Twilight where in the Human world right? that would be probably a good reason for his estimation.
Spike already send a letter to Celestia? I am not sure if i missed something but maybe you should mention it to if this is missing.
That is all that i can find at the moment. I like what you have added to the story.
PS: the picture is sweet^^
short capters are better then on capters
The only thing i found, was that maybe someone could get confused who of them is talking right now, then again if you read carefully, "suprise" is really something that probably Pinkie said am i right?
I would have to read again, but i think as long as Pinkie didn´t have written anything weird on the banner, like "the main six got a new child party or anything, i can´t think of a reason why they should start asking to many questions. I just thought i should say that, for the possibility that you maybe forgot a reason for it.
I have a hard time to find anything that should be bad in this chapter, it depens on personal taste and the only thing that one could say is that it is maybe a bit short but i don´t really mind short chapters anymore. I mean with short chapters, you get probably more faster then you would get long chapters.
I just say good job, you have your own style i think, but i somehow like that.
11 upvotes and 4 downvotes, i think that is a good relation
5237911 your very welcome my friend
and omg you made it a cover story pic squeeeeee
Thank!!!!
By the way i draw all the time soo i was like i should make somepony day and it did u made my day,,Thanks again & Have a Derpy Day
5244690 Same here and it make ya what more lol
anyway great chapter hope to see lotes more soon ;3 
have a great pinkie Day
Pinkie That my Line! ;3
Oopy sorry Crystal
5247154 No Prob. I love your picture so much, thanks again. I don't think I'll change it at anytime. If I do it'll be a chapter photo, and u can choose whatever chapter.
You should also add eggs to their diet unless they use something else to make the dough for their pastries from
Not enough story for a favorite but I want to see where you go with this so you get a tracking
I know many people like this pairing, but i don´t ike Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich together, because they are nearly the same Pony and well Cheese is not my favourite but i don´t hate him.
I am not sure if you should mention the show everytime, but maybe at least she should not speak about it if it makes no sense. I mean i don´t mind to read about it, i just think Aura should not tell everybody about it if he meet someone new.
I like the part as the cutiemark crussaiders saw her,and the intoduction to their family´s, but the best part was how she responded to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, clever girl
5255532 ok thanks I'll keep the egg thing in mind I also believe they showed in the show that they use eggs
5261656 yeah I did too I hoped it wasn't too harsh.
5262316 i think your right^^ I think the one time Pinkie was baking with Applebloom or the one time with Applejack, they sure used eggs i think.
Dat Chapter Love it ;3 keep it up my friend hope your thumb great batter soon ;( any was have a great dreapy day
5264307 thank you I'll be sure too!
*clears throat*
Red and black pony for cover art? Check
Poor grammar? Check.
Short chapters? Check.
Summary spoils too much with so little? Check.
Unneeded romance tag? Check.
Depressed OC human meets Main Six from the get-go? Check.
Thinking with Yukari's gaps which affect the TV for no reason at all other than to add angst? CHECK.
5273740 Well I must have passed if I got all those wonderful checks! :p lame, I say my story is going well.
5273778 Uh, no, you scored a lot of cliches in the book that makes this story BAD. Well, not bad per se, but overdone to hell and back--this is a thing very few authors who have stayed for more than a year will want to read, and even fewer still (disregarding noobs like you, since this is your first story as far as I can tell) will actually do.
And, mind you, I did one of those checks. Take a gander what that is.
5273778 Those checks are something most authors tend to... Well... Avoid.
Well it is my first mlp fIc. And I do apologize Im truly trying to do my best, but as for grammar I definitely suck with it my grades prove it. As for short chapters I'm trying to expand them but I have a problem of wanting to update as soon as possible. Sorry I'm not the best writer.
5273786 For her first story i think it is not that worse like you said, well i do know better storys, but i don´t have that much against a few cliches, as long as i don´t see it in to much storys i think.
What i mean is, i think i saw worse stuff, i already try to help a bit, and say if i think i would not do it like that,......i think what i want to say is, yo don´t have to like it, but i don´t think you have to make the story that bad.
I don´t know if i understand you right, but it doesn´t sound that nice how you said it, and yes it is her first story, i think she said it in her description.
To be honest, yeah i can´t say i like that last chapter that much. but she can still make a rewrite later, it would really help if you would make a few suggestions rather than just saying it is bad. I think you just named one thing that is bad, and then you only told us it is bad.
5277705 Say what?
5277719 i know i don´t have the best grammar, but i know that most people are still able to understand what i mean, but maybe you just don´t want to understand.
Well i guess you don´t understand it, at least i don´t know what you want to say with that short reply
5277743 I have a bit of an impairment where I can misconstrue people if they word things wrong.
5277748 ahhh okay, well then i want to say, at least sorry for my last comment. I maybe don´t have an impairment, but i speak german, so i can misunderstand something too.
Well i think i just thought you could make your comment a bit nicer, she said it was her first story and i try my best to help.
If i am honest, i don´t know enough about writing a fanfition to make this story the best fanfiction ever, but i have read enough to say if i think this or that could be better.
5277771 Oh, okay.
Oww okay dokay then ;3
Keep up the great work my friend
5295480 Will do.
5296144your Very Welcome and one more thing
scontent-b-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/15904_621015198004241_4759754934094949804_n.jpg?oh=060e20b6edd869ce638f8af577ae46c4&oe=550FEEE0
Your Oc soooooo Cute every time i draw it ;3
5298790 it's adorable I love it when you draw her.
I really wish I could help you edit this but the only way for me to be able to do that is to rewrite 80% of it.
P.S: I'll try...
5305606 ok thanks. :)
This is pretty interesting. To find yourself being sucked through a TV and then realizing your a pony, what fun. I wonder who those mysterious voices were. ANYWHO, This is great.
It's alright. A few weird formatting errors like
captial I in insignificant? Wouldn't that make it a significant insignificance? Anyway, you need to describe
yourthe character's realizing she's getting sucked in, more. Like "Somehow the TV was sucking me in. Really? My life had always felt insignificant but at that moment it felt disappointing." Or, maybe more purple than that, likeUm, and you forgot to describe the character as a pony. You didn't even say what color her hooves were. Try to establish your scenes more. Really describe what's going on, what's being seen and felt and what's around them, and what it looks like. Then, you can explain it if you feel like you need to say "We pony now" in your story.
...the tree reminded you of Pallet Town, but the actual town did not? What, so you can't pass into Ponyville until you learn Cut?
"Spike you're good with names, pick one!"
"I dunno, I just can't think of a good name for Ash."
"You sure you can't think of a pony name for Ashlyn?"
"Yup, sorry Ash. Ashlyn is just too weird a name for a pony like Ash. I don't know what we're going to call you, Ash."
@@ -1,8 +1,8 @@
The door opened with a gentle [-moan,-]{+creak,+} surrounded by a purple aura.
"Hello there— Oh! Who might you be? Are you new to Ponyville? I usually know everypony here." {+Said the ghost? Describe what Ashlyn sees!+} Her voice was soft, but it had an intelligent sound to it, filled with curiosity and knowledge.
"Well, um... Princess.. Twilight… [-Sparkle? I'm-]{+Sparkle?" she said in a way that actually conveyed the character's feelings, "I'm+} Ashlyn. And, well, I have a lot to say. I'm not sure outside the castle would be best." I'm a nervous wreck. I know [-Twilight-]{+Twilight.+} I've seen her and the rest of the main six on TV they’re not bad; there {+they rank in my head+} about as nice as can be.
"Ashlyn? That's a very unusual name.” She paused and thought about it. “It's unique. Well, come on in. No need to be shy."
@@ -36,13 +36,13 @@
“Well, Fluttershy it's a lot to take in. Look, I know you all have important things to do; all of you need to get ready for the upcoming Hearts and Hooves day."
"Twilight dear, it's quite alright. This is {+(what is?)+} much farther up the list of important things for the season. Won't we need the help of a Princess?" Rarity somehow wasn't as worried as the others with this issue. Probably only to keep her composure and to make a nice impression. It was working on me at least.
“Actually, that's a great idea. I planned to, but it must have slipped my mind due to the situation. Okay Spike, can you write this for me?" He nodded confidently and jogged — or, rather, waddled — over to Twilight, pen and scroll in claw.
"So then, dear... Oh my… I never got your name. I'm Rarity. You’re quite… young, right around Sweetie Belle’s age. You’ll probably be asked to join their group… You see here we already have our cutie marks…"
“As a matter of fact, Rarity, I know all about this [-world or,-]{+world" she said putting on comically oversized spectacles, "or,+} at least, most of it. You see, you’re all a TV show. It's kind of complicated, but it's like a vision or… insight, but more complex. I've seen a lot of things like Twilight’s coronation. Spike taking care of the animals while you went to the Crystal Empire. Your visit there and the mix up with Miss. Harshwhinny and some of the… err… Crusades enacted by Sweetie Belle and her friends.” I spoke shyly and almost slowly. They all had worried and scared faces. I couldn't bring myself to laugh, but it was amusing. It was a reaction anyone would've expected. The only pony that wasn’t surprised was Twilight. After they consumed the idea of them being a television show they spoke again. Rainbow Dash started it.
"So let me get this straight… we’re a television show? And you were a human girl, and now you’re stuck here."
lol idk
Look Ashlyn, Rule #1 of "Being sucked into the MLP universe" is ... DONT TELL ANYPONY THAT THEY ARE A TV SHOW, because it could destroy the Space-Time Continuum (as Sticks the Badger from Sonic Boom puts it the "Space-Time-Toaster-Fluxs")
:P this was good
:P seriously, this is really good
5255520 exactly, eggs are the closest to meat we'll get. :P
6056145
Thanks for the complements I've been trying hard to improve my writing.
YUS
Scrambled Aura kicks flank!
If you tell me that you continue this story, then I would like to keep it in my track folder again, but I need to clear up my track folder from any rather old fanfiction. Everything that is older than 6 - 8 month´is going to be tossed out.