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Sweetie Belle sat in her cubicle, quietly waiting for the start of her shift. Some might have thought her too eager, as her job was anything but glamorous… but Sweetie didn’t care. It was a chance!
Sure, singing was a great talent, but it didn’t pay the bills! When nearly one fifth of the ponies in Equestria had some form of musical special talent, the market was flooded with out-of-work singers, violinists, drummers and the occasional sousaphonist.
Not everyone could be a Sapphire Shores, or a DJ-Pon3.
Without a change in the market (say, for example, some mysterious ancient foe of ponykind coming in and wiping out one fifth of the Equestrian population… which—to Sweetie Belle—didn’t seem all that impossible) she would have to find gainful employment elsewhere.
She had applied for numerous jobs, but with no real marketable skills, she had struggled.
When First Equestrian Insurance Brokers accepted her application, she jumped for joy. It had taken months, and she had practically burned through the allowance her sister had given her to help set up.
Finally, she could pay her own way.
She could live the dream (and wait for that inevitable Equestria-sundering disaster) just that little bit longer!
No marketable skills my hooves!
It was a simple job: sit in front of a screen, call the number listed, and go through the script.
Rarity had always had the most unpleasant things to say about… cold callers… but Sweetie would prefer to annoy a few people during dinner than to go without dinner for herself.
The screen in front of her came to life. She picked up the receiver, and dialed the number listed.
“Four eight four,” Sweetie Belle hummed as she punched the numbers in, “five eight nine five six double-one.”
The ringing came out of the tinny speaker on her reciever.
“Hello?” a male voice answered.
“Hi,” Sweetie Belle answered. “I’m calling about a request you once made about health insurance coverage—”
“Okay,” the voice replied.
“—we work with all major companies and compare—”
“Hey,” the voice interrupted. “Are you a robot?”
Sweetie Belle paused. What was she supposed to say to that? The company had been very adamant that she stuck to the script.
She laughed nervously. “What? No. I am a real pony.”
She could hear the stallion on the other end of the line laughing.
“Maybe we have a bad connection? I’m sorry about that.”
“Oh, that’s so crazy, it’s just that you sound just like a robot!”
Sweetie Belle paused. This stallion was very rude! But she had to be polite. Always be polite. That was another motto the company were adamant about.
“I am a real pony,” Sweetie Belle answered, with the sweetest voice she could muster for this horse-apple stain. “Maybe we have a bad connection, I’m sorry about that.”
“Will you tell me you’re not a robot— just say ‘I am not a robot’, please,” the voice on the other side of the phone said. Sweetie Belle could hear the smugness in his voice.
“I am a real pony,” she answered, a little more dejectedly than she should have.
“I mean, I believe you,” the voice said, “but will you just say ‘I am not a robot’. It’ll make me feel better to hear you say it.”
Sweetie Belle forced out a laugh. What was with this guy? Why was he so adamant to get her to say she wasn’t a robot? Robot robot robot. Stupid stallion.
She quickly realised that she had paused too long after that awkward laugh.
“There is a live pony here,” she replied.
“I know there is, it would just make me feel better to hear you say ‘I am not a robot’.”
The conversation was getting rather upsetting for Sweetie now. She laughed nervously, trying not to let the hurt sound in her voice.
“What?” she asked.
“If you could say the words ‘I am not a robot’, it would really mean a lot to me,” the voice answered, chuckling all the while.
“Ha-ha,” she chuckled, “I am a real pony. Can you hear me okay?”
“Yeah, I can hear you fine,” the voice said, laughing loudly. “I just want to hear you say ‘I am not a robot’.”
“Yes,” Sweetie Belle replied, quietly. “I am a real pony.”
She just wanted to end this call. Why was this stallion so mean?
“But will you say ‘I am not a robot’?”
Sweetie Belle forced herself to laugh. She would be nice! She would finish this call. She would get a sale and she would eat more than instant noodles for dinner tonight.
“How are you hold a moment sir.”
Sweetie Belle stopped, resisting the urge to smack her hooves to her forehead. What did that even mean? This stallion was really getting to her.
She waited, but was met with only silence.
“Are you there?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he replied. “I’m here!”
“Well…” Sweetie Belle said, determined to move this conversation along, “…let me ask you a couple of questions. Are you currently on EquestriCare?”
“Umm, no, I’m not,” the stallion answered.
“Okay,” Sweetie Belle said. Finally, she could get—
“Now, let me ask you a question,” he said. “We’ll go, you ask me a question, and I’ll ask you a question. How about that?”
“Sure,” Sweetie Belle said, completely unsure.
“Okay, are you a robot?”
Back to this again.
“No,” Sweetie Belle answered, flatly.
“Will you say ‘I am not a robot’?”
Sweetie Belle opened the door to her apartment, throwing her saddle bags to the couch.
Why did she have to hang up on that stupid stallion. Why did he have to be so rude. Why did the company fire her after one bad call?
She didn’t feel like eating right now. She just wanted to shower, and go to bed.
Sweetie Belle turned the taps on, waiting for the hot water to come through.
“I am a real pony,” Sweetie Belle asked, looking at her reflection in the mirror. “Right?”
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This is actually kind of fascinating. There doesn't seem to be anything keeping Sweetie Belle from stringing those five words together, but no one said robots couldn't be real ponies. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.
5163601
http://io9.com/freakishly-realistic-telemarketing-robots-are-denying-t-1481050295
I am weird, I guess.
I really liked this. The story was to-the-point and the writing was very well done. Keep writing like this and I'll keep supporting.
Yay, a Sweetiebot story I can love and-
*sees story in complete status*
Awww.
this story right here gave me nightmares... for the simple reason i worked at one of those call centers... Oh god the terror. I can't answer a phone anymore without having a panic attack... oh god.
Poor Sweetie, she is not a robot. Why do Ponies always think she is.
Poor Sweetie Belle (and all the other ponies with singing cutie marks). At least you don't have a sports cutie mark...
You're in a desert, walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over. But it can't. Not with out your help. But you're not helping. Why is that Sweetie?
Poor Sweetie...
It's like:
Sweetie: Hi, I'm calling from--
Dude: Are you a robot?!
Sweetie:
SHE STAMMERED
I've worked in inbound call centers more than I want to mention, as well as worked as a collector on occasion. I feel a lot of nostalgia here, and I'm honestly not sure if it's in a good way.
5163601
And on a third hoof, the callee seemed somewhat... programmed in his insistence that Sweetie Belle deny her robothood...
5164184
Are you a robot?
5166544 you would not believe how many times i was asked that question... or the wierd stories i have to tell...
there was 1 guy who called in from a mental hostpital (It was on his address as a mental hospital) who swore at the end of a perfectly nice call that he was Neo from the matrix.
Then there was the time that these 2 women call in to fix their phone while at the same time being .. uhum very Intimate with each other.... yeah i was VERY red in the face durring that phone call....
Sweetie Belle fails a Turing Test, great idea, not developed enough though.
5166657
Wait. They call in to fix their phone?
How are they calling in, if their phone is busted?
World record for phone repair! Woot!
5166815 I worked for First Verizon Wireless and second for T-mobile. I worked in the Data section so I worked on smartphones and Wireless cards. Of coarse they couldn't work on and talk at the same time so they talked on another cell or a home phone while we worked on getting internet/phone working again.
Edit: On a side note Longest phone call to get a phone working 18 hours... I kid you not came in at 12 was supposed to be off at 8 didn't get off the line till 6 the next morning. Told my boss to his face he wouldn't see me for 3 days. He told me he sure wouldn't becuase he was taking them off as well. (He had to stay there with me through the night)
I dunno. I just didn't find it funny. (shrugs) Whaddya gonna do?
The binary chapter title was a nice touch. A lot of code to say something so simple.
I must say that is an excellent way of looking at things, I've never seen a story that looks at the cutie mark system like that before. So cutie marks are like degrees, there are useful ones and ones where you are either extremely lucky or end up in a job where you have to wear a silly hat.
5170382
The equestrian equivalent to a fine arts degree.
"Would you like fries with that?"
I actually thought, it's kind of not really a sustainable system. Though we've already seen canon proof that not everyone gets a job directly related to their cutie mark. i.e. Rarity's talent seems to be related to finding gems, yet she is a fashion designer. Pinkie Pie's talent is parties and making people happy, but she has a job as a baker. Rainbow Dash's talent is speed, yet she works as a weather pony.
Celestia knows what Sea Swirl does in ponyville.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120211023159/mlp/images/thumb/0/08/Sea_Swirl_id_S2E15.png/240px-Sea_Swirl_id_S2E15.png
She must be australian, cause everyone over here seems to have a bachelor in marine science. I guess that's our equivalent to a fine arts degree.
A phenomenal exploration of this (far better than this stupid fic) is Smiling Flowers by theBrianJ.
I have another fic in the works exploring this, but this fic was basically a way to work through an annoying writer's block.
5168868
cdn.screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/Spaceballs-Dark-Helmet-Revisited.jpg
Absolutely nothing!
...I don't get it...
01010100011101110110111100111111
Freaky in a good way.
5166374
Yes.
Just, yes. You, sir, get a cookie
I looked at the picture,
I miss Legion.
On the bright side, I loved the story!
It's...a thing.
To be honest, it actually feels a bit sad. It clearly really bothers Sweetie (I can't fathom why) and the stallions a dick. Why does she refuse to say what he's asking? Why doesn't she just say it and move on? Sorry, but this gets a thumbs down from me.
Do I sense an existential rampage in Sweetie's future?
Believe it or not, I was actually familiar with the inspiration for this story before reading it. Kudos to you sir for a hilarious Pone twist on a bizarre and obscure thing
What's more, I once received a call from one of these "individuals". This one was actually a male, I'm guessing it was Samantha West's brother.
I feel stupid. What am I not getting about this? I haven't watched much of Friendship is Witchcraft, but I do know about Sweetiebot...this story doesn't seem to go anywhere, not even to a punchline.
The thing I think I love about this fic is the fact that, in the wake of a telemarketer... I'm that guy on the other end. I'll mess with them and I HAVE done the 'you ask me a question, I'll ask you a question' just to mess with the poor sap. This is too darn ironic but MAN, it makes me go back. Loved it - seriously loved it.
6094274
Truth be told, I am that guy too.
What if we are all ponys that where inslaved by alicorns and are used as energy sources to power there stuff and Lauren Faust escaped and came back to try and free us by showing us the show?
5755456
Agreed. It feels like the prologue to a bigger story.
I read this months ago, but only just now did I stumble into the audio recording this is based on by sheer accident.
https://soundcloud.com/zekejmiller/new-recording-68
So sad more plz.