Run...

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It all started a long time ago, long before I was born, with a rift. A rift in space that defied all explanation. A rift that joined two worlds that should have never been joined. Of course, to the humans, there was no land to be left unmarked, unmapped. The rift was hidden from the general public, but the wealthy and the privileged had the opportunity to visit the strange world of Equestria. Relations between humans and ponies were shaky at first, but curiosity got the best of both species, and things started to slowly improve. Celestia, always kind, let the humans trickle into Equestria. She allowed this to happen because the scientists had promised to keep it at a trickle. They kept their promise, but problems still occurred. Humans, when you think about them, are a dominant species. Humans are the apex-predator, the unconquerable, the forever standing. Humans are used to taming and owning organisms they consider inferior to them, whether it be loyal Fido, or an illegally obtained lion. Coming from a world where ponies were intellectually inferior, the natural human persona began to emerge. Dog eat dog, became dog control mouse, and even the wolf pack couldn't control the situation. Things began to spiral out of control. All too human problems began to assimilate into the all too pony world. Corruption became prevalent. Chaos began to erupt in a world where peace had reigned for many millennia. Control had to be found somewhere, in some way or method. That is where I come in...

I ran, backpack bouncing on my back, hood and jacket flapping from the speed I was running at. I tripped, tucked in, hit the ground and rolled, got up, and then continued my sprint. I couldn't stop. Terrance had told me not to. Was he okay? Had he made it out? I looked behind me at the bar that was quickly disappearing behind the hulking forms of the Manehatten buildings. I saw the man, our target, walk out of the building, hands clasped behind his back. He looked in my direction, and I knew he smiled. His white coat stirred little in the wind, making the movement of his arm to point at me all the more obvious. Two burly men sprinted through the doors and turned to follow me. The man turned on his perfect black shoes, and walked with his white slacks back into the building. In all essence of his arrogance, his long brown hair flowed behind him as he went back into the bar. I growled and looked back where I was going.

Two streets, turn right, five streets turn left. Get to the train station. Get out of here., Terrance had whispered to me just before it had gone all wrong, and I did just so.

I stood in front of the train station, fumbling with my pack to get it off me. I finally got it off, and threw it to the ground. I opened it, and took out the necessities. My lucky balisong, the money I had with me, and a couple firecrackers all got stuffed in my pockets. I took my spare hoodie out, and changed into it quickly. Then I chucked the backpack, old hoodie stuffed inside, into the alley by the station. I smoothed out my hair as I walked through the door to the station, and then threw my hood back on. A mix of ponies and people were in the station, some alone, some talking together. It was peaceful, calming. I knew that wasn't going to last long. I walked briskly to one of the windows. The pony "manning" it looked at me and jumped, and then smiled and chuckled.

"You look like you just saw a ghost.", he said, politely trying to start conversation about why I looked the way I did. I managed a smile.

"Yeah...saw a couple things coming here I wish I hadn't. Happy I'm getting out of here."

"What'll it be?" I thought quickly about some of places I knew. I'd been everywhere. Everywhere except...

"One ticket to Ponyville please, whichever train is leaving the soonest." I knew of the town only because of the famed Elements of Harmony that resided there. They were always in the paper, always in conversation. They always managed to be one step ahead the bad guys, always proving that good was better than evil.

"That!", the pony exclaimed, bringing my attention back to him. "Will be 150 bits or 100 dollars." I dug into my pocket and forked out the money in dollars. "The first train is leaving in ten minutes. That's train number thirteen. Next one leaves in an hour. That one's train number fifteen." My ticket slid under the bars. A shadow moved in my peripheral vision, and I stealthily slipped the ticket into my pocket. A hand rested on my shoulder. In response, my hands clenched up, and I felt a buzzing sensation through my body. This buzzing was just the build up of a primal energy inside me. Something like endorphins and adrenaline mixing together, but more powerful. I couldn't let this energy find it's way out of me. I had to think fast, and act faster. Otherwise...otherwise I would never leave this place.

"Hey kid, would you mind turning around for us so we could see your face?" I let out a blatantly fake laugh.

"Why would you want to see the face of a kid?"

"Just do it."

"I refuse to do it without reason." The hand tightened on my shoulder, tensing to turn me around.

"We have reason to suspect that you attempted to murder a very respectable individual less than an hour ago."

"What could I have possibly done? I'm fourteen, religious, get good grades." This response was made specifically to make the teller uncomfortable, and it worked. He backed up a little, and that little bit was all I needed. His body now away from the bars, my next move wouldn't register to him before I had completed it.

"Just make it easy on us and turn around." I smiled mischievously.

"Whatever you say." This is what I had been trained for. I knew how to react to a situation like this. Now all that training was finally going to serve some real use. In a sweeping motion, I grabbed the man's gun (which was hanging tantalizingly close to me) and shoved him back. Not expecting the shove, he reeled back into his partner, even in all his burliness. I cocked the gun and shot it upward. Everyone and everypony broke into an uproar, which was just what I needed. I chucked the gun with all my force at the man who had grabbed me, and it clocked him on the head. He went limp, and his partner, now carrying an unexpected deadweight, gave into the weight and fell as well. I ran through the chaos and found train number thirteen, and boarded it. I went to the back and slid into a seat. The whole ordeal had lasted a couple minutes, probably less. Not long after I got on, the train left towards Ponyville, perfectly on time. As I sat, breathing calmly, I felt all the energy that had been building inside me begin to dissipate. Having no use at the moment, it flowed through my blood until it got back to where it came from. Once there, my body absorbed it once more, ready to release that powerful hormone whenever I felt threatened again. I was happy that I hadn't needed to use it. Coming on to this happy high that I always got when I didn't use that hormone, that stimulant, I began to doze a little. However, before drifting off, I thanked my lucky stars for this train. This lucky train that had been leaving in the perfect amount of time for my escape. Lucky train number thirteen.

I came down from my high surprisingly quickly, and had awoken only a couple hours after departure. The rest of the trip was long, and I got little sleep between the time I awoke and the day following. The day waned into night again, and I tried to finally get some more sleep. No more than an hour later, the train slowed to a stop, and I was in Ponyville. I groggily got off the train, and stumbled through the station. Once outside, I found myself on the edge of the quaint town. It was late, and many were asleep, but not so late that all were asleep, and I saw quite a few ponies and humans out and about. It was too risky to go straight through the town, so I decided to skirt the edges of the it and see what I could find. On the other side of the town, I found a well trodden dirt path, and followed it. After a little walk, I found a big barn that was surrounded by orchards of trees. I noticed a little building on the side of the barn, and with my little knowledge of barns, and using the hay bales by it as context clues, I figured that it was where the owner of the barn stored his or her hay. I dashed to the building, and finding it unlocked, opened it, slipped inside, and then quietly closed it. I let my eyes adjust to the dark, and navigated to the back of the storage area. I climbed on a stack of hay, and finding myself relatively hidden from view, dozed off.

I'll just wake up early...and leave before...before... My train of thought crashed against a yawn, and then everything went black.

Insides

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The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that it seemed exceedingly bright for the back of a room with no windows. I tried opening my eyes, but then squeezed them shut again when the light of day pierced them. I tried to get up, but found that I couldn’t. Coming to the reality that I had to open my eyes to see what was wrong, I tensed for the sunlight. I opened my eyes, and hissed in pain. I had barely even began to adjust to the light when a voice spoke up from somewhere in front of me.

“Ah, I see you’re awake.”, said a voice. It was female, and had a distinct Southern like drawl to it. My eyes finished adjusting to the light, and I looked at my surroundings. The first thing I noticed was the mare who had spoken those words. Freckles, light orange skin, whitish blonde hair tied back and held in place with some red bands. She had green eyes that lay in shadow from the stetson placed casually on her head. She was leaning on a stack of hay, staring at me quite angrily. I coughed nervously and looked down, at which point I find out why I couldn’t get up. A very well tied rope had been wrapped around my legs, prohibiting them from moving. With a sigh, I faced my “demons” and looked back up at the mare, who was still glaring at me. “Well, are you going to say something, or just sit there and look dumb?”

“Don’t talk to me like I am a little child.”

“You are.”

“By definition I am not, and even if I was, it wouldn’t give you the right to treat me like one, especially in such a rude manner.” The mare opened her mouth, and then promptly shut it. She looked away for a second, and sighed softly, before looking back at me.

“I’m sorry that you broke into my house and slept in it. Not like that’s a bad thing.”

“First off, this is a storage room for hay, so you shouldn’t really care. Second, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be smart with me. It is still my property, and this is an invasion of my privacy in the end.”

“Could you at least say apology accepted?”

“Why would I forgive you for breaking into my-”

“Yeah yeah, I get it, I broke onto your property. I said I’m sorry.” The mare got flustered, and I knew I had already won this battle.

“You don’t have reason though.”

“Did you think to ask if I did?”

“Well...no…”

“Well then how do you know I don’t have reason?”

“Because...you didn’t say anything…in your defense...”

“Why should I have said anything? I don’t need to answer a question that wasn’t asked. Besides, I just woke up, tied up so I couldn’t move. What makes you think I would even want to to talk to you in the first place.” The mare shifted uncomfortably, and looked away from me.

“Why did you break into my house?” She asked, defeated. I smiled in victory.

“Before I say anything, can you free me these damn things?”

“How do I know you won’t just run?”

“You don’t. However, I won’t, because...well look at you. You’re pretty strong for a mare. I can see the muscle under your skin from here. You could probably wrestle me down, no problem.” The mare seemed shocked at the sudden statement. She blinked absently, and then walked over to me, and untied the ropes holding me. I got up, and brushed the hay and dust off me. Standing, I found that the mare was actually a little smaller than I was, and I was already kind of small to begin with. I let out a little huff of relief, and told her everything about what had happened. I thought that was better than lying, because that would only lead to my demise anyway. If she sympathized with me, then I was safe for the time being. If I lied, and ran, they would find her eventually, and she would tell them everything. In the case of being captured, I had my last resort handy. I hoped it wouldn’t come to that, however, as I finished telling her the events leading up to my night in the storage room. The mare looked to the side and scowled, and then looked into my eyes.

“If I trust you, am I safe?” I shook my head.

“Not at all, but it’s not me you’ll have to worry about. You could just tie me down again, and then get the police, or whatever the hell you call them, to take me away. Then you wouldn’t have to worry.” Another scowl as she thought about this. She stared at the ground for an uncomfortable couple of minutes before she looked up, and smiled at me.

“You look hungry. Would you like some breakfast?” This caught me off guard, and I looked at her with wide eyes, astonished.

“Woah, hold up. You were hating me just a couple seconds ago for breaking into your house and now you are offering me breakfast? I’m sorry, but that’s not how logic works.”

“I trust you, and you look hungry. Is there anything wrong with that?” It was my turn to scowl.

“Yes!” The mare slapped herself, furthering my confusion.

“Nope. Didn’t do anything to bring me back to my senses. Now is it a yes or a no?” I gaped at her, and then shook my head in disbelief.

“You’re insane.”

“Maybe.” I rubbed my eyes, and then shrugged.

“Sure, I guess. I could use a bite to eat.” The mare turned and walked out, beckoning me to follow her.

“I’m not insane, so to speak, more just bored of being stuck in a predictable cycle. If you bring danger with you, then let me take it on. I have needed an adrenaline rush for a long time now.”

“So, what happens when the danger does arrive at your doorstep? What happens when the goons chasing me threaten you in order to get to me, even if I am long gone? They’ll come looking for me. They are not against hurting a woman, no less a mare. They’ll probably even kill you after they get what they want. You’ll just be evidence.”

“What little boy? I don’t know of any little boy. Sorry to waste your time.” The mare looked back at me with a playful smile, and I sighed.

“Would it have been better if I had tried to run?”, I asked.

“More than likely.” We had reached the door to the house, and she went inside. I stood outside, and looked to the sky. I could’ve run right then, but I wasn’t going to let the mare down on her generous offer.

“You know what, screw logic.” I stepped up to the door, and pushed it open, but paused before I went in. “Well...here goes nothing...” I sucked in a big breath, and let it out to calm myself, and then stepped inside.

I sat uneasily at the table, tapping my feet on the ground. The mare was in the kitchen, making something that smelled strongly of cinnamon. I folded my hands in front of me, and closed my eyes. I slipped into the recesses of my mind, and heard the faint sound of music. I heard a deep hum, paired with indistinguishable voices and a light piano. It began to calm me, and I opened my eyes again, letting the music distort my reality to a much safer one. Then, a voice broke through the music and shattered my state of my mind.

“Applejack, what are you making? It smells delicious!”, exclaimed the cheery voice. My eyes darted to the source, and a young mare, maybe a couple years older than I was, entered through the door from which I heard her. I took quick note that it seemed she had entered through the front door, and stored that information away for later. Then, I focused on the young mare herself. She was very light yellow in color, with a rosy pink mane that bounced as she skipped into the room. She had large, orange eyes that sparkled with life and energy. She...was staring at me, her eyes as wide as grapefruits. I flinched away, and found the wood on the ground to be very interesting. I still felt her eyes on me, and felt a little nausea rise in my stomach. I hated being studied.

“I would prefer if you stopped staring at me like that. It’s making me uncomfortable, and plus, it’s rude to stare.” The young mare let out a little squeak.

“Applejack...why is there a hume in our house?” I scowled at the use of the term hume. It was a derogatory term against humans. Why or how it was derogatory, I didn’t know. It just was.

“Applebloom, what did I tell you about using that word?”

“But Applejack-”

“I don’t care if you meet the biggest ass of a human. Don’t use that word.”

“Fine, but I still want to know why there is one in our house.” I looked up at Applejack, and raised an eyebrow. She looked at me, and then back at Applebloom.

“He needed something to eat. He has bad parents, and they abuse him, or at least that’s what he said. I hope he isn’t lying.”

“You don’t have to refer to me like I am not here…”, I muttered. Applejack shot me a dirty look, before looking back at the young mare. She was about to say something, but I cut her off by turning to Applebloom and stretching out my hand. “I’m sorry about all this confusion. I just needed a place to get away. I found here by chance, and Applejack here was nice enough to take me in.” I smiled, and though it was faker than fake, it caused Applebloom to crack a small smile also. “My name’s Cerus. Nice to meet you.” Applebloom slowly reached out with one of her hooves. I grabbed it softly and shook it.

“Nice to meet you, Cerus.” She looked at the ground, and I saw shame in her eyes. “S-Sorry I called you...that word...I didn’t realize...you know…”

“Don’t worry about it. To be fair, all humans are assholes, and if you were under my jurisdiction, you could call everyone of us humes if that’s what you wanted.” This was a lie, but I thought it might be better to appease her than berate her. I let go of her hoof, and she brought it back as slowly as she had extended it, as if she were pondering something. Then she looked at Applejack.

“I don’t believe you answered my first question big sis.” Applejack looked at Applebloom.

“And what would that have been?”

“What are you making? It smells delicious.”

“I don’t quite know actually. I was kind of messing with different things to see what would happen.” Applebloom took a seat at the table.

“I agree with Applebloom. It smells fantastic. I’m sure it will taste just a good as it smells.” Applejack smiled at us, and brought a steaming plate of pastries to the table. Both Applebloom and I grabbed one, and bit into them. I closed my eyes again, and let the flavor of the pastry occupy my mind. A burst of tangy orange mixed with cinnamon and apple to create a sweet and sour medley that pleased the tastebuds. I heard a sound while lost in the rapture of the taste of the pastry, but it was distant and muffled. I heard voices conversing quietly in a room a million miles away, but chose not to focus on them. I was in a state of bliss, and nothing was going to take that away from me. I opened my eyes a little bit, and then saw a dark figure out of the corner of my eye, and I knew that I had been taken for a fool. I kicked my legs against the ground, shooting me back. I quickly reached into my pocket, and pulled out one of my firecracker poppers, and threw it at the cop. It hit him square in the head and popped, surprising him and making him stumble back a little. I then got up and snatched Applebloom out of the chair she was sitting on, and brought her close. My balisong was at her neck within the next millisecond.

“Nobody move!”, I shouted. Applejack stood in the doorway, dumbfounded. The cop, a young man with chiseled features, froze where he stood. His eyes went from mine to my balisong, and then back and forth again. “I am going to leave, and you are going to let me. Otherwise...” I started pushing the knife into Applebloom’s neck, and she let out a small whimper. I felt a wave of adrenal excitement go through my body when I realized I had pierced into Applebloom's skin, and she was beginning to bleed. For no sane reason, I pushed in the knife a little farther.

“Don’t you dare hurt my sister!”, Applejack cried helplessly. I looked at her, and she gulped.

“This should be you. I put my trust in you, because I thought you were safe. I guess I was wrong. You sent for the cop before I woke up, didn’t you?” Applejack nodded. “I knew something was up. You seemed too calm, too willing to open up to me. I should have ran. I knew it from the start.” I began to back up, towards a door leading outside in the kitchen, dragging Applebloom with me as I went. I reached the door, turned the knob, and kicked it open. I then proceeded to glare at Applejack. “Lying bitch.” I threw Applebloom to the ground, and then ran out the door.

I ran down the trail that led away from the farm, and towards the town. I hated going into public, but if I had any chance of eluding the law, it would be by blending into the crowd. I finally reached the town, tired and sweating profusely from wearing my jacket on such a warm day, but I kept moving. I saw a town square of sorts, jam-packed with civilians, and began to rush to it. However, a couple cops, a pony and a woman, strolled out of a building, and with my bad luck, looked in my direction. Seemingly knowing instantly who I was, they drew their guns. I turned, and rocketed to the left, down an alleyway. I came upon a turn inside the alleyway, and found the alleyway to be a dead end after turning the corner. I turned around, and made an attempt to sprint out of the alleyway before the cops reached it, but I was too late. They sprinted into it, and I skidded to a stop, and reeled back. I almost tripped, and the adrenaline that surged into me as I felt myself stumble triggered the release of my secret hormone. I felt it build in my body, generating a tension too great to hold.

“Stop!”, the pony cop yelled. I felt my consciousness become saturated with a thickness that overwhelmed me. I stopped, and let my hands fall to my side. They began to clench and unclench, as if squeezing a stress ball.

“Make this easy on us kid. Just come with us. Nothing bad will have to happen to you.”, said the woman cop. My morals and ethics became muddled, my thought processes were lost in a haze. I was over the event horizon. I couldn’t control what happened at that point. It was up to my hormone.

“I think you should just let me go.”, I said with an unnatural cockiness. I flipped my hood back with a toss of my head, letting my shoulder length black hair fall freely.

“You are wanted for threat of murder, and for assault of an officer of the law. You aren’t getting away with anything, kid.”, the pony replied. I looked into the cops eyes out of the corner of my eyes, and smiled.

“Last chance.” My hands clenching and unclenching faster and faster, my heart pumping harder, my mind working quicker. Everything fit together in perfect clarity, like a puzzle, but at the same time was lost in a purple haze.

“Is that a threat?”, the pony cop asked incredulously.

“Do those guns have silencers?”, I asked, seeing the tubular extensions on both drawn weapons. The cops looked at each other, and then looked at me. They both approached me. My hands unclenched and splayed open, palms facing the ground. The two cops stumbled, and then stood straight, staring into nothing. “You are worthless. You are trash, controlled by a heartless, corrupt government. It pains me to see you give yourselves so freely to it. I don’t believe you two deserve to live anymore. Do you agree?” The cops pointed their guns at their heads, and cocked them. I walked passed them, and out of the alleyway. I turned back to look at them, still staring ahead, guns pointed at their heads. “Au revoir.” The guns fired in perfect sync. The red spray that followed also flew out in perfect sync. Both cops dropped to the floor, dead. There was no need to check if they were dead, for a good chunk of their heads were missing (probably due to hollow point bullets), with brain matter splattered hectically on the walls and the ground. There was no need to run, for there had been no sound, because the guns did indeed have silencers. I flipped my hood back up, and walked into the square, melting into the crowd.

It didn’t take long for my hormone to wear off, for I had no use for it after using it on the cops. I knew what was coming, the aftereffects of using my hormone, but it still hit me hard nonetheless. I began to feel dizzy, and unconsciously walked out of the crowd. I felt my legs lock, and I dropped to the ground. My muscles began to spasm in a Grand Mal seizure, and my already suffering body managed to also throw up multiple times as it flailed on the ground. I heard the sound of muffled shouting, but it was indistinct. Everything started fading to black, and the last thing I saw before I blacked out was shoes and hooves alike running towards me.

Casualty of Innocence

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I woke up with a jolt, and shot up. Everything was blurry, and I felt sick. I clenched my stomach, and bent over the side of my bed, and let out a sickly brown and bloody stream of puke. I sat there like that for a couple minutes, breathing heavily and letting myself wake up. Then I felt hooves on me, pulling me up and setting me back on my pillow. Still a little bleary, I couldn’t make out exactly who the pony was, but I innately recognized that he or she had good intentions, so I didn’t struggle.

“Are you okay dear?”, asked a female voice. It was soft, gentle, comforting. I felt a sudden trust sweep over me, and as my vision finally began to clear, I began to see why. The mare was a nurse, wearing a little red cross cap. I was in a hospital, or something similar, which was surprisingly quiet for the time of day, which I could tell was early afternoon by the light streaming through a couple windows. The room I was in was small. A chair sat in the corner, my jacket folded neatly on it. I looked at the mare.

“I’m...I’m okay...I just felt a little nauseous…”, I replied. The mare was white, with a pink mane and tail, and had light blue eyes that sparkled with youth and energy, but also contained the softness and compassion of a mother’s eyes. She looked down at the vomit on the ground, and scowled, more in worry than disgust.

“Do you feel fine? Anything feel wrong?”, she asked, looking back into my eyes. I cracked a small smile at her genuine worry. It had been a long time since I had been shown care in such a manner.

“I feel alright. I just woke up feeling a little sick.” I looked down at the vomit. “Sorry about the mess.” The nurse chuckled.

“You don’t join this profession without expecting to see that all the time.”, she joked, and we both managed a small laugh. I looked around, and a humanoid shape moving around caught my attention. I focused on it, and realized I was looking at a mirror, which was reflecting the person from somewhere just past the door that entered into “my” room. Then I saw the outline of a gun under the shirt the person was wearing, and my heart began to race.

“How high up are we?”, I asked. The mare raised an eyebrow at the question, which I knew was strange without context.

“This is a one story building, so ground level. Why?” I looked the mare directly in the eyes.

“I need you to unhook these tubes from me. Right now.” The mare backed up slightly, eyes wide at my sudden change in demeanor.

“I-I can’t do that dear. We need to keep you for a little longer, just to make sure your condition doesn’t go south.” I looked back into the mirror. The human, a man by the looks, was pacing faster now. He seemed impatient. I then looked back into the mare’s eyes, trying to silently plead with her as well as vocally plead with her.

“Trust me on this. I’m okay, and I will remain okay. I need you to let me out right now.” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the man stop and clench his fists, and then turn towards the door. I looked back at the mare. She was silent. I quickly scanned the room, and found a tray of medical supplies within reach. My eyes honed in on it, and I quickly formulated a plan. Then, I heard a gun cock, and a little whimper.

“Don’t you dare scream you little bitch…”, said a gruff voice. I didn’t look at the man, but instead focused on his shadow. I watched his movements, pretending to still be asleep. I saw his arm stretch out, and then felt the tip of a gun on my forehead. “To think that you were so successful, only to be brought down by a little flu. I almost pity you.”

“Are you actually going to shoot him?”, asked the mare, her voice hardly even a breath. I heard the man growl, and he swung around to face her. I saw his hand shoot out, and I heard a crack as his gun met the poor mare’s skull, but this was the chance I had been waiting for. I shot forward, grabbed the tray and took a scalpel off of it, and then threw it at the man. Not expecting the barrage of medical instruments, the man shielded himself, and shot off a round in surprise. I yanked the tubes out of my arms, and threw myself at the man. I stabbed the scalpel into his throat, causing him to gag and fall. In my panic, I had missed his jugular, so I knew that the pain would only last until his adrenaline kicked in. Knowing my only option was to run, I grabbed my jacket off the chair, and slammed open the door, which the man had quietly closed to avoid detection.

“Cerus?”, a voice called. It was all too familiar to me, which gave me even more reason not to stop. I pounded down the hall, arms dripping blood from the rough removal of the IV’s. I found the front door and sprinted out of it. There was already a huge commotion from the gunshot, so when I shot through the crowd, bleeding and sickly looking, the crowd turned into a beehive, with ponies and humans alike running every which way. My head began to pound with nausea and my body ached with pain. My lungs couldn’t take any more, but I still ran. I ran because I knew I couldn’t stop. However, my body finally won over my mentality, and I collapsed to the ground, exhausted. I had made it surprisingly far, the edge of the town by the looks, but I simply could not go on. A couple tears escaped me, partially from the pain, and partially from fear and anger.

“Why am I this way, Celestia? Why did you make me such a monster?”, I quietly questioned the dirt. I was vulnerable where I was. If the man had a companion, he would find me, and he would kill me. He would end my pathetic life with one simple bullet. Perhaps it was for the better. If I died, I wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt of everything I had done in my life, a series of terrible fuck ups that had lead to this position that I was currently stuck in. I felt something grab my arm, and I turned to face my demons for the second time in the space of 24 hours.

“Cerus?”, asked the voice of my demons. Except, the voice didn’t belong to a demon. It belonged to...to…

“Applebloom!?”, I cried out, and in panic, wrenched out of her grip and tried to run.

“Cerus! Wait! Please! I just want answers!”, she shouted after me. I slowed to a stop, but didn’t turn to her.

“I have none to give.”

“Come walk with me...let’s get out of here before that goon or his pals show up to try to kill you...again.” Applebloom walked past me at a brisk pace, serious but still worried about the issue at hand.

“Why should I trust you? By the looks of where you are going, you are going to lead me right back to your house, at which point, Applejack will proceed to panic and probably beat me half to death.” Applebloom quivered, and then turned to face me with a snarl cemented on her face.

“Why should you trust me? Trust me!? Here I was, walking into the kitchen, and there is a human sitting at the table. This human seems to be so much nicer than most, and I decide to put my trust in him. Then within a couple minutes, he is choking me, holding me a knifepoint, threatening to take my life if anyone in the house moves.” Applebloom let a sarcastic huff. “And you ask if you can trust me…”

“What reason do you have for me follow you then? If you don’t trust me, and you have no reason to, then what could you possibly want of me?” Applebloom looked down, and was silent for a couple seconds.

“I want to help you...” She said it very quietly, and I could barely hear her.

“What was that? I didn’t quite hear that well.”

“I want to help you.” I blinked in surprise, and I looked at her incredulously.

“You say what?”

“I won’t repeat myself. Now make a decision fast. Either you come with me and hear me out, or I leave you to your own instincts.” Applebloom turned around and began walking away. “Just know that in a small town, news travels fast. Soon, everyone and everypony here will know your face. There will be no safe haven except for the one I am offering you right now. Take it or leave it.” I stood dumbfounded. Never had I ever been more confused in my entire life. I wanted answers. Then I realized the blackmail that Applebloom had used on me, and I couldn’t help but follow her in awe and respect. The little turd had got me as curious as she was, and there was nothing I could do to quell it except for getting the answers for the questions I now had.

We had walked for some time in complete silence, and I was beginning to doubt Applebloom’s legitimacy in her words. I turned to her, and opened my mouth to speak, only to have her turn on me with a snarl. Not expecting the sudden anger from the seemingly peaceable young mare, I fell back, and then backed up to the side of the path as she approached me. She had the upper hand, or rather, hoof, now. Fighting or fleeing was not an option. She stopped inches from me, close enough that I could hear her haggard breathing.

“Knife. Now.”, she hissed. I took it out of my jacket pocket, and threw it to the side. I usually wouldn’t have done so, but this situation was different than most I got stuck in. Applebloom wasn’t an adult, and the fact that she was completely innocent when I had threatened to kill her earlier today made me the bad guy here, not her. Plus, I couldn’t just kill her. Not without reason. Even someone as stone hearted as me still had some morality.

“If this-”, I started to say, but Applebloom cut me off.

“Shut up! Don’t say a fuckin’ thing!”, she screamed. I fell silent, and she took a moment to collect herself. “I could have just left you on the ground there, you and I both know that. I could have just ignored you and let your sad little life be taken by some goon. I don’t have any reason to feel sympathy or compassion for you.” She sighed. “My family is scared half to death, and all of them are paranoid about my safety.” A small pause. “The only reason I got out of the house was because I needed to go the hospital. You cut me pretty deep, and I needed a couple stitches.” Applebloom turned her head, exposing small stitches I hadn’t seen before. Then she turned back to me. “Right after I got out of surgery, a gurney shot past me. When I saw you on, pale and limp, I couldn’t help myself. I had to find out if you were okay.” I ventured to ask something, but tensed for a violent reaction.

“What reason do you have to be worried about my health?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“So then why did you help me?”

“I...I really can’t explain it. Something inside me snapped when I saw that man walk into your hospital room with a gun in his hand. I knew that he was going in for you, with the intention of killing you. When I saw you run out, my first instinct was to not move, but then I saw the man struggling to get up, and I panicked. I ran after you, thinking of what to do.”

“So then you came across me, and thought it would be a good idea to give a safe haven to me, the kid who threatened to murder you, and then almost got murdered himself?” Applebloom smiled in spite of herself.

“Basically.”

“I wish I could respond to that, tell you that you’re crazy, and to just leave me to my own wits. However, I have nowhere else to go. If the safehaven you are offering is what you promise it to be, then I simply won’t question it. You said it yourself. In a couple days, nowhere in this town will be safe, and this town was my last resort.”

"Last resort for what?"

"Perhaps I will explain it to you later." Applebloom was silent as she rolled that around her head, and then she looked at me with a blank expression.

“Well, come along.” She turned to continue down the path. I got up, and dusted off my pants, and picked up my balisong while I was at it.

“Wait.” Applebloom stopped and looked back at me. “What about your sister?”

“Not home. Left with me to take me to the hospital. When she got me in, she told me to just wait there for her. She told me that she would be there to pick me up a little after dark.” I let out a little huff.

“This is way too convenient.”

“I’m questioning it myself.”, Applebloom replied with a smile, and then turned to walk home. I shook my head in disbelief.

“But you-” Applebloom turned to look at me once again. I shrugged my shoulders and walked to her. “Nevermind. I’m not going to question it anymore, at least not for now. I might as well just do this. It’s not like I have anything better to do.” Applebloom rolled her eyes, and then turned around again, and headed toward the farm. I let out a little sigh. What the hell am I getting myself into?, I asked myself, and then proceeded to follow Applebloom. It can’t be that bad, can it?

I sat on the floor of Applebloom’s room, drumming my fingers on it. Applebloom was sitting on her bed, silently staring at me. The situation was making me uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to speak. I had a feeling that Applebloom had something to say, and I was waiting for it to come out.

“Uh...hmm…”, she said. I looked up at her, expecting more, but she just scowled and bit her cheek. I huffed, and got up, and began to pace around the floor.

“If you have something to say, then just say it for Celestia sake.”, I remarked. My back was turned to Applebloom, but I felt her eyes fix on me, and then heard her sigh.

“I can’t take my mind of what happened at the hospital.”, she said quietly.

“If you want to know why it happened, you can just ask. Usually I wouldn’t say, but I probably owe my life to you, so I am willing to answer any question you have.” I turned around, and looked into her eyes. She blinked, not yet used to my naturally cold gaze, but then regained her composure.

“Why did that man want to kill you? What could you have possibly done to deserve to die, especially only being a teen?” I sighed.

“I am not going to lie to you, but I warn you that the truth might unsettle you. I will ask this only once: are you sure you want to know?” Applebloom nodded, never letting her eyes leave mine.

“Positive.”

“Okay then.” I walked over to the bed, and sat on the edge. I looked away from Applebloom to think of where to begin. There was silence for a few minutes.

“Cerus?” I looked up, and back into her eyes. She flinched yet again, but kept her gaze locked with mine.

“I...I…” I paused and sighed. I had promised her the truth, and nothing but. I was a man of my word, so breaking that promise was out of the question. “Before I came here, I lived in Manehatten, and I killed people for a living. I was a contract killer.” Applebloom gasped, and her already huge eyes got even wider.

“How old are you?”

“Fifteen.”

“And you killed people for a living?”

“Kill. I never officially ended that as a career. In fact, it’s the reason I am here.” Applebloom took in another sharp breath.

“You’re here to kill someone? Someone in Ponyville?”

“No, and I hope I never have to. This town is too quaint, too innocent. I’m here because I fucked up a job. The person I was supposed to kill turned out to be much smarter than my company had expected. You see, we had intel that he was going to some bar to meet some business partner. My company bribed the bouncer that was to be working the shift that night to let me in, and told him the info on the case. He was to let me in, my partner, the man, and his partner. It was supposed to be quick. Take out the man, suppress his partner, and then get out quickly as possible. Job complete, forty thousand dollars to be split amongst me and my partner.”

“But something happened?” I nodded.

“The man had somehow learned of our mission. He walked in with two guards, who instantly pointed their guns at me and my partner. Luckily we were at a window seat, so my partner thought fast and jumped through the window. The guns started firing, so I followed my instinct and jumped out the window as well. I saw my partner run one way, so I ran another. Unfortunately, the man and his guards saw me running, and his guards followed me to the train station. I took care of them, but the man obviously found out where I had gone pretty quickly. So he sent more of goons to look for me, and kill me.”

“Why did you need to kill him?"

“He made himself seem like a good man. He publicly gave thousands to the poor, gave jobs to those who needed them. However, what people didn’t realize was that the money he used to give to the poor and the money he used to make jobs for those who needed them was only a fraction of the millions he had stole from them.”

“So he made it look like he was helping, but in reality he was using everyone?” I nodded.

“You’d think someone like that would be found out, especially in this day and age, but he was good at covering tracks. My contractor had been gathering info on this man for years, and had sent multiple others to try to get this guy. They all ended up dead or in prison. Finally, my contractor turned to me.”

“He-”

“It.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t know who my contractor is. Nobody under contract with ‘it’ really does. So, we just refer to ‘it’ as, well, ‘it’.”

“Okay, whatever. ‘It’, turned to you, after sending multiple others who ended up dying or being captured by the police? You, a fifteen year old boy?” Applebloom was beginning to doubt me, that much I could tell. If I lost her, then it was over. She needed to know the whole truth, and believe it. So, I kept pushing on.

“I have been signed to the contractor for two years, and in those two years, I have flawlessly murdered twenty seven people. I am one of the most, if not the most, successful contract killer signed to ‘it’.” Applebloom shook her head.

“That’s impossible. There’s no way that you could do that. You’re a kid for crying out loud.”

“Did you expect me to pull a knife on you and threaten to kill you? More so, did you expect me to actually hurt you to prove I would follow through on my threat?”

“Well...no…”

“There’s all the proof you need. There’s not one person or pony that I personally know that would expect their demise to come from a kid as young as me. I have the surprise factor everytime.”

“You aren’t lying, are you?”

“I promised to tell you the truth, so I did.” Applebloom looked down and shook her head in disbelief.

“How can you possibly live with yourself knowing you have killed all those people and ponies?”

“I can live with myself because they were all evil to begin with. Plus, I had a childhood that children should never have to go through. I grew up scarred physically and emotionally. The only emotions I ever truly feel are anger, sadness, and contempt. It takes someone or somepony with qualities that are polar opposite of mine to get me to really feel things like happiness, joy, compassion, anything in those ranks. Call me cold blooded. Call me stone hearted. I don’t care. They are both true.”

“Is it wrong to feel scared right now?”

“Not at all.”

“Should I be questioning my decision to bring you here.”

“Perhaps, perhaps not.”

“Give me a yes or no.”

“I am tempted to say yes, but I say that you shouldn’t. You gave me a safe haven when I needed it most. I will repeat that I more than likely owe my life to you. You saved mine, I won’t take yours, or anyone else close to you for that matter. Is that a good enough answer?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” There was silence for a little while. Then, Applebloom got off the bed, stretched, and headed to the door.

“I’ll be back.”

“Where you headed?” Applebloom looked back at me.

“Takin’ a small walk. Need to think about a couple things.”

“Okay, you go do that.” Applebloom turned around again, but then something occurred to me. “Hey.” Applebloom once again turned to look at me.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for hearing me out, and not casting me out after hearing my story.” Applebloom smiled.

“We’ll see.”

“What does that mean?” It was too late. She had already left and shut the door behind her.

It had gotten dark outside, but Applebloom still wasn’t home. My paranoia began to take hold, and I couldn’t help myself seeing her dead and bleeding on the ground, shot to death by some goon that was after me. I was down in the kitchen pacing when I thought I heard a voice shouting somewhere in the distance. I listened to it get closer and closer. It gained clarity until it was recognizable. My heart began to beat faster, and I ran upstairs, looking for somewhere to hide. The voice had distinctly belonged to Applejack, who, at least by the context of the conversation she was having, was shouting at Applebloom. I barreled into Applebloom’s room, and saw in the lamplight by her bed that it was just high enough off the ground that I could fit under it. I ran to the lamp, and turned it off. Then, I felt my way to the bed, and slipped under it. I slowly turned myself so that my head was facing the door, so I could see it. I heard the front door open and slam shut.

“You had me scared half to death Applebloom!”, Applejack chastised.

“I panicked!”, Applebloom cried out in response.

“Bullshit!”

“Applejack, I swear, someone walked into the hospital with a gun! Ask anyone!”

“I don’t believe it.”

“Applejack-”

“Applebloom, if you went to see your coltfriend, I will find out.”

“I didn’t! Why don’t you believe me!?”

“No one in this town is psycho enough to try to shoot up a hospital.”

“You don’t know that!”

“In fact, I do. I have lived here all my life Applebloom. Remember that I’m not a kid like you. I’m an adult, and have been for quite a few years. Plus, I’m on the town committee, where you have to get to know everyone in the town.”

“Oh yeah, the fauxmmittee. What a joke.” At this point, Applejack lost it.

“Go to your room, right now!”

“Fine. Not like I wanted to stay down here with you anyway.”

“Hey! Look at me!”

“Why!?”

“I said look at me!” I heard Applebloom cry out in surprise.

“Applejack, what are you-” I cringed when I heard an audible smack, and a cry of pain from Applebloom. Then, I heard the sound of galloping hooves up the stairs, and watched Applebloom gallop through the door. She slammed it, and locked it, and then stumbled over to her bed. She collapsed onto it and began to sob. I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how. I had never been taught to comfort and console. I had only been taught to taunt and berate and defile. I curled into myself and put my hands under my head. I closed my eyes and attempted to sleep, but I couldn’t. Not while Applebloom was crying. Not while I kept telling myself that it was my fault that she was crying. If had I just let the cops take me, everything would have been fine. If I hadn’t used my “gift” to kill them, I wouldn’t have passed out in the street, and ended up in the hospital. Better yet, if I had just never showed up in Ponyville, Applebloom wouldn’t have been hospitalized by my knife, and therefore, would never end up in this situation. It all came down to the ghost that haunted me. I could live with myself, a heartless killer, and never regret a thing. But when an innocent child suffered because of my actions, it was all I could do to not scream and pull out my hair. It was all could to try to sleep at night, tossing and turning as the thought of their suffering rolled around my head. Listening to Applebloom sob was no different. It wasn’t until she had literally cried herself to sleep that thought of myself getting any sleep could enter my mind.

“I’m so sorry Applebloom…”, I choked as her sobs faded to silence. “I hope you never forgive me…”

“I would never want you to forgive a monster…”

Blank Spaces:Old Faces

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I walked through the door to the hotel room. It was small, and a little dingy.

“It was the best I could find. I hope you don’t mind.”, said a voice behind me.

“Naw. Compared to what I have been through in the last week, this is a gift from Celestia.” I set my stuff on one of the two beds, and then turned to face the voice. Kind brown eyes met mine, and I smiled.

“You’re smiling again.” I turned away, and clenched my fists.

“Damn it Terrance! Don’t say that!”

“It’s not bad to smile Cerus.”

“I don’t smile.”

“But you do.”

“It hurts me. At least, that’s what my mind tells me.” I felt hands grip my shoulders, and I looked back up into Terrance’s eyes. A little bit of his shoulder length, silver colored hair fell in his way, but he made no move to get rid of it.

“Your mind tells you that you are a cold blooded killer, and that killers shouldn’t smile. I think that all humans smile, and Cerus, no matter what you think, you are most definitely human.” He gave my shoulders a squeeze, and I chuckled and smiled again. “You’re doing it again.”

“Terrance!”, I cried, and slugged him in the arm. While my face burned red and I got flustered, he laughed heartily. That is, if his quiet, innocent laughter could be considered hearty. I guess that is what made me like Terrance so much. Even though he had seen me through fourteen murders, he was innocent. His hand had never touched a weapon, and no blood had ever been shed by him.

“Hey, let’s take care of that wound. I don’t want it to get infected.”, Terrance said, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked down at my shirt, where there was a visible tear and a blood stain, and then back at Terrance.

“It’s a scratch. Don’t worry about it.” Terrance cocked an eyebrow.

“Cerus, get your little ass over here so I can take care of your ‘scratch’.” I feigned an exasperated sigh.

“Fine!” I walked over to the bathroom. The light was already on, and some medical supplies that Terrance always carried around in a little backpack were already out. I took off my shirt, and sat down on the counter beside the sink. Terrance walked in, and then came over to me. He hunched over, and looked closely at the wound in my side.

“She got you pretty good.” He turned to the supplies, and grabbed some bandaging tape and gauze. Then, he turned back to me.

“The bullet scraped by me. That’s really about it.”

“I know. She got you good.” I looked at him, confused, and then realized that he was implying that she got me pretty good in comparison to my skill in my other murders.

“That bitch knew how to fight.”

“No, she didn’t know how to fight. She knew how to think on the spot and run at the same time.”

“I-”

“Shut it. Everytime you talk, your chest heaves. I am trying to put on bandages here.”

“Sor-”

“Zip!” Terrance looked up at me, and rolled his eyes, though the negativity of the action was negated by the smile that was plastered on his face. I looked away in feigned contempt. “Just hold still for a little bit.” In the silence that followed this, I had some more time to self reflect. As I did often when I self reflected, I thought about the relationship me and Terrance shared. He was twenty five years old, with the energy and spunk of a child. He was only about five seven, a result of his mainly Japanese heritage. He was also part caucasian, but that only showed in his fair skin and in the shape of his eyes, which were round, instead of the almond-shaped eyes that were commonplace of Asians.

“Are you almost done?”

“Yeah. Hold still a little longer…” Terrance was a patient man, and I had never seen him lose his composure over anything. He was kind, soft spoken, and amiable. If he wanted to you to be his friend, he would succeed in less than an hour. His smile, which was warm and welcoming, made you trust him instantly. A devout pacifist and extrovert, he never broke a promise, and had never been the instigator in fights. This was the kind of man whose worst enemies, if he had any to begin with, still had a decent amount of respect for. Most of all, the thing that stood out the most to me, was that he was my only true friend. He was the only one I could ever turn to for help, the only one that I could open up to.

“Now?”

“Yes Cerus, I’m done.” I let out a stream of babbling, and flailed my arms around in exaggerated relief. If my side hadn’t hurt the way it did, I might have jumped off the counter and ran around the room. Terrance just raised an eyebrow. “You are a strange child, you know that right?”

“You know me. How could I not?” Terrance chuckled and backed up, taking one last look at me. His eyes widened a little bit.

“Jesus…” This word was highly uncommon in Equestria, as many humans living here had turned to Celestia, but it still had the potency it did back on Earth.

“What is it?” I asked, slightly unnerved by this sudden remark.

“You look like Death man...” I looked in the mirror, and took in my appearance. I had bags under my eyes. My skin was pulled tight, and my ribs were starting to become visible. I was usually fair skinned, but now I was sickly and pale, and I looked exhausted, which I was. My dark green eyes were cold and haunted. My short black hair was disheveled and had lost its luster. I chuckled softly, and looked back at Terrance, slipping my shirt back on.

“Suits me well, doesn’t it?” Terrance sighed and shook his head.

“That isn’t funny. You need to sleep and you need to eat.” I scowled, and then nodded.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Two days without sleep and four without proper nutrition probably wasn’t all too good for me.”

“Hey, at least we got it done.” I let out an exasperated huff.

“You’d think that a woman of her stature might have been more civilized, but no, she just so happens to be a fuckin’ genius when it comes to tricks, traps, and lies.”

“Never underestimate a business man or woman, especially the high rank ones. There was a reason they made it up so many rungs of the ladder, and being able to use a calculator wasn’t one of them.”

“Well, she’s done with, so hopefully no more business people.” Terrance smirked.

“Like you have a say in the matter.”

“Hey, whatever happens, happens, but I personally don’t want to go through that again. Aside from the fun I had in trying to catch her, it was quite literally hell. Too many innocents were used and dispensed by her in trying to throw us off.”

“Let’s just take our minds off of her and enjoy this rest and relaxation while it lasts. Our next job could come at any time.” I nodded.

“Good point.” We exited the bathroom. Terrance went to his bed and sat down on it. I leaned against the wall, and looked out the window of our room. It was too dark to make out anything more than a couple streetlamps. I felt a yawn come up, and was powerless to stop it from coming out. “Fuck me…”

“Go to sleep man. If anything happens that requires your presence, then I will wake you up.” I stretched, and crossed my arms.

“Thanks Terri dear.”, I said with a smirk. Terrance growled.

“You bastard! I thought you forgot about that!”, he hissed.

“Consider it payback for making me smile.”

“I...you...fine. Just go to sleep before the urge to knock you out is irresistible.” He tried hard to bite back a smile, but it failed in the end. He was too humored and good hearted to keep it back. However, he did flip me off, which sparked my good humour, and I chuckled softly. Then, I turned to the bed I had put my stuff on. After pulling my stuff off it, I jumped onto it without changing and without getting under the covers. I closed my eyes, and a numbness swept through my body. My sense of reality began to dampen, and then-

I shot up, and proceeded to hit my head on the bottom of a bed, making a surprisingly sickening crack as the wood slat I had hit split somewhat from the force of the impact. I fell back and hissed in pain. I heard a little gasp and a quiet cry of shock, but my mind, still spinning from hitting my head, didn’t register it.

“Ah...fuck!”, I cursed through clenched teeth. I rubbed the place where I had hit my head with my hands, and felt a little blood on my fingertips. I pulled back my hands, and realized that it wasn’t all blood. I was drenched in a cold sweat, something definitely not caused my suffocating clothes.

“Cerus? You okay?” Having not quite remembered where I was, the voice startled me. I flinched, and shot up again in surprise, only to hit my head again, but this time, the slat gave out and snapped, and sharp splinters poked my wound. I cried out in pain for the second time, and I felt myself go numb with shock, but still managed to unconsciously suppress the decibels. I felt hooves grab me, and I was dragged out from under the bed. Applebloom’s concerned, but also slightly mocking eyes looked into mine. There was a quarter sized red and purple bump on the side of her face, and I felt nausea pass through me as I recalled the sound that had been made when she had gotten that mark. “You’d thinking having done it once, you wouldn’t have let it happen again, especially someone that thinks as critically as you do.” For a couple seconds, I just stared back into her eyes as the shock wore off. Then, I sat up, and rubbed my eyes.

“I hate mornings...hate ‘em with a fuckin’ vengeance…”

“Trust me, you’re not alone.” I turned to Applebloom with a toxic expression in my eyes.

“I’m okay. Thanks for asking. Only bleeding and-”

“I asked when you first hit your head, so don’t have attitude with me.”

“First of all, you asking scared the shit out of me. Second, you do realize that I hit my head pretty damn hard, right? I wasn’t thinking all too clearly. Still a little loopy, to be honest.”

“You don’t think I didn’t get scared? I’ll tell you what, you hitting your head on my bed frame made for quite an amazing alarm. Thanks to you, I don’t think I’ll be late to school today.”

“Oh ha ha. Very funny. You should join a group.”

“Your sarcasm manages to even to make me dull.”

“Like I had any reason for it to-” Applebloom cut me off by putting a hoof to my mouth.

“Shut up for a minute, okay? Let me go get some bandages for your head. Your incessant rambling is just making you bleed more.” She got up, and walked to the door. She opened it quietly, stepped out, and then closed it just as quietly. I waited in silence for a couple minutes, reflecting on the strange correlation between my dream and the events occurring at the moment. When she came back in, she had a box of gauze and bandages in her mouth. She set them down beside me. “Hold still while I clean this up.” She took out some of the gauze, and began wiping up the blood.

“Thanks for helping me Applebloom.” She continued to wipe the blood from my forehead, but her eyes locked with mine, and she smiled.

“Hey, I am taking you in to keep you safe. The least I could do would be to keep you from bleeding out to death after hitting your head because of a nightmare.” Her eyes left mine to look back at the wound on my head.

“It wasn’t a nightmare…”

“Of course it-” Applebloom froze, and her eyes darted back to mine. “Wait...what?”

“It wasn’t a nightmare.”

“Then what had you up in such a fright?”

“The fact that it was a good dream.” Applebloom shook her head, and continued tending to my head.

“You’re making zero sense.”

“It was a good dream, but a dream I never want to have.”

“Why?”

“It’s...too hard to explain right now. We’ll see where this little escapade takes us. If I am still here when the time is right, I will try my best to explain.” Applebloom reached into the bandage box, and pulled out a big bandage.

“When will you know the time is right?” She peeled the backing off the bandage, and then gently placed the bandage over my wound.

“I don’t know. Let’s stop talking about this. I just want to get my mind off the subject right now.”

“Okay Cerus. I won’t bring it up again.” She smiled again, and backed away. “All better.”

“Thanks Applebloom.”

“Well, unless you get an infection, at which point-”

“Oh hush you.” Applebloom giggled, a innocent sound that was as soothing as it was raucous to my ears. I hated innocence. It was pleasant, but whenever I encountered it, I was reminded that I would never have it ever again.

“Applebloom? Are you okay?”, I heard Applejack ask. The door opened, and I thought for sure I was going to be caught. Then, in the split second before Applejack would have seen me, I saw a glint in Applebloom’s eyes. She pushed me down and slammed her other hoof into the ground at the same time, masking the sound of my head lightly smacking the ground. Taking the chance, I rolled under the bed, bringing the medical supplies with me. There was silence for a second. “What the hell was that?”

“That, big sis, was you scaring the piss out of me.” As I lay under the bed, my mind tried to process what had just happened.

“Why are you on the ground?”

“I was on the edge of my bed, thinking about things, and then you came bargin’ in. Instinctively, I jumped, and then found myself on the ground.”

“And that sound?”

“That was me hitting the ground.”

“What about that sound earlier?”

“What sound?”

“It was like a crack, or a bang, or something.”

“Oh that! I have no idea. It woke me up though.”

“Huh. Strange.”

“Yeah. Very.” I heard a coldness enter Applebloom’s voice, as she apparently recalled what she had gone through the night before. “App-”

“If it’s about last night...I’m sorry…”

“You think saying sorry is gonna fix that, sis? You hit me across the face. Everypony is going to wonder about this bump, and you know it.”

“Applebloom, I really don’t know what to say…”

“Good. Don’t try to pull yourself out of this mess. You deserve to learn this lesson.” Things were getting intense very quickly. I felt the hatred radiating off Applebloom’s body, just inches from my face. I wanted to intervene, but was stuck knowing that I couldn’t.

“Sis-”

“And you know what I’m gonna tell my friends? I’m gonna tell them that this is what life with you is like! I’m gonna get one of them to take me in! I’m-”

“Apple-”

“You know, life was good before Big Mac left! You were actually nice!”

“I know that you’re still upset that he’s gone, but Applebloom, he has a wife and a family, and-”

“Fuck his wife! Fuck his family!” Applejack gasped in shock. I felt lightheaded. This was too much for me. I hated when families fought like this. I was desperate to make it stop, and was just about ready to intervene.

“Applebloom!” I prepared myself, hoping my surprise appearance would shock Applejack into silence long enough for me to lock the door and make sure she couldn’t leave.

“I don’t give a shit! Punish me if you want! Just one more damn thing to add to my list of grudges against you!” I moved as if to crawl out, but found that my body seemed to have a mind of it’s own, and I could not muster up the guts to enact my plan.

“Applebloom please-”

“Shut up! Just shut up for once! You are always telling me what to do, always ordering me ordering me around, always beating me! Please just get out of my sight!”

“Applebloom, I can explain last night. Just let me speak.” Applebloom shuddered, and then let out a small growl.

“Fine. Not like I care.” There was a moment of silence.

“I...um...” Applejack went quiet

“You what?” Applejack sighed.

“I was drunk last night. I’m so sorry…” I felt the anger stop radiating from Applebloom, but it was quickly replaced with resentment.

“Applejack...w-we...you made me a promise!”

“I feel so guilty Applebloom. The taxes keep getting higher, and I’m making less and less money each year, especially with your brother not around to help me anymore. I am getting more stressed than is probably healthy for me. Last night, a couple hours before I picked you up, I came across Rainbow Dash. When she saw me, she forced me to take a de-stressing session with her. Of course, for her, that meant going to the bar and getting wasted. I tried to fight it, but I was so high strung that after that first relieving drink, I couldn’t stop myself.”

“So...the thing about my coltfriend…”

“I had no idea what I was saying. All I knew is that I was mad for some reason, but I was too drunk to think logically. After you went to sleep, and I sobered up, I went to the hospital to clarify. They confirmed your story for me, and I felt so guilty. I had shouted at you and hit you just because I was too drunk to have any other mentality. I’m an embarrassment. I’m a worthless drunk...” There was another tense moment of silence. I waited, expecting something extreme. However, when Applebloom spoke again, the resentment had left her voice.

“Under the circumstances, I understand why you’d want to drink.” Applebloom chuckled. “I guess I made you a lightweight again.” Applejack let out an awkward laugh.

“I guess so...but Applebloom, I don’t want this to be a laughing matter.”

“Sorry...I needed-”

“I understand. You went through a lot yesterday. We are both pretty high-strung”

“Thanks big sis.” I saw Applebloom walk over to Applejack, and though I couldn’t see it directly, I knew that they hugged each other. “Can you please promise me that you won’t drink anymore?”

“Well…”

“If you ever feel the need to drink, just come talk with me. I’ll help you destress. You don’t need to turn to alcohol every time you feel pressured.”

“I...I guess.” Applebloom turned to her bed and jumped onto it.

“We can have heart to hearts, you know? Just talk to each other and bond.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

“Celestia knows you need it…” I mused quietly.

“What was that?”, Applejack asked, a sudden sound of wariness entering her voice.

“I didn’t hear anything.", Applebloom quickly replied.

“Oh...Okay then...I’m gonna leave you to get ready for school.”

“Thanks Applejack.” I heard the door shut, and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding. I slowly rolled out from under the bed, and then sat on the edge of it.

“Cerus?” I turned to Applebloom, letting her gentle eyes search mine. She opened her mouth, but then promptly closed it, and turned away. “Nevermind.” She got off the bed and walked to her bedroom door.

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it. You don’t seem like a hugger anyway...” With that, she stepped out of the room and left me alone in an oppressing silence. Her words resounded in my head, and I felt a small tug on a heart that I didn’t know existed.

You don’t seem like a hugger anyway…

Applebloom left with a friend of hers, something Belle, about an hour after she had her argument with Applejack. Just before she had left, she had come into to room to tell me to hide out until about noon. She told me that Applejack was going to leave around that time, and wouldn’t be coming back for a couple days. When I asked Applebloom why, she simply said that Applejack was selling part of the property to a willing buyer, and was heading out of town to do paperwork and settle deals on the property. So, I waited under the bed for at least three hours, thankful that patience had been trained into me by my company. Finally, as Applebloom had said, Applejack left around noon, leaving me alone in the house. Though I wanted to get up and walk around, I still felt exhausted, both physically and mentally. Obeying my urge to rest, I climbed onto the bed, slipped under the covers, and fell asleep once more.

A newspaper opened to the obituary. Two faces, one a man, one a woman, crossed out. Next to them, the face of a child, a boy not looking older than five or six. Many wet spots on the paper, with more forming as tears fell.

Wait, tears? Whose were they?

More tears.

Why do I feel so mad? What was going on?

A bloodcurdling shout of rage, and the paper is torn to pieces.

I feel rage seeping into my blood, clouding my judgement, but I don’t understand why.
A chair is thrown across the room. More tears, now wetting the cold marble ground.

FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU CELESTIA, OR GOD, OR WHOEVER THE FUCK IS SITTING ON THE DAMN DESK MARKED IMPORTANT UP THERE IN THE SKY! HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN!?

I scream those words, but I do not know why.

Hands. They clench. They shake. A blackness begins to envelop them.

Stop! Don’t do it! Don’t-

The slight touch against my arm was enough to wake me. My eyes opened, quickly registering that it was late in the day. In a panic, I sat up, muscles tensed as if to jump or run, but Applebloom, sitting next to the bed, placed a hoof on my hand, and I stilled and looked into her eyes. Whereas I knew my eyes were full of fear and confusion and maybe even hatred, Applebloom’s stayed calm and reassuring. She climbed onto the bed with me, and before I could say a thing, wrapped her hooves around me, and leaned into me. I wanted to push her away, for I didn’t want comfort, but I couldn’t get myself to do it. It was when she looked back into my eyes that I realized why. They were full of compassion, the one thing I had been without for my entire life. It was a miracle that I even saw it for what it was.

“A-”

“Shh...don’t say a word…” I was compelled to listen and obey her. I found myself longing for her embrace to last forever, which at I first I thought strange, but then realized that her embrace was comforting. Comforting. That was an adjective I never thought would attach to anyone. However, even though I barely knew Applebloom, that word fit her. I don’t how, but she understood my problem. She understood the despair that I suffered from. She understood, and she was willing to console me. She was just what I had needed my entire life. Someone who could understand. Content and having a feeling of asylum, I wrapped my arms around her and closed my eyes. Her initial reaction was a flinch, but then her grip tightened and she nuzzled closer to me.

“Thank you Applebloom…”

“Anytime Cerus…” Minutes passed, maybe even hours. It took me a while to realize she had fallen asleep in my arms. I laid her gently on the bed. I smiled, and though it was sad and pained, it was my first true smile in many years.

“Sweet dreams Applebloom…” I got off the bed, and exited the room. Then, I went downstairs and exited the house. I didn’t know where I was going, or what I would do. However, I knew one thing. Applebloom was not going to be hurt because of me. She was too innocent, too sacred, too one of kind to let her be taken out by some goon.

I would sacrifice my life to protect that young mare, even if doing so meant giving up everything that made me human along the way.

The Thin Line Between (Ecstasy and Fear)

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For a while, I thought of leaving. To where, I didn’t know, but anything to get away from Applebloom. I was afraid of her connection to me. Never before had anyone meant that much to me that fast. Even Terrance, who I adored, had gone through a month of me being an ass before I finally warmed up to him. Applebloom, on the other hand, had gained my respect and trust in two days. Maybe it was her compassion, maybe it was her welcoming smile. Maybe it was the fact that innocence practically manifested itself in her, as it did with Terrance.

“Wait.”, I thought aloud, and stopped walking. I was somewhere in the town, a small residential area by the looks, but that wasn’t what had stopped me. Another puzzle piece in the massive puzzle of my life had fallen into place. I pondered for a second, teetering just on the edge of epiphany, before a realization hit me from behind and knocked me over that edge. I myself grew a little unstable, reveling in my realization. I had admitted in my own thoughts that Applebloom emanated the same kind of innocence that Terrance did. However, I had hit a wall when I had also remembered that it took me a month to see that in Terrance. I chuckled, and continued on my little walk.

“Well, you certainly are brain dead from time to time, aren’t ya?”, I scoffed, jokingly mocking myself. I had seen the innocence in Terrance, and since I had known what it looked like, or felt like, or however the hell I detected it, I had spotted it almost instantly in Applebloom, which would explain why I had trusted her so fast. I felt a little rush of blood to my cheeks as I smiled, and though my cheeks hurt from it, it felt natural. However, the smile didn’t last long. My little discovery had not solved the main issue at hand. It still had to make the decision to run away from the life that Applebloom was trying so hard to give me. I thought about my options and their outcomes, and I broke into a cold sweat.

“If I leave, there is a chance that she will be fine, but I won’t be there to protect her if something should happen. However, if I stay, she is in constant danger, and my protection might one day be not enough.” I sighed, and clenched my hands into fists. I was usually good at this stuff. Making tough decisions had never been a problem for me. Then again, never had I ever made a tough decision where the life of an innocent child, teen or not, had been on the line. Then, I had a flashback so powerful that it rocked me to the ground.

I am standing over a grave. It is bland, small, inconspicuous. There is nothing but a name and a date of death written on it. The date of death reads March 20th, 2019, and the name reads Marshall Adams. I kneel down in front of the grave and lay down a white rose, which is spotted in blood from me clenching it too hard. It doesn’t matter, I realize as I get up. I feel like my heart has been ripped away from me, and nothing but regret and self-loathing courses through me as I walk away.

After the flashback had passed, I could only sit and try in vain to breathe normally. The message was quite clear to me. I hadn’t been there for Marshall. I could have saved him, if only I had stayed with him. His death was the reason I got involved with contract killers. His death had made me stoop low. If he could do that to me, then what would Applebloom’s death do to me, if it happened? I may have had an ability that would make people consider me a demi-god, or even a god, if they found out about it, but I was still human, and a human can only go so low before they can’t take it anymore. So, my mind was made up. I was staying. However, one thought crossed my mind as I walked back to the farm, and it stuck.

What do I do now?

By the time I got back to the barn, the sun was rising into the sky. I walked inside, and then upstairs to Applebloom’s room. I opened the door, but didn’t walk in. I simply stood in the doorway and watched Applebloom. She was still asleep, her chest rising and falling slowly as she breathed deep and calm breaths. I knew I had made the right choice coming back, but seeing her innocent form sleeping so peacefully almost made me reconsider. I walked over to bed, and after a moment of consideration, got on it. I reclined against the backboard and let my eyes close in thought. Applebloom, apparently sensing my presence in her sleep, nuzzled up close to me. My stomach clenched, and my heartbeat skipped a little. However, as uncomfortable as her touch made me, I let her be. I would have liked to tell myself it was simply because she was asleep, but I knew that it was much more than that. Somewhere, there was a hole in my heart that needed to be filled by a friend, by a companion. Without Terrance, the hole had re-opened, but Applebloom had potential to fill that hole like Terrance had. In fact, in the two days I had known her, she had already began filling that hole. It was kind of scary, the rate at which I accepted her presence in my heart, but it was also brought me some kind of solace, some kind of ecstasy. It almost made me giddy knowing that there was someone in this hectic and strange world that wholeheartedly accepted me for who I was, and could console my most secret fears and deepest sorrows just by being around me. Even Terrance couldn’t surmount to that.

“Ugh...huh?”, I heard Applebloom murmur. I looked down at her, and she looked up at me. Her eyes went wide, and she moved quickly away from me. “Cerus! I-I’m sorry! I didn’t-”

“It’s okay Applebloom.”, I replied, cutting her off. She cocked her head in confusion.

“R-really?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” I saw a look of relief in Applebloom’s eyes. Then, I was the one to feel the relief when she made the conscious decision not to get close to me again. I felt my stomach unknot, and my heart began to beat normally once more. There was a long silence after that. Applebloom was the one to finally break it.

“Cerus, I have something to ask you. I was thinking about it all last night.” I looked into Applebloom’s eyes. She flinched, but recovered much quicker than before.

“Go for it.”

“Though I’d love for us to live our secret little life, with Applejack completely oblivious to your presence here, but we both know that can’t last forever. So, I am giving you another decision to make.”

“Okay?”

“You can leave this place, and go fare for yourself out in the world once again, or you can prepare to reveal yourself to Applejack after she gets home.” My eyes went wide.

“Are you crazy? That mare will probably gut me and throw my innards to...uh...do you have anything around here that wouldn’t mind eating pieces of fifteen year old boy?”

“We have Timber Wolves...though I have never personally witnessed them eat a pony or a human, or even meat for that matter.”

“Good enough for me. She’ll probably feed me to them, and I probably won’t even have the decency of being served on a silver platter.”

“You won’t know until you try.”

“And what of you, then?”

“Pardon?”

“What of you when she finds out that you have been hiding me here for close to a week?”

“I’m sure she will be fine with that.”

“That was a joke, right?”

“Well, given that we both know her reaction to finding you in the storage room, I think we both know her reaction will be much worse knowing that you have been sleeping under my bed. So yes, it was a joke.” I didn’t know whether to scowl or glare at her smart-ass remark. To my surprise, I kept myself from doing either.

“So you are obviously not worried about the consequences.”

“I don’t know anything she can do that she hasn’t already done to me. I’m not scared. She’s predictable.”

“So it really is up to me here.”

“Yes.”

“Damn you.”

“Quit yer yabbering and give me an answer.”

“I think...I think that I need to think on it.”

“There isn’t much to think about Cerus.”

“Well, if she reacts badly, I am going to have to leave this place.”

“Your other option is to leave anyway.”

“Yeah...but I can still hide…I’m good at it…”

“Why are you so dead set on staying here?”

“This is the only place I could really call home.” Applebloom’s eyes softened, and she blinked a couple times.

“Considering it home after a couple days? Doesn’t that sound strange to you?”

“No.”

“How does it not?”

“I have a place to sleep, I have the basic necessities, and I trust that I can safely stay here and just live a normal life...well, normal-ish.”

“And if I were to change my mind and suddenly tell you to leave this place, then what?”

“How could I ever learn to trust again if one of only a few things I most deeply cherished and trusted backstabbed me?” I saw the pit form in Applebloom’s stomach through her eyes. I analyzed what I had said and realized I had unconsciously included the part about cherishing her. I felt my face go flushed, and I had to look away.

“You...you trust me? You cherish me?” For a couple seconds, I couldn’t talk, and the only noises in the room at that moment were the sound of both Applebloom’s and I’s hammering hearts.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Ch-cherish me?” I nodded. I think she tried to ask why, but it only came out as a breathless squeak.

“You are the only one in my life who has ever been able to console me in a time of distress. Plus, you let me in, even when I had given you reasons not to. You treat me like a normal living being. You talk to me like a friend, trust me like a friend. You see a brighter side in me when there is only darkness to be seen. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a true friend.”

“Cerus...I…” I took one of her hooves into my hands, flinching when she held them back.

“I left last night, and took a walk. I thought about a running away. I didn’t know where I would go or what I would do, but anything to get away from you.”

“Get away from me?”

“From the moment you took me into this house, I have worried about your safety. I have not lived a very safe life, and very often it has come back to haunt me.”

“But you are safe here. I know it!”

“Applebloom, I had family scattered all over the world. Now, I am down to two family members, a cousin and an aunt.” Applebloom’s eyes went wide. “Just because I live a secret life doesn’t mean I am completely hidden. All those relatives that are dead were mostly hunted down and murdered by people trying to get to me. My cousin and aunt are halfway around the world, in another country. I sent them there to protect them from my enemies. If my enemies can track down my entire family across this damn country, what says they won’t me find here? Better yet, how do we know they haven’t already? I kill living, breathing humans and ponies, Applebloom. Most of them have power, and those that do will do everything they can to make sure that they live on. These people I kill are not against hurting children, so long as they know it gets to me. If they find you, they will hurt you to find me, and if you give them nothing, they will dispose of you, like a piece of worthless trash. Frankly, I can’t take that Applebloom. Everything you have done for me in the past two days has put you high on a pedestal in my eyes. I have lost everyone who has ever meant something to me, except you. If I lose you, I don’t think I will be able to go on anymore.”

“I won’t let them bring me down.”

“Applebloom, your hooves mean nothing to their knives and guns and poisons.”

“I don’t need to fight. Not when I know that there is someone in this world that cares for me.” I felt the breath get knocked out of my stomach. The conversation had gone from serious to near intimate very quickly. “Knowing that you need me alive, I will do everything I can to stay alive. For you, it is the least I can do.” Those last words gave me the strength to look into her eyes again.

“What could you possibly owe me? I have done nothing but bring trouble to your life.”

“You gave a point to keep living through Applejack’s harassment. As long as you are here, I know that there is someone I can take comfort in talking to. Someone whose mere presence puts me at ease.” This was too much for me. I couldn’t listen to the sweet, beautiful words coming out of her mouth anymore. She was getting too attached to me. If I let her do that, I would only let her down, or even worse, I would be her demise. I had to go. I had no choice. I got off the bed, and backed towards the door, and as I did, I felt my blood pumping a coldness through my body. “Cerus?”

“Too close...too close…”, I choked out, breathless. Then, I darted out the open door, down the stairs, and out of the house.. Once outside, I headed towards the giant forest I had taken note of when I had first ended up here. I sprinted into it, letting the darkness of the canopy envelop me. I kept my footing for a good amount of time before I finally misstepped and tripped on a root that was sticking out of the ground. The coldness that had been coursing through my body suddenly invaded every vessel, ever blood cell. I hit the ground, and let out an inhuman scream, something deep and threatening and primal. I began to spasm on the ground, and everything went black. Then there was a voice, quiet but audible.

Chaos and control are finally one…

When my senses finally returned to me, I wasn’t in the forest anymore. Rather, I was in a vast room. It was lit only by the moonlight coming in through a massive window. I heard a sound, something like a little squeak, and my eyes focused on a pony, huddled against a crystal wall of the room. My eyes darted over the pony like lighting, taking in every part of its body, trying to identify it. The name hit me like a rock.

“T-Twilight?”, I asked, my voice quivering. I found a innate awe and fear manifesting inside me as I realized I was in the presence of the princess to be. I began to shake a little as I questioned why I was inside the princess’s house, and why I couldn’t remember getting here. Then, I heard another sound, a sound like rattling parts. It was coming from my outstretched arm. I looked at it, and then gasped in surprise. I was holding a gun, cocked and ready to murder the princess. I dropped it, and backed away. A million thoughts ran through my head, none of them pleasant. Where had I found the gun? Why did I want to kill the princess? How did I even get into her house? Why wasn’t she using her magic to stop me?

“You dropped your gun…”, Twilight said, her voice fearful but still eerily calm.

“Not mine…”, I croaked.

“If you are going to kill me, just get it over with.” I walked over to the gun, and she closed her eyes in what I could only guess was prayer. I took the clip out of the gun, dumped the bullets, and then threw the parts across the room.

“Not...my intentions...need to go…” Twilight’s eyes opened, and I saw tears in them, either of relief or despair.

“If those weren’t your intentions then why did you come here with a gun? If those aren’t your intentions, then why haven’t I been able to use my magic since you got here?”

“I don’t know. I don’t how I got here. I don’t know what I am doing. Everything is black for sometime. Last thing I remember is being in the forest. I tripped and fell, and then…” Twilight let out a nervous, incredulous laugh.

“I don’t know whether to believe you or not.”

“I disassembled the damn gun! What more could you want in proof that I don’t intend to kill you?”

“Then why can’t I use my magic?”

“I don’t know!” I was beginning to panic as I began to understand what was going on. Truths were slowly turning into lies. I did know why she couldn’t use her magic. I didn’t want to accept what I knew, but I knew it to be true. My panic was apparently carrying over to the princess, whose eyes had become a little wild, and no less fearful.

“You’re scaring me kid.” Her voice cracked a little. Cracked… It dawned on me. I had cracked. My hormone had, for the first time since I discovered I incubated it inside my body, taken complete control of me. With it in control, I could no longer hinder it’s power. Using it to its greatest extent, it shut off the power house that was the magic inside Twilight, something I don’t think anyone thought possible to such an extent. It was amazing...but it was also terrifying.

“I’m scaring me…”, I replied. Then, I delved deep into my mind, where I knew I would find the bond that linked my mind with Twilight’s, and cut it. Twilight, sensing her magic return to her, did something so illogical that it actually caught me off guard. In a flash, the gun had been completely re-assembled, and before I could react, two bullets had been fired off. Luckily, the princess did not have the truest aim, as one bullet completely missed me. However, the other buried itself in my shoulder, and I hissed in pain, dropping to the ground. It was a smart move, as the princess had not expected this and wasted a couple more shots on nothing before her mind caught up with her eyes. It was too late at that point, however. I had already gotten up and scrambled away, running down the corridors of the house until I finally found what could only be the front door. I blasted out into the night, and kept running. For now, the pain in my shoulder was inconsequential to the real matter at hand: finding the barn. At this point, it was my only chance. As much as I loathed going back to that place, that place where too many emotions had built up, it was my only option. Twilight would be looking for me. She wouldn’t tell the public that I had spared her life. I saw the whole news-story play out:

A boy with green eyes and fair skin attempted to murder Twilight in her sleep last night. Luckily, our princess to be is too smart to fall to scum like him, and sent him scurrying into the night. If you know this boy, turn him in at once.

Or something along those lines. The only place I would be safe was somewhere where I knew I wouldn’t be found or turned in, and that was with Applebloom. She would keep me safe, but at what cost?

I finally found my way back to the barn at around one in the morning, if I were to guess. When I got there, I found a couple pebbles scattered around, and picked them up. I walked to the side of the house where Applebloom’s room was, and aiming precisely, threw the small pebbles at her window. I ducked out of sight.

“Hello?”, Applebloom called tiredly into the night. With the knowledge that she was awake, I went to the front door and tapped lightly on it. I waited a coupled minutes, and then the door opened, revealing a haggard Applebloom. Her eyes went wide when she saw me. “Cerus? Is that you?”

“Unfortunately.” Applebloom let out a muffled cry of joy, and charged out of the door at me. She jumped and knocked me over, and proceeded to wrap her hooves tightly around me. I heard her begin to sob.

“D-don’t do th-that ever agai-ain!”, she stammered, crying into my jacket.

“I’m sorry. It needed to be done.” Applebloom’s eyes looked into mine.

“Why? Why did you have to leave like that?”

“Why do you care?”

“Answer me! I deserve an answer!”

“You were getting too attached to me.”

“Too attached?”

“Applebloom, I need you to listen carefully. My life makes it unsafe for you to be around me. Now, when you first brought me here, you said you would give me a safe haven no one else would. Did you really mean it?”

“Of course!”

“Then I need you to prove it to me now.”

“How?”

“I messed up. Something happened, I don’t know what. When I left here earlier today-”

“Today? Cerus, you left four days ago.” I went silent. Four days gone to blackness. Four days that I didn’t know what I had been doing. I felt a shiver go down my spine.

“When I left, I went into the forest and blacked out. When I woke up, I was in Twilight’s house, and I was pointing a gun at her. I woke up ready to assassinate her. We had a very confusing conversation, after which she took the gun with her magic and shot me.” Applebloom gasped.

“Where!?”

“In my shoulder, but don’t worry about it now. It’s the least of our worries.”

“Then what our biggest?”

“You know how I told you those goons would be chasing me, and you were in danger?”

“Yes.”

“Well, now Twilight’s and Celestia’s followers will be after me as well. Twilight won’t tell anyone I spared her life. The only thing she will say was how I tried to murder her, and Applebloom, she had a good, long look at me. Soon, everyone in this town will know my face only as a murderer.”

“You can stay.”

“Applebloom, think ab-”

“I have thought, and I have decided. I am not going to let you get hunted down like a wild pig.” I sighed.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, but on one condition.”

“Yes?”

“Promise that one day before we have to part ways you’ll tell me the whole truth about what happened earlier tonight.”

“I did!”

“Bullshit. I can see right through that lie Cerus. Don’t worry about it right now though. I’ll give you time to work up the guts to tell me what really happened, or work up the guts to face the world and your enemies.” I stared at her, awed by her ability to manipulate me like a piece of cloth.

“Okay Applebloom. I promise I will tell you what happened when the time is right.”

“At that time, I presume you will also tell me why you are scared by good dreams?”

“I...yes.”

“Then I am satisfied. Now come on in. Let’s take care of that gunshot wound.” She got off me, and walked toward the house. I followed her, and closed the door behind me.

I sat by the window, watching the sky slowly brighten as night turned into day. Applebloom had fallen back to sleep after fixing up my wound. I could her soft breathing as she slept, and it brought me comfort. Someone was here with me, for me. As the sun rose above the horizon, I realized that it marked the beginning of a new life. It marked a time to forget about my killings, to forget about my rugged past. At the moment, it didn’t seem like I was leaving this place for quite a while, so it was better if I just accepted it for what it was going to be. I recalled a little poem that Terrance had said in one of his sage moments.

“And I leave my worries in the night, and embrace the brand new day, for it brings light and warmth and joy, and by basking in it, can forget everything cold and dark.”, I recited aloud. I sighed, and then turned toward the bed. I walked to it, and slid under it and closed my eyes. It was time for my tired mind to rest, but my dreams only brought back those same words that had haunted me since I blacked out. Something, somewhere, had learned how to control me through my ability. Something evil and malevolent. Something that could reach me anywhere because it had tapped into my mind. For the first time ever, I felt not only scared, but also weak, open. Something could use me as its puppet, and I didn’t even know who or what it was.

I woke up not much later that morning, tired, confused, and terrified. Something was here, and it was looking for me.

War on Two Fronts (Plus One More If You Count The Mind)

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I didn’t quite understand how I knew that something was coming after me. I think it was just my innate sense of imminent danger that had developed after living in the shadows for two years. Whatever it was, it was setting off alarm bells in my head. My mind was in a whirl. Then, I heard a sound like a drawer being closed downstairs. I hesitated a moment, unsure what to do. Then, I squirmed out from under the bed, and, after I had gotten out and on my feet, glanced at it. My heart began to race. The covers were ruffled, and Applebloom was gone. Driven by fear, I rushed out of the open door of the room and down the stairs. When I got the the kitchen, I stopped dead. Applebloom lay tied up on the table, a gag in her mouth. Near her hung perfect, long, white hair that stirred lightly in the breeze coming from the door opening to the outside. My heart stopped, and a chill went up my spine. White suit, white pants, shiny black shoes. It was the man I had tried to kill just a week earlier. He had found me.

“I was wondering when you were going to come down.”, the man said casually, though he didn’t turn to face me. He appeared to be going through a cabinet, though for what I reason I did not care to know.

“I...I…” I trailed off into silence. I couldn’t speak. The mere presence of this evil man had robbed me of my ability to do so. The man continued rummaging through the cabinet, but stopped after a couple minutes of silence. His long, thin arms fell to his side.

“What, cat got your tongue?”, he asked mockingly, still refusing to turn around. I stayed silent, and didn’t move. The man sighed and turned on me. My eyes instantly met his cold, icy blue gaze. “What’s it going to take to get you to say something?” The man bit his lip, and folded his arms in thought. Then, he looked at Applebloom, and then looked at me. He smiled a psychotic, demented smile, and raised one arm high above his head. I watched it go up, and watched it come down like a whip, the palm of his hand meeting Applebloom’s face. There was a resounding smack, and Applebloom let out a cry of shock and pain, though it was muffled by her mouth gag. The effect on me was instantaneous.

“You piece of shit!”, I screamed, and pulled out my knife. I ran at the man, but then I heard the cocking of a gun, and found the barrel of a revolver trained at my forehead.

“That is what a smart person would call a bad idea.” I shook with rage, but slowly backed up. “I could make it so easy on myself right now. Shoot you, then shoot her. Or better yet, shoot her, and then just leave. Let the pain of losing the last loved one you have slowly kill you inside.”

“Doing that would just give me a reason to kill you.”

“Weren’t you already going to do that?”

“I thought that maybe I could just not, and we all could just forget this shit.”

“That would be so nice, wouldn’t it?” The man looked down at Applebloom, and pulled out a knife from one of his suit pockets. He began to caress Applebloom with it, slowly and softly stroking her body with the dull edge of the blade. “Everything comes down to experience. Chance may play a small part in life, but ultimately, it’s how much you’ve seen and how much you know that helps you get through life. Let’s face it Cerus. You’re a smart kid, that I will not deny, but I am older and I am smarter than you. I can outthink you at every turn.”

“What do you want from me then?”

“I have an offer for you.” I raised an eyebrow.

“Care to explain?”

“I want to a play a little game with you, Cerus.”

“What kind of game?”

“It is quite simple, actually. I will return to this place from time to time with a certain objective I want you to complete. Complete these objectives how I ask, and I will take it upon myself to make sure that no-one touches as much as a hair on Applebloom.”

“And if I fuck up?”

“If you fuck up?” The man slashed at the gag in Applebloom’s mouth. She coughed, and it fell out of her mouth. The man looked me in the eyes, and smiled and raised an eyebrow.

“What’s my other option?

“You could try to protect the both of you, but I guarantee that it won’t work.” I looked at Applebloom, still tied up on the table. Her eyes met mine, and they pleaded with me to not play his demented game. Then, I pictured her in my mind, laying on the ground, blood pouring out a slash on her neck. I shuddered.

“How do I know you won’t just do something to her anyway?”

“How can you play a game when no one else is willing to play?” I pondered over his answer, trying to make complete sense of it. I obviously couldn’t trust this man, but he knew where my safe haven was. He could rip Applebloom out of my life as fast and as easily as she had entered it. I had to do whatever I could to protect her, even if it meant taking a risk.

“Fine. I will play your game.” The man smiled happily, and clapped his hands.

“Oh, this is going to be so fun!”, he trilled. He turned back to the cupboards, and searched more frivolously, humming a happy tune as he did. This went on for a couple minutes, and I tried to tolerate it, but Applebloom’s condition pressed too hard on my mind.

“I agreed to play your game. Now let her go.” The man stopped, and turned to face me.

“Jumping the gun are we? I haven’t even told you if I have something for you to do.”

“Well, if you do, just fucking tell me. Every second that she stays tied up on that damn table urges me further and further to do something stupid."

“Then you will make it easy on me. No Cerus?” The man pressed his knife against Applebloom’s throat. “No problem.” I growled in angst. Terrance would have kept me from playing into this man’s hands. He would rather die than let me subject myself to the mercy of this psycho. However, I couldn’t let Applebloom die. If anyone was dying, it was going to be me, and for her sake. I clenched my fists, suppressing my primal secret. Nothing stupid Cerus.

“Please just do what you want to do and get out of my sight.” The man blinked.

“You really want me to leave, don’t you?”

“Please.” The man sighed.

“Fine, but only because I don’t want your bitching to spoil my good mood.” The man cut the rope binding Applebloom. He pulled it off of her, and her first reaction was to scramble off the table and run to me. I sat down and wrapped my arms around her neck when she sat down in front of me and buried her head in my chest. The man shook his head. “Pathetic.” Then, he walked past us, and out of the home, making sure we heard the door close.

“Ce-Ce...rus…”, Applebloom managed to choke out over her sobs of relief. Or they might have been sobs of fear. I didn’t know for sure.

“I’m right here Applebloom...right here…” I wrapped my arms tighter around her, and she nuzzled up closer to me. We stayed like that for some time, with me rocking slightly back and forth, hoping that my silence would somehow help. Finally, Applebloom pulled away from me. Her eyes locked with mine. She blinked away a couple stray tears that still hung on

“I need to leave…”

“No point Applebloom. He’ll find you anywhere.”

“No...not Ponyville...just need to get out of this house…”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere but here...take me to school...I don’t know…”

“Are you okay Applebloom?”

“Yeah...I’m just…” She trailed off, and looked away from me. “Let’s go…” She got up and walked to the front door before I could say another word. I shot up after her, and ran to catch up with her. She opened the door and walked outside. I followed her, closing the door behind me, and then walked in silence behind her. After a couple minutes of walking in that dreadful silence, she stopped and turned to look at me. “Cerus?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you make me a promise?” I bit my lip.

“It depends on what I am promising.”

“Can you promise that you won’t leave my side?”

“I mean…” I sighed. “I promise that I won’t leave your side.” Applebloom blinked, and looked down.

“Nothing…thanks anyway...” Before I could say anything about those words, she turned back to the road leading to town, and kept walking. Understanding I was not expected to respond, I simply continued to follow her in silence. I remembered my first time walking down this road with her and thinking things couldn’t get that bad. I had been wrong, so fucking wrong, and if things continued the way I was sure they were going to, it was only going to get worse.

It took maybe ten minutes at max to get to her school, but the fear that rolled off Applebloom in waves and the silence she insisted on keeping had made it feel like much longer.

“Just wait around here until I come out.”

“Applebloom, I can’t. Tw-”

“Frankly, I could give less of a shit about that whole Twilight incident right now. You murdered people, and the law never caught up to you. I’m sure you can find a way to lay low for a few hours.”

“I-” I cut myself off when I looked into her eyes, full of fear and paranoia. “Okay. I’ll think of something.” Applebloom smiled, but I could tell that it wasn’t easy. Something was bothering her very deeply, and I suspected that she wanted me to stay here not to protect her, but so she could talk to me about what was troubling her after she got out of school.

“Thanks Cerus…” She turned and walked up the steps, and then entered the school, leaving me all alone. I saw a good patch of shade and under a tree, and went over to it. I sat down, and laid back against the tree, reveling in the cool breeze and the blue skies. I then closed my eyes and let my thoughts take me. At some point during my reflections, I dozed off.

I was awoken by the feeling of something nudging me. I rubbed my eyes, and started to get up.

“That was actually pretty quick Applebloom.”

“Who are you calling Applebloom?”, asked a voice that was all too familiar to me. My eyes shot open, meeting and registering a pair violet eyes.

“Shit…” My first reaction was to back up, which led to me rubbing the back of my head, now pounding from smacking into the very tree I had been resting on just seconds before.

“Couldn’t have possibly picked a better word.”, Twilight chimed, and her horn lit up. I felt my feet leave the ground.

“Levitation? In-” Then I was slammed back against the tree. I saw stars, and for a couple seconds, everything was blurry.

“You deserve to go away for a long time.” I rubbed my temples, ears ringing from the shock of hitting the tree again.

“You have no idea, Princess.”

“What do you mean, I have no idea?”

“Nothing that matters to you, and will hopefully never matter to you. That’s not the matter at hand...or hoof in your case. You didn’t come to talk to me about my past, did you?”

“No. I did not.”

“Well, on with it then. I don’t have all day.” I was pushed harder against the tree, and I’d be damned if I didn’t feel some of Twilight’s magic creeping around my neck. She wouldn’t choke me to death, I knew that, but I was scum in her eyes. As a Princess, she was not afraid to put scum in their place.

“Don’t give me that bullshit.”

“Do let go of me.” Twilight let out a sound like a growl, and I smirked.

“You could kill me, and I would still win this battle. It would be better if you just told me what’s on your mind.” Twilight’s eyes blazed with anger, but also contained a kind of awed curiosity that I knew she was itching to satisfy.

“I want to know how you were controlling my mind last night.”

“That is the one thing I can’t tell you.” The magic tightened around my neck a little.

“And why is that?”

“I don’t know how I did it either.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Twilight, my life may be built around lies, but that is one thing I can’t lie about.” Twilight narrowed her eyes.

“Kid, I hope you understand something. You are a human. Human’s do not use magic. Hell, they didn’t even believe it existed until they encountered Equestria. Now, for a kid-”

“Teen.” Twilight glared at me, maybe hoping to intimidate me into submission. The only reason I didn’t tell her it was pointless was because it was hilarious watching her try.

“Now, for a kid to just up and completely control my mind the way you did is impossible. No human is capable of that.”

“But I am human, and I am capable. I just don’t know how.”

“Damn you and your ‘I don’t know’s’! You do know how! I know you do!”

“You don’t know me Twilight. No one does.” A desperation had entered Twilight’s eyes. Her need to know of my primal “gift” was tearing her apart.

“Stop it! Just stop!” The magic tightened around my neck to the point where I started to struggle with my breathing. It was okay. This was another thing I been had trained for back when I first signed that fatal contract.

“Kill me and you’ll never satisfy that burning curiosity of yours.” Twilight let out a shaky breath.

“Why don’t I just throw in the jail where you belong? See how long you last?”

“First, I would just escape. Second, you would have the blood of an innocent young mare on your hooves.” Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw movement. Without having to look, I knew that school had gotten out, and that there was a big group of young stallions and mare looking on.

“Why do you refuse to tell me what I want to know?”

“You are being a total bitch about it.” Twilight lost it at that point, and I smiled at my handiwork. I had broke the princess to be. That was a first for my books.

“Little shit!”, Twilight snarled, and the magic around my neck began to choke me. In any other situation, I wouldn’t have struggled, but with the knowledge of the presence of the school kids watching this happen, I decided to make a show of it.

“Twi...light! Sto-” I cut myself off with a hacking cough, and began to kick my legs as if struggling against a physical being. I clawed at my neck, and even forced crocodile tears of pain out of my eyes.

“Cerus!”, I heard Applebloom cry out. I watched her run down the steps of the school, and push through the crowd of now panicking students. Twilight registered Applebloom’s presence, and dropped me in surprise when she realized that a lot of ponies had just witnessed her actions. She stepped away from me, but her eyes remained glued to mine. Applebloom rushed up to me, and slipping her hooves under my head, began to cradle it. She looked at Twilight, her eyes alight with rage. “Why!? Why were you doing this to him!?”

“I...”

“You what, Twilight!?”

“I just wanted answers…”

“About what!?”

“He-”

“I can use a gun quite effectively, and she wanted to know where I learned. I was unfortunately being a little difficult, and I kind of pissed her off. I think I called her a bitch too. It was my fault. I deserved that.” Twilight was dumbfounded by the sudden shift in attitude, and that was good thing. The less she thought she understood my mind, the easier it would be to manipulate her, for better or worse.

“That doesn’t mean she can choke you!”

“Hey, I’m okay, and that’s all that matters. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna’ head home.” I dusted off my pants and jacket, and began to walk away from the two mares. “See you around, Twilight.” The students watched with wide eyes as they past, not quite sure what they just witnessed. I did not so much as look at them to acknowledge their presence, which apparently threw them for even more of a loop, for they all turned their heads to watch me as I walked away from the school. I realized that Applebloom had stayed on the hill, so I turned to look at her. She was silently watching me, as if waiting to see what I was going to do. I skewed my head, so that she could only see a corner of my mouth, and smiled. Then, I simply turned and kept walking, until I turned a corner and disappeared from her view.

I wandered the town for a couple hours, making sure to keep a low profile. As the sun began to set, and the day grew to become a comfortable mix of warm and cold, the children of the town started to play. Boys and girls, fillies and colts, all running around, tossing balls, playing catch, all smiling and joyous. Parents, human and pony alike, watched with smiles from booths and benches and restaurants as their children all got along in peace and harmony. It struck me that, out of all the places I had been, Ponyville was the only place where humans and ponies seemed to coexisted quite comfortably. Ponyville was a happy place, not big or bustling, not so small and inbred that the whole place was paranoid. It was like Goldilocks’ porridge. Everything was just right here.

But Ponyville sits on a tightrope. One little push, and it will plummet into anarchy…, said a voice in my head that I recognized all too well. It was the same voice I had heard before I had blacked out in the forest.

Who are you? A simple question which could be answered by any simple being.

I am nothing, really.

If you are nothing, then how do you exist?

I exist as a subconscious being, living inside the mind of a living being.

Me, I suppose?

No. Not at all.

Well then. I am talking to a disembodied voice. Time to get the straight jacket.

We both know fully well that the only way to detain you is to kill you.

You say we, but you are nothing, so it is only me and nothing.

That would make it only you.

Exactly.

But I am not you.

Which is my point. You are nothing, and nothing and me does not make we. Nothing and me makes me. I heard something like a little hiss of annoyance, and I silently chuckled. I loved pissing things off. There was a strange fun in it.

We are getting beside the point!

I don’t think you ever brought up a point to begin with.

I do believe I did!

Then kindly restate it for me, if you will.

I...it was something about...something…

How about you fuck off until you have something meaningful to say. I felt a sudden pain wash over me, somthing like my ribs being forcefully ripped open, and I dropped to the ground in shock. I had never cried out of pain before, so when I felt tears begin to stream down my cheeks, it dawned on me how miniscule a thing I had thought pain to be. At least, until now.

How about you listen to me until I am finished talking to you?

I...don’t give in that easy… I felt the threshold of the pain multiply, and I let out a cry of agony. Then, I felt eyes start to focus on me.

If you want to do this the hard way, we can do this the hard way. I began to get up, trying to take my mind off the pain. I just needed to get to Applebloom. If I saw her face, it would be all better. She had that effect on my inner demons.

I don’t...ugh...submit myself to...anything.... I felt another wave of pain course through my body, and I almost fell, but I kept pushing. I was still conscious of my position, and realized I was near the path that led to the farm.

I control you Cerus. Give up.

“Cerus!”, I heard Applebloom shout, and I saw her running towards me from the direction of the farm. I took a guess that she had been waiting by the path for me, and that made me smile.

Never. I began to run to Applebloom, but then a fresh wave of agony much worse than anything I had felt before ripped through me. It could only be compared to feeling like I was being torn limb from limb. That was my breaking point. I collapsed to the ground, and within a few seconds was barely conscious.

I am no inner demon, Cerus. Applebloom is worthless to me. Then, the presence in my mind was gone, and I was aware of being held, but nothing else registered to me. Everything was just a dark smudge. Then, I was being dragged, presumably by Applebloom.

“Cerus...oh Celestia...what did you do to yourself this time…?” I heard those words as if they were far away, in a place I could see and hear but could never reach.

“Applebloom…”, I said weakly, before I lost consciousness altogether.

As We Move On (AKA Gaia, Operation Traveller)

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Red eyes...yellow irises...darkness...scratching noises....

“Stupid, stupid boy…”, said the voice. “You did this to yourself.”

Can’t speak...pain in my head....body is numb...can’t feel my limbs…

“Everything could have been easier if you had just let me talk, but no, you have to put up a pointless struggle.”

Chills through my spine...bugs under my skin...can’t move…

“I could make you a puppet, but not without the risk of damaging you. Your mind is too powerful to simply just takeover. You fight. I was going to kill Twilight, but you woke up before I could. You forced me out of your mind. If you can do that, then fighting to stay in control would incapacitate you, or even mentally maim you, and you are useless if your precious mind isn’t working right. I need your mind intact.”

Mind is fuzzy...can’t focus right…

“However, your mind seems selective. Sometimes it is completely oblivious to my presence, or simply does nothing about it. Other times, I can’t even begin to try getting in. You are an enigma, Cerus, that much is for sure.”

Vision is blurring....

“Wake now Cerus. I have nothing more to say to you.”

I hear voices...I’m coming Applebloom…

---

I woke with a jolt, and then fell to the ground. I let out a cry of shock as my nose connected with hard, packed dirt. I recoiled back and, and covered my now bleeding nose with my hands. Nothing broke, but it still hurt like a bitch. Then, I was knocked back over by a force that slammed into me from the side.

“Cerus!”, Applebloom chimed happily. My eyes met hers, and I smiled.

“Hey there.”

“Well, he is awake now. Now what?”, asked a male voice that I didn’t recognize. I looked past Applebloom, and saw a young stallion standing with a confused look on his face. He was big, probably just reaching my shoulders, and had light blue fur, complemented by a darker blue mane and tail and, strangely enough, magenta eyes. Applebloom sighed at his question, and got off me. She walked over to him, and looked up into his eyes. The young stallion cocked an eyebrow. “I mean, he can walk now, right?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”, Applebloom asked.

“Well, you insisted bringing him to your house instead of a hospital or something, and I still don’t quite understand why.” There was short silence.

“Rumble, do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Do you trust that I have a reason for doing what I am doing?”

“Well..yeah…” Applebloom craned her neck up and kissed Rumble on the chin. My heart gave a little start of surprise, and I turned away in disgust, as well as something else. Something primal, and vicious. What in Celestia’s name? Something isn’t right...

“Then let me handle this.” Once again there was a short silence, and then I felt a hoof on my shoulder. I jolted away from it, and stood up in the process. I feel...anger…hatred…

“Before you ask, I am fine.”, I growled. My heart is beating faster, my muscles are tensing up. Something is seriously wrong with me.

“What just happened Cerus?” I feel anger, but it isn’t just anger.

“What do you mean, what just happened?” I turned on Applebloom, and locked eyes with her. Her eyes went wide, and I saw her shrink down a little. This is contempt manifesting itself as rage, and I think it is pointed at Applebloom.

“Why did you get all...all vile?” I don’t know.

“Doesn’t matter.” Stop talking Cerus!

“You know that it does to me Cerus.” Yes, I know Applebloom! I know that it does!

“Well, I am used to having no one care so deeply for me, and I would prefer to keep it that way. I am entitled to my privacy and my own personal predicaments. If I want you to stay out, stay out.” No, don’t listen to me! That isn’t true! Why am I saying this!?

“Wait, are you mad that I am in a relationship?” That’s stupid! Why would I get mad at that?

“Applebloom, just quit it. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it.”, Rumble said. I turned to him. I do, but I can’t!

“At least he understands!” No, don’t say that Cerus! You are making yourself the enemy here!

“Cerus, if-” I looked back at Applebloom, and scowled. Don’t let me stop you Applebloom. Speak your mind!

“Can we just get home?” Why “home”? What does “home” have for you?

“Cerus, what the hell is going on with you?” I don’t know Applebloom!

“There’s is nothing going on with me.” Why am I lying!?

“What happened to that smile when you woke up to my face, huh?” Don’t bring up the smile...

“Applebloom, it doesn’t fucking matter!” I shouted this very loudly, and Applebloom reacted by shrinking even farther. “Just leave me alone for fuck’s sake!” Holy shit...what's happening to me…?

“Hey! Don’t you dare-”, Rumble retaliated, but I locked my coldest stare on him, and he stopped.

“This isn’t your problem Rumble. Stay out of it.”

“Don’t use my name like you know me.”

“Frankly, I would rather call you Rumble than anything else. It’s more respectful.”

“Frankly, you don’t seem to know what respect is.”

“Frankly, I do. Applebloom here-”

“Frankly, Applebloom was only trying to help you Cerus.”

“Frankly-”

“Can you two stop saying frankly!?”, Applebloom hissed. I was about to shout at her, but then I heard that damned voice in my head again.

“Stress is such a useful catalyst in sparking rage. That pressure, that need of mental release is already there. You just need one little push in the wrong direction, and everything goes horribly wrong, or rather, right in my case.”, the voice said sadistically. Then, I felt an emptiness in my head, and knew that the sonuvabitch had triggered my anger and put me back in full control. I lifted my hands to eye level to look at them. They were trembling and twitching. I felt a chill go down my spine as it dawned on me that for the first time in six years, I felt fully and truly afraid of something, and that something was myself. I was a target, a victim, and a perpetrator. I was both dangerous and helpless. How how my life gone from bad to worse so quickly?

“Cerus! Say something dammit!”, Applebloom screamed. I looked up from my trembling hands, and locked eyes with Applebloom.

“Applebloom...leave me...leave now…” The sudden change in tone caught Applebloom off guard, and I saw her grave expression lighten a little, but that only lasted a second, or less. After that one moment of surprise, it was back to being angry at me.

“What kind of answer is that!?” I began to back up. “Where the hell do you think you are going!?”

“Forget about me...forget I ever existed…”, I murmured. I tripped over my own feet and fell to the ground, twisting my hand as it broke my fall, but got right back up and kept moving backwards. I saw Applebloom’s eyes soften a little bit as the realization hit her that I might actually be leaving.

“Cerus, what are you doing?”, she asked, her tone still harsh, but no longer bitter.

“Just live your life and be happy. You don’t need me. You shouldn’t need me. You can’t need me. I do bad things, and always will. Be happy. Live your life. Forget about me.” Rumbled went defensively to Applebloom’s side, and placed a wing over her. He glared at me, but there was also hint of confused innocence that invaded his eyes, his stance, his being. I felt hatred toward that. I felt hatred toward that innocence. I-no...no I didn’t. Something was happening with my mind. Something was taking control. Something foreign and ancient and corrupt. My pheromone.

“Cerus-”

“Run!” I turned towards the apple orchards, and began to sprint. It was some kind of innate compulsion that made me run to the orchards, the kind of compulsion that one doesn’t quite know how to explain.

“Cerus!?”

“Stop fucking talking and run! Run home!”, I screamed back at Applebloom, and pushed on with my sprint. I felt the all too familiar coldness began to pump through my blood, the sign that my pheromone was taking complete control of me. Whether it was that thing’s intention or not, his triggering of my anger had also triggered the build up of my pheromone, or whatever the fuck it was. Now, because so much of it had built up, simply releasing it wasn’t going to work. I began to worry about my well being. I had never had so much of that shit build up inside me. Then again, the first time this had happened to me, when that thing was controlling me, I hadn’t experienced any negative side effects. Perhaps it was because that thing had been-

“Holy shit!”, I cried out in surprise, and skidded to a stop. Floating in front of me was something that resembled a rip, or a tear. A black rift in space that defied all explanation. I had found the portal to Earth.

-----

I stood there, considering it for some time, feeling pure, unfiltered awe sweep in waves through my body. My oh so encroaching pheromone seemingly halted in its progress of taking over my mind, and everything was hushed. No birds chirped, nothing moved, not a blade of grass grew in this unfamiliar territory, far away from the orchards that I hadn’t realized I had long since left behind. In fact, the farm was so far behind me that looking back only revealed hills upon hills, where only the slightest vestiges of there being a orchard materialized as treetops peaking over some of the hills in the distance. I didn’t remember running over the hills. I wasn’t even aware of how much time had passed since I had started running. I didn’t feel sore, and I didn’t feel out of breath. It was as if I had been transported by some mysterious means to this portal, and whatever means that might have been had wiped my memory of the experience from my mind.

“For fuck sake…”, I muttered under my breath, and looked back at the portal. I stared at it for some time, though the infinite blackness within was not much to look at. The stillness, the quiet, the rift, even the cold, crisp air all made me feel the deepest kind of dread. Despite this dread, curiosity overwhelmed me, and I reached out to touch the rift. The moment my fingers brushed against it (I knew I had touched it when a powerful chill made me wrench in place), my body seemed to de-materialize, becoming particles that entered the rift. It all happened in less than a second. Before I could comprehend what was happening, I was standing in a dimly lit, circular room. The rift was behind me, and now that I was in an enclosed room, I could hear that it was making a low, almost inaudible buzz that made my head feel like someone was putting pressure on it. It took a second to get used to, but after getting accustomed to the dreadful noise, my brain began to function normally, and did what it always did when finding a new place: locate anything and everything near me. After a quick scan of the room, I found large blast doors directly in front of me, and a large window to my left, from which a single light shone. I walked over to it, and put my eyes against it. There was the silhouette of what was undoubtedly a human against the light of what was undoubtedly a computer. I tentatively knocked on the window. The human reacted by sitting up in their seat a little, and looked to one side, but nothing much else. I knocked harder, and the human turned to face me, partially revealing the face of what was definitely a man. The man jumped up, and ran toward the window. He stumbled over something, but caught himself on some kind of control panel. He fumbled with it, and after a second, a red light started flashing, and he pulled a microphone of sorts to his mouth.

“Did you just come through the portal?” I nodded in reply. “How did you find it?” I scowled and shrugged. “If you talk, I will be able to hear you. This is a two way microphone.” I smiled.

“I stumbled upon it while wandering around. Curiosity just got the best of me, and I decided to see what was on the other side.” I looked around. “If this is Earth, I see why people would want to leave.”

“Oh haha, very funny kid.” I looked back at the man, and smiled my even wider, even more fake smile.

“I try my hardest.”

“While you try to think of some kind of better joke, why don’t you I open those doors for you, and we can meet each other?”

“Sounds like a plan.” I turned to the blast doors, which began to slowly open. I walked out of them, and turned to the sound of a door opening to my left. The man stepped out, and clasped his hands behind his back. He was a middle aged man, probably somewhere in his late fifties or early sixties. He had short brown hair, which was starting to whiten at the roots. His face was soft and filled with youth, despite the crow’s feet on his cheeks and near his eyes. Kind brown eyes looked me over with curiosity and wonder. The man’s clothes were ordinary enough: black slacks, a summer-toned button-up shirt, worn black shoes.

“Think of anything?”

“Unfortunately for you, my sense of humour is pretty much shit.”

“Well then, I guess that’s a lost cause.” I liked this man. His expressions were gentle and filled with a childlike jubilance, which reminded me of Terrance. “What’s your name, kid?” I scowled.

“Please don’t call me kid. I really don’t like that term.” I paused for a second. “My name is Cerus.”

“Okay Cerus, I will try my best to avoid using that term.”

“Thanks Mr…?”

“Just call me Jon. I’m not your teacher or anything. Besides, you look like a mature enough of a teen to call me by my first name.” It was then that I realized that the coldness in my blood had started dissipating. It took note of this, but didn’t think too much on it. Figuring out this man was my first priority.

“Okay, Jon it is.” I stuck out my hand. “Nice to meet you.” The man grabbed my hand, and shook it. His hands were rough and callused, the hands of manual labor. After a couple shakes, our hands separated, returning to our sides.

“Before we sit here any longer, let’s get you out of here. God knows what kind of asbestos is hanging around in this damn place.” He turned, and began to walk down the hallway. I followed him, matching his stride in order to keep up.

“What’s asbestos?”, I asked innocently.

“Do they asbestos not have over there?”

“I don’t know. Maybe they do, but I have never heard that term to describe it...whatever it is.”

“All you need to know about asbestos is that too much of it can be deadly.”

“Which leads me to ask the question of why you are here.”

“Ki-” Jon quickly glanced at me, and then looked back down the long hallway. “Cerus, I have been working -- oh, turn here.” The man made a sharp left turn down another hallway, and I followed in tow. “I have been working here for nearly nine years. Even if I leave and never come back, I’m probably still fucked.” He chuckled lightly, which brought a smile to my face. Everything about this man screamed gentle, but lonely. I seemed to have a knack for finding those people or ponies. Even Terrance had his own problems with isolation while I knew him. At times, he would simply lock himself in a dark room, and just cry. Cry and cry, sometimes for nearly half an hour. I never asked, and he never told. Perhaps I should have d- “Cerus? Earth to Cerus?” I looked up and met the eyes of Jon, who had his hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah? What’s going on?” The man let out a hearty laugh.

“Well, besides the fact that you were so zoned out that you almost walked straight into a wall, we are going on. The door to the outside is right here." I looked to where he was pointing, and saw a normal looking, wooden door that contrasted the rest of the white washed building. Jon proceeded to open it, letting bright, white light stream into semi-dark room we were standing in. I walked into the light, shielding my eyes as I stepped into it. The texture of the ground beneath me changed from the solid marble of the building to the unmistakably uneven and soft feel of dirt and earth. As I let my aching eyes adjust to the light, I heard the door close, and vaguely sensed Jon walking past me. Finally, my eyes got used to the light, and I ventured to open them wider. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”, Jon asked. I looked around me, and found hills, and grass, and plants, and trees, and everything natural. Somewhere in the distance a crow sounded its macabre caw, and right near me, a bumblebee rested lazily on the flower of a forget-me-not.

“It is…”, I said, drifting off as I took in the peace and serenity that this place offered. In contrast to the mildly cold weather of Ponyville, as it had been late Autumn, this place was considerably warm, and based on the life in bloom all around me, I wanted to guess that it was the middle of Spring here on Earth. Flowers bloomed everywhere, the lush, green hills rolled on and on and on, insects buzzed, birds chirped. The sky was blue, and a comfortable breeze blew. Everything was just...nice.

“That portal couldn’t have chosen a better spot to appear. These secluded California hills are practically uninhabited and unexplored. The scientists found that thing before anyone else could.”, Jon said, somewhat talking to me, somewhat musing to himself. I heard him, but made the conscious decision not to respond to the statement. Instead, I turned to face him, and fixed him with my commonplace cold, emotionless stare. His reaction was not dissimilar from the many others whom I have gone in detail to describe, so I need not say anything about that.

“Do you know anywhere I can stay?”

“Well...um...you could stay at my house for a little while, until I get you set up someplace.” A quick pause. “You don’t want to go back to Equestria?”

“No, and hopefully I am never given a reason to go back there.” A darkness entered the man’s eyes, a sort of uneasy shadow.

“What ha-”

“Don’t ask now. If I want to tell you, I will tell you. Just know that I am running from a bad past, which I intend to forget as soon as possible.”

“You can’t escape your past, Cerus.” Jon said in a cliched burst of “philosophical genius”.

“Maybe I can’t…” I looked down at my tattered sneakers, and scowled at them.

“Then why do anything to try to escape it.” I looked back up at Jon, putting as much of my courage into my gaze as physically possible.

“Maybe I can’t escape my past, but I can give it a hell of a time trying to find me.”

-----

I stared in wonder around the car as Jon drove us home. I knew what it was because my parents had one, as did other high-class individuals in Equestria, but to be inside one after so many years, and to see so many on paved roads made specifically for them was sending my brain into a sensory overload. The soft leather seats molded around my back as I moved, and the warm Californian Spring air, blowing through an open window, tousled my now scraggy and dirty hair, which whipped back against the seat as the car sped along the...what had Jon called it?

“Jon, what did you call this road again?”, I asked.

“A highway.” That’s it!

“Thanks.” My hair whipped back against the seat as we sped along the highway. It was a beautiful feeling, a free feeling. I leaned against the open window of the passenger seat of the car, and let a small smile grace my face. I had a million worries buzzing around my head, but I didn’t want to think on them. Applebloom was safe back in Equestria because that evil man was after me, and if he didn’t know where I was, then doing something to Applebloom would do nothing, because I would never learn of it. No, he was going to try and track me down here on Earth, but I would never let him find me. I sighed in relief, and admittedly in happiness as well. Everything felt perfect, at least for those few moments. Here was finally a new chance to just escape everything that had haunted me. Maybe it would catch up to me at some point, but at least now I didn’t have to worry about it everyday. Equestria had been my birthplace, and ultimately my location of corruption. Earth was going to be my second shot at living a life I didn’t think I could ever have. Even if it meant changing everything I knew, all my beliefs, all my customs. It didn’t matter. My heart panged as I thought about Applebloom, and how much I would undoubtedly miss her, but I would get over it. It was time to move on, for the better or worse. It was time to forget about everything in Equestria.

If only I had the kind of imagination to even fathom what awaited me when I got to Jon’s house.

S/ha/tt/er/e/d

View Online

I closed the car door, and looked up at the two story house. I heard the car alarm beep as Jon locked the car, and I turned to look at him.

“Door’s this way.” He walked away from the car, and turned around of a corner of the house. I quickly followed him, and happy thoughts entered my mind. I would finally shower after a stressful week of distractions and danger. I could finally get a change of clothes. I could actually walk out into the world and feel normal. Hell, my whole life would be normal again.

“Jon?” He turned around to face me, his hand still on the key that was unlocking and opening the front door to his house.

“Yes?”

“I just want to say thank you. Thanks to your help, I think I will finally be able to get my life back in order.” Jon smiled.

“No problem Cerus. I’ll help you for as long as you need the help.” He turned back to the door, finished unlocking it, and opened it for me. “Ladies first.” I looked at Jon with a scowl, and saw that he had an innocent smile on his face. I sighed.

“Was that necessary?”

“I figured it would humour you.” I bit my lip and chuckled dryly.

“You still have a lot to learn about me, Jon.” Saying this made Jon laugh heartily.

“I guess I do!”, he exclaimed, and entered the house still laughing. I entered in after him, and he closed the door behind me. “I’m home!”, he shouted. The sound of the shout reverberated off some large brass and bronze colored plates he had set up on the walls of the hallway leading to what looked like a family room. All of them had different kinds of hieroglyphic-like designs carved on them. Eccentric, yet tasteful…, I casually noted.

“As if I didn’t already know that! You laugh louder than a fucking fire truck!”, replied a female voice, which proceeded to laugh as well. The voice sounded young, but mature at the same time, as if it belonged to a teen, or young adult. After processing this information, I referred back to my observations of Jon earlier that day. I had seen loneliness in his eyes, but he appeared to live with someone else. Why might he-

“Hey Jo-oh shit!”, said the voice as we walked into the family room, and I stopped cold. The eyes that belonged to the voice went wider than my eyes, and my eyes had gone as wide as the plates in the hallway. At that moment, all my dreams of forgetting my past were thrown out the window. “Why didn’t you...t-tell me you had...someone with you Jon?” The eyes, which were peeking over a rather comfortable looking couch, looked at Jon, who turned to look at them.

“I thought you had heard our guest as well.’ The eyes looked back at me, still frozen in the doorway of the family room.

“I didn’t!” It was at the moment that I heard the T.V. (I didn’t actually know what it was until later, as I had never seen or heard of a T.V. in Equestria) droning in the background, just loud enough that it would have masked my quiet voice.

“Well then...oops.” Jon’s voice was almost playful, and that angered me a little.

“Well, now you did it you dumb old fuck! I told you it was going to happen at some point!”, cried the voice.

“Ah, relax Scootaloo. He’s from Equestria. He’s seen the likes of you before.” The orange pony with the with the electric purple eyes and the magenta shock of somewhat spiky hair gasped.

“So...so I’m not here alone anymore? How did he-”

“He had the same luck of the draw as you did.” Jon went silent and turned away after this, leaving Scootaloo and me to simply look at each other in a mix of shock and awe. Neither of us could fathom the other’s presence. Meanwhile, my hands began to clench and unclench in a rhythmic pattern as I fought some unexpected anger that was bubbling up inside me. All I had wanted was to live a normal fucking life, among normal fucking people, in a normal fucking world, but fuck whatever higher being that thought that I shouldn’t.

“So...uh...what’s your name, kid?”, Scootaloo asked. At that point, my already piss poor anger management skills became utterly useless, and I snapped.

“Don’t fucking call me kid! I am not a kid! All you assholes pass me off as some worthless, helpless child who just wants his mommy and his daddy to take him home! You don’t know what the fuck I have been through!” I turned on my heels and stormed back outside, opening the front door and then slamming it shut behind me. I went over to the car and stared at it for a second, before letting out a feral snarl and hitting the driver’s side window. Granted, I am not very strong, so I didn’t even put a small crack in the damn thing, but it felt good to hit something. It felt so good in fact, that I kept punching the window, with the shitty mentality that it or my knuckles would crack and shatter, whichever came first.

“Cerus, are you okay?” The calm, gentle, lying voice of that piece of shit Jon. I felt a wave of near homicidal intent sweep through my mind, but I pushed it away...barely. Self control, Cerus...self control...

“No...I am not fucking okay...and I won’t ever be okay with that orange bitch in that damn house.”

“Wha-” I whirled on Jon with a visceral and inhuman growl.

“I just wanted a life away from Equestria! Away from ponies! Away from any vestige of that hellish place! But no! No, no, no Cerus! You can’t have that! You have to live with those terrible memories for the rest of your goddamned life!”

“I’m sor-”

“Don’t give me an ‘I’m fucking sorry!’ You lied to me!” He hadn’t, but my anger had painted everything red. Everything was an enemy. Everything was out to stop me from being happy.

“How di-”

“You told me you were giving me refuge! That was a lie!”

“If I had kno-”

“Bullshit! Bull-fucking-shit!” I let out another growl, and turned away from him, and looked myself over in the car window. “Just get the fuck away from me…”

“Cerus, I-” I whirled on him once again, and shoved him back.

“I said get the fuck away from me! Go fucking cut your lying tongue out of your goddamn mouth!” I glared at him, and then turned away once more. I felt his presence disappear, and knew I was alone again. I let out yet another feral growl, and started punching the car window harder and faster. I lost count of how many times I did it, and for how long, but I was shocked back into reality by a pained scream.

“No! Jon, stop!”, came the scream again, and, realizing what I had done, my brain kicked into overdrive. I ran away from the car and took off down the street, but then a condescending and bitter voice ripped through the chaos of thoughts flying through my mind, causing me to trip on my shoes and land hard on my knees.

“Fucking coward. Just leaving her to deal with the damage you caused. You complain about wanting to be human, but what you are doing right now is heartless, and the last time I checked, humans have hearts. In the metaphorical sense, of course.” It wasn’t the voice of the creature that had been inside my head. It was my own voice. The voice of the thoughtful and sincere part of me that I thought had keeled over and died four years ago. Second thoughts? I nodded my head at thin air, and got up. I dusted off my pants, and turned back to Jon’s house. Good boy.

I burst through the front door of Jon’s house, and pounded down the small hallway and into the family room/kitchen area. I looked around, taking in the environment with my senses heightened by adrenaline, and saw a pair of legs sticking out from behind the island in the kitchen. I walked over there, and walked upon a sight that I knew I would never forget. Scootaloo was pinning Jon down as best as she could, but by the looks, she was getting tired. A knife was on the floor not far from them, spattered with blood. Jon himself was looking desperately at the knife, seemingly oblivious to the steady trickle of blood that was coming out of the sides of his mouth.

Go fucking cut your lying tongue out of your goddamn mouth! I had done this. I was the reason he lay on the floor, bleeding out of his mouth. I was the reason that poor young mare was probably emotionally scarred after watching someone she obviously trusted and cared for attempt to cut their own tongue out of their mouth. You did this stuff all the time, Cerus. More than you would care to know.

A wave of anger swept through my body, a kind of need to avenge all of those that had died by my corrupted hands. Helping Jon in this moment was a start, albeit a small one. I couldn’t, and I didn’t, waste a moment more. I dropped down on my hands and knees, and moved close to Jon. I sensed Scootaloo looking at me, and noted that for later.

“Jon. Jon, look at me.” I said this calmly, gently, as if I knew exactly what I was doing. In reality, I didn’t. I knew how to fix his mental state, but I didn’t know what to do from there. How would I heal the psychological wounds I inflicted on Scootaloo? How would I ever get Jon, this man that was my key to survival on this unfamiliar rock, to trust me again? “Jon.” Jon refused to look at me, however. His eyes were plastered on that stupid knife. “Jon, look at me. Right now.” My voice had become more stern, and this seemed to do the trick. Jon’s head slowly turned to look me in the eyes. “You need to stop this. You are hurting yourself.” Jon’s eyes flicked back in the direction of the knife, now with a quizzical and wary gaze instead of an intent one. “Listen to me. I am going to count to three. Once I hit three, you are going to walk right upstairs, bandage your tongue, and fall asleep in your bed. Do you understand?” Jon’s eyes flicked back to me, and he nodded. “1…2...3…” Right on cue, Jon’s body relaxed, and he sat up. Without hesitating another moment, he stood up, and strode upstairs. After I heard what I could safely assume was his bedroom door close, I quickly delved into my mind and severed the bond between us. With my attention now free to roam, I found that I had broken out in a cold sweat, and my body had begun to shiver.

“What did you just do?”, I heard Scootaloo ask. “What did you do, and how the hell did you do it?”

“Doesn’t matter right now.” I stood up, and instantly became light headed. Waves of nausea swept over me as I tried to slowly make my way to the couch.

“I think I deserve to know! My best friend and guardian just tried to cut his tongue out of his mouth, and you were able to stop him through some weird hypnosis bullshit or something or other! That actually reminds me, he went to cut his tongue out after going outside to talk to you! What the hell happened out there!?”

“It doesn’t m-” My right knee gave out under me, and I stumbled forward, only barely regaining my balance. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that Jon didn’t…” I lurched forward, latching onto the couch’s armrest. My vision had started to swim erratically, and my mind shut itself down after only a few seconds of watching everything around me move without moving. I lost my grip on the armrest, and hit my head on the concrete floor. Scootaloo cried out in surprise and fear somewhere far away, but it was too late to react to that. I closed my eyes as my body began to spasm, and let myself slip into darkness.

“...een from my personal experience that Cerus here is more qualified than most assassins with years upon years of training under their belt.” I looked up kind of shyly from the table I was sitting at, and focused my gaze on the tired looking, but still beautiful woman sitting to my left. She seemed to be in her late 20s, if not early 30s. She had large purple eyes, and straight, frizzy dark brown hair. Her skin was fair, though somewhat mottled by freckles. She was wearing an off brand t-shirt, some unimpressive looking beat up jeans, and some red, flat-bottomed shoes. The shoelaces were barely tied, and posed a major tripping hazard for her, something that never seemed to change.

“You took the words right out of my mouth Jeane. He is amazing. He has outwitted us at things that we created to test him.”, said Terrance, who was resting back on a chair to my right, hands behind his head, legs stretched out in front of him. His dress was just as unimpressive and casual as Jeane’s. He leaned forward, putting his hands on the dark maple desk in front of him. “The kid is a fucking prodigy.”

“He is only twelve. I’m sorry, but the rules state-”, said the man sitting directly across from me. His dress was much more appropriate for the occasion: a nice suit, firmly pressed and very clean, a to-the-point black tie, and a pair of surprisingly modern and hip spectacles. His jet black hair was short and clean cut. His dark brown hands were clasped together calmly in front of him.

“Fuck the rules John!”, Jeane urged passionately. “You are doing your job a disservice by overlooking Cerus!” Jeane made sure to emphasize the “dis” in disservice.

“I will lose my job if I put him in. My boss will-”

“Never regret the decision of letting Cerus do what he does best!”, Jeane, obviously the more fiery of the two adults to my sides, rudely interrupted.

“I’m sure the kid is good. I know you wouldn’t lie about these kinds of things Jeane. However, I am not allowed to make a decision like this. Making a decision against the rules is above my pay-grade.” This made Jeane snarl in disgust.

“Whatever John. I came to you specifically because I thought you would see past-”

“You know what. I’ll do it.”, John said.

“Really?”, Terrance asked, his voice still calm and gentle.

“Yeah, but you owe me a job if I lose mine because of this.” Jeane literally jumped for joy, and ran around the desk to give John a hug.

“Thank you so much John! You won’t regret this! I swear!”

“For your sake, you better hope I don’t.” As soon as Jeane detached from John, he looked at me and beckoned with his finger. I got up, and went over to him. “Come with me, kid. We are gonna get you all situated.” John walked over to a door on the other side of the room, opened it, and motioned for me to step through. I walked over to it, but stopped just before I crossed the threshold of the doorway. I turned back to look to see if Terrance and Jeane were following me, but, to my surprise, they weren’t. Terrance had stood up where he had been sitting, and had a comforting hand wrapped around a emotional Jeane’s shoulder. I waved, and Jeane waved back, a large smile on her face. I turned back to the doorway and-

I woke up with a gasp, and shot up from where I lay. I was breathing fast, and a cold sweat had coated my tired body. My head instantly began to pound as if I had a migraine, and I nearly lost consciousness again as I felt a bout of intense nausea explode throughout my body. After a couple seconds of sitting still, everything returned to normal, though my head still hurt. I quickly noted that it was dark outside, and that the clock on the wall in front of me read something like 12:25, though it was hard to be sure in the low light. Then, I noticed a particular feeling on one of my hands. I turned right to see a frightened and confused Scootaloo sitting on the floor directly to my right, holding it tightly. I yanked it away, eliciting a squeak of surprise from her.

“Are...Are you okay?”, she asked softly. I looked into her eyes, meaning to spit out a vile remark, but I saw an innocence in her eyes that reminded me all too much of Applebloom, and the disgust that would have been present in my voice dissipated.. Oh God...Applebloom...I left her behind...and she didn’t understand why…

“Yeah...I-I’m okay.” I replied just as softly. There was a moment of awkward of silence as Scootaloo collected her thoughts.

“Do you feel fine?”, she asked, worry still visible in her eyes. It seemed so out of place to me. She should be hating me…, I thought. She should be asking me about what happened earlier. She should be looking at me with contempt, her voice practically a snarl as she lashed out with one question after the other. What is this sudden compassion that she is showing me? I didn’t trust it at all, but decided it would be better to play into her game. It was too late to be instigating a big ruckus.

“Yeah. I’m a little sore, and a little nauseous, but I’m fine otherwise.” This was a complete lie. My body felt like shit. Though the nausea and headache had faded away, my body hurt like I had been beaten by a whole sports team equipped with clubs.

“Were you having a nightmare?”

“What? No. Why makes you ask that?”

“You were yelling and shouting in your sleep.”

“What?”

“Yeah...you kept saying ‘Jeane’ or ‘Mom’ or-”

“M...Mom? I said mom?”

“A lot. Almost as much as you said ‘Jeane’. You sounded desperate. Like someone was hurting them.” A chill went through my body, and my stomach cramped up, causing me keel over. A hundred...no, a thousand memories flooded back to me. Jeane taking me off the street. Jeane giving me a home. Giving me a pseudo family with her brother Terrance and her friend Lilac. Raising me for four years. Me finding her and Terrance trying to hide a body. Lilac getting murdered. Jeane almost killing herself. Terrance polarizing us together. Jeane and Terrance introducing me to their trade. Me becoming a trained killer under their watch. Them being so proud of me as I surprised them again and again with my skills...just like parents…

“It’s okay...”, I heard Scootaloo say, and I found myself sobbing into her neck, her hooves wrapped tightly around me. In any other mindset, I would have been disgusted, and would have pulled away without a second thought. Now, however, there was a need for comfort for the loss of everyone I ever loved. Applebloom, probably confused and missing me back in Ponyville. Terrance, probably dead in order to protect me. Jeane, missing for three years. Lilac, murdered by a desperate man. Maxwell...oh God..

“T-thank...you…”, I whispered between sobs.

“Shhh…” Scootaloo said. She let go of me for a second to climb onto the couch, before pulling me back into her hooves.

“I’m a monster…”, I said, my body trembling in anger and loss and sadness.

“Maybe that’s what you think, but I know it’s not true.”

“How could you possibly know something like that?”

“The minute I looked in your eyes when you walked in and saw me, I saw a scared little boy trapped in a body much too mature for him. I saw it even more when you freaked out when I called you ‘kid’.” Scootaloo shifted a little, creating a second of silence. In that second, I heard my heart pounding out a frantic rhythm. Seemingly in response, Scootaloo pulled me a little closer, so that I could hear her soft breathing. It relaxed me to be held so close to her. I could feel her heart beating in her chest, even and calm. Like she knew exactly what she was doing. Like she had seen all of this before. Like a mother tending to her child. “Everything you do is out of fear, Cerus. I don’t know what it is that happened to you, but something flipped a switch in your head. Something terrible. Something that impacted you enough to change you for the rest of your life.”

“How-”

“Cerus, Jon may seem like a good man, but when I first met him, he wasn’t even close to that. When I came into his life, he was a drug addict, practically living in the streets rather than his home so he could be close to the thing his body had grown to need. He robbed people blind, all to get a needle pumping toxins into his body. He was desperate back then. His job didn’t pay as well, and all the luxuries he enjoys today were nothing but distant dreams to him. Tell me, what did you see when you looked into his eyes when you first met him?” I searched for the memory of meeting Jon for the first time among the frantic swarm of memories that had me in my desperately emotional state. I finally managed to latch onto it, and brought it to my mind’s eye.

“I saw…” I took a second to collect my thoughts. “A lonely man. A very lonely man.”

“That look of loneliness is the remnant of the man he used to be. The man that existed before I came into his life and forced him to fix himself. I saw the same thing with you. Even though whatever happened to you was in the past, the effects of it still define you, but that's okay. Things like can be helped. People like you can be fixed to almost brand new.”

“You can’t fix me...no one can…”, I whispered, and began to tremble. Never had I ever had so many emotions pour out of me. I had always bottled them up, put them away in a place I would never have to see them again. It was now that I realized that they never fully went away. They just sat and festered, growing more and more overwhelming as they were built up over time. Now, the floodgates were open, and the only way of closing them was to let out all the excess.

“Don’t say that Cerus. Everyone has a chance.”

“All my chances are gone. I’m a broken and malicious human being, and that can’t be changed.”

“Well, this broken and malicious human being is crying into my shoulder, accepting a “world famous” Scootaloo comfort hug like nobody’s business.” I let out a sound that was a mix between a sob and a laugh, and backed away from Scootaloo’s gentle embrace. I looked into her eyes again.

“Get away from me you creature of kindness! My body can’t tolerate this kind of compassion”, I quietly “shouted”, tears still rolling down my cheek as I put on my best smile. Scootaloo chuckled lightly, and a warm smile graced her face, causing something strange happened to me. Starting from somewhere deep in my heart, I felt a warmth spread throughout my body upon hearing that chuckle. That light, gentle, beautiful sound reverberated through my mind, causing me to tear up even more. It was the sound of pure innocence, of pure freedom and happiness. Strangely, it was at that moment that I came to realize my reason for breaking down. Scootaloo’s eyes were just like Jeane’s. Same color, same compassion, same honesty and innocence. In my mind’s eye, I had seen her as Jeane, and I had always trusted Jeane. Not only was it in her eyes, but also in her seemingly innate ability to see right through me that made me think of her even more as Jeane reincarnated.

"Atta boy. Make some good out of a bad situation."

"I-I try...",

"You did more than try there." Scootaloo looked me right in my eyes, and I felt the heat of the purple magma pierce right into my soul. "You succeeded. All you need to do is keep doing that."

"Th...thanks..." For the first time in a long time, I felt truly and wholly grateful. In a matter of minutes, Scootaloo's soft and gentile demeanor had reduced me from an angsty, tough nut teen to a emotional wreck, and I was glad. I was glad that I could finally show emotion and not be judged. I was glad that I didn't have to be serious, unfeeling, and malevolent. It was all in a matter of breaking down that might just possibly lead to building myself back up as a new person. With no other instinctual way of showing my gratitude, I threw my arms around Scootaloo again, and hugged her tight, causing her to giggle.

“You’re alright, you know that? I think you and I will get along just fine.” I released Scootaloo from my death grip and smiled, my lip trembling as my still overflowing emotions flooded my thought process. She raised a hoof, and gently placed it on my left cheek. “I’m heading to bed. You think you can handle yourself?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Aren’t you going to ask about what happened earlier?” Her avoidance of the subject had been bothering me. It had seemed so off that she didn’t even ask one question about it.

“No need. At least, not now. What happened, happened. I know now that what you attempted to say before you lost consciousness and began to seizure was true. All that really matters right now is that Jon will be okay.” Her hoof moved from my cheek to my shoulder, and I felt it grip me, and though the grip was full of purpose, it was still compassionate and gentle. “However, don’t think I won’t forget about it. At some point or another, you will have some explaining to do. You okay with that?”

“Y-yeah…”, I replied. Scootaloo smiled once again, and that warm feeling intensified in my body.

“Okay. I’m heading off to bed now. Can barely keep my eyes open.” She took her hoof off of my shoulder, and got off the couch. After stretching out a little bit, she walked over to the stairs, and starting making her way up them. Just before she went out of view, she turned to look at me one last time. “Hey, I never caught your name.”, she said, her glowing purple eyes gazing at me expectantly.

“My...my name’s Cerus...”

“Cerus...that’s such a cool name.” She paused for a second, and I immediately pictured her tossing my name around in her mind, thinking about it. “Well, good night Cerus.”, she said softly, that same warm smile still on her face.

“Night Scootaloo.”, I replied, and gave her yet another attempt at a smile in my current state of mind. Then, she disappeared upstairs, and after a couple seconds had passed, the lights upstairs turned off, leaving me in complete darkness. I lay back down, and curled into fetal position.

“You’re all right, you know that?”

“Never thought I was until I met you and Jon...but mostly you...thank you...”, I whispered to the darkness, and closed my eyes, letting the void of sleep suck me in, refusing to let me go until dawn’s painted fingers had reached across the sky.

Tainted Gifts

by Touch of Darkness

Run...

Insides

Casualty of Innocence

Blank Spaces:Old Faces

The Thin Line Between (Ecstasy and Fear)

War on Two Fronts (Plus One More If You Count The Mind)

As We Move On (AKA Gaia, Operation Traveller)

S/ha/tt/er/e/d