Tracking

Not bad, but in the second chapter you have Luna around when Twilight was a filly when she was still sealed away on the moon.

One problem: Luna was still on the moon at this point. Is is pre-summer sun celebration. But this is good otherwise

I like this, I like this a-lot.

same as the others are saying luna was on the moon but other wise ok

“She will be your foalsitter until the late hours of each day, Twilight. Luna and I are too busy to watch you after your studies

Really, is this a different twilight or is cadence gunna be babysitting twilight after the nightmare moon incident?

sooo. Much. CUTENESS! D'AAAAWWWWWW~

In addition to the above comments pointing out that Luna was on the moon when Twilight was a foal, the flashbacks in the wedding episode showed Cadance babysitting Twilight before her cutie mark appeared; therefore, Twilight was not yet Celestia's student. But the concept and delivery are otherwise promising!

Aside from what others have said about the Luna thing, I am enjoying this immensely. Keep up the good work!

My apologies to all about that Luna thing I missed, but trust me when I say that it will be the only time that it happens

I like it so far, despite the discontinuity. Maybe you could ret-con it a bit and make this Twilight before she was accepted to the school. But your writing is very good, and I love the idea.

Other than the Luna thing, this looks like it's off to a promising start.  I'll be keeping an eye on it.

If I knew how to track, I would.

That was a very good story. Watching

Also like everyone else said.

Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pF5IQIVMpII/TlsRSrsfzYI/AAAAAAAAA40/4FdnXIoyc1c/s1600/twino.jpg

Well at least it's not another Chrysalis one. . . I mean really, so many people are making fics of her and doing the over cliched "can she really love?" thing.

There is just so much that I gusta about this story. Please continue.

However, one glaring mistake I see is that you have Twilight already being Celestia's student when Cadence foalsits her. Twilight lacked her mark in the flashbacks. If anything, that would be more heartwarming, since Cadence was already her best friend even when she was a regular unicorn. Just thought you'd know.

>>489680489680

Guessing that the picture is meant for the abundance of Crysallis fics?    

This is so adorable!

>>489721489721

this, though i'm still wondering what a princess is doing foalsitting some random filly then, this thought just does not want to leave me alone.

I'm glad to see one on the interaction between Cadence and Filly Twi (because Filly Twi is best filly), as it's just adorkable how cute filly Twi is, and so far, you've done well capturing that sense of adorkable...ness...

>>490060490060

This was never explained in the episode either, so...maybe Hasbro will reveal that secret later on?

>>490060490060

...because she's genuinely a nice pony, who also wants to connect to her future subjects? Also, it gets her closer to that hot stud of a brother Twilight has.

>>489731489731 Yes.

>>489494489494 You can perhaps edit it out pretty please?

Looks promising.

This story is too cute!

>>490060490060

Well...Twilight's family lives in Canterlot, they all have astronomy-related cutie marks (even Shining Armor's shield comes with accompanying stars) which just might indicate nobility or at least "higher breeding" if the Grand Galloping Gala is anything to go by, her parents were able to get her into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and her brother was obviously considered a good enough match for a princess. Taken together these aren't necessarily signs of her ever having been just "some random" filly...

Hmmm, Doom likes the sound of this. I will mercifully allow you to continue...

Hivemind... I would normally wait to the latest chapter to review but I do have a nitpick, Cadence wouldn't have cloven hooves, equines only have one toe per foot, and not split into two toes.

"With a non-existent sense of urgency"

What? So she didn't feel a sense of urgency?

Oh I didn't notice you changed the chapters.

>>589709589709

Story's going through a few mass revisions. Taking longer than I expected

Ooh, I like it so far! It's sweet to read some tales about the foalsitting days between Twilight and Cadance! I'm looking forward to what's to come!

Admittedly though, Twilight DID have Cadance foalsit for her before she earned her cutie mark (which was when Celestia took her on as her student), but at the same time, it does fit! So no harm on that one. :3

When does Twilight learn "sunshine-sunshine ladybugs awake?" And when does Cadence meet Shining Armor? Answer: Hopefully in future chapters!

(P.S: HHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGthisissocute!)

Well worth tracking. Can't wait for more!

Confound these cutness drives me to keep reading!

I'm leaving her name 'Cadance' only because Hasbro calls her Cadance, not Cadence.

>>489494489494

I realize this will completely mess stuff up, but in the episode flashbacks twilight doesn't have her cutie mark which means twilight isn't celestia's student yet. This was all supposed to happen before her magic school exam/test.

Notice the lack of a cutie mark

Well, that's certainly worth a look.

This is looking like it could be a real joy to read!

>>631461631461

You and the every other reader of this story.

Hasbro never explained when Cadance became Twilight's foalsitter. Was it during her time at the academy? After her time at the academy? Before her time at the academy? Who knows, because we don't.

>>631597631597

This says that cadance started being her foalsitter WHILE twilight was a student of celestia. She became a student of celestia AFTER she got her cutie mark as shown in The Cutie Mark Chronicles episode. Therefore in canon, cadance began to foalsit twilight either while or before the academy. In this fic she started to foalsit after the academy (when twilight was a student of celestia).

Hey, cool! This finally got up on EqD! Welcome to the club, bro!

>>631671631671

So which one is it? While or before?

Also, I would find it very hard to believe that Twilight's parents had special royal connections when Twilight was a filly.

>>632812632812

While I don't know if it was before or while, this fimfic says that it is after, which is impossible for reasons said in the previous comment.

Maybe Twilight's family was super rich or is friends with celestia? If they aren't, how would Twilight get into the academy in the first place if her family wasn't well-known for naturally being good at magic? I mean look at her brother!

Or we are completely over thinking this and the creators just forgot to give her a cutie mark

>>635938635938

Simply put: Cadance is foalsitting Twilight while she is in the academy.

There. That's it. Now, be a good little reader and go...read something

>>635972635972 but it says in here that twilight is a student DIRECTLY to celestia and that only happens after the academy, I realize it's too late to rewrite the first chapter to fit this so I'll let this go, but try not to mess anything else up, ok?

>>635980635980

If it got past the pre-readers than you know that the setting fit. Cadance is going to foalsit Twilight each day when her studies with Celestia are over. That is what I'm going for, that is what the theme is going for, and it's working out so far. So, on those words, thanks for reading!

And what, pray tell, is a finger?

"hundreds if not thousands of smaller, separate objects.”

I think you're overestimating the size of sand grains. It's probably more like millions.

Jesus Christ people, STOP WHINING ABOUT LUNA!

It's called artistic license. In the end, we writers have the full authority and control over what we write. Let him write what he wants.

love it

>>640984640984

Luna was waaaaay back when the fic was born. It was a simple mistake on my part to have included her, but it was a mistake that any author could have easily overlooked.

>>641000641000

Well okay then.

I love the idea of Cadence helping Twilight with her magic, I really enjoyed that scene.  Nice job with this chapter, keep up the good work!

>>640888640888

Dragons have fingers. Animals other than ponies may have fingers. She would read about fingers. Learn about fingers.

You get the idea?

>>641057641057 Good. Now I know.

>>641057641057

Point taken, but why would a young filly such as Twilight be learning about the middle finger insult in particular?

Doesn't make much sense.

>>641124641124 she reads a lot. she could have just stumbled across it by accident

>>640888640888 Ask the dragons.

Judging solely from the comments, this story is either inactreiate to the canon show, alternate universe, or Twilight is regruessed to the point that she acts like a filly still when Candance is around, like you know, she acts adult but secretly am emotional problemed kid at heart.....

wait a minute....

Image: http://home.earthlink.net/~the_very_idea/images/AnimatedLogo.gif

I COULD USE AN IDEA LIKE THAT!

i have to remember to do a story like that!

>>489425489425

hate plotholes hence will hate with extreme prejudice.

>>641200641200 Spike! Get your empty shell of a head out here!

It's adorable... but...

Cadence was Twilight's foalsitter BEFORE Twi had her Cutie Mark, and Twilight had her Cutie Mark when she become Celestia's pupil.

TIME PARADOX

Image: http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Its-About-Time_3381.png

Apparently, everyone likes to look at the comments before reading the story, so let me make something clear here:

*cough, cough*

Look at the dates of the comments, now look at the story itself. Connect the two.

You win

>>641253641253

How would we know that? We were never told by Hasbro when Cadance was foalsitting Twilight.

>>641220641220

;_;

>>641423641423 what up with you?

Er, wheres Luna? i am utterly confused i dont think the story mentioned Luna

This story is brilliant. Really I do mean it. Considering how picky I am about how people write stories and that the character's always stay true to the character I actually thought you did a brilliant job with this one. Yes I know about the flaw with Luna and when Cadence met Twilight but that strangely doesn't bother me that much because it really is very well written. With celestia as my witness, I will read your fanfic again (excuse the pun).

You get 4 happy Twilights from me

>>641515641515

*bangs head furiously against computer desk*

>>641503641503

People seem to read comments first before the story, so now they're all assuming that Luna is a part of the story, when it was in fact a mistake I made when I first wrote the story.

>>641802641802 -offered icepack-

Stop bashing your head. What's the problem? Tell me.

>>641825641825 if hate it so much, request the Moderaters to make it that you can able and disable comments so comment spoilers will end for you (and many others as a following result). it may not be right away, but at least give it a try. they believe that there site is filled with "Mistakes" or "Oversights" that they over-looked before, and now desided to adjust. we used to have freedom to add as many characters as we want and a neat brown box before they took it away, maybe they'll help you with your comment spoiler problem.

...Cadence made the bucket with her magic.

So, the solution is obviously, to do exactly what Cadence did.

>>641825641825 I'm not sure why, but the idea of reading all of the comments before reading a story seems ludicrous to me. Maybe it's because I've never done so. Regardless, I just figured I would say I enjoy this story and look forward to whatever may come.

I think this time paradox qualifies for the reason I used when someone said that the mane 6 couldn't have their cutie marks unless Rainbow did her Sonic Rainboom.

"It's my fic and I'll write what I want to."

Works every time!

I personally like your style of writing. The little snippets of text remind me that I am supposed to be reading a diary. It adds another layer of interest.

Faved!

I'm enjoying the story, one frankly minor timeline issue did stick out for me.

In the wedding episode, during the Cadence flashback Twilight did not yet have her cutimark, so Cadence would have been her foal sitter, before the entrance exam for the school.

Now its clear that Twilight's family is 'more important' than we previously knew. So Celesta may have already her eye on Twilight before she got her mark.

>>643977643977

I understand the timeline issue, but we know very, very little about Twilight's parents, Twilight's life as a filly, and Cadance's life as a foalsitter. I know that this can be boiled down to just two possible outcomes based off of what we know now: Cadance is foalsitting Twilight during her time at the school or Cadance is foalsitting Twilight before school, but even then, I would still need to pick one of these outcomes. So, I picked the one that looked like it was the easiest to write for me. However though, I appreciate your comment and I thank you for reading!

>>643625643625

Writer's freedom, ladies and gentlecolts! You can't argue about it because you the reader don't know what is going to happen!

WOW GUYS seriously all the criticism is going to explode the brain of this awesome author! Come on people yeah maybe they forgot to go in and watch the section where Twilight has a flashback repeatedly for several hours as you guys are asking them to but altogether it's really well written and an altogether awesome fic! The detail in it is awesome and I really like how they stayed true to the characters. Seriously guys this is why THEIR story is on Equestria Daily and you guys are stuck here hatin

And to the writer well done you

>>644759644759

*long, drawn out sigh*

Alright....let me re-evaluate my point here for the fourth time

I appreciate all of my readers, but as I have made it perfectly clear before, we know very, very, very little about Cadance, her life as a foalsitter, or when she was Twilight's foalsitter. Yes, it can be boiled down to a certain focal point, but it's a focal point with several entrances. I had to pick one, so I chose one and I'm sticking with it.

*takes in deep breath through oxygen mask*

Ok...I think I'm done...

I think it's rather silly that people are telling you all of this about the timeline and how it's not canon, but say nothing about the stories where Pinkie Pie kills everypony or [insert mane 6 character] falls in love with [insert mane 6 character]. Hivemind isn't trying to alter the canon of the show, or force people to assume that this is exactly how the past occurred. They are simply creating their own alternate explanation. The canon, show, art, or anything else doesn't matter in this story. Twilight could have green and silver hair if Hivemind chose to make her that way!

Hmmm..that should be a fun side effect of a spell gone wrong... *makes mental note*

On that note, I am excited to see more chapters to this story!

Yahtzee reference, yes?

>>640959640959 I think you mean "underestimating."

>>651896651896

I think he means. "I've already fixed it."

It just came to me... where has Spike been all this time?

>>660154660154

Hasbro: Idunnolol

I swore I read this awhile ago and commented but when I went to read this chapter I was lost, so I re-read the last chapter and found it changed too. I guess you revised it for the EQ daily submission.

Anyway, its really good! Your description of magic is awesome. I totally shied away from that in mine because I know nothing... haha. You show Twilight's more studious side, but she's still aloof. My Twilight is younger and pretty much a brat, so its nice to read your interpretation of her. Having her already be Celestia's student works well for your story too, but I hope we can hear more about Cadance soon too! I her. As for Spike, I think he's supposed to be raised by Celestia, according to Lauren Faust, so it makes sense if he's not there yet.

Can't wait to read more!

>>665655665655

Next chapter will hopefully be out later tonight, Just as soon as Bronynet comes back up...

Strictly speaking you might say that dragons have claws and not "fingers". But minotaurs definitely have fingers.

Yay. First.

Edit: D'awwwwww

so much d'awwwwws...

“You’ve been snooping around in my bag?” Cadance gasped, hoping to Celestia that the little filly didn’t peek at her “private” issues.

Image: http://www.reactimg.com/images/97245c56f24d944c0f1cc6f39c41b561.jpg

'Tis good except for some tense errors here and there.

Nice job!

It was kinda odd to see Cadance suddenly referred to as pretentious when we've seen her acting so warmly with Twilight.

Lmao that was a good part to this story, especially about the private parts of magazines

"Private" issues?

Um..... okay.... (takes a quick peak in her bag) Oh my Celestia, how did they do that with a Mare? Hang on, I need to go barf.

So much d'awwww!

Can't resist tracking this

My D'aww Meters are off the charts!

This is awesome!