I like this. There's a couple other Vinyl & Octavia stories out there, but so far this seems to be the best one. The characterization and dialogue is very natural, you've got the "show don't tell" going nicely, there's not too many adjectives, good spelling and grammar . . . Do keep writing. And really, I would say that you're in the top 10% of fic's on this site. There's a couple errors here and there, but I just noticed one by accident. Brains are really good at filling in what should be there.
Don't worry, the characters' conversation flowed naturally and like you said an author has to deal with what the characters feel they want not what you the author wants. As long you don't force something on them, they will slowly but surely grow in their own way and push the story forward organically. (So you're not crazy unless I am )
638621 Oh gosh, I would not call this the best TaviScratch story by any stretch, but I appreciate the compliment nonethelss.
Now, to me, "there's not to many adjectives" sounds like criticism, but in the context it feels like it's supposed to be nicer, like: "you don't try to over describe things or use to many adjectives." If it's the later, then I will say thank you, but if it's the first: Honestly, I sometimes feel a little bad about writing such simple sentences/description and want to go back to add in adjectives and such, but I often don't for fear of over doing it.
640205 That's good to hear; when I write dialogue I'm always thinking "Does this sound natural? Would anyone ever say this? Am I over-using a word/phrase? Am I not over-using a word/phrase even though a normal person might actually over-use it?"
Yeah, I feel like it's never a good idea to force your characters to do/say something for the sake of plot if it doesn't feel natural to them. (Well, I may be a tad unstable [most artists/writers are], but I don't think we're crazy. Though, we are talking about fictional characters as if they were real people.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png )
641245 Yeah, a large problem I find when writing dialogue is giving each character a certain speech pattern to make them more real. I would say don't be afraid to overuse words in a character's speech if that's part of how they speak. I have one male character who loves to use the word 'seriously' and it ends up in a lot of his lines (and no one else really says it in narrative like he does.). Another one of mine is very blunt in their speech and uses a minimum amonnt of words to get their point across while I have a different character who absolutely has an opinion on everything and literally cannot even stay quiet when it's in their best interest to (but is slowly learning to think before they speak to avoid escalating things) To make it even more complicated I have one main character that has english as their second language and it's difficult to write but I mostly have them use less slang and no contractions in opposition to the naive speakers. So I don't think it is a matter of what a typical / 'normal' person would say but how you envision how your character would speak. It comes down to know your character's personality, background etc. (Hope this helps )
(I'm so used to talking about my characters as if they were real that my mother actually said to me once that she felt like she actually knew them because we discussed them so much And yes us writers are never fully sane Others I talk to about characters look at me like I'm crazy when I say a character won't co-operate and they're all 'dude you're the author, just make them do it'.
654509 Mhm, I very much agree with what you're saying. I know that I tend to give characters I feel a strong bond with the tendency of starting a lot of sentences/replies off with "well" because I find that I do it a lot in conversation. When I write Vinyl, for example, I cannot help notice how often she'll reply to Octavia by saying "Well, [rest of sentence]"; this is mostly because I look at Vinyl's personality as a part of my own - granted, it's a more crude, slightly less intelligent and philosophical version of part of my personality, but the similarities are there, nonetheless. Characters need to have... well, character, and a good way to create that is in the way the speak; sure, their actions say a lot about them, but so do the things they say and how the say them.
Oh gosh, I cannot remember how many times I've told people, "No, you don't understand; characters are people: if you try to force them to do things your way, it messes everything up and is plain unnatural. I'm better of just letting my characters do what they want."
739301 Quite right, quite right you are! I'm glad you pointed that out, even if I have no intention of fixing, but I'll address the matter still.
See, after I wrote this chapter I was quite aware that I time skipped rather drastically to accelerate their relationship, and I realized that, normally, I wouldn't want to do something like this, and I'd go back and change it. However, there are two reason I did not (now, mind you, I'm not saying they're good reasons, but they are my reasons, so try to understand): 1) While the story is slice-of-life, I have no intention of just always writing about their day-to-day activities. Yes, I included multiple scenes early of them just working together, but that was with the plan of setting up character and establishing the base of their initial relationship. This also doesn't mean I won't write more casual scenes, I'm just saying I didn't want to write a whole chapter of them hanging out (while it can be done well, it's rather difficult to write an entire chapter of just two people [ponies] hanging out, and keep it interesting enough to not lose readers over it). 2) This is just a fun side project. Seriously, I'm not writing this for it to get published; I'm writing a fun little piece for enjoyment, practice, and so that maybe a few other people online can get some enjoyment out of it here and there as well. If this were a serious project I'd never let myself leave a spot on the plot/writing like this.
Now, none of this is to say I'm actually justified in this, but, at the end of the day, I'm the author, so it's my call. Oh, and it's not like I'm not trying to make a good product with this; I still would like people to enjoy this, and I hope this one little hiccup/issue isn't going to bother too many people too seriously.
Hopefully this wasn't just a needlessly long reply (though, it likely wasdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png ), and I don't expect you to pat me on the head and say you're okay with this issues, but I do hope you understand my thoughts on the matter. I'm mostly just a trifle lazy.
739898 I always find myself wondering what two ponies as different as Vinyl and Octavia would talk about, and I like reading about more casual hangouts between characters because it increases the feeling of realism, but i really dont mind at all, and i dont think others will either.
i rather like this story, i think you should be proud of it.
Last night every time I would click on next chapter I would get 502 BAD GATEWAY. And I would have to refresh 25 times in order for the next page to actually come up.
746880 Ooooooooh. See, I read it was "I just waded through bout '25 502' errors per chapter" and thought it was maybe some clever insult about how every character (as in letters and numbers) I wrote was a mistake/error... or something. Like I said, when I first read your comment, I was rather confused.
Thanks for clearing that up, and also thank you very much; you clearly enjoy this story quite a bit to put up with that.
But seriously, I love how you are writing both girls in the story but especially Vinyl. I don't want to say I like her basically hitting rock bottom but I feel for her so much more now. Damn you and your literary games!
i like how you write vinyl, good chapter
I like this. There's a couple other Vinyl & Octavia stories out there, but so far this seems to be the best one. The characterization and dialogue is very natural, you've got the "show don't tell" going nicely, there's not too many adjectives, good spelling and grammar . . . Do keep writing. And really, I would say that you're in the top 10% of fic's on this site. There's a couple errors here and there, but I just noticed one by accident. Brains are really good at filling in what should be there.
WE demand sooner updates
Wow...that was amazing I can't wait for the next chapter.
Yay! An update finally!
So far so good.
Another amazing chapter! Well done!
Don't worry, the characters' conversation flowed naturally and like you said an author has to deal with what the characters feel they want not what you the author wants. As long you don't force something on them, they will slowly but surely grow in their own way and push the story forward organically.
(So you're not crazy unless I am )
638407
I like how I write Vinyl as well!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png Thanks.
638621
Oh gosh, I would not call this the best TaviScratch story by any stretch, but I appreciate the compliment nonethelss.
Now, to me, "there's not to many adjectives" sounds like criticism, but in the context it feels like it's supposed to be nicer, like: "you don't try to over describe things or use to many adjectives." If it's the later, then I will say thank you, but if it's the first: Honestly, I sometimes feel a little bad about writing such simple sentences/description and want to go back to add in adjectives and such, but I often don't for fear of over doing it.
638737
Well, I wouldn't want to disappoint the party brigade, so just you wait, you'll get the updates you all deserve.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png
639125
Thanks, and me too!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowkiss_flip.png
639190
I know, it took forever, right? Thanks.
640183
PRAISE PRAISE PRAISEdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png (I swear, I'm not actually very egotistical.)
640205
That's good to hear; when I write dialogue I'm always thinking "Does this sound natural? Would anyone ever say this? Am I over-using a word/phrase? Am I not over-using a word/phrase even though a normal person might actually over-use it?"
Yeah, I feel like it's never a good idea to force your characters to do/say something for the sake of plot if it doesn't feel natural to them.
(Well, I may be a tad unstable [most artists/writers are], but I don't think we're crazy. Though, we are talking about fictional characters as if they were real people.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png )
641245
Good cause i got a 5 hour flight ahead of me in about 5 hours i expect results
641245
Yeah, a large problem I find when writing dialogue is giving each character a certain speech pattern to make them more real. I would say don't be afraid to overuse words in a character's speech if that's part of how they speak.
I have one male character who loves to use the word 'seriously' and it ends up in a lot of his lines (and no one else really says it in narrative like he does.). Another one of mine is very blunt in their speech and uses a minimum amonnt of words to get their point across while I have a different character who absolutely has an opinion on everything and literally cannot even stay quiet when it's in their best interest to (but is slowly learning to think before they speak to avoid escalating things) To make it even more complicated I have one main character that has english as their second language and it's difficult to write but I mostly have them use less slang and no contractions in opposition to the naive speakers.
So I don't think it is a matter of what a typical / 'normal' person would say but how you envision how your character would speak. It comes down to know your character's personality, background etc.
(Hope this helps )
(I'm so used to talking about my characters as if they were real that my mother actually said to me once that she felt like she actually knew them because we discussed them so much And yes us writers are never fully sane Others I talk to about characters look at me like I'm crazy when I say a character won't co-operate and they're all 'dude you're the author, just make them do it'.
654509
Mhm, I very much agree with what you're saying. I know that I tend to give characters I feel a strong bond with the tendency of starting a lot of sentences/replies off with "well" because I find that I do it a lot in conversation. When I write Vinyl, for example, I cannot help notice how often she'll reply to Octavia by saying "Well, [rest of sentence]"; this is mostly because I look at Vinyl's personality as a part of my own - granted, it's a more crude, slightly less intelligent and philosophical version of part of my personality, but the similarities are there, nonetheless.
Characters need to have... well, character, and a good way to create that is in the way the speak; sure, their actions say a lot about them, but so do the things they say and how the say them.
Oh gosh, I cannot remember how many times I've told people, "No, you don't understand; characters are people: if you try to force them to do things your way, it messes everything up and is plain unnatural. I'm better of just letting my characters do what they want."
No dislikes You win the internet. Good going, looking for more
I feel like the timeskips made their relationship change darastically.
739301 Quite right, quite right you are! I'm glad you pointed that out, even if I have no intention of fixing, but I'll address the matter still.
See, after I wrote this chapter I was quite aware that I time skipped rather drastically to accelerate their relationship, and I realized that, normally, I wouldn't want to do something like this, and I'd go back and change it. However, there are two reason I did not (now, mind you, I'm not saying they're good reasons, but they are my reasons, so try to understand):
1) While the story is slice-of-life, I have no intention of just always writing about their day-to-day activities. Yes, I included multiple scenes early of them just working together, but that was with the plan of setting up character and establishing the base of their initial relationship. This also doesn't mean I won't write more casual scenes, I'm just saying I didn't want to write a whole chapter of them hanging out (while it can be done well, it's rather difficult to write an entire chapter of just two people [ponies] hanging out, and keep it interesting enough to not lose readers over it).
2) This is just a fun side project. Seriously, I'm not writing this for it to get published; I'm writing a fun little piece for enjoyment, practice, and so that maybe a few other people online can get some enjoyment out of it here and there as well. If this were a serious project I'd never let myself leave a spot on the plot/writing like this.
Now, none of this is to say I'm actually justified in this, but, at the end of the day, I'm the author, so it's my call. Oh, and it's not like I'm not trying to make a good product with this; I still would like people to enjoy this, and I hope this one little hiccup/issue isn't going to bother too many people too seriously.
Hopefully this wasn't just a needlessly long reply (though, it likely wasdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png ), and I don't expect you to pat me on the head and say you're okay with this issues, but I do hope you understand my thoughts on the matter. I'm mostly just a trifle lazy.
739898 I always find myself wondering what two ponies as different as Vinyl and Octavia would talk about, and I like reading about more casual hangouts between characters because it increases the feeling of realism, but i really dont mind at all, and i dont think others will either.
i rather like this story, i think you should be proud of it.
If it means anything, I just waded through about 25 502 errors per chapter. Your that good.
744373 Uh... what? I actually have no idea what that's supposed to mean, and I would be grateful if you could explain that to me.
Last night every time I would click on next chapter I would get 502 BAD GATEWAY. And I would have to refresh 25 times in order for the next page to actually come up.
746880 Ooooooooh. See, I read it was "I just waded through bout '25 502' errors per chapter" and thought it was maybe some clever insult about how every character (as in letters and numbers) I wrote was a mistake/error... or something. Like I said, when I first read your comment, I was rather confused.
Thanks for clearing that up, and also thank you very much; you clearly enjoy this story quite a bit to put up with that.
the mush-like brain I have loves your book. although it does get confusing at parts I cannot point anything bad out, so please enjoy this message.
Written by the tugh- from the tugh
One word:
HHNNGGG
But seriously, I love how you are writing both girls in the story but especially Vinyl. I don't want to say I like her basically hitting rock bottom but I feel for her so much more now. Damn you and your literary games!