Celestia has loved Twilight for a long time. And yet she has never told her. It never seemed like the right moment, and as an immortal Celestia has time to wait for the perfect moment. Right?
Pure simple Twilestia fic. Told entirely from Celestia's point of view.
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Great job
Pretty good as a story. Only thing I would add is, to make a bit easier to read, you might consider losing the indents and putting a space between each new paragraph instead.
Like so!
Again, great job on the writing!
This feels like it could actually be canon! 5 out of 5 moustaches!
I liked it until the confession, it was a bit... rushed I feel.
Otherwise it read well.
I agree
It was actually wonderful. Don't let anybody say it wasn't easy to read. I could read it just fine. But then I'm used to old-school style paragraph form.
At first I thought Princess Celestia was going to tell twilight to write an 800-word essay. Oh well, great story!
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At that point, it didn't matter to Twilight whether or not it was the perfect confession, so long as she finally confessed.
Either that or the author is as bad at writing endings as I am (or would be if I wrote any stories).
That's how bad procrastination works: you wait until 2 days before the deadline or up to 3 days after to do an entire project, rushing to get every little necessary bit done as soon as possible, and basically saying "to heck with the details and quality".
i loved it
I didn't really buy the attraction here, unfortunately. :\ Why was Celestia attracted to Twilight so early on? Really I didn't buy this being Celestia, who is... well, very controlled.
Ehhh...Celestia seems to just fall in love with Twilight for no reason.
I'd be more understanding if either of them had a buildup to their attraction, but it just seems like an instant bond between them that they both hide from each other. A "love at first sight" story is the instant ramen of shipping; passable, but not really fulfilling.
It's alright to have a ship where the important character(s) already have feelings, rather than one where it's just an emotional, unexplained thing from nowhere. Romance and love aren't just some unseen fate that draws two together into an ideal situation; romantic feelings are built around someone, and love is a far more complex thing than most realize.
I never got the feeling that either one really loved the other. Twilight could almost convince me, but she only had that one speech, because the rest of the story was all Celestia having the equivalent of a high-school crush on a pony over a thousand years younger than her.
It's not a bad story, though with all that buildup I did think the ending felt a bit lackluster. Honestly, when Twilight ended up confessing first, I sorta wanted Celestia to start laughing and go: "I'm a fool! An ancient fooool!"
I dunno. They just kinda go: "I love you too! Let's date!" and then say goodnight, essentially. It felt like there could have been a lot more passion there.
If I wanted a recap of the show I would just go watch it again...
I was totally expecting the Tirek thing to happen, and then Celestia just starts SPLOOSH'ing everywhere after witnessing Twilight's beastly combat skills with all that power inside of her. But yeah, I agree with some of the other commenters, the build-up was alright but the resolution was just sorta...meh. I mean sure, sometimes that's just how it happens, but when you dedicate a proper build-up to it, readers sort of expect an appropriately glorious payoff by the end. Not doing that is like the equivalent to getting blue-balled RIGHT when you're about to pass the point of no return.
Still, a good story overall!
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Thank you all for your comments. I do admit the ending is well, what you said, but the reasons for such were:
1. I was already a 1000 words over my self-imposed limit and way past my self-imposed deadline. I really wanted to wrap that it up quickly.
2. I am kinda bad at writing endings in general. Part of the reason I put a word limit on myself is to make the story actually end. Else it would've wandered on to be something like 20 000 word story and still not have an ending.
3. I really struggle with romance in general for various reasons. A big reason I wrote this is so I could get practice with the genre all on it's own, rather then mixed in with other stuff.
5064487
Nothing wrong with practice. Keep at it.
This, to me, sounds less like a problem with endings and more like a problem with how you construct your narrative. I'm going to assume you are more of a discovery writer than an outliner, but consider using an act structure or something similar; try to set up a beginning, middle and end and don't deviate from it. You know, have a plan.
Also, don't necessarily think of it as an ending, think of it as a climax - a grand finale, so to speak. If the beginning is what sets up the events of the story, the ending should be their culmination. It's where you finally conclude what your story is about.
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I do have a plan, but it is admittedly vague, and I do fall much closer to the discovery writer style (assuming it means what I think it does.) I went into this story with the idea of Twilight confessing being the 'climax' so to speak.
But then I wrote it, (after writing the rest of the story) and I when I asked myself what happens next? well I drew more or less a blank. Celestia would accept it of course. But I felt a full speech back was unrealistic, as would be anything more then a kiss or two and setting up a date.
I was considering going into a whole 'friendship lesson' in where Celestia discussed what happened with Luna, but well, we've got the whole problem #1.
5064944 You just gotta know when to wrap it up. If you're writing and all of a sudden you see a perfect place to stop, then by all means, STOP! I have this problem too, and I'm still working on it. Just know thet you aren't alone with that problem.
Also, I loved this. You've earned a like from me.
<is glad you didn't make a sadfic, and had Celestia wait too long and lose Twilight to another.. or to mortality...>
This could have been a much more tragic story.
While I like it, I think the ending was unsatisfactory.
A major conflict here is Celestia's reluctance to actually start the relationship. Overcoming that--or being forced by Luna into a situation where she has no choice but to confess--becomes important, but Twilight's confession completely erases the dramatic tension and is more of an anti-climax than the culmination of the rest of the story.
Dialogue feels off in a lot of places - characters feel like they're saying what they need to say to advance your plot, and not reacting at all naturally.
And yeah, Twilight beating her to the punch at the end just drains out all the tension the story had built to that point.
5064487
As a tip from one writer to another, I would suggest that you step outside of your headspace, when working on something that doesn't really come naturally to you. For a writer it comes naturally to, sure, they don't need to think about it too hard. But for someone that it doesn't come naturally to, it can be difficult to relate to the situation the characters are in, or even the characters themselves.
My best suggestion is to find a quiet place, and think through the whole scene in your head. Visualize it. Focus on facial expressions, body language and the tones of voice they use, because all of these things rely heavily on show-don't-tell. Then remember those scenes, tweak them as you like, and then when you're happy with them, describe them in writing, in detail!
5064487
I can respect writing practice. Just a piece of advice specific to writing romance. You don't want to skip important details. I'm not saying it needs to go so far in-depth as to spend full paragraphs describing a single minute within a scene (although sometimes, that happens), but it's not worth limiting words if you miss too many chances to make the world--and more importantly, the relationship--feel real.
Like I said, this story just had it start off as Celestia abruptly having feelings (seemingly, since it doesn't detail any time before that). It's not apparent that she spent enough time to build appreciation for Twilight's personality or aesthetics, it just suddenly happened. Celestia is never forced to put her feelings to words, either; Luna doesn't actually confront her about her feelings, she just becomes aware of them and badgers Celestia about telling Twilight.
Also, you should probably base your word count on each individual portion of the story, rather than the entire story length.
While this didn't take my breath away it wasn't too bad either. The main..nitpick, you could say, is you have Celestia using the word "anyways" which pulled me right out of your story. That is not a word someone like her would use, she is far more proper, though perhaps not as ehm proper as Luna, she still would not use such a phrasing I believe.
It was a very romantic story I joy that♥♥♥!!
Just gonna skip over Equestria Girls, then, huh?
5296430
We may never SEE her use it. But there isn't a word restriction for Princesses.
If they wanted to, they could absolutely use the word Yo.