Chapter 3 "Engagement"
Luna was so shocked, her magical blue arura vaporized around the fork, and it dropped to the floor. "W-WHAT!?!?" Luna stammerd, sweat trickling down her forehead. "YOUR MARRYING HIM!?!?!?"
"Luna calm down!" Celestia exclaimed, firmly.
"Sister, your makeing a big mistake!!!" Luna yelled again. "THS IS CRAZY!!!!"
Luna felt tears wel up in her eyes. She couldn't bare the thought of Celestia running off with Discord, and leaving her behind. Luna got up from her seat, and ran down the hall, into her room. The chair was knocked over from when she had got up, and Discord straitened it. Celsestia sighed, and coverd her face with her hooves. "Luna....." Celestia whisperd to herself. Discord looked back at the white coated mare, and his gaze slowley lowerd to the floor. Luna slammed the door behind her, and pressed her back agenst the door, locking it. Tears rolled down her cheeks, leavening wet trail marks along her blue fur. She inhaled sharply, struggling to catch her breath from the
shock. She slid her back down the door, and sat down, her curled mane piece covering her face. She sobbed, for almost what seemed like forever, until a knock came at the door. Luna's head lifted almost immediately and got up. "Luna?" Discord's voice answerd. "Go away, discord..." Luna said softly.
"I just want to tal-" Discord started, until Luna replied;
"I SAID GO AWAY!!!!" Luna screamed, her eyes flashing a yellow color. "Just go away..."
Luna's voice broke into a sob again, and Discord put his claw on the door.
"Come talk to us when you feel like it...." Discord said, as a. Small tear formed in his eye. "I'll leave now..."
Luna had realized something. She had lost her only friends-- the friends she cared about....gone...away from her grasp. She got up and walked to her bed. "What have I done...." Luna whispered to her self. Luna closed her eyes tight, and cried, for what seemed like forever. Another knock came at the door, but a different male voice spoke.
"Luna? Are you okay, I heard crying." The voice asked. Luna recognized the scratchy voice. Shining Armor. Luna blushed, and wondered why Shining would be here.
"I-I'm fine...." Luna answered, wiping her tears away, afraid Shining would notice.
"Come in, if you want." Luna said, blinking to make sure her vision was right. The white, blue maned stallion trotted in. His royal armor was gone, and he he had a small frown on his face.
"Hi, princess." Shining Armor said, as he bowed on his forelegs. Luna smiled, and touched his shoulder. "No need for that, prince." She said as she chuckled. Shining chuckled as well and got up.
"I came to talk about something..." Shining said. "Come on, sit and ill tell you."
(Please play this youtube track while you read!!!)
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G5icaX0i8ac]
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5179405 Mind if I say this: I've a novel which took me five months and two days to complete, and it's a complete re-write of one of my early stories which was finished in mere days. Only reason it took five months and two days was because I updated on a near-daily basis, sometimes twice or thrice in a day. So, before you make another 'I took hours to make this' remark, please bear in mind people can and WILL hound you for this, as short as your story is. Perhaps it's good despite being short, perhaps it's not; all I know is I've yet to read it.
And, judging by what the wordcounts for each chapter are, the tags, and the short summary, I think I know what I'm about to delve into...
Extra tidbits, because reasons: hire three-fifteen editors and/or pre-readers, hop on G-docs with them, discuss your idea with them, and so forth. Kill your darlings (gut your writing for quality's sake) and show, don't tell.
It took you hours to write 1.4k words? Is that just major ADHD or are you just that slow at writing?
Also, looking at the description you might want a editor.
Expect a review!
5312087
Expect TWO reviews.
5312204 For some reason, spellcheck insists Cadance be spelled Cadence.
And I just checked.
5312210 Oh really? Cool. I thought it was supposed to be Cadance I'll edit the review.
5312213 Ok.
5312182 Dun, dun, dun! I'm writing another review to the last two chapters. Because the first chapter had so many spelling errors. I'm afraid to read the rest because of all the errors in the first chapter.
5312224
I'm doing a Rage Review.
5312028
It did not take hours to write the chapters, it took hours to make the idea for the chapters.. Please don't hate me, this is my first story...
5312225 Can't wait to read it!
5312234
I'll Pm you the link!
5312226
Just because it's your first story, doesn't mean you get to be defended by constructive criticism.
5312226 I'm not hating on you, just fix all the errors in all the chapters. Maybe edit chapter 1 and 2 together and finish chapter 3. If chapter 1 and 2, doesn't add up to at least 800 or 900 words. Then edit chapters 1, 2, and 3 together.
5312226 And I'm giving out advise.
5312216 Besides the cadence error, what do you think?
5312242 I love the review.
5312244 Yes!
5312237
Sorry...it's just that there's some bad things going on in my life, Im being bullied, have bruises from them, iv been diagnosed with dyslexia, and my boyfriend just broke up with me, from lies from another girl...I'm just too sad.
5312249
Stop shielding yourself. It's not going to do any better.
If you truly have dyslexia, why didn't you get an editor to help you?
5312249
I just found out yesterday, this story i wrote was 6 weeks ago...
5312256
If it was written six weeks ago, what's with the comment saying that this took hours? I noticed it's four weeks old but you didn't think that it would be a good idea to look this over before publishing?
5312263
I did Did and i saw nothing wrong!!!!! WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!
I hate that I'm getting hate comments!!!!
5312253
How is it that almost every time a story gets just dislikes and people say that they disliked it the author is apparently going through problems in life, is being bullied, and has some type of problem that hampers their abilities. Yet when they get likes and barely any dislikes, their the best authors in the world.
5312265
I dunno.
5312264 Reiteration: we're not hating; we're merely pointing out flaws in your arguments and your story, because we honestly want to see you grow as an author.
5312265 IDK.
5312265
I'm not the best author.....I'm a horrible person...and I admit it...
5312270
Look, I'm only 11 and I'm not lying about it okay? All my life iv just wanted to be an Author, my mother used to say i would make a great one from my big imagination, but now I know I'm just nothing...
5312276 Um, hate to break it to you, but you have to be at least 13 to even join this site. Gonna have to report, sorry.
5312280
Go ahead then, see if I care, I hate you all...
5312276
You have to be 13. Reported.
5312270
I don't think you are, I'm just annoyed with how everyone reacts when their story has bad reviews.
5312295
LOOK SEE IF I CARE!!!!! I hate you al!!!!!! I HATE MY LIFE!!!!
5312302 At first, I was confused by what you meant. Now I see what you mean.
5312308
Well, all of this is true.... Why can't I just get on one site, and not get bullied?
5312311 For the last time: you're not being bullied. We're trying to give advice (story and rule-following-wise), although we are rather harsh. Bullies are everywhere; just be glad we aren't calling you names or something.
5312313
But why can't you guys just stop?! Iv already had enough advice, and now its turning into a hateful comment section....
5312320
Yes, i did... Dumb auto correct. (Btw, the reason it does that, is because this was all n an iPad.)
5312308
What did you think I said?
5312331
My brain shut down before I read between the lines.
5312333
Did it look like:
How is it when authors get dislikes on their story...they think their the best authors in the world.
5312342 Yeah, that part.
5312349
Wassup? I should have the story finished by today if your available.
5312276 Your eleven!!!! You need to be thirteen to register on this site!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry, but you'll have to come back when your older and are mature enough to handle criticism.
5312350
Ha, I can see how that would be disorienting.
5312359
Noice! Send it my when when you're done, brah.
5312375
Gotcha m8.