- Member Since 24th May, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 23rd, 2021
The Lunar Toaster
For thousands of years I lay dormant. Now I rise for I am THE Lunar Toaster! Enjoy your toast.
The Lunar Toaster
Joined 24th May, 2013 ·
Offline
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The story seems nice.
wat?
So.....this is getting fun.
5122994
Let the hunting begin.
Needs work and fleshed out more but I like the premise
Besides a few grammatical errors, I am very interested in seeing how this goes :)
this is starnge but not in the bad way, the guy with three mares Luna AJ and Rd. Is completely new to me that to be honest
However this seems funny and it will be a comedical adventure so I will look for foward
5123185 *meanwhile at ponyville* Let the Buck hunting begin
5123375
Just for that I should name him Buck.
5123380 Really? who? Sound like someone name's Virgin.
5123383
5123383
Not for long, he has...
5123531 He was now? But still, why the mare really good stamina?
No kidding, i ever lasted while sex someone...Longest was three days...and I almost had to go to the hospital because of it...(because i don't sleep for 3 day)
5123638
Playing off of your comment. You gave him the name of Virgin kinda assuming that he is still one...and by the way that his mares are going all out to finding him, I just simply said that Virgil is gonna lose his virginity and pretty soon.....and it's gonna be hilarious
It's like whatever twist of fate of some other cosmic rule that states that the more that you are resisting or trying to prevent something from happening (in this case possible rape by his mares because of their heat), the more likely that said protagonist is gonna fail miserably in his quest and more than likely get rutted even more vigorously than even he's expecting----his mares are the Princess of the Night, a unofficial Rodeo champion, and the only know mare that can do the Sonic Rainboom (meaning speed is not a option).
5123671
5123671
Wow....
5123638 I would think that you would be in the hospital because of lack of bodily fluids and friction burn!!
Jees man how much KY jelly did you use? enough for an evil dead remake!?!? Seriously i want to know how the doctor felt cus dayum,.
"So you are here because you havent had sleep in 3 days and you have (insert symptoms here). Why havent you slept in 3 days?"
You groggily look up at the Doctor and say "Sex."
The doctor looks straight at you for a few moments. A tense silence descending upon the two of you.
"Seriously?"
You nod your head in assurance and your lover nods in agreement.
"...Nice" The doctor says giving you a high five.
5123638 I would think that you would be in the hospital because of lack of bodily fluids and friction burn!!
Jees man how much KY jelly did you use? enough for an evil dead remake!?!? Seriously i want to know how the doctor felt cus dayum,.
"So you are here because you havent had sleep in 3 days and you have (insert symptoms here). Why havent you slept in 3 days?"
You groggily look up at the Doctor and say "Sex."
The doctor looks straight at you for a few moments. A tense silence descending upon the two of you.
"Seriously?"
You nod your head in assurance and your lover nods in agreement.
"...Nice" The doctor says giving you a high five.
5123729
Oh no, you wrong, i mean, i fuck her for 12 hour and rest but no sleep until i chosen sleep in 3 day,
because Her birthdays, so i don't have money to buy gift.
so i chosen my fucking sex for while. thank for books
(Guide how to make pleasure to a woman)
oh and about sleep. i only take a nap for 2 - 4 hour.
because i was born in vietnam, so i don't have problem with sleep.
expect...work day.
P.S it long time ago, before i just sex with her.
Hmm interesting so far found a spelling error but so far so good.
Ahm...... RUN!!!FUCKING RUN!!!!! that is all.
I'm definitely looking forward to seeing where this goes, but there's one thing about the writing here (besides the grammatical errors) that doesn't really work: You start your sentenced with "I" way too much. When you do that, it makes your sentences seem very choppy and somewhat repetitive. Take this paragraph for example:
Here's a more effective way of writing it.
With this, you eliminate the "I"s and add more descriptive words that help show how the main character is feeling, which gives the story more impact.
I also noticed that you sometimes switch between past and present tense, sometimes in the same paragraph. Make sure to keep your tenses consistent. I'd recommend using past tense, but it's up to you.
Also, it's "estrus," not "erectus". Erectus is a Latin word meaning "erect".
These are just some tips to help you out when writing future chapters. You definitely have a good thing going here, and despite the errors, this story deserves a thumbs up and a spot on my Tracking list.
5124543
I would have never seen most of those.
Thank you,
5123765
I cant tell if troll or serious.
5125325 Internet my friend, but still i'm serious, i know it hard to believe right? it not like you know my name and address ya know? i'm not stupid enough to tell entire my identity from internet stuff. expect sex - tips - boring stuff.
5125360 Personally I prefer to punch the clitoris. i hear the force causes great pleasure.
Ah hah,
Supriz Buttsecks!
All levity aside... That poor, poor bastard. May Faust have mercy on his soul... If She doesn't ride him stupid first:)
Trap or not, NOT a good idea!
Unless this story involves futa mares or something, I'm assuming you mean estrus.
Nice concept. I find myself fairly intrigued by this.
It's these stories that make me thank whatever God is out there that human females do not go into heat.
5125384 me lady says it's quite nice. But then there's the whole fist to hole ratio.
Most awkward hospital trip ever... anyway. cool story! can't wait for whatever happens next.
I'm trying to figure out why having sex with them would kill him. It isn't really explained. I know it could be exhaustion cause there's three of them but surely they can give him a break after a while.
5125384 Ohhhhh, you.
5126450 Sex then death, simple as that
well....that was..interesting
Huh, well he's dead didnt see that coming. Oh well still a fun read.
Ded not big souprice
me like this continue or suffer my cures
So much stuff to say..... let's start with run!Motherbucker!run!
Demand moar. NOW!
Or run! Forrest! Run!
Oooh....... how about:
May the odds be ever in your favor.
May the sex games begin!
Love this.
When would we be expecting for a new chapter?
Im with Retiredwriter need another chapter.....
Ok, not bad a story. Sex, me being the guy I am, went down and looked at the comments. ... The fuck? I understand that we are talking about the guy getting, umm, what's the wor- or yea, raped. So, we are talking about story guy getting pretty much tucked because of his girlfriend's, cool. I can deal with that. My question seems off to, why the extent of, what, little under half of the reviews went from Buck hunting, to punching clitoris. Well, never reading comments to this story ever again.
God. Fucking. Spell. CHECK!!!
Keep it up.
Why does this say cancelled?!
You really need to finish this.
5194409 That... Could actually work.
First, I'm happy to see this story again. Second, six different marefriends ? Wasn't he in a relationship only with Luna, RD, and AJ? Who are the other three?
6657037 I... Am working on this. Since the story was originally canceled, I didn't really get to know what the other author had planned, so I just kinda threw in some twists n' stuff and went with it.