Tainted Gifts

by Touch of Darkness

S/ha/tt/er/e/d

I closed the car door, and looked up at the two story house. I heard the car alarm beep as Jon locked the car, and I turned to look at him.

“Door’s this way.” He walked away from the car, and turned around of a corner of the house. I quickly followed him, and happy thoughts entered my mind. I would finally shower after a stressful week of distractions and danger. I could finally get a change of clothes. I could actually walk out into the world and feel normal. Hell, my whole life would be normal again.

“Jon?” He turned around to face me, his hand still on the key that was unlocking and opening the front door to his house.

“Yes?”

“I just want to say thank you. Thanks to your help, I think I will finally be able to get my life back in order.” Jon smiled.

“No problem Cerus. I’ll help you for as long as you need the help.” He turned back to the door, finished unlocking it, and opened it for me. “Ladies first.” I looked at Jon with a scowl, and saw that he had an innocent smile on his face. I sighed.

“Was that necessary?”

“I figured it would humour you.” I bit my lip and chuckled dryly.

“You still have a lot to learn about me, Jon.” Saying this made Jon laugh heartily.

“I guess I do!”, he exclaimed, and entered the house still laughing. I entered in after him, and he closed the door behind me. “I’m home!”, he shouted. The sound of the shout reverberated off some large brass and bronze colored plates he had set up on the walls of the hallway leading to what looked like a family room. All of them had different kinds of hieroglyphic-like designs carved on them. Eccentric, yet tasteful…, I casually noted.

“As if I didn’t already know that! You laugh louder than a fucking fire truck!”, replied a female voice, which proceeded to laugh as well. The voice sounded young, but mature at the same time, as if it belonged to a teen, or young adult. After processing this information, I referred back to my observations of Jon earlier that day. I had seen loneliness in his eyes, but he appeared to live with someone else. Why might he-

“Hey Jo-oh shit!”, said the voice as we walked into the family room, and I stopped cold. The eyes that belonged to the voice went wider than my eyes, and my eyes had gone as wide as the plates in the hallway. At that moment, all my dreams of forgetting my past were thrown out the window. “Why didn’t you...t-tell me you had...someone with you Jon?” The eyes, which were peeking over a rather comfortable looking couch, looked at Jon, who turned to look at them.

“I thought you had heard our guest as well.’ The eyes looked back at me, still frozen in the doorway of the family room.

“I didn’t!” It was at the moment that I heard the T.V. (I didn’t actually know what it was until later, as I had never seen or heard of a T.V. in Equestria) droning in the background, just loud enough that it would have masked my quiet voice.

“Well then...oops.” Jon’s voice was almost playful, and that angered me a little.

“Well, now you did it you dumb old fuck! I told you it was going to happen at some point!”, cried the voice.

“Ah, relax Scootaloo. He’s from Equestria. He’s seen the likes of you before.” The orange pony with the with the electric purple eyes and the magenta shock of somewhat spiky hair gasped.

“So...so I’m not here alone anymore? How did he-”

“He had the same luck of the draw as you did.” Jon went silent and turned away after this, leaving Scootaloo and me to simply look at each other in a mix of shock and awe. Neither of us could fathom the other’s presence. Meanwhile, my hands began to clench and unclench in a rhythmic pattern as I fought some unexpected anger that was bubbling up inside me. All I had wanted was to live a normal fucking life, among normal fucking people, in a normal fucking world, but fuck whatever higher being that thought that I shouldn’t.

“So...uh...what’s your name, kid?”, Scootaloo asked. At that point, my already piss poor anger management skills became utterly useless, and I snapped.

“Don’t fucking call me kid! I am not a kid! All you assholes pass me off as some worthless, helpless child who just wants his mommy and his daddy to take him home! You don’t know what the fuck I have been through!” I turned on my heels and stormed back outside, opening the front door and then slamming it shut behind me. I went over to the car and stared at it for a second, before letting out a feral snarl and hitting the driver’s side window. Granted, I am not very strong, so I didn’t even put a small crack in the damn thing, but it felt good to hit something. It felt so good in fact, that I kept punching the window, with the shitty mentality that it or my knuckles would crack and shatter, whichever came first.

“Cerus, are you okay?” The calm, gentle, lying voice of that piece of shit Jon. I felt a wave of near homicidal intent sweep through my mind, but I pushed it away...barely. Self control, Cerus...self control...

“No...I am not fucking okay...and I won’t ever be okay with that orange bitch in that damn house.”

“Wha-” I whirled on Jon with a visceral and inhuman growl.

“I just wanted a life away from Equestria! Away from ponies! Away from any vestige of that hellish place! But no! No, no, no Cerus! You can’t have that! You have to live with those terrible memories for the rest of your goddamned life!”

“I’m sor-”

“Don’t give me an ‘I’m fucking sorry!’ You lied to me!” He hadn’t, but my anger had painted everything red. Everything was an enemy. Everything was out to stop me from being happy.

“How di-”

“You told me you were giving me refuge! That was a lie!”

“If I had kno-”

“Bullshit! Bull-fucking-shit!” I let out another growl, and turned away from him, and looked myself over in the car window. “Just get the fuck away from me…”

“Cerus, I-” I whirled on him once again, and shoved him back.

“I said get the fuck away from me! Go fucking cut your lying tongue out of your goddamn mouth!” I glared at him, and then turned away once more. I felt his presence disappear, and knew I was alone again. I let out yet another feral growl, and started punching the car window harder and faster. I lost count of how many times I did it, and for how long, but I was shocked back into reality by a pained scream.

“No! Jon, stop!”, came the scream again, and, realizing what I had done, my brain kicked into overdrive. I ran away from the car and took off down the street, but then a condescending and bitter voice ripped through the chaos of thoughts flying through my mind, causing me to trip on my shoes and land hard on my knees.

“Fucking coward. Just leaving her to deal with the damage you caused. You complain about wanting to be human, but what you are doing right now is heartless, and the last time I checked, humans have hearts. In the metaphorical sense, of course.” It wasn’t the voice of the creature that had been inside my head. It was my own voice. The voice of the thoughtful and sincere part of me that I thought had keeled over and died four years ago. Second thoughts? I nodded my head at thin air, and got up. I dusted off my pants, and turned back to Jon’s house. Good boy.

---

I burst through the front door of Jon’s house, and pounded down the small hallway and into the family room/kitchen area. I looked around, taking in the environment with my senses heightened by adrenaline, and saw a pair of legs sticking out from behind the island in the kitchen. I walked over there, and walked upon a sight that I knew I would never forget. Scootaloo was pinning Jon down as best as she could, but by the looks, she was getting tired. A knife was on the floor not far from them, spattered with blood. Jon himself was looking desperately at the knife, seemingly oblivious to the steady trickle of blood that was coming out of the sides of his mouth.

Go fucking cut your lying tongue out of your goddamn mouth! I had done this. I was the reason he lay on the floor, bleeding out of his mouth. I was the reason that poor young mare was probably emotionally scarred after watching someone she obviously trusted and cared for attempt to cut their own tongue out of their mouth. You did this stuff all the time, Cerus. More than you would care to know.

A wave of anger swept through my body, a kind of need to avenge all of those that had died by my corrupted hands. Helping Jon in this moment was a start, albeit a small one. I couldn’t, and I didn’t, waste a moment more. I dropped down on my hands and knees, and moved close to Jon. I sensed Scootaloo looking at me, and noted that for later.

“Jon. Jon, look at me.” I said this calmly, gently, as if I knew exactly what I was doing. In reality, I didn’t. I knew how to fix his mental state, but I didn’t know what to do from there. How would I heal the psychological wounds I inflicted on Scootaloo? How would I ever get Jon, this man that was my key to survival on this unfamiliar rock, to trust me again? “Jon.” Jon refused to look at me, however. His eyes were plastered on that stupid knife. “Jon, look at me. Right now.” My voice had become more stern, and this seemed to do the trick. Jon’s head slowly turned to look me in the eyes. “You need to stop this. You are hurting yourself.” Jon’s eyes flicked back in the direction of the knife, now with a quizzical and wary gaze instead of an intent one. “Listen to me. I am going to count to three. Once I hit three, you are going to walk right upstairs, bandage your tongue, and fall asleep in your bed. Do you understand?” Jon’s eyes flicked back to me, and he nodded. “1…2...3…” Right on cue, Jon’s body relaxed, and he sat up. Without hesitating another moment, he stood up, and strode upstairs. After I heard what I could safely assume was his bedroom door close, I quickly delved into my mind and severed the bond between us. With my attention now free to roam, I found that I had broken out in a cold sweat, and my body had begun to shiver.

“What did you just do?”, I heard Scootaloo ask. “What did you do, and how the hell did you do it?”

“Doesn’t matter right now.” I stood up, and instantly became light headed. Waves of nausea swept over me as I tried to slowly make my way to the couch.

“I think I deserve to know! My best friend and guardian just tried to cut his tongue out of his mouth, and you were able to stop him through some weird hypnosis bullshit or something or other! That actually reminds me, he went to cut his tongue out after going outside to talk to you! What the hell happened out there!?”

“It doesn’t m-” My right knee gave out under me, and I stumbled forward, only barely regaining my balance. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Jon didn’t…” I lurched forward, latching onto the couch’s armrest. My vision had started to swim erratically, and my mind shut itself down after only a few seconds of watching everything around me move without moving. I lost my grip on the armrest, and hit my head on the concrete floor. Scootaloo cried out in surprise and fear somewhere far away, but it was too late to react to that. I closed my eyes as my body began to spasm, and let myself slip into darkness.

---

“...een from my personal experience that Cerus here is more qualified than most assassins with years upon years of training under their belt.” I looked up kind of shyly from the table I was sitting at, and focused my gaze on the tired looking, but still beautiful woman sitting to my left. She seemed to be in her late 20s, if not early 30s. She had large purple eyes, and straight, frizzy dark brown hair. Her skin was fair, though somewhat mottled by freckles. She was wearing an off brand t-shirt, some unimpressive looking beat up jeans, and some red, flat-bottomed shoes. The shoelaces were barely tied, and posed a major tripping hazard for her, something that never seemed to change.

“You took the words right out of my mouth Jeane. He is amazing. He has outwitted us at things that we created to test him.”, said Terrance, who was resting back on a chair to my right, hands behind his head, legs stretched out in front of him. His dress was just as unimpressive and casual as Jeane’s. He leaned forward, putting his hands on the dark maple desk in front of him. “The kid is a fucking prodigy.”

“He is only twelve. I’m sorry, but the rules state-”, said the man sitting directly across from me. His dress was much more appropriate for the occasion: a nice suit, firmly pressed and very clean, a to-the-point black tie, and a pair of surprisingly modern and hip spectacles. His jet black hair was short and clean cut. His dark brown hands were clasped together calmly in front of him.

“Fuck the rules John!”, Jeane urged passionately. “You are doing your job a disservice by overlooking Cerus!” Jeane made sure to emphasize the “dis” in disservice.

“I will lose my job if I put him in. My boss will-”

“Never regret the decision of letting Cerus do what he does best!”, Jeane, obviously the more fiery of the two adults to my sides, rudely interrupted.

“I’m sure the kid is good. I know you wouldn’t lie about these kinds of things Jeane. However, I am not allowed to make a decision like this. Making a decision against the rules is above my pay-grade.” This made Jeane snarl in disgust.

“Whatever John. I came to you specifically because I thought you would see past-”

“You know what. I’ll do it.”, John said.

“Really?”, Terrance asked, his voice still calm and gentle.

“Yeah, but you owe me a job if I lose mine because of this.” Jeane literally jumped for joy, and ran around the desk to give John a hug.

“Thank you so much John! You won’t regret this! I swear!”

“For your sake, you better hope I don’t.” As soon as Jeane detached from John, he looked at me and beckoned with his finger. I got up, and went over to him. “Come with me, kid. We are gonna get you all situated.” John walked over to a door on the other side of the room, opened it, and motioned for me to step through. I walked over to it, but stopped just before I crossed the threshold of the doorway. I turned back to look to see if Terrance and Jeane were following me, but, to my surprise, they weren’t. Terrance had stood up where he had been sitting, and had a comforting hand wrapped around a emotional Jeane’s shoulder. I waved, and Jeane waved back, a large smile on her face. I turned back to the doorway and-

---

I woke up with a gasp, and shot up from where I lay. I was breathing fast, and a cold sweat had coated my tired body. My head instantly began to pound as if I had a migraine, and I nearly lost consciousness again as I felt a bout of intense nausea explode throughout my body. After a couple seconds of sitting still, everything returned to normal, though my head still hurt. I quickly noted that it was dark outside, and that the clock on the wall in front of me read something like 12:25, though it was hard to be sure in the low light. Then, I noticed a particular feeling on one of my hands. I turned right to see a frightened and confused Scootaloo sitting on the floor directly to my right, holding it tightly. I yanked it away, eliciting a squeak of surprise from her.

“Are...Are you okay?”, she asked softly. I looked into her eyes, meaning to spit out a vile remark, but I saw an innocence in her eyes that reminded me all too much of Applebloom, and the disgust that would have been present in my voice dissipated.. Oh God...Applebloom...I left her behind...and she didn’t understand why…

“Yeah...I-I’m okay.” I replied just as softly. There was a moment of awkward of silence as Scootaloo collected her thoughts.

“Do you feel fine?”, she asked, worry still visible in her eyes. It seemed so out of place to me. She should be hating me…, I thought. She should be asking me about what happened earlier. She should be looking at me with contempt, her voice practically a snarl as she lashed out with one question after the other. What is this sudden compassion that she is showing me? I didn’t trust it at all, but decided it would be better to play into her game. It was too late to be instigating a big ruckus.

“Yeah. I’m a little sore, and a little nauseous, but I’m fine otherwise.” This was a complete lie. My body felt like shit. Though the nausea and headache had faded away, my body hurt like I had been beaten by a whole sports team equipped with clubs.

“Were you having a nightmare?”

“What? No. Why makes you ask that?”

“You were yelling and shouting in your sleep.”

“What?”

“Yeah...you kept saying ‘Jeane’ or ‘Mom’ or-”

“M...Mom? I said mom?”

“A lot. Almost as much as you said ‘Jeane’. You sounded desperate. Like someone was hurting them.” A chill went through my body, and my stomach cramped up, causing me keel over. A hundred...no, a thousand memories flooded back to me. Jeane taking me off the street. Jeane giving me a home. Giving me a pseudo family with her brother Terrance and her friend Lilac. Raising me for four years. Me finding her and Terrance trying to hide a body. Lilac getting murdered. Jeane almost killing herself. Terrance polarizing us together. Jeane and Terrance introducing me to their trade. Me becoming a trained killer under their watch. Them being so proud of me as I surprised them again and again with my skills...just like parents…

“It’s okay...”, I heard Scootaloo say, and I found myself sobbing into her neck, her hooves wrapped tightly around me. In any other mindset, I would have been disgusted, and would have pulled away without a second thought. Now, however, there was a need for comfort for the loss of everyone I ever loved. Applebloom, probably confused and missing me back in Ponyville. Terrance, probably dead in order to protect me. Jeane, missing for three years. Lilac, murdered by a desperate man. Maxwell...oh God..

“T-thank...you…”, I whispered between sobs.

“Shhh…” Scootaloo said. She let go of me for a second to climb onto the couch, before pulling me back into her hooves.

“I’m a monster…”, I said, my body trembling in anger and loss and sadness.

“Maybe that’s what you think, but I know it’s not true.”

“How could you possibly know something like that?”

“The minute I looked in your eyes when you walked in and saw me, I saw a scared little boy trapped in a body much too mature for him. I saw it even more when you freaked out when I called you ‘kid’.” Scootaloo shifted a little, creating a second of silence. In that second, I heard my heart pounding out a frantic rhythm. Seemingly in response, Scootaloo pulled me a little closer, so that I could hear her soft breathing. It relaxed me to be held so close to her. I could feel her heart beating in her chest, even and calm. Like she knew exactly what she was doing. Like she had seen all of this before. Like a mother tending to her child. “Everything you do is out of fear, Cerus. I don’t know what it is that happened to you, but something flipped a switch in your head. Something terrible. Something that impacted you enough to change you for the rest of your life.”

“How-”

“Cerus, Jon may seem like a good man, but when I first met him, he wasn’t even close to that. When I came into his life, he was a drug addict, practically living in the streets rather than his home so he could be close to the thing his body had grown to need. He robbed people blind, all to get a needle pumping toxins into his body. He was desperate back then. His job didn’t pay as well, and all the luxuries he enjoys today were nothing but distant dreams to him. Tell me, what did you see when you looked into his eyes when you first met him?” I searched for the memory of meeting Jon for the first time among the frantic swarm of memories that had me in my desperately emotional state. I finally managed to latch onto it, and brought it to my mind’s eye.

“I saw…” I took a second to collect my thoughts. “A lonely man. A very lonely man.”

“That look of loneliness is the remnant of the man he used to be. The man that existed before I came into his life and forced him to fix himself. I saw the same thing with you. Even though whatever happened to you was in the past, the effects of it still define you, but that's okay. Things like can be helped. People like you can be fixed to almost brand new.”

“You can’t fix me...no one can…”, I whispered, and began to tremble. Never had I ever had so many emotions pour out of me. I had always bottled them up, put them away in a place I would never have to see them again. It was now that I realized that they never fully went away. They just sat and festered, growing more and more overwhelming as they were built up over time. Now, the floodgates were open, and the only way of closing them was to let out all the excess.

“Don’t say that Cerus. Everyone has a chance.”

“All my chances are gone. I’m a broken and malicious human being, and that can’t be changed.”

“Well, this broken and malicious human being is crying into my shoulder, accepting a “world famous” Scootaloo comfort hug like nobody’s business.” I let out a sound that was a mix between a sob and a laugh, and backed away from Scootaloo’s gentle embrace. I looked into her eyes again.

“Get away from me you creature of kindness! My body can’t tolerate this kind of compassion”, I quietly “shouted”, tears still rolling down my cheek as I put on my best smile. Scootaloo chuckled lightly, and a warm smile graced her face, causing something strange happened to me. Starting from somewhere deep in my heart, I felt a warmth spread throughout my body upon hearing that chuckle. That light, gentle, beautiful sound reverberated through my mind, causing me to tear up even more. It was the sound of pure innocence, of pure freedom and happiness. Strangely, it was at that moment that I came to realize my reason for breaking down. Scootaloo’s eyes were just like Jeane’s. Same color, same compassion, same honesty and innocence. In my mind’s eye, I had seen her as Jeane, and I had always trusted Jeane. Not only was it in her eyes, but also in her seemingly innate ability to see right through me that made me think of her even more as Jeane reincarnated.

"Atta boy. Make some good out of a bad situation."

"I-I try...",

"You did more than try there." Scootaloo looked me right in my eyes, and I felt the heat of the purple magma pierce right into my soul. "You succeeded. All you need to do is keep doing that."

"Th...thanks..." For the first time in a long time, I felt truly and wholly grateful. In a matter of minutes, Scootaloo's soft and gentile demeanor had reduced me from an angsty, tough nut teen to a emotional wreck, and I was glad. I was glad that I could finally show emotion and not be judged. I was glad that I didn't have to be serious, unfeeling, and malevolent. It was all in a matter of breaking down that might just possibly lead to building myself back up as a new person. With no other instinctual way of showing my gratitude, I threw my arms around Scootaloo again, and hugged her tight, causing her to giggle.

“You’re alright, you know that? I think you and I will get along just fine.” I released Scootaloo from my death grip and smiled, my lip trembling as my still overflowing emotions flooded my thought process. She raised a hoof, and gently placed it on my left cheek. “I’m heading to bed. You think you can handle yourself?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Aren’t you going to ask about what happened earlier?” Her avoidance of the subject had been bothering me. It had seemed so off that she didn’t even ask one question about it.

“No need. At least, not now. What happened, happened. I know now that what you attempted to say before you lost consciousness and began to seizure was true. All that really matters right now is that Jon will be okay.” Her hoof moved from my cheek to my shoulder, and I felt it grip me, and though the grip was full of purpose, it was still compassionate and gentle. “However, don’t think I won’t forget about it. At some point or another, you will have some explaining to do. You okay with that?”

“Y-yeah…”, I replied. Scootaloo smiled once again, and that warm feeling intensified in my body.

“Okay. I’m heading off to bed now. Can barely keep my eyes open.” She took her hoof off of my shoulder, and got off the couch. After stretching out a little bit, she walked over to the stairs, and starting making her way up them. Just before she went out of view, she turned to look at me one last time. “Hey, I never caught your name.”, she said, her glowing purple eyes gazing at me expectantly.

“My...my name’s Cerus...”

“Cerus...that’s such a cool name.” She paused for a second, and I immediately pictured her tossing my name around in her mind, thinking about it. “Well, good night Cerus.”, she said softly, that same warm smile still on her face.

“Night Scootaloo.”, I replied, and gave her yet another attempt at a smile in my current state of mind. Then, she disappeared upstairs, and after a couple seconds had passed, the lights upstairs turned off, leaving me in complete darkness. I lay back down, and curled into fetal position.

“You’re all right, you know that?”

“Never thought I was until I met you and Jon...but mostly you...thank you...”, I whispered to the darkness, and closed my eyes, letting the void of sleep suck me in, refusing to let me go until dawn’s painted fingers had reached across the sky.

Author's Note:

Hey ya'll. Been a long time since I have uploaded a chapter. Have gone trough a lot recently, and kinda lost my muse. However, I'm back now, and I hope to get cranking on the story once more ASAPP. Hope you all enjoy!

P.S. Even though this chapter is like 5-6 months in the making, it still might have errors in it, as I usually work and edit these things late at night, when my tired eyes can't always catch everything. I will look back, and if I notice anything story-breaking, I'll fix it, but otherwise, it is what it is. I need to move on before I lose my muse again. Thanks for understanding!

Comments

[Layman11]

Holy shit. YOUR ALIVE!?!?

[Touch of Darkness]

6468688
This troubled soul doesn't die that easy. It just runs into trouble...a lot.

[Wolfren]

6468865 Did you run into more trouble? Is it anything that can be helped through a comment on a fantastic story?