Chapter Four (Part Two): Necessary Negotiations [Old/Non-Canon]
-GUILTY HORNET-
-CHAPTER FOUR-
-PART TWO-
"NECESSARY NEGOTIATIONS"
I: OF CAGES AND KEYS
The three of us made quick progress along the labyrinthine passageways of the castle's lower levels; Starlit Scrolls to my right and Princess Maxilla to my left. Though Scrolls did not as yet know where we were headed, she remained silent as I led us onwards, electing to trust my judgement and wait for things to be explained in due course, or perhaps a little intimidated by the grim purpose which had gripped me since last we spoke. Either way, she did not break the hoofstep-punctuated silence, and as Maxilla and I were both quite content to leave our thoughts in our heads as well, although the way the unicorn was acting made me wish she would share what was on her mind.
The worried glances towards my fellow royal and the anxiety radiating in waves from the unicorn indicated fear, and I found myself once more attempting to puzzle out what was going on in that head of hers. She had shown some small fear towards many of the other changelings we'd encountered together, but this was something more, perhaps stemming from Maxilla's royal status and accordingly imposing stature.
If it was her appearance which unsettled my unicorn so, then that only made her easiness around me more puzzling: of all the changelings Scrolls had met, Maxilla was by far one of the most pleasant looking, with wide, genuine smiles and bright eyes full of eagerness as opposed to the jaded majority.
I, by comparison, was a downright haggard-looking creature: even ignoring the insectoid features and hole-ridden limbs, there were sizeable bags under my eyes and my body was tall, thin and looming in stark contrast with my counterpart's youthful curves and Prench-taught elegance.
My face, its flaws brought daily to the surface by the mirror in my room, was drawn and lined in such a way as to give the appearance of a changeling many years ahead of my own twenty-six, and my snout did less to suggest delicacy and elegance like Maxilla than it did bring to mind the sharp, angular proboscis of a mosquito.
Complete the image with my lank green mane and one would have a sight that should rightfully terrify a pony, but inexplicably my unicorn seemed to not only not mind this, but take comfort in it. With every passing moment, the theory that her amity towards me was a result of her backfiring teleport gained more and more credence. The idea made sense, but it also saddened me - the unicorn was the closest thing to a friend I had outside of my advisors and guards, and to believe that her friendliness was the result of a mere accident was to write whatever we had off as nothing more than a convenient turn of events, rather than anything more meaningful.
By the time I shook myself out of that line of thought, we had arrived at the third and deepest level of the Royal Canterlot Dungeons, and I had to take a more active role in our navigation, being the only one in our party who knew anything of this final level of the dungeons. Leading my companions left and right, through branching corridors and sudden dips, it was another long few minutes of silent concentration before we arrived at the most heavily-guarded portion of the palace. No less than four full Legionary squads, each led by one of our very best Decani, stood alert and ready for action with glaives drawn and horns lowered in the direction of the one - and only - entrance.
The sight was at once impressive and intimidating: five rows of eight morbidly glimmering blades stretched out from the seamless silver ranks, the coloured, rank-indicating crests on the helmets revealing that the most experienced soldiers formed the front line. The standard formation of Decanus on the left, Sub-Decanus on the right repeated four times across the narrow chamber, a row of grim faces somewhat at odds with the gaudy crimson and azure of their crests staring out from under their helmets. Behind them, two ranks of green-crested shifters leveled their weapons in readiness to use them, horns lighting in anticipation of a fight, and to their rear a further sixteen amber-crested drones adjusted their glaives for improved manoeuvrability. I could not help a grin - these were soldiers I could trust to do their job well.
Near-imperceptibly, one of the Decani glanced without even the slightest twitch of the head towards his fellow squad leader on the left, and a silent conversation took place between the four leaders and their seconds in command.
In combat, a changeling squad did not fight as ten individuals, but rather one ten-cog machine: the ponies had discipline, but we had more than that: advanced mind magic, and skill to use it well.
Each individual retained their motor control and the freedom to move wherever they needed to, but their minds and their senses all served the Decanus, providing a constant stream of vital information along with the raw brain-power to process it.
Every part of the whole was simultaneously commander and commanded, and the moment one spotted a threat, they all knew - the ten-part squad worked incredibly well, and it would be hard to imagine a better group of fighters without having met the Praetorians.
What was happening here was even more sophisticated: command decisions were spread between not one but four minds, the situation analysed by another four, and streams of input poured in from no less than forty different sources - if someone were foolish enough to take them on, it would be like fighting a sentient sea of steel and magical fire. I knew, the moment it happened, when the decision had been made: as one, the forty retracted their weapons and stood down, a chromatic sea of dissipating magic rising up from the ranks as twenty-four horns powered down.
After a second, the middle-left Decanus marched smartly forwards to greet us, smoothly enacting the simultaneous salute and bow the military preferred to use when greeting royalty and sending a curt nod the way of Starlit Scrolls before opening his mouth to speak for the group.
"Your Highnesses," he barked, "how may we be of assistance?"
I responded with equal conciseness, the to-the-point nature of military speech a refreshing break from the sycophantic warbling of the noble elite.
"We need to speak with the prisoner. You know what to do."
"Understood, Your Highness," acknowledged the Decanus, saluting once more before turning smartly on the spot.
He immediately strode back to rejoin his nine Legionaries, unseen communications flitting back and forth between the amassed minds, and after a moment the entire mass of forty armoured changelings split neatly down the middle to allow us access to the miniscule gateway behind them. As we strode briskly towards our final destination, the closest half of the soldiers turned to face the entrance, glaives forming a crescent of blades behind us while their higher-ranking comrades at the front adjusted their own positions to better cover our way in.
The chamber we were about to enter had been constructed by Celestia as a backup in case the Bearers of Harmony failed to defeat Discord, and it must have taken centuries of research for ponies to even lay the basis for such a powerful magical device. The proper name for it was a State-Maintaining Order Field Generator, and it was worth far more than the palace under which it resided. There had always been the very real risk that the near-god draconequus would have found some way to circumvent the Elements of Harmony, and Celestia had known from experience how dangerous he could get; and so she had prepared, and researched, and finally built something truly incredible in both power and complexity.
In appearance, it did not look like much besides a very large, spherical hole in the rock; but if it had been built for the sake of appearances it would not have been sitting as far out of the public eye as it could get, guarded by the best soldiers its possessor could throw at it. Its actual purpose was very simple: fuel it with magic, and whatever was inside would be affected more and more by the order field it created, the greater the sum of magic fed into it. At low power, all it might do would be prevent any sudden movements, spells or other chaotic happenings, but at the power level it had been intended for, with all the Royal Guard's unicorns giving their all, it would be enough to freeze even a near-god of chaos itself like Discord permanently in place, unconscious and unchanging, and feed off of his own chaotic magic to keep the field running.
In short, Celestia had built a prison for a god... A cage which had become hers, unlocked with a key that had become mine. The irony of the situation was not lost on me, but I did not take pleasure in it: I bore my predecessor no grudge, in fact respecting her a great deal for the unwavering leadership she gave her ponies, and the weight of what I had already taken from her prevented any amusement at her expense from taking flight.
We emerged at last, on the far side of the long, narrow cylinder which we had entered, into the vast spherical space of the order chamber and took a moment to sweep our gaze over the room. We could not see much: the material which lined the interior was utterly black to the point where no light at all reflected off of it, lending the chamber a shapeless quality which did nothing to ease our minds, and everything within it was bathed in brilliant white light, which threatened to blind us. The furious illumination did, however, allow us to see the one thing we'd come here to find; suspended in the very centre of the sphere, curled into the foetal position and with her mane motionless and weightless, was the statue-still form of Princess Celestia, the ever-present brightness making her appear to be made of the very sunlight she brought.
Reaching back into my mind for the stolen memory of the magical code required to operate the device, I lit my horn at the various, very specific frequencies which signified each digit of the great machine's shutdown index. As I worked, Starlit watched wordlessly, waves of interest radiating from her like ripples in a pond; Maxilla stared instead to the sun-goddess herself, slack-jawed and enthralled by the awesome sight before her.
The last digit lit in my horn, and at once everything changed: a contracting, spherical tidal wave of chromatic radiance rose from the once-black sphere and sped into the centre, leaving dull green-grey where once had been ultimate darkness. The sphere of light shrank into Celestia and vanished, and moments later she drifted slowly towards the ground, dropping the last five metres to land in an unceremonious heap as the machine's effect died once and for all.
Glancing left and right at my companions, I gave the silent signal and we advanced as one towards the downed alicorn.
II: DETHRONATION PROCLAMATION
She rose slowly, visibly pushing through the viscous waters of her magically induced coma to surface, gasping and disoriented, in the cold air of consciousness.The alicorn's eyes were glossy and unseeing for her first fleeting moments in reality, and she staggered to her feet without truly being aware of our presence.
Her vision soon cleared, however, and those drooping eyelids snapped back instantaneously in an expression of simultaneous shock and fury. She frowned in concentration, evidently trying to cast one of the many spells she had leaned over her long life, but no change occurred to the appearance of her horn no matter how much she screwed up her eyes and tried to force out some measure of defence against us.
Shock and rage turned to frustration and desperation as she tried and failed to cast even the most simple spell, and from there; with her attention now aimed at my companions and I; to dread, fear and the tiniest hint of betrayal - directed, no doubt, towards Starlit. She took one hesitant step back, faltered and fell onto her rump, and I in turn took that as my cue to speak.
"Save your energy, Princess, you won't be able to use your magic until it's regenerated enough... Which, given that this fine machine of yours drained everything you had, might take you a little while.
You must now realise that you are completely at my mercy: I, myself, am powerful enough to defeat an alicorn on my own, something I have already done twice.
While perhaps not as experienced as I, Princess Maxilla here is similarly powerful, and the only way out of here is blocked by the very best and brightest soldiers we have.
Your palace has become our stronghold, your bedrooms our barracks and your country our dominion. Let that just sink in for a moment, would you, before you try anything... ill-advised."
Her response was nothing more than a weak "No..." and I smiled openly as I assured her that I spoke the truth.
"I'm afraid the correct answer is 'yes', actually. You still don't believe me? Well, riddle me this, Princess:
if we had not won, how could we keep you inside your very own god-prison for as long as we have?
How come none of your Royal Guard has come to save you?
Why has your sister not freed you from your cage?
You already have the answer: if we had not won, we could not be having this conversation. Equestria is ours, Princess, and the sooner you accept that fact, the sooner we can all move forward from this."
"How...? Why?!" was the only response the downed alicorn could muster, her voice cracking as the words left her mouth and reflecting a deep sorrow within, which radiated out from her in cloying clouds of emotion.
"How? We had soldiers scattered throughout your entire city, disguised as ordinary citizens; it was hardly a difficult task to have them simply take off their masks and put on their armour.
As for lowering the shield... Well, your p-perceptive little student was right: Princess Cadance was not at the wedding, I was, and from there it was not difficult to persuade my new husband to lower the shield and let my people in.
The most complicated part of all of that was finding stunning spells strong enough to get past your armour's protective enchantments, so that we could take over without any deaths - although your Guard certainly tried its best to kill our Legionaries."
This revelation seemed as much a shock to her as the invasion's success had been, and for a moment she forgot to look furious, her eyes sparkling with interest.
"You... You didn't kill anypony?" She asked; I shook my head.
"...No. I've lived through enough bloodshed without creating more where none is needed. Your soldiers are imprisoned but safe and will come to no harm so long as they cause no harm to us.
We didn't invade out of spite, out of some idiotic desire for power; we invaded out of necessity. We needed food, and Equestria had more than a small surplus in production; so we did what we needed, to get what we needed: no more, no less.
We are in control, but we don't need to change the system to better suit our needs when it already suits us fine: the only thing we want to change is whether or not our people starve to death, and we've done all we needed to that end.
Necessity, not power."
Celestia merely seemed more confused after this, although quite understandable given her viewpoint.
"If you needed food, then why did you not request it? We are a reasonable nation; we could have made a deal to send your nation food without all this trouble of invading! I do not see any necessity here, merely greed."
"Our nations are gone, Princess.
The griffons take what the griffons want, with no regard for bloodshed or morality. They drove us out of city after city, drove us back into the desert to die - that is, if we had not already fallen defending the only homes we have ever had - and then they left again.
The land is useless to them; they only drove us out because they wanted us dead. By the time we reached the other side of the desert, we were starved and exhausted and your nation seemed to offer everything we needed.
If I had been able, I would have waited for all the official paperwork and treaty-signing and the rest of it to go through, but I did not have the luxury of time. I saw an opportunity to save the majority of my people and I took it, and for that I am not sorry...
That said, that we had to damage so much in the process is something I will readily apologise for, and we will endeavour to repair what we have broken."
I finished my explanation and looked expectantly at Celestia for an answer, but she appeared unhurried in her decision, seemingly content to let the silence drag on. Sighing, I tapped my hoof lightly against the cold stone floor and waited.
III: THE GREATER GOOD
After some time, she looks up, hesitance seeping out from under her mask of composure to whisper through vibrations on my horn and betray her deliberate appearance of serenity, and finally deigns to answer my unspoken request for some small reduction in her dislike of me.
"I cannot forgive you, but if what you say is true, I cannot damn you for your actions either. As much as I dislike war, in your position I might well have done the same. Now, I doubt you woke me up just to have a casual chat, so go ahead and get to your point... Uh..."
"Hive-Queen Chrysalis De Vespidae-Alveare... And you are correct in assuming I didn't come here to assert my dominance. A particular turn of events has arisen, and I find that you may be able to help in a certain matter of importance."
"I'm listening."
"Your sister, Princess Luna, escaped from Equestria to one of your allies along with a sizeable contingent of Guards. We think she's going to try and take the city back at some point, but that isn't as important as what she herself has threatened to do.
With you out of the picture, she is now the only one controlling the sun and moon, and she has stated in no uncertain terms that the moment she so wishes, she will use that control to harm my changelings and I.
The sun and moon are enormously powerful, but their ability to affect anything more specific than a region of the country is practically nonexistent - if she tries to kill us with either one of them, she will risk the lives of everyone in this city and very likely kill more of your people than her intended targets.
Changelings are quite resistant to extremes of temperature and we can adapt fairly easily to higher or lower light levels... Ponies don't quite have the same luxury."
Her expression became a mix of frustration and disappointment - the first likely directed at me, and the second almost certainly meant for her ever-unstable sister.
"And how am I supposed to do anything about that? If she is as far away as you say, I can't talk her out of this, and I fail to see what I can do from in here, much less without my magic. Did you even think for a moment about how this harebrained scheme of yours would even work before wasting my time with impossible demands?"
Sighing, I continued and explained the plan, heart already sinking at the open hostility from the deposed alicorn.
"In the event that she tries something, we would transfer our magic onto you and you in turn would prevent her plans from coming to fruition. Such a show of trustworthiness might also convince us to let you take a more direct role in the running of the country, should you wish to work alongside me. You have experience that I can only dream of, and if at all possible I would like Equestria to remain much the same as it has been, only with the addition of my people, so any agreement we might reach is bound to be in both our interests."
Celestia's eyes narrowed in suspicion, and I had to resist the urge to express my frustration at her continued skepticism as she spoke her mind once more. "Are you trying to bribe me, Queen Chrysalis?"
"I am making you an offer. It is up to you whether you take it, but you really don't have much to lose right now. The situation with Princess Luna is a worst case scenario, and we would dearly like to avoid such action ever being necessary. I just want your word that if we need you to step in, you will: nothing more and nothing less."
She fell silent again, but it was thankfully not long before she came up with an answer this time around, though the hesitance she was feeling seeped into every word of her response.
"I... I will consider it, so long as I am no longer a prisoner of my own device. It is not a pleasant experience, being drained of your magic, and I can hardly think things over if I am frozen in time, can I?"
I mulled it over, eventually answering her with a concessional shrug. "Fair point. Come, we can find you somewhere else right now..."
"Wait," she says, holding out a hoof in a signalled request for me to stop, "what about my student and her friends? What have you done with Twilight?"
The question caught me off guard, and as a result my answer was far from convincing with its hesitant air and nervous tone.
"She's fine," I say, far too quickly, "Twilight is perfectly alright - they have come to no harm, we're just keeping them prisoner until we can be sure they are no longer a threat."
The suspicious glare returned, but the following bursts of emotion indicated that she had begrudgingly accepted my white lie, voicing her satisfaction with the reply a moment or so later.
"Very well; lead me to my new cell," she said, "I am more than capable of walking, don't you worry."
However, when she attempted to get to her hooves, she staggered off to one side and collapsed back into an awkward crouch. Midway through my reply, I trailed off to look at her in mild concern. The machine's effect should have worn off by now, especially given that she was an alicorn, but apparently even standing was a challenge for her.
"I'm fine, I'm fine," she repeated hurriedly, feigning an unconcerned smile which contrasted jarringly with the sharp stab of confused fear striking out from her. Her next attempt to stand bore fruit, but only for a moment, as with her third step forward her right foreleg spasmed violently before buckling underneath her, her other legs following suit moments later and turning her three-legged lurch into a sudden, hard fall.
Muttering incomprehensibly, she tried to drag herself up for a third time but didn't even manage to raise her body an inch off the ground before fresh spasms rocked her body and she cried out in fear and pain, eyelids twitching wildly as her eyes widened and began to roll up into her head. She was shuddering constantly by this point, and her breath had become short and ragged, tears of silent terror rolling down her cheeks.
I needed to act.
The only thing I could think of which might have gone wrong is that her machine might have affected her mind in some way, and in that case I would have to take active measures to stop the damage from taking root permanently. Even in this time of dire crisis, the changeling Code drilled into me from birth made me instinctively ask for consent to step into her mind. Predictably, I received no response, and without a moment's delay longer I cast the spell and took the leap into her mind.
IV: REACHING THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
The first thing which struck me when I entered Celestia's mind was the sheer size of it: I could sense it stretching out for what felt like miles, and the scale of what I'd stepped into was momentarily paralytic. The second thing I noticed, looking through the metaphorical window I'd opened into her mind, is how pristine it all seemed; how ordered and even every facet of thought and memory and emotion seemed to be. There was no sign whatsoever here of the damage which should rightly have been scattered across my view like a city in the aftermath of a hurricane strike, and now that I was in there I could sense no fear or confusion from the alicorn.
It hit me far too late that I had been tricked, and I flee back into my own head, mere seconds passing before I felt the window into my own mind shatter with the force of a hundred million hurricanes, my whole world becoming pain and terror and confusion. Everything was blurred, even the most simple thought being squashed and dragged across the surface of my brain like an insect being stomped under a city-sized boot, and I fell back on the most simple mental exercise I could remember. It would not save me from having my mind torn asunder, but it would at least let me check the damage. Focusing myself inwards, I began to list.
My name is Chrysalis Noxa Prasinus De Vespidae-Alveare.
I am a twenty-six year old royal changeling and the queen of my people, as well as the current ruler of Equestria.
I led my changelings across the Griffonian Desert to escape the griffon army which sacked our cities and killed our kin and, out of necessity, obtained the food the only way I could, by invading Equestria.
I have few friends, and none whatsoever outside of my own Praetorian Guard, but I wouldn't trade a single one of them for anything.
Twilight Sparkle is dead because I was too slow, too clumsy to save her, so I have vowed to do what I can to bring her back.
My favourite colour is navy blue, my favourite smell that of lavender.
It was getting a little easier to think now, the scattered papers of my thoughts finally beginning to spiral back down now that the hurricane of the alicorn's will has passed deeper into my mind. My senses were going haywire, though, and vaguely I was aware that I was falling, the dull pain of the impact rolling through the spell-blocked passages of my mind to arrive belatedly in the shattered throne room inside my skull. I could only guess that she was passing through the sensory part of my brain in the same ruthless manner she had done my conscious thought, but my head was in such a state of disarray that guessing was all I could do.
Finally, I understood why entering another's mind without consent was treated so seriously: even the guilt of Sparkle's death was a far preferable feeling to the sheer, gripping horror of being rendered powerless within my own head while another ransacked everything that makes me who I am. I was afraid, even more than when the griffons invaded and I had fought for my life and the lives of my people in hoof-to-talon combat, even more than when I had thought Twilight Sparkle completely removed from the land of the living, even more than when my mother hung me from the flagpole of our mansion by mane and left me there until the dehydration and exposure had nearly killed me. That was nothing by comparison - this was true terror.
I could no longer feel my body. The detachment hit me like a tidal wave, and I am sure that if I'd had any control left over my physical self I would have curled into the foetal position and cried. As it was, I had no idea what my body was doing, only that I could no longer control it: briefly I considered that if I could not control my body, then maybe my heart would stop beating and my lungs cease to open, but the icy stab of fresh fear was enough to scare me away from that particular line of thought. Eventually, I clawed my way back to a semblance of sanity, and as I finally convinced myself that if I could not change the outcome, then there was no use fearing the inevitable, a peculiar flood of calm rose up and submerged me in its warm waters.
Out of curiosity more than fear now that I had so fatalistically detached myself from the events overtaking my mind, I started to list the same things I had done the first time.
My name is Chrysalis Noxa Prasinus De... D'Aelius-Alveare?
I am a twenty-eight year old - wait, shouldn't that be sixteen? Or was it twenty-one?
I am a... fourteen year old changeling royal.
I will never be queen; Tegimen will be king, and even if he doesn't, Cormetit and Tela will be on the throne before me. I suppose that's a good thing: the only orders I give are to my toy Legionaries, and look what happens to them.
The worst sorts of winds fly in from the Griffonian Desert; everything gets covered in sand and Mother will just make me clear it up again. I wish I lived where Clover the Clever and Star Swirl the Bearded did, Equestria: I bet they don't have to clear up sand over there.
I don't have any friends, but that's okay because Tela says they're only trying to use my power for their own benefit or something. I don't know how they're supposed to 'use my power' or anything, but it can't be good.
Besides, who needs friends when you have Legionaries? I get to play with them, and they never call me names or try to use my power. Maybe I'll become a Legionary too, one day, like Daddy.
Twilight Sparkle is a funny name. What sort of a changeling goes calling herself silly pony names like that? Weird...
My favourite colour is red, like roses, and I love the smell of coffee.
Briefly, I wondered what the point of checking my memory is - how exactly was I supposed to know if I was remembering the right thing if I couldn't be sure any of my memories were right? Still, something about those thoughts didn't seem right. Maybe she was in my memories, maybe she was somewhere else, but for now all I could do was list endlessly until something else happens. And so, I listed on...
After a while, these lists became - although I had no way of knowing at the time - much further removed from the truth, and looking back it is quite easy for me to assess Princess Celestia's ruthless path though my brain. The closer or further she got from my most recent memories, the more I listed what I might have done at those points in time, and if I had had any recollection of what was correct for the present and what was simply the result of dredged-up memory, I would have known ahead of time that the alicorn was growing closer and closer to the one memory which I wanted her least to find.
My first and only warning, had I been in any state to understand it, was my final, increasingly incoherent list:
Her name is Twilight Sparkle.
She is a unicorn, personal student of Princess Celestia, and rumoured to be the Bearer of the Element of Magic.
She is onto me - I have to deal with her before she dooms us all.
She is out of the way now, and unharmed unless she did something stupid like trying to escape the portal sphere.
She might be a danger after all - if she frees the alicorn, everything will come apart.
She needs to be stopped.
She has gotten quite far since I set her down here: I'm impressed - she works fast.
She is not, apparently, one with a cool head in a crisis. This is just too easy! I'm almost disappointed...
She is... What is she doing? Is she going to leap at me? Is that her plan? Really?
She is falling! Shit! I can't let her fall!
What do I do?!
The silk, of course! Pleasedon'tmisspleasedon'tmisspleasedon'tmisspleasedon'tmisspleasedon'tmisspleasedon'tmisspleasedon'tmiss...
Oh, thank Phlogiston - I caught her!
What just happened? Oh, no, please don't tell me it snapped!
It snapped! Buck!
She has stopped screaming.
She has stopped feeling.
She can't be dead.
She can't be.
She isn't moving.
She can't be dead.
Please, dear Phlogiston please let her be alive.
She can't be dead.
She isn't breathing.
She can't be dead.
She can't be...
She can't...
She is dead.
Oh, Phlogiston, she's dead.
I did this.
I was too slow.
I did this.
I failed her.
I did this.
She is dead.
I did this.
It is my fault.
I did this.
It is all my fault.
Wait, is that...
It can't be...
Please let it be...
Her heart is still beating!
She's not dead yet!
I can save her!
I will save her!
I will... Oh, Phlogiston, it's gone!
What did I just cast?!
I killed her...
Oh, buck, I killed her!
Why?!
Why did this have to happen?!
I could have saved her!
I could have saved her!
Why?!
I'm so sorry.
I can't...
What did I cast?
It wasn't a lethal spell, was it?
I wouldn't have... Would I?
I didn't!
She is frozen, not dead!
Not dead!
I can still save her!
Twilight Sparkle is nearly dead, but I will save her.
She is not dead yet.
She is almost certainly doomed.
She is not dead yet.
She has a family that loves her.
She has friends who support her and care about her.
She has a mentor who is almost a mother to her.
She has a life.
I will not take that from her, or her from that.
She is not dead yet.
She is almost certainly doomed.
She is not going to die.
She is going to live again.
I will make that happen.
I have to make that happen.
I vow to make that happen.
Twilight Sparkle is my greatest responsibility.
I will not let her down.
It would not have been much of a warning, but I might at least been able to prepare for what was about to happen. As it was, I was caught completely off guard by the first tangible contact I had had with the alicorn since she broke into my mind. She had stumbled upon the memory of Twilight Sparkle's fall, evidently having been searching for information on her student's whereabouts, and was momentarily dumbstruck by what she found. This allowed me to complete my slow slide into lavender-coloured insanity without interruption, and for a split second ponder the sudden silence and absence of movement within my brain.
Then, the screaming began. The suffocating silence which had reigned over my shattered mind for what felt like hours erupted into a cacophony of agony, driving into me like a knife of condensed sorrow. At long last, I was able to sense the alicorn's position within my head, my view shifting to focus on her tiny, glowing avatar as I followed the trail of pain to its source. The micro-Celestia lay crumpled on the cold stone floor of the crystal cavern, sobbing loudly over the broken body of her student and occasionally running a hoof through the mane of Sparkle's corpse.
At some point my own consciousness had coalesced into a miniaturised version of myself, though I did not notice this until I caught the sight of my twisted reflection in one of the remembered crystals, and it was not long before the sound of my imagined hooves clopping across the stone of memory drew the grieving alicorn's attention. Whereas my soul-form was a nightmarish caricature of my physical self, hers was even more radiant than its real-life counterpart; an idealised image of a god-princess forged from the sun itself. This magnificent visage was spoiled quite effectively by the twin waterfalls of tears streaming down those glimmering gemstone eyes, by the posture-less slouch she had sunk into, by the quivering lower lip and by the sobs like miniature earthquakes shaking her once-regal form. Seeing that memory, finding what she had sought, had hurt the millennia-old alicorn more than blades or magic could ever have hoped to; in her eyes was no light, merely the deathly darkness of a mourner's stare.
She stared at me blankly, mouth opening and closing wordlessly, and I once again took advantage of the momentary reprieve to say what needed to be said.
"I will ignore, for the moment, what you did to get here: I think you'll agree the most pressing matter is right in front of us."
She took a deep breath in, let a shuddering sigh back out, but did not speak to contradict me, so I continued.
"It does not end here. There is more to that memory than that fall and that landing.... She is not dead, Celestia; not yet - I can still save her, and I will.
Even if I was, somehow, capable of living normally with the weight of her life on my heart, I vowed to save her, and save her I would.
A changeling's word is a precious thing; a changeling's vow even more so: it is binding, even sacred, and to break it would be like breaking off a part of one's soul.
I will do my best to save her, even if the chance of success is infinitesimal."
She stared at me differently after that, perhaps expecting more, but I had nothing left to say that would be appropriate for the moment: trespasser in my head and mental assaulter as she was, I could not bring myself to let loose my thoughts on that matter. There would be time later for trials and justice; now was for the grievers. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she made her reply.
"I... I am sorry. Truly, I have misjudged you quite severely, and I can see now that my reckless actions in coming here were quite undeserved. I do not expect you to forgive me, but perhaps you can understand why I did what I did.
Twilight, she... I love her. She is like a daughter to me, Chrysalis, and your answer as to her whereabouts was less convincing than it was damning. It seemed likely to me, given your invasion and your insidious methods in enabling that act, that you had harmed or even killed her and that you were lying in an attempt to retain the altruistic image of yourself you were creating.
I thought you a killer, Queen Chrysalis, and I'm afraid I acted upon that assumption without thought for consequence or morals - the idea that my dearest Twilight was dead by your hooves was catalyst enough for a rage you did not deserve. Again, I cannot stress how sorry I am for what I have done: it is clear to me now that I have lost not just a political allegiance but what might have been a friendship - I saw you as an enemy, when in actual fact we were on the same side all along.
I will help you against Luna, should the situation require it, and you have my blessing to rule Equestria in my stead. Again, I do not expect you to do so, but I hope that one day, perhaps, you might forgive me and we can both move forwards from this."
The way she smoothed over the subject of the harm she had caused me as if it were some minor discomfort to be forgotten after a moment's distraction made my blood boil, and all the broiling rage and hurt came rushing up and onto my newly sharpened tongue.
"You are right: I cannot forgive you. What you have done to my mind, no matter the reason, has been the most traumatising experience I have ever had - we changelings have a very strict code of conduct when it comes to mental magic, and you just trampled every rule in that book into dust on the incorrect, shortsighted and downright idiotic assumption that I had killed your precious student.
You showed no restraint in your systematic ransacking of my mind, never entertaining the thought that you might be wrong at any point, and as a result I may be permanently impaired - the amount of damage you have done here is incredible! I might never even wake up from this, let alone regain control of my body or rearrange my memories!
For all I know, my body is shutting down as we speak and in a minute or so I might be dead - and for what, exactly? So you could make sure your precious little Sparkle was alright? To find proof enough in my mind that I had hurt her to justify killing me?
Do you still not understand what you've done to me?
Let me put it into real world terms for you, then: you have just enacted the psychological equivalent of beating me to the brink of death and having your way with me whilst I bleed out. Even if I do recover from this, the wounds you have made today will never heal, and all because you are somehow under the impression that no idea in that oh-so-wise brain of yours might be wrong.
I will use you if I need you, but do not expect any more than that from me."
She seemed taken aback by that revelation, and her next words made as much abundantly clear.
"I... I had no idea I had done so much damage! Please believe me, I never meant to cause you any harm - I just wanted to know that Twilight was okay. I thought I was just poking my snout in where it didn't belong; breaking your personal privacy. If I had known what I was doing I would never have... Oh, heavens, I am so sorry!"
My mouth set in a grim line, I shot her fumbled apology down with a dismissive wave of my hoof. "I wish I could believe that."
Fear, real fear this time, filled her eyes and she began pleading as if her life depended on it:
"You have to believe me, please! I didn't mean to-"
"I don't have to do anything, especially not what you tell me to. Whatever respect I had for you was shattered along with the rest of me, and all I see when I look at you is a detached, amoral sociopath with no regard for the lives or cares of others besides those she fixates her unhealthy obsessions upon. You say she is like a daughter to you, but she has no need of a second mother, much less one as cold and far removed from equinity as you. I will not tell you twice: get out of my head, before I take your body and trap you in the crippled shell of mine."
"I-I... You wouldn't-"
"We reap the seeds we sow, Princess, and from where I stand you are due more than a little harsh justice. You have ten seconds before I pay you back in kind for what you have done to me."
"I'm sorry, Chrysalis-"
"Nine..."
"-please believe-"
"Eight..."
"-I never meant to-"
"Seven..."
"I swear, I meant you no harm!"
"Six... Five... Four..."
"I'm sorry!"
"Three..."
"If there is anything I can-"
"Two..."
"-do to make it up to you-"
"One..."
"-I will do it."
She disappeared before I could finish my countdown, her parting promise echoing in the shattered husk of my mind for several minutes after her departure. But now that she had gone, taking her stabilising influence with her, my mind began to chaotically piece itself together however it could, with shattered bits of memory and consciousness fusing into a demonic collage of young and old, new and ancient, good and bad, and I felt my own conscious thought merging with the discordant, confused mess.
Thought and memory swirled like the tumultuous tumbling of the river at the bottom of a waterfall as my bubble of consciousness fused into place amongst the poorly reassembled pieces of a lunatic's jigsaw puzzle, into the Frankensteinian bastardisation of thoughts and memory that had once been my mind. Feeling rushed back into my body, the reunification of body and mind nearly complete, and with a sickening feeling of sudden acceleration I lurched awake, eyes opening involuntarily and remaining pinned back as wide as they could go, my newly regained vision swimming with tears and lurid, blurring colours. I was conscious, at least, but I was still damaged beyond the limited capabilities of my self repair - I had thought Celestia's mental invasion more terrifying than anything, but this nauseating blend of familiarity and alienation within my own body produced its own kind of horror.
Even as hooves touched my body and voices rang incoherently in my ears, I was alone, my barely-functioning husk of a body my only companion, a companion whose usual comforting responses had disappeared completely in favour of fresh nightmares of twisted sensation and shattered comprehension.
Even as those same hooves lifted me, the voices asking what, exactly? Could I move? No, no I could not, despite how much I might crave the return of control over my body. And so, as the stone corridors passed in a dizzying blur, I did the only thing I could: I cried for everything I had lost, and tried to ignore the humiliating sensation of hot liquid trickling down the insides of my thighs, yet another bludgeoning reminder that I controlled nothing in this horrible new reality besides my lungs and my tears.
When, at long last, we stopped, I took a long, long time indeed to notice it; lost as I was within the broken labyrinth inside my head, and no longer caring about the world which no longer belonged to me. Voices; calm, soothing, but still incomprehensible, cooed this and that and tried to soothe the unsootheable. I was right in the middle of one in a series of fragmented, raging rants about their - to me, incredible - inability to do anything of use besides talk, when I felt a sharp, stabbing pain in my left foreleg and the world turned to still, comforting blackness.
Unconsciousness enveloped me like a blanket, and I flew into its embrace with open hooves. For now, at least, the nightmare would be over.
END OF CHAPTER FOUR (PART TWO)
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Chrysalis's speech format becomes very odd here. Each new sentence dips and curves for some reason.
That, and dead ponies give no love.
Well, shit.
How would Celestia even know they have mind magic? Unless she's encountered changelings before...
WELL THEN! What a lovely mother!
Yeah, and not the entire country in revolt, or the alicorn of night threatening to destroy all life on the planet.
And... shit! Now Chrysalis is nearly a vegetable. Nice job fixing it, Tia!
Celestia, you elephant in a china shop! Of course rampaging through the showcase will break the fragile contents.
What are you gonna do now?
Overall I admit that I enjoy this story quite a lot, didn't detect any errors while reading so far. :)
Hm. I want to be happy with this chapter, but frankly, Celestia's being much too okay with Chrysalis here, and Chrysalis is being far too self-righteous - though the former is a more extreme problem than the latter. "My faithful student and near adoptive daughter is lying in stasis at the brink of death at your hooves, but that's okay because you didn't mean to do it and you're trying to fix it - so go ahead, rule my nation that you just invaded, everything's fine!" It's essentially everything Celestia feared, minus Chrysalis's intent. And I can definitely understand Chrysalis being horrified and enraged at the mind rape, but what was she expecting? They're not friends. She just enacted a hostile takeover of this former leader's nation, imprisoned her in a pretty horrible cage, asked her to go against her sister and co-ruler, and then let her to think that she'd endangered those she held dear. Celestia has been far more reasonable and acquiescing than Chrysalis has any reason to expect, and from where Chrysalis is standing, she doesn't have much of a moral high ground. ...I don't know, that whole section rather irked me; it felt almost like a 'Reason You Suck' speech directed at Celestia, when there wasn't much authorial need to make it so dangerous (at least, from where I'm standing. Maybe you'll do something else with it.) and much of it didn't fit Celestia anyway. Amoral sociopath? Really?
Frankly, I think that Celestia is acting out of character here in how willing she is to go on the faith of a foreign invader and entrust her ponies so utterly to her, and prying into Chrysalis's mind might have been the most in-character thing she did this chapter, other than her initial distrust when she woke up. Though her lack of delicacy in rooting through Chrysalis's mind also seems out of character; brute force isn't really her style, and I feel like she wouldn't have left Chrysalis's mind in such a terrible state if she'd had any idea how this sort of mental magic works - which, to reverse a probe like that, I feel like she would have had to.
And it's still a fairly weak justification for the changelings invading. I suppose it might have helped to bring up something along the lines of that Chrysalis couldn't trust on the ponies' goodwill; she could have dragged herself there and begged for help, but if they'd said no, her people would be out of strength and they'd lose any advantage they could have had over Equestria; there would be no second chances, so she took the bet that played on factors she could control over factors she couldn't. I like this idea of civil changelings succeeding at the invasion and attempting to rule Equestria as a foreign nation instead of ravenous monsters, but it still seems rather shaky to me as it is; what we see here is at odds with the takeover itself.
Well, that was unexpected. While it makes sense that Celestia is capable of heavy duty mental magic given her age and power, it seems very strange to me that she was unfamiliar with the potential negative effects of that magic because they are honestly kind of obvious and should have been something that was drilled into her by whoever/whatever taught her in the first place.
Also, while it did feel odd for Celestia to have tricked Chrysalis into a mental magic game like that, on reflection Celestia obviously has some knowledge of changelings because she knew enough to fake her emotions to trick Chrysalis. Also, on further reflection it seems likely that she was more looking for a general opening to turn into an advantage than mental magic specifically because while Chrysalis could have easily elected to start with traditional medical magic or a simple physical examination, that would have given Celestia a similar opening for a physical or conventional magical attack so the strategy still works.
Also, I figure it will be a while before we get confirmation on this in the story, but I am assuming someone else kicked Celestia back into her stasis trap to keep her from doing any more damage after she assaulted Chrysalis.
Overall this was a good chapter and it was nice to see that Celestia is not totally useless (even if Celestia actually doing something useful is a bit out of character
), but she really did come off as a bit of a sociopath here and the presence of Starlit Scrolls means you cannot really write it off as a lack of information on her part either. While it is possible (from her perspective) that the changelings are using one of their own to imitate her to make Celestia feel more comfortable, she can very easily check her identity with some personal questions and possibly also discretely check her for mental magic to establish her as a more trustworthy source of information to confirm what Chrysalis was saying. She also had plenty of time to do this because they were talking rather than fighting so they can take as much time as they need and Chrysalis would undoubtedly understand her desire to check on the pony if she is playing it strait or have to pretend to be cooperative if she was trying to manipulate Celestia.
5758863 First, I want to say that I am with you overall as you can see in my previous comment. That said, I do have one significant issues with what you said about Celestia seeming much to okay with this. I personally think her actions on that front are entirely reasonable, although this is really two different issues because her perspective on the situation is drastically altered after the mind rape.
Before hand, she was very clearly trying to get Chrysalis to let her guard down somehow so the fact that she seemed about as ok with it as can possibly be expected is really more a function of acting and diplomacy to create an opening rather than true acceptance. This is really just good tactical sense here (which Celestia admittedly tends to lack in the show for some bizarre reason
) and it draws on the skills Celestia uses all the time to present a strong image to her ponies and manage important diplomatic events. She has to put on an act of her own every single day and there are irrefutably cases where she has to look happy about something she hates like the Gala so I think this kind of act is a perfectly reasonable course of action for her as she looks for an opening to strike.
Moving on, she basically ransacks Chrysalis's mind when she invades it so she really does know everything about her after that and honestly has more information than we do to determine if Chrysalis is someone she is willing to accept as a ruler. Given that the previous chapter make Chrysalis seem to be a reasonable ruler who Celestia might have been willing to work with, I do not think it is unreasonable for her to feel that way on a purely professional level. On the personal side of things, Celestia has been shown to be very forgiving in the show with the most prominent example being her decision to reform Discord after all the trouble he deliberately caused so I do not find it especially out of character for her to be willing to forgive Chrysalis for an honest accident that she did everything she could to prevent, feels incredibly guilty over, and is working hard to fix. It may not be something you or I could do, but it does fit with what we know of Celestia (on that point at least, I am very much with you on the amoral sociopath bit).
Also, I am not really clear if you are bothered by the bit about Luna or not, but just in case you are, remember Celestia only agreed to take action if that actually happens because she knows how bad it would be for her ponies. She is in no way committed to do anything else, she could be lying or thinking of using it as an opportunity to escape, and she will not actually do anything unless Luna decides to hurt the ponies to get at the changelings which puts her about half way back to Nightmare Moon on its own.
Finally, you do bring up a very good point about the backstory that I had not thought about as much because I was more focused on the events of the chapter itself. I think it could be strengthened significantly by adding in your point about the risks of rejection and coupling that with an account of the ponies running in terror from scouts that tried to make contact which definitely fits with what happened to Zecora and further reinforces the fear of outright rejection from Celestia. That really forces the changelings to act based on incomplete knowledge which makes their decision the most logical choice under the circumstances even if we as the readers know that Celestia would have done whatever she could to help them if they had gone to her directly.
5758491
Not the feet instead of hooves thing again? Damn it, I thought I'd stopped doing that - old habits die hard, I guess.
Yep, something, somewhere went terribly wrong with that formatting. I'll fix that ASAP.
Well, there is that, but as we'll see next chapter, Chrysalis has seen a lot of bloodshed in her time. Certainly, enough death has happened around her that she'd be eager to avoid any more, even in an invasion. Your point works too, though.
Tia's been around longer than the changelings have, so you'd think she'd know something about them by the present day. That said, all she knows is that they can sense emotion and that they have a way of bridging minds.
When Chrysalis did the mental link, she didn't conjure a particularly strong barrier between their minds because she didn't expect she'd need one - all Tia had to do was will herself through it, and she has more than enough willpower to breaks such a flimsy defence.
That said, now that she's been through the bulk of Chrysalis's memories, she has a much better understanding of mental magic and changelings. But before that, her knowledge wasn't particularly detailed or comprehensive.
The mother will be in next chapter too, along with a bunch of other things in Chrysalis's past. I could just time jump forwards to when she's well again, but I think it'll be more interesting to bridge it with Chrysalis reliving her most defining moments whilst the others try and fix her mind. Cutie Mark Crusaders Mental Magic Surgeons, yay!
That 'most pressing matter' line is pretty dumb now that I look at it. I'll replace that with something more sensible.
Thanks for the feedback!
5758863
Yep, both their characterisation is a mess here, I can see that now.
Pre-mental-link Tia was supposed to be acting at least somewhat reasonably to Chrysalis because she knew she was at a major disadvantage at that point.
That said, she should not have been so accepting after the link, and I can definitely see where you're coming from there.
Chrysalis I thought was not too bad - I mean, she's just tried to help someone who appears to be very ill, only for them to blindside her and effectively rape her mind. Whilst perhaps not surprising considering Celestia's side of things, it would have come as a major shock to Chrysalis, hence the response.
I'm sorry that section annoyed you, and I never meant for it to come across as a 'reasons you suck' speech. I was trying to get across how much it had shaken Chrysalis, not go off on an anti-Celestia rant, but it appears I was not successful.
I do not write Celestia well at all, but this is my first time trying to write her seriously and as one of the main cast. Hopefully I can improve my characterisation, because a great deal of the points you make are very valid and with that as a guide things should go more smoothly next time I write her.
As for the brute force OOC thing, I have to disagree on the grounds of knowing more of the details of the mental link. I'm sure I explained how the spell was supposed to work at some point, but given your confusion it must not have been in the story proper.
I'm essence, it's supposed to connect the two minds, with a barrier, or 'window', between them.
Normally, a user could see a limited way into the other being's mind and vice versa, and each participant would will thoughts into the visible area in order to share them.
In order to enter Tia's mind more easily, Chrysalis left the barrier fairly weak, and was able to phase right through it. Celestia, on the other hand, does not have much knowledge of mental magic besides being able to recognise that a link has been made and that a barrier separates their minds.
Because of this lack of knowledge, Tia took the only route she knew and used brute willpower to shatter the 'window'; the force of the blow is what caused so much damage in the first place, with the later rooting around in memories being less harmful though still disorienting.
I realise the justification is pretty weak right now, but next chapter should do a lot to strengthen it. Flashbacks FTW!
Anyway, thanks for the feedback and I will make some changes to the chapter in light if what you've said.
5758915
I really should have explained this better, but Celestia isn't actually using any mental magic of her own during any of this, besides suppressing her true emotions and synthesising the ones she wants Chrysalis to sense.
She knew that a connection had been made between their minds, and that Chrysalis was able to pass through it without much issue; but she encountered the barrier between them when she tried to do the same.
From her perspective it looked like Chrysalis had deliberately blocked her from entering, and she knew it would not be long before Chrysalis discovered there was nothing wrong, so she focused her mind on the barrier and shattered it through sheer willpower alone.
Chrysalis left the barrier weak so that she'd be able to enter Celestia's mind more easily, but Tia obviously would not know this, which is why the initial act of breaking into Chrysalis's mind did so much damage.
It's like the 'I'll be back' scene from Terminator: Chrysalis's mental barrier is like the front entrance to the police station in that it stops Celestia from getting in with conventional means, so Celestia, as the Terminator in this analogy, uses an alternate approach, with her willpower taking the place of the car.
It was a reasonable defence, but it simply could not hold up against Celestia's desperate 'first thing I though of' approach, which is why so much damage was caused just by entering the way she did.
She didn't know all that much about the specifics of changeling magic, since they are separated from Equestria by inhospitable desert and by nature a secretive race, only the basics of what they were capable of, such as the emotion sensing and the ability to merge minds, hence the lack of finesse in her actions.
You're right on the money in that Tia was waiting for an opening in general, but she was definitely hoping that Chrysalis would take the bait and assume mental damage had been done.
As for the stasis device, you'll have to wait and see, but that will be in next chapter for sure. It makes sense that they'd try, but I cannot say more than that.
I should have put something in with Starlit Scrolls in hindsight, and a lot of the characterisation could do with another pass, so I'll likely go back and do that before I upload the next one.
Next chapter, by the way, is another interesting one: since Chrysalis is unconscious and the changeling medics are tending to her shattered mind, I decided to construct much of next chapter out of flashbacks to defining moments in Chrysalis's past instead of just time skipping ahead to when she's well. She's reliving all this because in the waking world, these memories are the ones they're trying to return to their proper places, in the hope that these milestone memories will help the less important memories fall into place. It should be quite fun to write, I think.
5759624 5759837 Ok, some thoughts on both of these.
This looks like it is a case of different readers getting different things out of a section because I got exactly what you were going for there. I felt like it was very clear that Celestia knew she screwed up big time and was trying to do what she could to fix it and Chrysalis was severely traumatized and lashing out at Celestia as a result. This does not mean you should not take another look at that section and see if there is anything that stands out because there are always things that can be improved in everything, but I did want to let you know it was not that bad.
I have read all that extra stuff and knew about the mental link and still got the same problem. What it really comes down to is that it is generally assumed that Celestia knows at least a fair amount about most subjects thanks to her incredibly long life so we expect her to have more knowledge of what is going on, especially because she was able to quickly overwhelm Chrysalis who is presumably fairly capable with mental magic. What this means is that you have to find some way to make it clear Celestia has no idea what is really going on beforehand because a screw up of this magnitude is incredibly jarring with her presumed experience and knowledge and quick success.
Well, it is sounding like you are having a lot of second thoughts about the issues in this chapter so I have to ask what your plans are. I am honestly thinking it might be a good idea to give it a major overhaul and maybe even a partial rewrite at this point because there are a number of sections that need significant help and sooner is better than later for that kind of thing so I would work on that now instead of the next chapter which makes me wonder what you are planning on doing.
That does sound interesting, but you have to remember that patching things after the fact is never as good as doing them right in the first place, especially because this kind of issue could cause someone to dump the fic without getting to the patch in the next chapter.
5761286
The mental link needs some serious explaining, I think, for the chapter to work as well as I'd like, and if you knew about it but still had the same problem then that is a very clear indicator that I need to make Celestia's inexperience much more clear than I have done.
As for what you day about me having second thoughts about this chapter, for the most part I'm happy with it on a conceptual level, but definitely not satisfied with the execution. The sections without Chrysalis and Celestia interacting are around the level I want them to be, although I'll still likely give those another bit of minor editing to keep the flow with any changes I make; most of what I am not happy with this time around are the Chrysalis and Celestia parts, especially characterisation.
My plans for this chapter are to more or less rewrite the Celestia/Chrysalis scenes from scratch, since salvaging the current versions would be much more work than simply starting again with a better idea of what to do and what not to do.
Celestia is currently not a character I can write very well, so I'll be taking it slower with her dialogue, and I'm going to try and justify each line I write for both her and Chrysalis - if I can't come up with a reason for them to say something, it's probably going to be OOC and therefore better off not used.
I somewhat forgot about Starlit whilst writing the actual scenes with Celestia, and both she and Maxilla may as well not have been there. I'm going to try and make their presence more meaningful this time around, since there is very little point having them there if I don't use them, and hopefully that will make the conversation with Celestia feel more organic rather than a mechanical back-and-forth with no deviation from the main topic.
I'm not entirely sure what you mean about a 'patch' next chapter, so I suppose I'd better clarify in case I confused you. I'm rewriting the problem areas of this chapter first, and only after that will I start writing the next chapter (I'll probably put a blog post up to let everyone know when the revised version is up) - the repairs to this one and the contents of the next are quite separate things.
The next chapter should be fairly self-contained compared to the others, since Chrysalis is unconscious as of the end of this chapter, and therefore not experiencing life as normal. While she's out, the other changelings are going to be doing their best to return her mind to the way it should be, and one part of that is returning her most defining memories to their proper places: once they're in place, it would be easier to put the rest back using them as a point of reference.
She'll be reliving each memory as it's returned to its proper place, so the structure is a series of different events moving through Chrysalis's life towards the present day, which should allow me to cover a lot of the more important backstory without a huge exposition dump. In there amongst the events will be the griffon invasion I mentioned in this chapter, along with a great deal of others, including her punishment as a foal at the hooves of her mother, which I also mentioned this chapter.
As I said, I am quite looking forward to Chapter Five, but this chapter needs serious work before I'll be comfortable continuing. An overhaul and partial rewrite of this scale will be time consuming, but I think it will be worth it in the end. Thanks once again for the feedback, and I hope to take a lot of the points you've brought up to heart when I rewrite the chapter.
Chrysalis is pretty clearly whitewashing things in the first part of the chapter "We didn't have time to ask for asylum as refugees, but we did have time to research the exact spells that would get past your guards' defensive armor. And to ambush and replace Princess Cadence". If they were really starving and they thought the ponies were willing to give them anything at all, throwing themselves on their mercy would probably have been faster than invading. Even without formal treaties, the crown could probably spare some short term food for relief while working out the details. Or they could have had changelings just infiltrating (which we've seen they can do) and stealing food. Conquest is an extra step that consumes time if you want to set things up right and make them go smoothly, time Chrysalis seems to have put in.
I think its more likely that they had the time, they just didn't really believe it would work. Being driven out of their homeland by another race would predispose them to a degree of xenophobia. Chrysalis may have told herself it was about time, but that was likely a rationalization. Unable to accept putting her people's lives in another race's hands, invasion was a method that would let her keep control instead of depending on ponies.
5761835 Ok, it sounds like we are very much on the same page for what generally needs to happen here so I am not going to go over all the points again and will instead offer some thoughts on Celestia because that seems to be your biggest hangup on what needs to happen.
The first thing to remember about her is that despite all the screen time she has gotten and how important she is in the show, we do not actually know all that much about who Celestia really is on the inside so we tend to have to do a fair amount of extrapolating from other data points for anything beyond the superficial characteristics which are fairly obvious and generally define her public image. Celestia is quite obviously a very nice pony who generally does her best to make everyone around her feel better. She is also ridiculously old and has seen basically everything the world has to offer so she will almost always have a significant amount of experience to draw on in any situation she finds herself in, although this can be bypassed by a seriously out of context problem. When taken together, these generally give her a very motherly feel in the show and she does seem to look on her subjects as her pseudo-children, something which is especially true of Twilight.
Moving on, we can piece together a number of other details from smaller events in the show. The first and most prominent is the end of the Gala when she says it is awful every year which makes it very clear that she was not at all enjoying herself even though she seemed to be her usual friendly self in public. This means that at least some of that public image is an act so she is almost certainly hiding a significant amount of frustration and especially loneliness while appearing friendly in public on a regular basis. Hiding frustration, anger, and other negative emotions is really just part of diplomacy (which I will get to in a bit) and feeling them in the first place is just her being "human" so that is not really a big deal, although it is important to acknowledge that she does feel those emotions even if she does not display them or allow them to influence her actions. This already came into play with her acting in this version of this chapter and will undoubtedly show up again in the future, although I would expect Celestia to have trouble maintaining the fake emotions long term when dealing with changelings because that is not something she is used to doing.
Moving on, we can piece together a lot of loneliness from her environment. The most obvious piece is the fact that she is so old that she outlives basically everyone she meets which will obviously make her feel at least a bit lonely on its own. She does seem to do a good job fighting this by getting to know the ponies around her and taking in students like Twilight, but we also know that Twilight basically just puts Celestia on a pedestal and worships her rather than really trying to connect with her as a pony which has to hurt from Celestia's perspective. This same logic also seems to apply to the general population and at least a good portion of the other ponies around her which means that despite being such a beloved leader, Celestia probably has fewer real friends than Twilight does. The other big point is Luna who was absent for a thousand years and only just came back so while that does give Celestia someone else she can talk to, Luna has a lot to get used to and a lot of her own issues to overcome as a result of her exile so Celestia cannot really unload her own worries on Luna very well at this point. This is all obviously bottled up like everything else, but it does help to explain why she is always trying to make others feel better and especially why she wanted to reform Discord. Part of her just wants to make more friends so she can be less lonely for a while and Discord is one of the few beings that can always be there for her (even Spike will eventually die, and his century-long naps will also take him out of the picture for long stretches of time before that). One interesting thing to note about this is that Celestia's tendency to hide her emotions does a lot to contribute to this because it makes her seem less emotional and accessible to others which keeps them from forming a real, meaningful bond. This will not play a huge part in Celestia's actions in the new version of this chapter, but the mind rape will show her just how similar she and Chrysalis really are once you get past the superficial trappings and will make her want to try to become friends with her in spite of the obvious issues with that in the future and the combination of that and her desire to fix the mess she made may drive her to do something desperate to try to fix things between them.
Circling back to my earlier comment, we have seen that Celestia's rule is incredibly gentle and peaceful from the actions of the ponies and the fact that the Royal Guard is very clearly a police force trained to be gentle with a cooperative population making them most comparable to real world mall cops (they are not even close to being an actual military which is why they are totally incapable of providing a meaningful contribution in a real crisis). What this means when taken with what we have already established about her character is that Celestia is an exceptionally talented diplomat who is capable of resolving almost any situation peacefully in a way that leaves both parties satisfied and is incredibly good at playing the long game to keep things going her way for a very long time. This seems to have stabilized the political landscape which naturally prevents wars and has two significant consequences for this story. The first is that despite being a prisoner, Celestia will be doing her best to normalize the situation, establish an equitable leadership arrangement, and prevent further conflict by talking Luna down (or at least stalling her). The second is that it makes the griffons attacking the changelings without Celestia intervening and mediating the brewing conflict rather strange because we have seen plenty of griffons in Equestria so there is no way Celestia does not have regular contact with their government which would have gotten her involved in that situation before things got violent.
Now, with that said, Celestia has shown that she is willing to fight for her ponies (or at least throw Twilight at the enemy like some kind of demented Pokemon trainer
), however she has also demonstrated that she is not actually all that powerful and her short term tactical thinking is not great. Celestia was overwhelmed by Chrysalis in a direct contest of power in the show, yet Twilight was able to beat Chrysalis on her own in the comics and we know the difference between the two was limited by what Shining Armor could put out so Celestia's power is very much in the same league as mortal unicorns even if she is relatively strong. Celestia also demonstrated some seriously boneheaded tactics by announcing herself when she had a clear shot to stab Chrysalis in the back and win easily. She has also been outmaneuvered by her opponents in a number of crises which required others to solve the problem for her and she has also made their jobs harder than they needed to be by withholding valuable assets and information. Some of that is definitely her manipulating Twilight (for example, I doubt the series premier would have worked out if Twilight was trying to force friendships to use the Elements) which circles back to her diplomatic skills, but a lot of other incidents are really just inexcusable (for example, Luna could have made the fight against Sombra easy with her knowledge and power instead of the near-catastrophe it was) and show very poor short term judgement and a complete lack of apparent backup plans. I do not expect this to really come into play in this story, although that is more a function of the fact that Celestia totally blew it with her bungling during the initial invasion and her ignorance of the consequences of her actions in this chapter so there is really no way she can make things worse than they already are at this point.
One other useful thing we can draw from her actions and the way she puts so much faith in Twilight to cover for her own limitations is that she can be overly optimistic about the way situations will play out. This has not come back to bite her in the show proper, however Luna's decent into Nightmare Moon does seem to be very much a case of Celestia misjudging a situation by being overly optimistic. She must have seen the signs and Luna must have said something about it before going over the edge which Celestia ignored for some reason, and I personally think that reason is that she was overly optimistic about Luna's ability to work through her issues based on the way she treats Twilight in the show. Her general lack of apparent backup plans also seems to tie into this faith that the things will work out well enough the first time around. This will not have a huge direct impact on this story, however it will play into Celestia's efforts to fix the mess she made and find a peaceful solution even after how badly everything got screwed up.
So there you have my thoughts on Celestia. She is a total sweetheart and a masterful diplomat with an exceptional long game, but she can and does make serious short term mistakes, frequently due to the very same optimism, positivity, and patience that make her such a good diplomat and generally nice pony.
Anyways, I'm glad I was able to help with diagnosing the issues with this chapter, I hope you find my thoughts on Celestia helpful, and I look forward to the new version of this chapter whenever it is up (with 100% more characters
).
5764325
Thanks! That's going to help a lot when I rewrite those scenes, and it's definitely given me a lot of food for thought.
One last thing - I was thinking of perhaps having a confrontation between Celestia and Chrysalis while both of them are in Celestia's head, and then having Chrysalis retreat and Celestia follow, breaking the barrier in order to do so, rather than the current version where Celestia's attack comes out of nowhere. One reason I'm considering doing this instead is that it doesn't seem quite right that Celestia would be able to encounter the barrier and then break it, all without Chrysalis (who is not very far from the barrier, after all) realising she was there, so I thought this might make more sense.
I also think it might be a better platform to get across Celestia's angrier side, and to set up more justification for Celestia's suspicions about Chrysalis. I thought it might work well to have Celestia demand information on Twilight's whereabouts and status, and Chrysalis be evasive with her replies (since their minds are linked, concentrating on Twilight might bring up that memory in plain view of Celestia, which is something Chrysalis would want to avoid). Celestia would get suspicious and angry for more justifiable, obvious reasons that way, and her invasion of Chrysalis's mind would seem more like an act of perceived necessity rather than the rather spiteful way I wrote it the first time.
It would also split their interactions up a little more, and allow me to explore more sides of their characters: the initial meeting would see both sides trying to be diplomatic, with Chrysalis trying to win allegiance and Celestia going along with it in the hopes of securing herself a better position from which she can work to her own ends and protect her ponies.
The confrontation in Celestia's mind would have Celestia being more imperious and, this being in her head, letting loose with all the emotion she feels but doesn't often express, whereas Chrysalis would be on the defensive and trying to appease Celestia without revealing the truth about Twilight.
Finally, their talk in Chrysalis's mind would have her on the offensive due to what Celestia did to her, but also still trying to defend herself and win Celestia over to her side on the whole Twilight thing; whereas Celestia would be caught between grief about Twilight and guilt about what she'd done to Chrysalis (both due to realising after her memory search that Chrysalis is not evil, but rather quite like-minded, and knowing the extent of the damage she'd done).
Since this seems to solve a few things, I thought it might work quite well, but a second opinion on this would be a great help. Thanks again for all the help and feedback, and I look forward to hearing what you think.
5765749 I am glad I was able to help, although I do still want to say that I may have missed something in that analysis and there are always alternative explanations for things so you should definitely think on it yourself and see if you spot anything I missed or that you disagree with.
As for the confrontation in Celestia's mind, that could definitely work well the way you are talking about structuring things and it would also let you present Celestia's inexperience ahead of time which is critically important for this chapter to work right, but it could also fail miserably if you are not careful with it. Just remember that the actual confrontation will be heavily dependent on the way the conversation before hand plays out with the addition of Starlit Scrolls and Maxilla to the equation so I would say to start by writing that out in full and then reassess your plan for the mental confrontation in light of that.
I hate to break it to you, Chryssi, but you're kinda on shaky ground with your moral outrage, all things considered.
Glad to see a 'Chrysalis wins' scenario where she isn't a sociopath. Looking forward to the next gripping chapter.
Fascinating story, hope Chrysalis recovers after Celestia' remapage into her mind.
One thing I do wonder is that how well the Changeling fought the Griffons. Despite their abilities, were they simply overwhelmed by numbers? A case of the different hives failing to marshal their forces into one fighting unit? I wonder what happened. That could be the plot of another story, prequel to this one.
6031812
It's funny you should ask that, since a pretty big chunk of the next chapter (another two-parter) will focus on the Griffons.
Chrysalis's mind is being repaired by Changeling mind-medics after they put her under at the end of this one, and the way I've envisioned them doing this is by putting her most important memories back where they should be and using the psychological gravity they have to help them pull the less important (and harder to find) memories into more or less the right place. A side effect of them doing this is that Chrysalis, still unconscious, relives each memory when they reattach it - including those relating to the Griffon invasion.
To answer your question more directly, though, there are a lot of factors involved.
It's important to understand that the Changelings - even the ones in Chrysalis's alliance of hives - are pretty isolated from one another. Each group lives in its own self-sufficient town by virtue of the desert being a harsh place to travel, and by extension trade through. This lifestyle is quite efficient, but also means that each settlement doesn't have anywhere near as much communication with the others as an Equestrian town would. This also meant that when the Griffons attacked, they didn't need to worry very much about warnings getting out since most Changelings wouldn't know the locations of the other settlements well enough to find them before the invasion got there.
The Changelings in general have a far smaller population than the Griffons, and because of that, a far smaller army to fight with. Even if the Changelings had been organised enough to meet the Griffon army with all their warriors, they would still have been outnumbered nearly three-to-one, and that's without Griffon reinforcements. The Changelings are a small nation, just very spread out, and their settlements could all fit together in the general area around Canterlot and Ponyville. The Griffons, on the other hand, are a nation equivalent to Equestria in scale, but with an army to match not only their size but their expansionist foreign policy as well. Outnumbered doesn't even begin to describe how badly the odds were tipped against the Changelings.
There's also the fact that mere months before, a peace treaty had been signed between Chrysalis (representing all the hives, not just her own alliance) and the Griffons, promising that the Changelings would be left alone and forfeiting the Griffons' long-standing claim of ownership over the land the Changelings lived on. This was merely a ploy to lure them into a false sense of security, but the Changelings believed it and were taken completely by surprise when the Griffons invaded.
The Griffon invasion, by the way, is why the majority of the Changeling invasion force had no armour or weapons. Almost all of their real army was killed buying time for the civilians to evacuate, so they gave the healthier civilians basic combat training and sent them to do most of the fighting, while the surviving soldiers took on the more dangerous missions (the armed and armoured group who guarded Celestia's prison in chapter four are the same ones who ambushed the Royal Guard in the first chapter, for example).
Maybe 70 Changeling soldiers have proper armour and weapons, with perhaps 150 of the others having military training - the other 2500-odd have only the most cursory training, and were all regular civilians beforehand. As small a force as they are, the Royal Guard had 4000 trained and fully-equipped soldiers in Canterlot alone, with around 10,000 spread throughout the rest of the country - this is why it was so important for the Changelings to have the element of surprise, and to take out their leadership - in a fair fight, the Changelings would never have won against the Guard. Most of the 10,000 fled with Luna to regroup and amass allies for a counter-invasion, which is why they haven't played a larger part in the story so far.
Sorry about the wall of text, but hopefully this will explain things well enough until chapter five is uploaded. Thanks for the favourite, by the way, and I really appreciate your interest in the story.
6031981
Interesting, that does explain a lot. The changeling may have excellent fighters will superb skills, but like you said, everything was tip against their favor. Look forward to your next chapter!
6193895
Cadance's actions will be explained in the chapter after next, but suffice to say that she was not acting out of malice.
Thanks for the suggestion for a replacement line, I'll get to that ASAP.
Glad you liked the new version better!
6202160
Alright, so the clumsiness worked to the story's benefit. Definitely going to flesh out that section more, though, so the chaotic nature of Celestia's magic use is clearer to readers.
I may change things up a little so that Chrysalis is just turning to flee when Celestia fires, and is therefore still able to see Celestia when she shoots at her, so that I can then describe Celestia's expression and how it changes from rage to shock as she realises she can't control her magic.
I think I'm going to downplay Tia's emotional projection a little and, as you suggested, allow Chrysalis to see more of what Tia's really feeling.
I had the idea that she'd learnt to project false emotions in Equestria's early days as a measure against windigoes, since they feed on negative emotions and could probably be repelled if you projected positive emotions. Of course, this would be a skill she'd probably only practiced a little in recent years, and it would make more sense if Chrysalis could sense her true emotion as well as what she's faking.
I'm going to add a lot to explain this idea that Chrysalis is sensing overlapping emotions from Celestia when I go back through, and do more to get the suspicion this causes Chrysalis across. The actual explanation of the origins of the skill will have to wait until Chrysalis and Tia reconcile, though.
The analysis of Celestia's emotions is really something the chapter needs, actually, so I'll go through and add that in when next I run through it.
I think I am going to rewrite the chapter again, albeit nowhere as extensively as this version. The strongest sections from the first version just got more fleshed out and reworded, and I'm probably going to give the current problem sections the same treatment. The framework is solid, but some of the content could use another go, I think. It shouldn't take more than a week, provided I can edit effectively on my phone, and I'm probably just going to work my way through and edit each part as I get to it, rather than replace the chapter with an edited version.
As always, thanks for the help!
6257981
Yeah, the changelings are partly based on the Romans. Whilst they do speak Equestrian (English) for the most part, they still name a lot in Old Changeling (Latin, i.e. the Romans' language) and their military ranks and structure is pretty closely adapted from Roman ones.
Cadance's actions will be explained later on in the story, and whilst it doesn't make a lot of sense right now, rest assured that I am going to make sure I go over that in full detail. Cadance isn't a warmonger, though, and she doesn't hate changelings - the reason behind what she did isn't obvious but it is a lot simpler than you might think, and it should make sense when I explain it.
Thanks for the comment, and if you remember the other thing you were going to say, don't hesitate to leave another comment. Thanks for reading!
I was on board with this...up until you had Celestia apologizing to Chrysalis.
Celestia who was knocked unconscious...locked up...her student Twilight at deaths door step...her brother Shining mind rapped...the nation of Equestria invaded...and of course forcing Celestia to choose between her Sister and her subjects again...
Yet Celestia is the one apologizing because she did not believe the giant mind rapping bug that stole her nation out from under her...yeah...cause that makes sense...
Could this moment have happened...yes...but only much later on after it has been proven that Chrysalis is a kind and just ruler, and that she truly does care about what happened to Twilight.
Having this moment right now...just feels forced, and ridiculous...
Edit:
I just noticed the title of the chapter, and I am glad that this chapter was re-done. As stated in one of the above paragraphs I have no problem with this happening sometime in the future, but for it to make sense it would need to happen much later after many things have happened that proves Chrysalis's strength of character.
As it stands now no matter how peaceful the invasion...it was still an invasion...no matter how much she did not mean to...she still almost killed Twilight...no matter how much she says it is for the greater good...she is still subjugating one group of people for the betterment of another.
Much will have to happen on both sides before any true solution is found...
6573050
You know what's funny instead of impersonating cadence and invading chrysalis could've tried diplomacy and asked for sanctuary in the pony lands