how love is expressed

Sweetie belle will join together with button mash.

This is my first story so don't bite my head off in the comment section, Thank you and enjoy!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 9
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Winter The Gimp

Winter The Gimp #1 · Oct 25th, 2014 · · ·

“that would be lovely, about 7:30 how about”

How about adding some capital letters, m8?

PiMan

PiMan #2 · Oct 25th, 2014 · · ·

As Farquaad said, you need more capital letters.
Your other main problem is your dialogue seems out of character. "You are like pinkie pie in that aspect, you seem to remember everyone’s favorites!” is not something I would expect a child to say.

Evil_Gumbo27

Evil_Gumbo27 #3 · Oct 25th, 2014 · · ·

I agree with piman, but this story does hold potential!

Cathius

Cathius #4 · Oct 26th, 2014 · · ·

lol

Nade Spam

Nade Spam #5 · Oct 27th, 2014 · · ·

Galaxy Knight

Galaxy Knight #6 · Oct 28th, 2014 · · ·

There's spelling problems, spacing problems, and capitalization problems. But you also put a ship I very much like in here so you've earned a fave and upvote.

Comment posted by Tacia deleted Dec 12th, 2018

jszellmer

jszellmer #8 · Nov 16th, 2014 · · ·

I really don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said. There are few things that can ruin an otherwise good story than having this many errors in it. Spelling, punctuation, etc. errors might not be the most important thing in the world, but they are very, very glaring errors. Like others have said, sitting down and rereading before submitting it will allow you to catch a lot of the errors in it.

PhoenixBlaz3